"I'm very gay."

Side blog for my writing, idea dumps and previews! the only Autoboyography fan account

[seb-writess]

Hi~

I’m obsessed with writing and reading!  I post all my stories here, along with updates, WIPs and my book reviews.  Feel free to message me about any books I’ve read because I love discussing them!

I also write for:

>  Naruto

>  Final Fantasy XV

>  Autoboyography

>  Red, White and Royal Blue

>  Carry On Trilogy

>  Other queer fiction

My full AO3 is here! 

Main blog is here! (it’s a mess of fandoms)

I love most ships, hate very little!

Thanks for coming to my blog ^-^

[wawasuke]

🗞️

[creativepromptsforwriting]

How to show emotions

Part VI

How to show bitterness

tightness around their eyes

pinched mouth

sour expression on their face

crossed arms

snorting angrily

turning their eyes upward

shaking their head

How to show hysteria

fast breathing

chest heaving

trembling of their hands

weak knees, giving in

tears flowing down their face uncontrollably

laughing while crying

not being able to stand still

How to show awe

tension leaving their body

shoulders dropping

standing still

opening mouth

slack jaw

not being able to speak correctly

slowed down breathing

wide eyes open

softening their gaze

staring unabashingly

How to show shame

vacant stare

looking down

turning their head away

cannot look at another person

putting their head into their hands

shaking their head

How to show being flustered

blushing

looking down

nervous smile

sharp intake of breath

quickening of breath

blinking rapidly

breaking eye contact

trying to busy their hands

playing with their hair

fidgeting with their fingers

opening mouth without speaking

Part I + Part II + Part III

If you like my blog and want to support me, you can buy me a coffee or become a member! And check out my Instagram! 🥰

[seb-writess]

New fic! View on AO3

NaruSasu, Rated E, 6,400 words (complete).

Tags: Boxer Naruto, Top Naruto/Bottom Sasuke, Mentions of murder but nothing graphic, Light Bondage, Asphyxiation, Safe Sane and Consensual, Getting Together

[just-french-me-up]

the urge to write is like a cat meowing for dear life for someone to open the goddamn door, who then shows utter disinterest in said open door

[actual-changeling]

In the spirit of encouraging people to comment on fanfics while also making it easier to do so, I feel obliged to share a browser extension for ao3 that has quite literally revolutionized the comment game for me.

I present to you: the floating ao3 comment box!

From what I've seen, a big problem for many people is that once you reach the comments at the bottom of a fic, your memory of it miraculously disappears. Anything you wanted to say is stuck ten paragraphs ago, and you barely remember what you thought while reading. This fixes that!

I'll give a little explanation on the features and how it works, but if you want to skip all that, here's the link.

The extension is visible as a small blue box in the upper left corner.

(Side note: The green colouring is not from the extension, that's me.)

If you click on it, you open a comment box window at the bottom of your screen but not at the bottom of the fic. I opened my own fic for demonstrative purposes.

The website also gives explanations on how exactly it functions, but I'll summarize regardless.

insert selection -> if you highlight a sentence in the fic it will be added in italics to the comment box

add to comment box -> once you're done writing your comment, you click this button and the entire thing will automatically copied to the ao3 comment box

delete -> self explanatory

on mulitchapter fics, you will be given the option to either add the comment to just the current chapter or the entire fic

The best part? You can simply close the window the same way you opened it and your progress will automatically be saved. So you can open it, comment on a paragraph, and then close it and keep reading without having the box in your face.

Comments are what keep writers going, and as both a writer and a reader, I think it's such an easy way of showing support and enthusiasm.

[gallusrostromegalus]

HERE'S THAT BITCH IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR

[albertcamuesli]

dissertation writing advice

[phd-in-prog]

this is amazing and I'm glad I saw it

[incorrect-house-of-nine]

i do this when im writing fiction. Each fic has a cut document full of discarded dialogue, scene settings, metaphors etc that dont quite fit yet I might want to use down the line or other fics.

[seb-writess]

What You See In Him

Pairings: Naruto/Sasuke

Tags: Rated explicit, Mordern Actor/Author AU, Dirty Talk, Spanking, Trans Naruto, Vaginal Penetration

Summary:

Naruto has to face the consequences of his actions. He wrote a book good enough to get published and sold for movie rights. Then his favourite actor, Sasuke Uchiha, is cast as the main character's dark and brooding boyfriend. When Sasuke asks Naruto for help running lines for a certain scene, Naruto realises he has backed himself into a corner, and can't say no. Because if he says no, he has to admit what the book is really about. A self-insert piece between he and Sasuke. Maybe the consequences won't be so bad?

Status: Complete (11,500 words)

I can’t think of much else as my eyes glaze over the filming schedule open on my phone.  The bright, white background and the black text.  The date.  The time.  Drawn out in a neat excel spreadsheet I’m lucky to be privy to.  Act 3.  Scene 8.  

The Sex Scene.

Okay, it’s not called that, because the producers have more class than that, but they may as well have.  Because that’s what it is.  

I groan.  Lock my phone so the screen goes dark and just reflects my expression back at me.  I look shocked.  Surprised.  A little stressed.

Because I am.

“Why did I write that stupid scene?” I mutter to myself, dropping my phone on the sheets, rolling over and pressing my face into my pillow.  “Why did I keep that stupid scene!”

CONTINUE UNDER THE CUT

I blame it on the ridiculously strong sake my guardian, Jiraiya, left me.  I blame it on my (failing) college grades piling up around me.  I blame it on three months of doing nothing but studying and working only for it all to feel like it was going nowhere.

I blame it on that one message that came into my email inbox, just as I was contemplating what any of it was worth.

Hey.  When is the next chapter?  You haven’t abandoned this work, have you? it had said.

I scowled at the comment, taking offence.  Like I hadn’t been under enough pressure as it was, and this idiot behind a screen couldn’t give me the basic decency of space and time.  I had never wanted to abandon my writing.  I loved it.  I loved coming up with new ideas for fictional characters I already admired.  I loved bending the already canon story into a new what if and what could have been and, when I was feeling really cheesy, grabbing two of them and plunking them down in the four-hundredth-thousandth coffee shop AU to circle the website.  

Which I always loved writing.

Which everyone always loved reading.

When I first started college, I wanted to make Jiraiya proud.  He had worked so hard to get me there; I couldn’t let him down.  I wanted to make my teachers proud, my fellow students proud; so I learnt to prioritise school work over…well…literally anything else.  

I still wrote when I could; lengthy and involved works of fiction that had too many plot holes I never cared to fix because I was doing it for free, and most of all, for fun.  But soon, as college work piled up, my stand alone works started to become shorter and shorter until they were basically a few hundred words of drabble I could publish.  Anything multi-chapter I had on-going had to be put on hiatus.  It got to the point where the only work I could stand touching was my only original work.

