Okay, so- hey, hey! Stop with the screaming, youāre gonna wake people up! Shut up! If I wanted you dead, youād be dead. Listen for a minute, already.
I was just minding my own-
I am so serious right now. If you wake Bob up, you wonāt like what I do. Heās not young, these days, he needs his rest.
Anyway. I was minding my own business. I was a fairly young mimic, Iād just really sort of settled into my first good morph. When youāre really young, freshly spawned, you sort of rotate through things, and you donāt quite get it right, most of the time.
Itās like learning how to walk for people, I think. Youāre small, you donāt quite know what youāre doingā¦ itās a whole thing.
And I went chair. Now, thatās very exciting. Chairs arenāt a common mimic morph. For whatever reason- the gods? who knows?- most mimics end up containers. Trunks, chests, drawers, wardrobes, I had a cousin who was a barrel.
Chair, though, thatās good, though. No barbarian is gonna poke through your insides looking for loose change if youāre a good sturdy wooden chair. You might get sat on, but, heck, weāre pretty sturdy as a species. No big deal. And, honestly, easier to get some food.
Wha- no, we donāt eat people. We donāt eat flesh, thatās gross. We absorb magic. Itās why we tend to spawn in dungeons, lots of magic there. Though I pity the poor mimic clans that end up in a necromancer dungeon. Ugh.
Most adventurers have magic items on them, you absorb a little energy and get sat on for a bit, no big deal, easy meal. And you get a little variety in your diet, win for everybody.
Sure, we kill people from time to time. But let me ask you this: If you were just at home, minding your own business, and some big guy with no neck bristling with swords came along, bust into your house, walked into your room, and reached into one of your orifices to find valuables, you might take averse to that, donāt you think? Itās not like people donāt know about mimics. Take a little care, you know?
Anyway, I was still pretty young. Iād just settled into my morph. And this guy comes along and, you guessed it, no neck, bristling with swords. And he claps eyes on me and just stops, and stares, and I was like- kinda panicking, right? Iām thinking I messed up the morph, and heās clocked me and now Iām gonna have to fight this guy.
And then he nudges his buddy and says āHey, hey Jim, aināt that the most beautiful chair youāve ever seen in your life?ā
And Jimās like āyeah itās a nice chair so what?ā and Bob- thatās the guy with no neck- he says āno, look at it! itās gorgeous!ā
I tell you, if I coulda blushed, Iād have been cherry red from top to bottom. When you first start to settle into a morph, you feel a little self-conscious, you know? Youāre just starting to figure yourself out, and someone comes along and just says the nicest things. And he went on for a while. I was so flattered, best day of my life, aside from my first spawning.
Jim says āwell just bring the damn thing! we have shit to do!ā so Bob does! Just picks me up and straps me to his back, and off we went.
And I went lots of interesting places, met some interesting people. I even ended up doing the watch at night a couple of times. Because Jim, sometimes he has this thing where he just falls asleep, he canāt help it, itās not his fault. I had to help them out a couple of times. I was fond of the guy, you know? And most mimics donāt get to be part of adventuring parties, itās just not done, so it was really neat to feel like I was a part of things.
Jim and Bob and their buddy Wade, they end up saving the kingdom, and they all go their separate ways. Bob went back to his home village- thatās here- bought a building, put me in the middle, and said āthis is gonna be my tavernā. He hangs up his magical weapons around the bar- donāt bother with that, buddy, that glass is tougher than your ax, I promise.
Anyway, Iāve got plenty to eat. I even spawned a couple of times, helped fill out the place. I figure, save him a little money, I start my own clan, and thereās plenty of ambient magic to go around, the place is lively, better than some manky old dungeon any day, right?
Bob, he never quite figured it out. I think Jim was onto me, but Bob- heās not bright. But heās just the nicest guy, you know? Heās always got a kind word for someone. Heāll give you the shirt off his back. If you show up here hungry with no money, he feeds you, and often heāll make sure you get some place to sleep and a job, if youāre looking. Everybody loves Bob.
And I really like people, thatās something I figured out about myself. I like the atmosphere here, too, thereās always new stories to hear. Iāve learned a lot, over the years, Iāll tell you what.
Now Bob, heās not young anymore, and his kids well- theyāre not the adventuring sort, as I think you have already sussed out. But they donāt need to fight, you know? Thatās not the kinda life they need to lead.
So, bearing all that in mind, hereās the deal. You got two options. One- put everything down- nice and easy, mind- and leave, lock the door behind you, and this never happened. No harm, no foul.
Orā¦ you can find out just how many times Iāve spawned.
Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this one and want to help support me, hereās a link to my ko-fi! If like this story and you want to read more, here is my masterpost, currently updated with all of my tumblr ficlets.
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(I am disabled and unemployed, tips really help me out! This is accurate as of March of 2024.)
