You know that feeling when you spend so much time thinking about a concept, never mind how basic, that you feel compelled to write about it somewhere? No matter if no one ever sees it? Yeah, that’s me right now so here goes.
TW: discussion of sexual assault
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I see and hear an awful lot of discourse and rhetoric these days about trans-ness, gender non conformity, non-binary genders, drag performance, and every little thing in between.
Specifically, people who take issue with people who live in those realities and say it’s on the basis of protecting children from:
1) sexual assault
2) being groomed in some way that leads to sexual assault
And here’s the thing- I agree with protecting children from sexual assault. I agree with protecting *everyone* from sexual assault! But it seems to me like using those arguments against everything from gender-affirming care to drag story times at libraries completely misses the point.
HERE IS THE POINT: SEXUAL ASSAULT IS WRONG NO MATTER WHO DOES IT.
If you choose to sexually assault someone, that choice has nothing to do with: your gender identity, your assigned gender at birth, your gender presentation, the gender-affirming care you have or haven’t received, your clothing choices, or even your sexual orientation.
Here’s another way to frame it: a trans woman who sexually assaults another woman is just as much of a rapist as, say, the university student who sexually assaults a fellow student. I will grieve equally for both of those victims. Neither one deserves it. Neither rapist is entitled to their victim.
The reality is, one of those scenarios is FAR more likely to happen. But if anything has become clear (to me, at least), it’s that rape has very little to do with access to a victim and everything to do with the choice to rape someone.
Larry Nassar assaulted hundreds of girls in his time as a doctor. His access to girls didn’t make him a rapist. His actions did.
Brock Turner assaulted Chanel Miller while she was intoxicated at a party on the Stanford campus. His access to intoxicated girls and women didn’t make him a rapist. His actions did.
Catholic priests all over the world have molested children in their parishes. Their access to parishioners didn’t make them rapists. Their actions did.
These examples go on and on! And yet, very few people are interested in vilifying doctors, university students and religious leaders. It’s almost as if you can’t paint them all with the same brush, or something. It’s almost as if no sane parent will refuse to take their child to any doctor on the basis of “some doctors are rapists”.
So when I hear people say they’re opposed to trans people receiving gender-affirming care or using the bathroom of their choice BECAUSE it will create an environment in which sexual assault is inevitable, it makes no sense. Those ideas are dangerously misguided at best.
If you’ve read this far, holy shit, thank you. Like- am I way off base? Am I missing the point? Probably this is sort of heavy and a bit much to be thinking about, but I don’t know.
I would love for someone to expand on this topic - my experience as a cisgender woman means I probably have some blind spots and I want to learn as much as possible so I can help my trans siblings gain acceptance in all the small ways I can. ❤️❤️
