Reading The Vampire Armand and its only chapter 1 but I have THOUGHTS
The way Marius calls Armand โyoung oneโ ๐ฌ Just the absolute fetishization of his youth, and the way itโs something Armand is likeโฆ clearly insecure about, but not always consciously aware of
Armand thinking of Marius as a โgentlemanโ because he keeps a โpolite distanceโ between them
Armand having this underlying discomfort around Marius he doesnโt register on a conscious level. Armand has SO many feelings that are constantly bleeding out of him in different ways, and heโs not able to put a name on any of them
Armand not wanting to stay at Mariusโ house, telling him he doesnโt know who he is right now, asks Marius not to ask this of him. Marius agreeingโฆ and then immediately (the next page!) wheedling and guilt-tripping Armand into coming anyway. Marius wins of course โ Armand promises heโll come that night, seemingly completely unaware of the manipulation. And hell, it might not be a manipulation - Marius is scatterbrained as fuck. But still!
Armand daydreaming about non-consensually drinking Davidโs blood, thinking to himself โthere is no such fun on Earth like the raping of an equalโ (interesting itโs specifically about an equal here, considering the way he was raped as a slave child, and how he calls Marius โsirโ and โmasterโ), and then immediately feeling guilty about thinking that, and thinking to himself โrape is unmanlyโ
He struggles to imagine women being cruel. He does think theyโre sort of boring though
Again, he has SO much barely-repressed trauma thatโs just a scratch away from bleeding through. He gets uncomfortable without knowing why when David being a โtall manโ is holding a little girlโs dress
Heโs prone to seemingly โrandomโ tangents, but so many of these are actually the result of his trauma getting triggered by more benign conversations. He doesnโt realize whatโs happening, and almost invariably apologizes for being weird
Him wanting a big, strong, slovenly, violent human to feed on
Armand is a very old and powerful vampire, but people are justโฆ so entitled to treat him like a toy. David grabs him and kisses him and tells him how young and girlishly pretty he is, how heโd have loved to see how he was back in the day with Marius, and Armand tells himself heโs into it, but also clearly resents it too and goes off on a tangent about how everyone wants to ravage little boys the most out of anyone
The way he loves Benji and Sybelle so damn bad, and desperately wants them to grow up. And the way thatโll never happen, because Marius turns them without asking Armand for permission. So fucked up! Benji being twelve years old too โ five years younger than Armand, and Armand already has so many issues with how young heโs perceived
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