It was barely high fantasy, the magic system was contrite and poorly planned, but it meant I could twist the world how I wanted without anyone comparing it to reality.  A hero shunned by his village, works his ass off to gain recognition from all who scorned him as a kid.  It works.  He becomes the village hero.  Alongside his teacher, his friends, and after some dark, overly-dramatic angst I wrote in just for the torture porn, his boyfriend.

His boyfriend who has dark eyes, dark hair, pale skin and a lithe body hard enough to bounce a coin off.  A deep, sure voice and a cool personality that cracks as soon as his one, true love is threatened by any means.  I wrote them both as overly protective, overly jealous and overly obsessed with each other.  The kind of romance that really got me going.

Surprisingly, it got a few hits.  Some comments.  The subscribers were nothing to scoff at.  

It was purely a passion project, and okay, now is the time to come clean, a self-insert piece.

“Doesn’t Amaterasu bare a pretty close resemblance to that actor?  Sasuke Uchiha?”

“He kind of does!  Ngl.  It’s why I keep coming back.  I’m so happy he takes his shirt off, like, twice a chapter.”

“I’m not the only one!?  I love Sasuke!  I found this fic through a fan discord server!  I’m obsessed!”

Apparently, I wasn’t subtle.

I hadn’t really cared.

They were all bang on the money even though I thought I had described him vaguely enough no one would guess, but I could still picture it so clearly.  Black hair, black eyes, a nice body.  That could be literally any celebrity!  

But I guess Sasuke’s dry humour and penchant to appear like he’s brooding because of his resting dick face means he’s recognisable even in words.  

Then that stupid email came through with that overly insistent and accusatory comment.  I was deep in the middle of a pretty bad depressive episode.  Jiraiya had just left me a strong (and expensive) bottle of sake.  I was feeling spiteful.  Pent up.  And probably worse of all, horny.

So I sat down to write the next chapter of my long, abandoned work.  In which Amaterasu (played by the ever talented, illusive and extremely hot Sasuke Uchiha) grabs Kurama (played by yours truly) by the collar, drags him into a tent, and proceeds to bang the ever loving fuck out of him until the break of dawn.

And I added some feelings in there for good measure.

I have no idea what Sasuke’s dick looks like, obviously, but three shots of sake in with a stomach full of nothing but stale cheetos and instant ramen, and I can get pretty imaginative.  Too imaginative, because I finished the chapter, hit post without editing, and crawled under the covers where I dug out my phone to finish the job.  

I have some great shots of Sasuke saved in my photo roll.  

A photo spread where they fit him in black suit pants, an open shirt and then drenched him in water.  It worked then, it’s worked every time after.  I only ever felt guilty distantly.  Like, super distantly.  

Sasuke Uchiha is an S-grade celebrity with million dollar deals attached to all his movies.  He’s so famous, he has private security guarding his mansion.  He’s so famous, his star power alone can garner thousands of five-star reviews for any of his movies before the trailer has even dropped.  He’s sponsored by brands like Hugo Boss, Rolex.  Lamborghini.   But it’s a well-known fact he loves walking around in the same pair of jeans from Uniqlo(which are always, always sold out).

He’d never know my work.  He’d never know what I wrote about him.  He’d never know I wrote porn of the both of us because I was tired, gay and unbearably horny.

And then he did know.

Not that it’s a self-insert piece (I would rather die) but he did know about my story.  That’s what happens, apparently, when your work gets picked up by a literary agent when you send your half-finished shit in after they make a call taking open submissions.  That’s what happens when that work gets packaged and sold as an honest-to-god, published book.  And it gets sold again and again and again, to the point I could drop out of college to write the sequel, the hefty advance sitting pretty in my bank account.

That’s what happens when that book then gets picked up by a production company, and they not only sign for movie rights, but also start spitballing actors.

That’s what fucking happens when Sasuke Uchiha goes from a name they threw around as only an idea, to sending him a genuine offer, to an audition he seemed eager to send in, to actually being cast in the fucking movie.

As himself.

-

I pick up my phone and stare at the filming schedule again, hoping it might have changed in the forty-five seconds I’ve been agonising over this since.  Sadly, no one has suddenly made a change to the schedule.  

Sasuke Uchiha is going to be filming the self-insert porn I wrote three years ago on a whim.  

Not with me.  Duh.  I’m an author, not an actor.  But I’ve been on set almost everyday, if anything just to see the makings of my dream come to life.  

At first, Sasuke and I barely acknowledged each other.  I didn’t blame him.  Again, S-grade celebrity being paid millions of dollars (probably a minute) just to stand in the same room as me.  I would have died happy then and there.

But then he began to approach me.

Slowly.  Surely.  Like a spooked cat.  It started just with the usual and polite “Hi.”

And it took me thirty seconds to respond because I thought he was talking to someone else.

“Oh- hi?  Hi!” I finally responded.

“I’m Sasuke.”

Sasuke Uchiha was introducing himself to me.  

“I know.”

He frowned, dark eyes narrowing under darker bangs, before his lower lip jutted out ever so slightly.  Like he was pouting.  My heart went into overdrive.

“Okay.”  He began to walk away, and I finally managed to strangle out more than one word to him before he could get out of ear shot.

“Naruto!” I cried.  “I’m Naruto!”

He stopped.  Turned.  His scowl was gone, bewilderment taken over his pretty lips.  For a split second, I thought he’d just continue to ignore me.  I kind of deserved it.

But he only smirked.  “I know.”

He continued to walk away, and I was left with a flaming head and a heartbeat so heavy, I felt like it was hammering me into the cement.

The next day went easier.  I even approached him.   We were still in the early stages of rehearsals.  No costumes or makeup, but Sasuke still looked like every bit Amaterasu I had imagined him as, even in just his black sweat pants and sleeveless top he wore for training.  

“Hi,” I said.

“Hey,” he said.  “You still Naruto?”

I scoffed.  “Depends, you still Sasuke?”

“That’s what it says on my contract.”

It went even better the day after that.  And the day after that.  And the day after that.

Slowly, as the movie production moved along, as Sasuke got fitted with his myriad of costumes, learnt his choreography, and started his interviews for the film, we became closer.

We traded numbers.

Then we began hanging out outside of the movie set.

Usually on my side of town.  In out of the way ramen stands or dark arcades where he wouldn’t be recognised.  We quickly discovered we had a lot in common.  

We’d drink at some local, dingy bar and try to one up each other’s sad childhoods, while cry-laughing into our beer glasses.  I’d send him tiktok clips of his interviews with messages like “Can you please not butcher my character!?”

To which he’d respond “He’s a character of the people now.  I’m just giving them what they want.”

“No one asked for dark, brooding and aloof.”

“Then don’t write him as dark, brooding and aloof.”

I’d cackle at his texts.  When he’s not in front of a camera, or thousands of fans, Sasuke Uchiha is funny.   Not dry, dark, off humour you sometimes only laughed at because it was too awkward not to, but the kind of genuine funny that, unfortunately, only made me begin to love him for real.

