Rating the birds in my backyard by tendency toward violence
Northern Cardinal, 4/10
I'm sometimes worried the male is sexually harassing the female but I'm pretty sure they're just doing some elaborate public pickup roleplay. The rest of us didn't agree to participate in your kink, guys.
American Robin, 1/10
Literally just some dude hanging out. Never bothered anyone but worms. Big fan of the way you just stand there in the middle of the grass like you forgot what you were supposed to be doing.
House Sparrow, 10/10
You're a gang. You're participating in gang violence. There's ten billion of you living in a single wood pile and it's been civil war for three years now. When will the bloodshed end?
Tufted Titmouse, 1/10
A shy baby. A pretty little guy. I saw you on the neighbor's garage roof and time stopped. There were anime sparkles around you. Come back.
European Starling, 9/10
Why is it always you? Listen, I know, I KNOW the sparrows are the problem, and YET. When the fighting starts, it's always you in the middle of it, provoking them and then screaming like you're an innocent bystander defending yourself. I'm onto you.
Carolina Wren, 3/10
This rating is not for physical violence, which you don't engage in, but for your role as an incurable narc. A tattle tale. I know they're fighting again, okay? I see it. Our yard has been a warzone for years, you don't have to make a big announcement every time someone misbehaves.
Eastern Wood-Peewee, 0/10
If this were "birds who think they're better than everyone else," you'd get 10/10.
Red-bellied Woodpecker, 6/10
It's a utility pole. It's not a tree. You're surrounded by trees that are full of bugs. But there you are, on the utility pole. Committing vandalism.
American Crow, unrated
For who am I to cast judgment on the actions of La Famiglia? I assume you are doing what is best for the neighborhood. If I could, though, without criticism, make a single observation. That when large numbers of you gather in the ominous dead cottonwood - no? No, you're right. None of my business.
Great Crested Flycatcher, 5/10
Frankly, I think you could be doing more. I think your name implies a great potential. I think you should massacre the insects. I think your beak should drip with viscera.
La Famiglia does not suffer you to stop in our neighborhood long, and I trust their judgement in this manner. You have the look of a guilty bird.
Tennessee Warbler, 2/10
You keep to yourselves, and I respect that. I get the sense that you could defend yourselves if it came to it, though.
Brown-Headed Cowbird, 3/10
You're not a crow, and eventually they ARE going to figure it out, kiddo.
Gray Catbird, 5/10
Would you. Respectfully. Would you shut the FUCK UP.
Eurasian Collared-Dove, 0/10
You're doing great, sweetie, everyone loves you.
Red-Breasted Nuthatch, 4/10
A comedian. A little jester of a bird. You're so silly. Sure sometimes you incite violence in others but, really, is that your fault? If it is, we forgive you.
Blue Jay, 12/10
If you could learn any human behavior you wanted, it would be how to build a bomb.
Honorable mention:
Turkey Vulture, 5/10
You weren't in my backyard, but you WERE eating roadkill in the street in my neighborhood. I know the animal was already dead when you got there, but you get violence points for frightening the small children that walked past you. Incredible work.
I immediately scrolled to the blue jay to decide whether or not I wanted to read the rest of the post. Once I realized that OP got that right, I went back and read the rest. 10/10 OP.
I read this to my dad who sits on his porch and watches the birds and his only note is that he has seen multiple male cardinals attempt to fight their reflections to the death and should have a higher rating.
EDIT: THIS IS A CARRD NOW! it's updated and organized!!
use overdrive, libby, hoopla, cloudlibrary, and kanopy instead of amazon and audible.
use firefox or librewolf (open-source fork of firefox) instead of chrome or opera (both are made with chromium, which blocks functionality for ad-blockers. firefox isn't based on chromium).
use mega instead of google drive
get rid of bloatware
use libreoffice instead of microsoft office suite
get free stuff with the help of r/FREEMEDIAHECKYEAH, r/piracy and r/roms
use trakt (for shows and movies), letterboxd (just movies), or TMB instead of IMDB (owned by amazon).
use storygraph instead of goodreads (owned by amazon).