This was no longer a celebrity crush.  One I could proclaim on twitter how I wanted Sasuke Uchiha to crush my cunt and make me his baby daddy (don’t worry, I hunted any thirst tweets down like a mouse in a maze and deleted any and all evidence that might tie me to my obsession with him).  This wasn’t the kind of distant feeling I could sit and bask in, knowing there’s an impossibility to it, and that’s what made it fun and safe.

It became real.  My heart leapt everytime he texted, or asked to meet me, or insistently demanded where are u!? if I happened to be late to set.  I felt myself growing bright red everytime Sasuke would finish a scene and immediately make a beeline for me, standing awkwardly behind the camera, so we could continue talking about One Piece and Bleach like he hadn’t just spent an hour saying corny and overly-dark lines like “I, myself, could care less about the people of this village, but he cares, so I’ll care for him.”

And he can never find out.

My book went through several harsh critiques where entire scenes were butchered, some cut entirely.  Some lines became unrecognisable and some I fought hard to keep because they were so close to my heart when I created them.  Some scenes made no sense but they were left for ‘humour, and to give the audience a break from all the war and grit’.  

So why was the sex scene left alone?

It’s true, I think it probably helped at least half of my sales.  Even if people truly didn’t enjoy the lore or the world building or the magic system; they’d enjoy the porn.  It can sell anything.  I’m just now realising how it’s all going to come back to smack me in the face.

I didn’t think this far ahead.  I didn’t want to think this far ahead.  Maybe I thought I wouldn’t get this far, and I wouldn’t have to deal with it.  Imagining Sasuke as my dark, brooding and murderous ninja boyfriend is one thing.  Seeing him act as him is another.  Watching him get naked and act out my R-rated fantasies?

I deserve to be buried alive.

Especially now that I know how funny he is.  How much I love spending time with him.  Now I know him beyond the personality he uses in front of cameras and fans, and I know what he’s like when he’s tired or stressed or sore from training.  I could not veritably predict what he’d be like in bed, but tomorrow, I won’t have to.

I can’t watch it.

I don’t know if it’s that he’ll be acting beside someone else, saying all those words and those phrases to somebody else, or if it’s seeing someone I’m certain I’m falling in love with get hot and heavy for everyone to see.  I don’t know what about tomorrow is turning me away, only that I can’t watch it.  

I’ve already called in sick.  I’m never needed on set, and this late in production, I’m more of a nuisance anyway.  I can spend tomorrow drafting book three or even playing video games or watching sports.  

Nothing to do with Sasuke, and everything to do with taking my mind off of him.

-

My phone chimes.  My eyes fly open.  For half a second, I elate in that the fates have paid enough attention to all my moaning, and have granted me a reprieve.  That the director has decided to make an artistic call, and pull the scene entirely.  I will, of course, have to make some kind of half-assed attempt to fight it.  I’ll say something stupid like “but it’s so imperative to the plot Kurama gets dicked down; to further their relationship and bond”.  

But finally, I’ll be the nice author that’s so easy to work with, and fold to the director’s discretion.

It’s not the director lighting up my phone though.

It’s Sasuke.

Sasuke > wyd?

I frown.

Naruto > if this is a booty call, ur fucking terrible @ it > try again

The little bubbles comes.  And goes.  And comes.  And goes and how is this guy so bad at texting?

Sasuke > To the prestigious Naruto Uzumaki, > It is with great bequest that your presence is requested tonight to be shared with the also prestigious, but never as prestigious as you, Sasuke Uchiha, who…

It goes on for four paragraphs.

I reply through my tears.

Naruto > Yes!  Okay, you can come over!  Stop spamming my phone!

I kind of expect him to continue the joke, but I just get a simple neat.

And then I’m panicking.  

Sasuke has never been to my apartment before.  I know he doesn't expect anything fancy, and since my books started doing so well, I can at least afford a modest apartment with its own separate bedroom, instead of the questionable studio apartments I’ve lived in before.  But it’s a mess.  It’s always a mess.

I spend twenty minutes scurrying around and dragging out chip packets from under the couch and shoving the dirty dishes in the dishwasher.  I spend another twenty minutes going between four different, but equally as ill-fitting, t-shirts before ending up in the same one I’ve been wearing all day.  It’s nearing when Sasuke is to arrive, when I glance at the bed.

I don’t know why.  I don’t know what makes me do it.  It’s not like anything is going to happen.  

But I still change my sheets.

-

“Welcome to casa Naruto!” I exclaim.  Sasuke shuffles into my entryway.  His expression is obscured by the usual black face mask and baseball cap he wears when he’s trying to get somewhere unseen by the paparazzi.  

I could still pick him out of a crowd.

“I’m thinking pizza and Street Fighter 3,” I continue.  “What’s your toppings choice?  And please don’t say pineapple!”

“Yeah.  Sure.  Sounds good.”

Sasuke walks right past me.  I glimpse his eyes.  They’re deep and empty.  His shoulders are slumped.  He pulls off his mask, and there’s lines in his face he’s fighting to keep hidden.

“You okay, man?” I ask, shoving my hands in my pockets.  Sasuke all but collapses onto my couch.

He stays there, head against the back, dark hair splayed across the cream upholstery.  He just stares at the ceiling.  

He remains quiet.

“Sasuke?” I try again.  “You good?”

He moves, only to rub his face with his entire palm.  

“I don’t know what I’m going to do about tomorrow,” he finally answers.

I walk over and sit beside him.

“Whaddaya mean?”

Sasuke still has his hands over his eyes.  “Like, I don’t know how I’m going to do it.”

This puzzles me.  Sasuke has done sex scenes before.  I spent a summer before my book sold hunting them all down.  He’s good in them.  It’s honestly hard to watch any sex scene and not cringe a little, but Sasuke always carries an air of determination in all his scenes that translates even to the ones that should feel awkward to watch.  

It also helps he’s just hot as hell.

“Is it Suigetsu?”

Suigetsu is an up-and-coming actor they felt perfect to play the role of Kurama.  Truthfully, I had other faces imagined besides my own, but also felt the movie used any pull they had just to get Sasuke.  Suigetsu can do a good enough job though; he’s loud and boisterous and really fell into the role well.

My main criticism is that he’s nothing like me, but I can’t say that without someone catching on the whole book is meant to be about me.

But Sasuke and Suigetsu get along great.  I know they’re friends.  I don’t think they’re as close as us (not to brag), but Sasuke works well with him and all the scenes they’ve filmed together so far have been incredible, exciting and, when demanded of them, heart-wrenching.

Sasuke lowers his hand.  He just looks tired.

“I don’t know.  Maybe?”

I cross my arms and pout at the ceiling.  “I’m sorry we couldn’t find someone hotter.”

Thankfully, he snickers.

“It’s not that.  He’s plenty hot enough.  Attraction is not my problem.”

“Then what is?”

Sasuke sits up a little straighter, battling with what he wants to say next.  He fidgets, and refuses to meet my gaze.

“It’s the chemistry.”

“Huh?” I sound undignified.

“As in, we don’t have any!” he snaps.