use darkpatterns to find mobile game with no ads or microtransactions
use mediahuman or cobalt to download music, or support your favorite artists directly through bandcamp
make youtube bearable by using mtube, newpipe, or the unhook extension on chrome, firefox, or microsoft edge
use search for a cause, ecosia, or ocean hero to support the environment instead of google
use thriftbooks to buy new or used books (they also have manga, textbooks, home goods, CDs, DVDs, and blurays)
use flashpoint to play archived online flash games
find books, movies, games, etc. on the internet archive! for starters, here's a bunch of David Attenborough documentaries and all of the Animorphs books
burn your music onto cds
use pdf24 (available online or as a desktop app) instead of adobe
use thunderbird, mailfence, countermail, edison mail, or tuta instead of gmail
remove bloatware on windows PC, macOS, and iOS X
remove bloatware on samsung X
use pixelfed instead of instagram or meta
use project gutenberg for free public domain books, and librivox for public domain books and audiobooks
use the seal app (android only) to download video and audio
use ellipsus instead of microsoft word or google docs
use mastodon instead of twitter
use peertube to create a network of small video hosting providers (disclaimer: not a 1:1 alternative to youtube)
use threema and signal for encrypted communication, on mobile and desktop
use qwant and startpage for secure internet browsers
use syncthing to securely transfer files between devices
learn how to jailbreak your kindle/ereader if you have one (wiki and video walkthrough)
use riseup’s email and VPN for secure communication (aimed towards activists)
use cryptpad and collabora instead of the microsoft office suite
use google takeout to export the data on your google account
use library extension to look for books on online stores and find them at your library
remove paywalls with removepaywalls
install the open-source adblocker ublock origin
install sponsorblock to skip sponsored segments on youtube videos
use bookfinder to look for the cheapest available listings of books, including textbooks
learn a language through mango (duolingo laid off some of its employees and now relies on AI translations) for free with a library card or through your school
edit photos with photopea
edit pdfs with foxit and sumatrapdf
download music with doubledouble
take notes offline and collaborate securely with obsidian
for android tv, use smarttube and cloudstream (ad-free, open-source)
change your OS to linux
changelog:
removed ground news (uses AI to summarize articles)
removed unroll.me (sells your data)
removed proton mail and drive (AI assistant feature, claims of CEO Andy Yen supporting Trump, please DM if you have proof I can add here)
removed NCH suite (only has very basic free features, puts watermark on anything saved)
notes:
this post blew up while I wasn’t looking (the end of my semester was hellish, and i recently came back from a 3-week family vacation). thanks so much for all the suggestions! <3
i included Ecosia because of their financial transparency. It’s physically impossible that they plant a tree for every search, but their profits still go towards projects including reforestation and solar energy. i view their actions as a net-positive
feel free to add more alternatives, resources or advice in the reblogs or replies, and i'll add them to the main post <3
Me: *Removes my cat from my lap to do something else.*
My cat: Father is…evil? Father is unyielding? Father is incapable of love? I am running away. I am packing my little rucksack and going out to explore the world as a lone vagabond. I can no longer thrive in this household.
I am so incredibly glad we finally moved on from “i can has”. Cats are clearly smart enough for advanced sentence structure and dumb enough to draw entirely incorrect conclusions about what they’re talking about.
My cat, banging the cabnet door over and over and over: bang bang bang
Me: you will not earn what you desire by banging the cabinet door.
My cat: This is a test of wills, is it not? We shall see if your ability to put up with my incessant banging outlasts my eternal lust for snackie treats. Years of conditioning have hardened me for this purpose. bang bang bang
Me: ksst!
My cat, throwing herself to the ground like she’s been shot: Oh! Oh I have been assailed in my own home! Have mercy, have pity! Surely in the cruel darkness of your heart there is some mote of goodness that might stay your hand! Do not strike me, I pray you!
Me: ok
My cat, after waiting about 3 minutes: bang bang bang
officially decided that anyone who tries to divide the lgbt community is a fed. i dont care if you're not actually a fed, if you're causing infighting in a minority community then you're a fed who just isnt getting paid to be one. either apply for a job at the CIA or shut the fuck up
HOW TO FUCKING PASSPORT ALL HANDS ON FUCKING DECK EDITION (UNITED STATES)
AS OF TODAY, FEBRUARY 12 2025, A BILL KNOWN AS THE SAVE ACT HAS PASSED THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES AND IS HEADING FOR THE SENATE.
EFFECTIVELY THIS MEANS THAT YOU WILL NEED TO PROVIDE PROOF OF US CITIZENSHIP TO BE ABLE TO VOTE IF THIS THING BECOMES LAW.