I think back to all the romantic scenes they’ve done before.  It’s kind of surreal, watching someone play someone who is supposed to be me, say words I’d written especially to say to Sasuke myself.  But he does a good job, and I feel like the vision of my books hasn’t faltered yet.  

“You guys are great together,” I say, but it sounds dry, and I know he can tell I’m just saying what I think he wants to hear.

Sasuke snorts.  “We’re fine together, we’re passable, and that’s worked up until now, but…”

He fidgets some more.  

“I’ve read your book,” he confesses.  Something inside me seizes.  I, maybe, had hoped he had read it.  Sometimes actors want to stay true to the script, or want to create their own version of the character based on the director’s vision instead, and will accept jobs without consuming the source material.  Apparently, Sasuke is not one of those actors.  “It’s good,” he continues.  “Like, really good.  It’s the kind of book I would have killed to read when I was growing up and first realising I like men.  This super powerful ninja trying his hardest for his friends and his village, and also taking the time to hook up with an equally super powerful ninja, who just happens to be a dude.”

My jaw falls open.

“It was just a stupid idea I came up with while playing some dumb video game!”  I attempt to laugh, scratching my hair.  “It’s not that deep!”

Sasuke meets my eyes with his own, and they tell me to cut the bullshit.

“If you don’t know what your story means to me, or at least to the dozens of other teens who are going to read it and realise being gay doesn’t mean they can’t also be awesome, you’re ignoring the crux of your work.”

It’s my turn to fidget.  I feel like I’m being scolded by a teacher.

“That’s why I’m having so much trouble with this next scene,” he says.  “It’s meant to mean something.  In your book, they’re literally about to walk into a war; they know they might not come back.  They mean everything to each other, and if neither were willing to choose their home, they’d still choose one another.  This isn’t just some cheap porn scene to sell tickets!  I need this to mean something.”

This fucking asshole.  Talk about needing something to mean something.  My heart aches, constricting hard, as I fall in love with him a little more.

“Suigetsu’s not even gay!” Sasuke keeps complaining.  “He got hired off the hype of that series he did on Netflix!”

I chuckle.  I don’t mean to; Sasuke is pouring his heart out to me.

“Sasuke, you’re not going to fuck up the scene,” I say, and totally mean it.  He just hunches forward even further, like he’s trying to avoid my honesty.  “You guys filmed that kiss scene!  That was hot!”

That is true, but it also filled me with a burning jealousy that didn’t abate for three days.  I didn't return to set until I was sure they were done filming, and I couldn't ignore how awkward I felt around Sasuke after.  He’d question me about it.  Well, his exact words were “What’s with the stick up your ass?” but the intention was clear.

I never had a reasonable answer for him, so would just blame it on stomach troubles.

“I don’t wanna,” he grumbles.  I can hear the telltale signs of a pout forming, which usually only masks how hurt Sasuke really is.  I almost slump over with him, utterly defeated by the fact that I have no idea how to help him.

“You’re such a baby!”  I groan, and slap his back.  I can’t change the scene, or even change the actor, but maybe I can distract him until tomorrow.  Maybe he’ll realise he’s overthinking this, and he’ll walk into the scene tomorrow and perform flawlessly (double entendre totally intended).  “Now, stop moping, run your lines and eat some pizza!”

I stand, hoping to find my phone I kept throwing across the room.  I really am starving.  He looks up at me from the couch, eyes glistening.

“Would you help?”

I pause.  Frozen in the middle of my living room.  I slowly turn to him.

“Huh?” But I know what I heard.

“Would you run my lines with me?”

I stammer through several excuses.  I’m not an actor.  I don’t have a script.  I really want pizza.

“I’ll get you pizza after!” Sasuke chides.  “I need help!”

I can’t say no.  Sasuke Uchiha is asking for my help for a scene he’s genuinely stressed about performing well in.  So we sit on the couch, sides pressed together, heads hunched over Sasuke’s one script.  The pages are already frayed and ripped, it’s already scrawled with notes and highlighter pen and I can see the remnants of a coffee mug stain soiled through from a few pages back.

“I’m going to be horrible at this,” I warn.

“It’s fine,” Sasuke mumbles.  If I’m not mistaken, his cheeks are a little red.  I’ve got no clue why; I don’t exactly ooze sex appeal.  He’s the celebrity that haunts all my masturbatory dreams.  I’m the one who should want to crawl under a pillow and wish the world away.

“Let’s start here,” Sasuke quips, trying to get to the point.  He points to a section of the script where Amaterasu and Kurama have already found themselves alone.  Amaterasu is injured and scarred, bloodied and bruised, after a particularly nasty fight with a demon.  Kurama walks in on him changing.  Amaterasu shows ease, placidity.  Like he doesn’t care who he’s naked in front of, when really, he couldn’t stand to be so vulnerable with anyone else but his lover.

A tip my editor gave me when I first got my book signed, to circumnavigate the problem I was having as I agonised over whether my lines were too cringy or hard to read, was to read them out loud with somebody else.  I would host discord calls with my friends and we’d take turns reading through some of my pages.  All of us would end up on the floor, laughing at the absurdity of the things I had thought sounded so sexy in my first draft.

But it helped.  I would weed out the wordy and the weak and come back with something that was simpler and shorter, but far more genuine.

All those lines of dialogue, all that work, and they still feel strange saying out loud now.  Though that could just be because I’m answering to Sasuke’s strong voice who, even in his Uniqlo jeans and lounging across my couch, is putting his all into the part.

We run through the scene a few times.  I’m not lying, I’m a god-awful actor.  I feel like I could only hurt Sasuke’s predicament, but he still rapidly types notes into his phone when we reach pauses in the script or gaps that need to be filled with some kind of emotion.  Truly, it warms my heart how serious he’s taking this role.

We always stop just before The Act(™).  We always stop before their words get a little too close to just recreating a porno in my living room.

An hour later, and Sasuke is still restless.

“What the fuck am I going to do?” he cries, tugging at his bangs.  “It still feels off.”

I feel bad for him.  I don’t know how else to help.  Sasuke is really struggling with this.

“Look, I’m no actor, but you’ve had sex before, right?”

His eyes narrow at me.  “Yes.  And?” he spits.

My cheeks are already red from going through the lines so many times, so hopefully the new blush is already well hidden as I realise what I’ve asked him.  I laugh nervously.

“Just, like, use that feeling!  Of seeing someone you like naked for the first time.  There’s kind of that exhilaration to it, right?  You’re kind of nervous, but you’re really excited too.  It’s kind of tense between you two, but you know it’ll feel good.”

Sasuke watches me as I talk, slowly unfurling from his ball.  I hadn’t realised I’d started rubbing his back.  I quickly take my hand away.

“Someone I like?” Sasuke asks.

“Yeah!”

“Someone I want to see naked?”

“Sure.”

He’s edging closer.  I can’t be talking that quietly.

“Just…use that feeling?”

He’s close enough I could count his eyelashes.  They flutter over dark eyes as he watches me.  I audibly gulp.

“Can we try again?” he asks, barely above a whisper, breath fanning my lips.  I swallow again, and nod.

“‘We’re going to the front tomorrow,’” I say.  There’s no way there’s any kind of needed passion in my words, but I think my advice begins to work.  Something slips behind Sasuke’s eyes.  “‘This might be all we have left.’”

“‘You know I’d die for you, right?’” His tone has shifted as well.  “‘But I’ll die anyway, if I don’t get this again.’”

I swallow.  My heart suddenly races faster.  I wonder who he’s thinking of.  Which first time he’s imagining.

“ ‘Again?’ ” I scoff.  “‘You’ve barely gotten this the first time.’”

It’s a challenge Kurama extends, and Amaterasu rises to without a second thought.

“‘I’m holding back,’” Sasuke continues.  There’s a small smile on his face.  Like it’s amusing.  It is; this whole scenario makes me want to scream hysterically.  

Something takes over me too, and in an act of bravery I didn’t know I possessed, I reach up and cup his jaw.  His eyes, so gentle and expressive when he’s behind closed doors and there’s no camera running, slide closed.  He leans into my palm.

“‘So don’t bother.’”

It’s quiet.  Sasuke leans heavier against my palm, eyes still closed.  I hold him softly, waiting with bated breath for his next line.

Sasuke lunges.  

The script falls to the floor.

His mouth is sweet.  It tastes like something familiar, and I’d probably have an easier time placing it, if he wasn’t already kissing my memory from me.  His jaw is still in my palms.  I pull him closer, kiss him hungrier.  His hands are on my thighs, nails raking down my legs to my hips, and he pulls me on top of him.  I gasp.  It breaks the kiss.  It breaks the spell.

His eyes are wide.  Surprised and almost volatile with emotion as he gazes at me on top of him.  Then I can finally read the emotion in his eyes.

Regret.

“Shit,” he hisses, breaking eye contact with me.  “Shit, I’m so sorry.”

Sasuke Uchiha is apologising for kissing me.   I couldn’t make this shit up if I was given a six figure advance and three years to write my next novel.

“It’s good,” I say.  It comes out broken.  I don’t know what I mean by that.  Like he’s good?  It was good?  We’re good?

All of it.  All of it’s good.

“You can- I mean if you need to…”  I don’t know what I’m saying.  My celebrity crush and the love of my life just shoved his tongue down my throat.  Are words even real?  “You can pretend I’m him.”

Sasuke seems to shift to a different kind of still.

“Who?” he asks.  He demands.

“Like, whoever it is you’re thinking of.”

As it leaves my mouth, I realise how desperate I sound.  

Sasuke Uchiha, imagine I’m someone else so you’ll have sex with me.  You’d be doing me a huge favour.

Pathetic.

“If you need to keep…uh…practising- I mean.”

His eyes flit all across the features of my face.  I’m still in his lap.  He’s so warm underneath me.  His chest is solid.  My hands are shaking, and if I was any braver, I’d run my palms over his heartbeat to remember the shape of it before he inevitably kicks me to the floor and storms out of my apartment.

Sasuke’s mouth drops open a little, and I can see his tongue.  The tongue I just had a good time sucking.

“You’re so fucking dumb,” he says.  I flinch but, well, deserved.  “Who do you think I’m thinking of then?”

“I-  I don’t know.”

He glares at me.  I shift, and I realise his fingers are still crushing my hips.  Claws in my skin.  It’s going to make me hard in an instant.

“I asked to come over to practise a sex scene with you, Naruto!” he continues to glare at me.  “Put the dots together!”

I keep staring down at him.  All the pieces there and I refuse to put them into place, because there’s no way.

“There’s no way!” I all but scream.

He rolls his eyes, and finally throws me off.  He stands up, straightens his shirt.  I watch him, dumbly, still getting hard at just his every small movement.  Even when those movements are dumping me.

“Fine, if you don’t feel the same,” he huffs, annoyed.  Then, softer, a little more genuine, because he’s hiding heartbreak and embarrassment under tension and aggression.  “I’m sorry I attacked you.  I got carried away.  Thanks for the help.”

He picks up his script and heads for the door.

I stay there, splayed across my couch, long enough to have an out of body experience where I can finally see it all in crystal clarity.  Sasuke’s angry, annoyed, but hurt expression.  Me, just sitting there, letting him walk away.

“Wait!” I screech, forcing my soul back into my body.  I jump over the back of the couch, thundering down the hall.  Sasuke turns with his hand on the door handle.  I stop in front of him, hands flailing, mouth opening and closing like a fish with no comprehensible words coming out.  Sasuke just grows more and more annoyed, before he finally just rolls his eyes and pulls the door open.

So I do what I can with what I’ve got.

I kiss him too.

My door slams closed as I push him against it.  He’s taller than me (by two inches, but whatever), but I’m still on my toes to get the best possible angle of his mouth.  It’s a rough kiss, definitely not my best work, but as I feel his arms circle my waist, I think I’ve finally gotten my point across.

Then his hands are cupping my ass, a jolt of arousal sparking through my spine, and he lifts me with ease.  Okay, that’s so fucking hot.  I groan against his mouth, blistering kisses shared clumsily between us as he walks (more like, blindly stumbles with me attached to his face) into the bedroom.

As Sasuke pushes me down, lips on my neck and hands spreading out under my shirt, I’m suddenly so glad I remembered to change my bed sheets.

I whimper.  He’s greedy.  Lips making a hot trail up my neck, teeth marking his ascent toward my jaw.  He settles in the corner under my ear, pulling my skin between his teeth and running his hot tongue over the point.  He hums, and fucking inhales against me.   I make a noise.  It’s something like a whimper, something like a plea.  I hope it’s at least enough for him to continue.

His nails carve lines up my chest, over my nipples, pushing the fabric of my shirt up under my chin.

Our crotches are pointedly not touching, I notice.

“You’re going to be so good,” he mumbles as he works, and my thighs fly closed.  I rub them together, my cock pulses hard, enough to make my hips jolt.  

I think I try to say something back.  Something just as hot, hoping to have the same effect on him, but nothing comes out.  That might be for the best.  

He claws at my chest, an entire muscle in his fist.  

“Fuck, your fit,” he gasps.  Our crotches are still not meeting, almost like we’ve built up this insane amount of pressure, and if we start going at it, we’re both going to explode.  But Sasuke’s hips are making small circles, humping something I can’t see.  Craving it as much as I am.

I laugh.  I laugh when I’m nervous, and I’m so fucking nervous now.  So nervous I say, “That’s nothing like Amaterasu would say.”

He pauses.  Pulls back so I can feel his trembling breath over the line of saliva he’s left on my skin.  The hand groping my chest eases.  My breathing stops.

“I just meant-”

He pulls back entirely so he can kneel over me, already dark eyes shrouded in shadow.  His lips are set in a hard line.  I’ve already offended him.  

I don’t know what’s worse.  Writing a scene based around your favourite celebrity only to have that celebrity then tasked with acting it out?  Or living that scene and then fucking it up!?