THIS IS A FUCKING PROBLEM FOR EVERYBODY, ESPECIALLY MARRIED WOMEN AND MARRIED MEN WHO HAVE CHANGED THEIR NAMES
THEY WOULD BECOME INELIGIBLE TO VOTE, SIMPLY BECAUSE THEIR MARRIED NAME WON'T MATCH WHAT'S ON THEIR BIRTH CERTIFICATE.
FROM A NEWSWEEK ARTICLE:
IF YOU DON'T WANNA PRESENT YOUR BIRTH CERTIFICATE/NATURALIZATION CERTIFICATE/OTHER FORM OF ID, GUESS WHAT YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GET?!
PASSPORT
IF YOU HAVE THE CAPABILITY TO GET A PASSPORT BUT WERE ON THE FENCE ABOUT IT NOW IS THE FUCKING TIME. THERE IS NO CHANCE THAT IF THIS THING BECOMES LAW THAT THE REQUIREMENTS TO GET A US PASSPORT WON'T SUDDENLY CHANGE TO MAKE IT A LOT HARDER TO GET ONE.
IF YOU KNOW SOMEBODY WHO IS MARRIED, START SPREADING THE WORD.
IF PASSPORT COSTS ARE WHAT'S STOPPING YOU, THEN THERE IS A FAIRLY EASY SOLUTION, WHICH IS A PASSPORT CARD.
THE PROCESS FOR GETTING ONE OF THESE BAD BOYS IS THE SAME AS GETTING A PASSPORT BOOK, BUT YOU ONLY PAY $30!!
ADD IN THE PROCESSING FEE OF $35 AND THE COST OF A PASSPORT PHOTO (say roughly 7-10 bucks) AND THE GRAND TOTAL WILL BE $75 (as an example).
NOT TO MENTION THIS IS A VERY STRONG FORM OF PRIMARY ID. I WOULD HIGHLY RECOMMEND THAT EVEN IF YOU CAN GET THE PASSPORT BOOK, SPEND THE EXTRA 30 TO GET THIS AS A DL/STATE ID BACKUP.
[diverting for a moment. I got the passport card as backup for my DL because quite honestly I am afraid of what would happen to me should I ever get pulled over/whatever situation, because of my skin color. And if you're reading this and you haven't gotten your DL/State ID/things are fucked up with it--I am saying this right now, please. Unfuck it. Get the driving test done. Get the state ID. We are in the fuck around and find out stage and you having solid forms of identification will provide you some means of protection. If you are in a situation where you are experiencing difficulty unfucking your ID or aren't too sure on how to go about getting it, I would suggest contacting the state DMV for info or seek out your local community immigration/queer/whatever your situation may be help resources, specifically legal aid. They can advise you far better than I, I have no experience in this department save for my own as a biracial woman. I am sharing what knowledge I can because for me, this is how I can help right now.]
SPREAD THE WORD.
CURRENT PASSPORT PROCESSING TIMES AS OF 2/12/2025
4-6 WEEKS ROUTINE
2-3 WEEKS EXPEDITED (YOU PAY AN EXTRA 60 BUCKS)
-----
PREVIOUS EDITIONS OF HOW TO FUCKING PASSPORT, CLICK THE DAMN LINKS:
FIRST TIME GROWN ASS ADULT
GROWN ASS ADULT RENEWAL
I HAVE KIDS THAT NEED PASSPORTS
SEMI-UPDATE
AND CALL YOUR REPS! EVEN IF YOU'RE IN A RED STATE! BECOME A PEST!! THIS IS GETTING AS MUCH SAND IN THE GEARS AS POSSIBLE TO SLOW/STALL/STOP THIS SHIT!!
Spend 5 minutes. Make 5 calls. Make your voice heard.
THIS MAKES IT EASY AS FUCK AND PROVIDES SCRIPTS! IT PROVIDES YOU REMINDERS!
My boy is still doing his civic duty and you should too! The idea that your vote doesn’t matter is just propaganda. It’s a myth! You matter and so does your vote, get out there! ♥
Gymnastics cause it's probably the one thing on here that would be most difficult if not impossible to train myself in. I tried to do a trampoline flip once and gave myself a black eye
I reblogged her late last year and my 2024 has been very satisfying work-wise and (secure enough to not stress out) money-wise so far. Money Snake is wise and good.
areudirty
baratheonpilled
pixelskylines
origamiaround
titsay
snowghoul
discoholicmusic