“Sorry,” I blurt.  “That’s not like- I’m not trying to be creepy!  I was making a joke.  It was a bad one.  I’m sorry!”

He tilts his head.

“You make a point though.”  It’s all he says before he’s sitting back on his ankles, and pulling his shirt off over his head.

Now Sasuke Uchiha is shirtless on my bed after having just given me the hickey of a lifetime and there’s no way I’m not hard in my underwear now.

“We should make good use of this time,” he continues, rolling his shoulders, like he’s warming up for something.  “I did come over to practice, after all.”

Oh, fuck me sideways and string me up to die.

“Yeah?” My voice cracks.

Sasuke starts pushing my shirt the rest of the way over my head.  I stretch my arms, letting him pull the fabric off entirely.  Now we’re both shirtless, in bed, horny, and I have no idea what is about to transpire.

Sasuke, ever so gently, like he’s waiting for me to refuse him, places a hand on both of my knees.  His palms are warm on my skin and his fingers are rough and calloused from all his sword training.  I rub my thighs together again, fighting down another pulse, as I imagine those hands on much more sensitive parts of my body.

He parts my legs, shuffles between them, and leers over me again.

His face is still shrouded in shadow, the light of my bedroom lamp unable to find all the ridges in his face that means it might be easier to read his expression.  His bangs frame his face, long and straight and black.  I bet they’re soft.  I bet they’re so soft.

“We only read over the scene a few times.”  A statement.

I swallow.  “Yeah?”

“Do you remember the lines?”

Yes, of course I remember the fucking lines.  I remember the original lines and the ones rewritten for the script.  I remember running them through my head so often I was scared I’d say them to the poor, underpaid barista who’s just trying to make my coffee in the mornings.  I remember them so vividly, I could re-print the script if, for some reason, all of them burnt up simultaneously and it was the only way to save the film.

Sasuke blinks his pretty, long lashes.  He’s still staring down at me.  He’s still waiting.

“Where should we start?”

We should start at the fucking beginning but apparently we’re here now and I’m about to live every literal fantasy of Sasuke I’ve ever wished.

I swallow.  I know my face is bright red.

“I’ve never done method acting like this.”  He shifts, one hand still pressed into the mattress beside me, the other making small, warm circles on my knee, playing with the end of my shorts.  He slips his fingers delicately beneath the hem, and I squirm, embarrassingly, as he finds the edge of my briefs.  “It’s kind of exciting.”

My breathing is rushed.  Small pants I can’t seem to tame.

He pulls his hand out and I bite back a cry, but it gets lodged in my throat as a sound of protest.

“Well, where should we start?” he says again.

Thankfully, despite nerves eating the cells in my blood, I can conjure the scene so easily.  It practically lives rent free behind my eyeballs.

“‘You’re an idiot, a true moron, if you think I’m not coming back for you,’” I say, breathless and impulsive.  “‘If you think you’re not the single reason I’m coming back tomorrow.”

Sasuke places his hands on my hips.  His thumbs graze my bones there.  My skin tingles.  

“‘You’re the idiot if you think I’d let you die before me,’” he recites, crystal clear and pitch perfect.  

“‘Hey,’” my voice turns soft, like I always imagined Kurama’s might during this very moment, lying under the half naked body of his soon-to-be lover.  “‘Let’s just make a deal.’”  I somehow conjure a convincing wobble in my voice.  “‘Let’s both come home tomorrow.  Neither one of us can die.’”

Sasuke, like a vision come to life, comes close enough I can finally see the colour of his eyes.  They’re such a deep brown, so warm and inviting, and I’m going to drown in them like an unhinged diver.

“‘Is that an order, my lord?’”

I suck in a breath through my teeth.

“‘Yeah.  Yeah, it’s an order.’”

Sasuke smirks, and it’s so easy to imagine him as the Amaterasu I always wrote him as.  My dark obsessed, traumatised ninja boyfriend in a fantastically ruined world.

“‘Come back tomorrow,’” he replies.  “‘Or I’ll burn the whole village to the ground.’”

I believe him.

I have no village; I have a city with a pretty good ramen stand down the street and (still) a fucktonne of student loan debt.  I don’t have to be scared about Sasuke burning anything, but I feel it.  That devotion I wrote into my story in a horny haze so long ago, come to life in my bedroom.

Sasuke rips us from the scene, lunging again, and this time, I’m ready for him.  My nerves are certainly still here, but I’m ready for him, opening my mouth wide to meet his greedy and demanding kiss.  His deft fingers on the fly of my shorts.  I slide my hands forward and grip his hair.  It’s just as soft as I always imagined it’d be.  He licks my teeth, chews on my bottom lip, sucks my tongue into his mouth.

I moan, and he rewards me by shoving his hand into my briefs and touching me for the first time.

I can’t slam my thighs together again, and Sasuke doesn’t bother with teasing, just begins to rub.  Hard.  

I immediately cry out.  He runs his fingers through my folds, over my front hole, teasing only slightly before making short, circular movements there. My head rears back, and he returns his mouth to where it was before I stupidly interrupted this.  He returns to make that dark mark so much darker.

I make embarrassing noises in the back of my throat, because I don’t know if letting them out will only be even more embarrassing.  Sasuke moves, his nose trailing along my jaw, where he begins to tongue my ear and holy shit, that’s not a kink I thought I had.

My only problem is now it’s beginning to get painful.

I grab his shoulder.  I forgot he was bare, my fingers digging into soft skin and hard muscle.

“Sasuke,” I plead.  “I need-”  A harder rub makes me whine.  He mistakes it for pleasure.

“Yeah?” he whispers, breath hot on that throbbing mark.  “What do you need?”

“Lube,” I pant.  He stops, blissfully.

“What?” he asks, taken aback.

“S-sorry,” I mumble.  Fuck, explaining this shit is always a little embarrassing, but neither of us are going to have a good time unless I don’t.  “I don’t…like that’s…”

Thankfully, he catches on, and immediately starts rifling through my bedside drawers.  I know he finds my Drawer of Fun because he stills entirely, half his form over the side of the bed.  I graze his hip with my leg, nudging him softly.

“We can play with them later,” I promise, because oh boy, do I want Sasuke to play with me.  “Can you just-”

“Yep!” Like he’s been shocked, he sits up, lube in hand.  He pours a probably more than necessary amount on his fingers, but then his hand is back down my shorts, coating me in the stuff, finding his pace from before.  

And this time I really do whine in pleasure.

His pace on my cock means I, finally, spread my legs, wanting to give him more space to work with.  His fingers are trapped under the band of my underwear.  It makes his movements tighter, incessant, heedless and greedy.  I clutch his hair and come for the first time.

I’m panting, mouth open, which he claims in the next moment.

“Yeah,” he growls, teeth finding the groove he’s already worn into my bottom lip.  “You’re good.”

My mind is a flurry but I do my best to remember the next part.

Actually, I vividly remember taking a break to rub one out before writing what comes next.  Already wired on the image of Sasuke, hot, horny and handling me.

His mouth moves.  I catch a little of his eyes before I lose them.  He begins kissing my chest, biting the muscles, tongue trailing over each nipple in turn.

“Fuck, your chest,” he whimpers, fucking whimpers , against my skin.  He bites at my left pectoral, trails his tongue along the faded scar there that curves around the underside of the muscle.  He bites it again.  I cry out.  Then, seeming to remember we’re in the middle of a scene, Sasuke says  “‘I want to remember every part of you.’”

I’m having trouble forming complete sentences as Sasuke’s lips move down from my chest, over the line of my stomach, pausing to mouth at my navel.  All the while still fondling my chest like it’s a fucking stress toy.  

“Sasuke,” I gasp.

He nips at my skin.  

He keeps kissing me, down, down, down so low he reaches the waistband of my shorts.  He yanks them over my hips, along with my briefs.  I have to remind myself he’s already given me a handjob and swallowed half my pec.  There’s not much left to the imagination anymore.  It still makes me nervous.

I always have that moment of desperation, of hesitation, anytime anyone sees me naked for the first time.  That feeling is kind of amplified under the roaming eyes of Sasuke fucking Uchiha.

“I’m gonna-” Sasuke starts, but seems to stop, grabbing at his own dick, rubbing the length of it through his pants.  I stare.  Trying to gauge the shape.  The length.  Whether it’s going to fit.

I meet his eyes.

“Why don’t you get off too?” I ask.  “Then we can both go again?”

He bites his lip.  Fuck, I want to do that too.

“Yeah?” He asks, voice gravelly.  My cunt throbs at the sound, back in action.  “And how should I do that?”

Don’t make me choose, don’t make me fucking choose!

“Uh-” I gape.  Thankfully, Sasuke only chuckles.

“I’d ask to rut against your chest.”  I almost faint at his words.  “But I think that’s a second date kind of act.”

What the hell do I focus on first?  That he thinks I’ve got a good enough body he wants to get off on that alone, or that he wants to do this again?

“I-I could blow you?” I try to sit up on shaking limbs.  I’ve been a bit of a pillow princess so far, and I’m trying not to give off that image.  But I collapse readily back against the pillows when he places a gentle hand to my shoulder and pushes me down.

“Nah,” he says.  “Though, I can’t wait for that too.  I think I know how we’re going to do this.”

I nod.  Because what the hell else am I going to do when Sasuke Uchiha announces how he’s going to bang my brains out.

“Roll over,” he demands.  

Oh, Jesus Mary Joseph.   I do as he says, without complaint.  I bite my pillow.  I don’t know if he wants me to spread my legs or keep them shut, so I just wait for him to decide how he wants me.  I hear his zipper.  I hear him stand long enough to shove his pants to the floor.  I feel the bed dip.  

Oh fuck, he’s naked.  Sasuke Uchiha is naked behind me.  

I begin rutting on the sheets.  My toes scrunched.  If my nerves don’t shoot me, the anticipation certainly will.

Then I feel his warmth return as he hovers above me again.

“Fuck me, even your back is gorgeous,” he moans, trailing one, lone finger down the length of my spine.  I shiver.

“Who knew you had such a fucking, gorgeous and fuckable body under all those oversized graphic t-shirts?” He says all this while moving above me, and I can feel him settle between my legs.  I grip the pillow under me even harder.

Then his fingers find me.

“Fuck, Sasuke!” I can’t help it.  I groan, his fingers circling my cunt, playing with my cockhead, rubbing it between his thumb and forefinger, digging into the mound.  I flinch, instincts carrying me away, and my moans grow as he finds me again and sets a rhythm.  “I thought we were getting you off!”

I thought he was going to grind against my ass until he painted my back.

Which I would have totally been okay with, by the way.

“Yeah, yeah,” he grumbles.  “Give me a minute.”

Two of his long, elegant fingers run through the gel already coating me there, and push inside.  I whimper.  He thrusts his fingers, experimenting.  I hear him shudder.

“Oh, fuck you’re so open.”  

I flush bright red, embarrassed how eager he’s made me.  I’ve been eager in every fantasy I’ve ever had of him.  I can get myself ready in record time when thinking about him.  Foreplay is loading the tiktok of his workout routine on my phone and leaning it against the pillows while I groan at the sight of all that sweat caressing every divot in every one of his bulging muscles.

I’m beginning to twitch.  My second orgasm building rapidly.  The bastard hasn’t even had one.

But his breathing is erratic and short, moist breath shoved between my shoulder blades as he presses open mouthed kisses to my skin while thrusting his two fingers deep inside me, circling my cock with his thumb, and doing this on repeat.

“Sasuke,” I groan.  It’ll be enough to get me there, but it won’t be satisfying.  It won’t be like when something bigger, longer, hotter is going to tear apart my walls and make me come twice more.  I attempt to press my thighs together at the thought.

“This isn’t how it happened in the book,” he observes.  

This is true.  In the book, he sucks me off for hours before shoving his cock inside me and fucking me in three different positions.

“S-sorry,” I mumble.  He chuckles.  

“Maybe we should change that,” he whispers.  The squelching noises are growing louder as his fingers move faster.  “Want to turn over for me?”

I grip the pillows.

“You still haven’t gotten off!”  I complain.

“You’re obsessed with that, aren’t you?”

I glare at him over my shoulder.  “And you aren’t?”

This was a mistake, because I see his cock for the first time and come, crying, on his fingers.

He pushes me through it, thrusting his fingers inside me at a rapid pace until I’m crawling up the bed, trying to get away.

“You.  Are.  So.  Good.”  He breathes into my hair, mouthing at the base of my neck.

I can’t breathe.  I can’t think.  I’m trying so hard to get my bearings, but all I can think about it is Sasuke Uchiha, naked on my bed, and his cock looks fucking glorious.  I want to suck him off now.  I want to choke on his dick for hours, days even.  I want to feel that head on the back of my throat before I shove it inside my hole.

I want to warm it.

“Excuse me?” He asks.

Shit, I said that last part out loud.

“I said, I want to warm your cock!”

Fuck it, I’ve sunken this low.  I’m not about to stop now; may as well own it.

He flips me over, and shoves his tongue back into my mouth.  I moan, thread my fingers back through his hair, and spread my thighs, welcoming him back between my legs.  His cock is hard, warm, and rubs against my own sensitive cock while he hitches one of my knees over his hip.  He spends so long kissing me, my tongue feels rubbed raw.  I lift my hips to meet his as we grind against each other.  His cock glides through my mess.  I start memorising the shape of him on speedrun.  It’s going to bruise.  

It’s going to bruise so fucking good.

“I think we’re off track,” he gasps, rolling on top of me.  I swear to God, I almost die with how horny I am.  How quickly all my blood rushes back to my cunt.  It throbs and I’m so over waiting for him to get in me.  “We’ve missed, like, fifteen lines at this point.”

“It’s fine,” I gasp, pulling him back in.  His lips are chapped, but I lap at them like he’s water in a desert.  “We can do another run later.”

He laughs again, before that laugh peters into a low, harsh groan.  I’ve grabbed his ass, pushing him to me, grinding him against me.  I’m glistening now, wet as fuck with lube and he’s slipping between my puffy lips.

My thighs open further.  He catches this movement, and groans again.

“You’re so unfair,” he hisses.  “Fuck you!”

“That’s what I’ve been waiting for!” I say with a feral grin.

The breach of his cock in my walls is welcoming, but it still stings.  Only a little, and Sasuke is careful as he slides in without much other protest.  His balls press to me, and I see stars on the ceiling.  

Sasuke is gasping too.  Wrecked.  That cool, generous facade finally crumbling as he realises this is what he could have had all along.  My wet cunt around him while he fucks me mindlessly.

His thrusts begin in earnest, and I try to bite back my moans.  My third orgasm builds with rapid speed.  His hips under my hands are powerful.  They move in harsh thrusts, his cock hitting deep inside me.  The sound of skin slapping skin grows louder as he begins to get greedy.  He starts taking.  He starts pawing at my chest, biting at my lips.  One hand yanking my hair back so he can growl against my throat and the other pushes my thighs even further apart.  He drives in impossibly deeper.  I’m a paper doll.  I let him work me; work in me.

I’m right, too.  About the bruising.  He pounds deep, hitting places I can’t reach without a good dildo, the kinds of places I’m going to feel with every step tomorrow.  I gasp.  I cry.  He groans.  Our breathing begins to match just as our movements do.

“Fuck!”   he hisses.  “Oh fuck, Naruto!”  He hasn’t said my name all night, and fuck does it sound good on his lips.  “Can I spank you?” 

I know he says it without thinking.  I see the small amount of surprise on his face as he realises what he’s said.  I just groan louder, eyes hooded and rolling into the back of my head.  I nod frantically.

The first one comes soon after, just on the fleshy part of my thigh, and he rubs the reddening spot immediately after.  

“Fuck, you just tensed up,” he hisses.  “You just got tighter.”

I nod again.  “I’ll get so tight for you if you keep doing that.”

So he does it again.  My cunt clenches down with every slap, every impact of his hand on my thigh.  It’s going to leave another mark.  At this point, I’m covered in them.

He starts spanking me faster, a little harder, obviously loving the way I tighten around him and wanting to control that even more.  His thrusts haven’t even paused.  He’s going to come so good.

I’m going to help him get there.

I welcome each hit, clenching around him with each thrust, revelling in the moans that leave his mouth everytime my hole swallows his cock.  He lies across me, his knuckles white as they thread through my own fingers, muttering filthy things into my ear.

“You’re so unfair,” he says again.

“Tight little cunt.  All fucking mine,” he growls, deep enough I feel it echo inside my own chest.

“So beautiful for me.”  He kisses my cheek and his tongue finds my ear again.  It makes me shiver deeply.  

He hits me one last time, digging his nails into the skin this time, so I tense up and stay tensed up.  He thrusts faster, harder, frantic and desperate.  He’s close.  So he presses a hand in between us and finds my cock.

“Fuck!  Sasuke!”  This won’t be like the other orgasms.  They were good, but a little soft.  Gentle, but short.  This one is going to hit me like a freight train.

“Naruto!” He says, cusses, his thrusts becoming almost impatient as he stills, grinding into my cunt a little harder.  My toes curl.  I think I kick him with my heels.  I can’t help it.  He keeps jerking me off too.  Harsh movements that are sloppy and clumsy amongst the amount of come dripping between us.

“I’m coming!” I gasp, fingers threaded in his hair, yanking on the strands.  “I’m coming so hard!”

“Fuck!  Me too!”

And he does, shoving his dick into me and holding still, grinding tightly into my cunt, like he owns it.  I shudder around him as I feel him orgasm, my own taking me without reprieve.  I don’t even know who is making the most noise.  We’ve both lost semblance of the outside world.

I go silent, my mouth open but no noise leaving me, tears prickling my eyes.  His cum fills me, so much of it, pooling around where he’s still inside me and dripping down his balls, over the creases of my thighs.

“Sorry,” he murmurs at the mess, at the amount, like he’s been called out for it before.

Okay, whoever is calling out Sasuke Uchiha for coming too much can meet me in the pit.  

It’s brilliant.  It’s sticky and wet and it tickles as it continues to stream down my skin.

“Oh, shit, Sasuke!” I gasp.  I finally relax, my orgasm settling.  His does too.  He holds himself over me just long enough to prevent from knocking the wind out of me, before he lowers himself to lie beside me.  I shift, and I can feel him.  He’s still inside me.  I’m careful as I shuffle closer to him, throwing my leg over his hip.  He immediately grabs my thigh, pulling me closer, sinking deeper and pushing more of it out.

My sheets are going to be a fucking mess.

We lie there.  Eyes meeting in the dim light of my bedroom lamp.  Panting.  Flushed red.  Sweaty.  Exhausted.  But so, so fucked out.

His bangs stick together in wet clumps, and I reach out to push them behind his ears.  I suddenly think that perhaps this is too intimate.  That this isn’t what he wants.  What he wants is what he got, and I’m selfish to ask for anything more.

But, he did say-

“Next time,” he pants, warm breath fanning my face, my own sweat drying cold on my skin now.  “Next time, I will suck you off,” he promises, and I grow warm at the thought.  “And you are going to warm my cock for fucking hours.”

He rips himself out of me, as if to say, not yet.  Not just yet.  Wait your turn.

I hiss, the mess coming out of me in a gusset of fluids.

“Gross,” I whimper.  It’s not as hot outside of the moment.

“Sorry,” he says again, but there’s a cute quirk to his lips.

I can’t help but smile too.  He doesn’t leave though.  He stays, lifts me away from the mess and rolls over onto his back, pulling me onto his chest.  He juts his chin, and I smile giddily as I kiss him again.  It’s far gentler, in no rush to get anywhere now, and I begin to memorise the details of his mouth.  Of his tongue.  Of the way he kisses me.

Now that we’ve gotten past the good part, we can stagnate and enjoy the good part.  Like how he pulls my hips flush to his.  He’s not trying to get off, or start something again.  He just wants me close.  I kiss him hungrily.  His fingers play with the longer hairs at the nape of my neck.  I run my hands up his still rapidly rising chest, his heart still racing inside his chest.  

He kisses the corner of my mouth, my cheek, my jaw.

“That was probably a really inelegant way of asking you for a date,” he mumbles.  I pull back, still splayed across him though, and notice the blush.  Sasuke Uchiha is fucking shy.   He just basically acted out a porno with me, and now he can’t get through asking me out for coffee.

I love him.

“Yeah,” I agree.  He blinks, shocked.  “But it was also a really crass way of agreeing.”

I grin.  He smiles back.

-

We must fall asleep, because I wake up when the mess between us is getting dry and crusty and cold.  I shiver, slowly climbing off Sasuke’s chest.  He blinks awake.  I meet his steel eyes.

“Shower?” he asks.

“Then pizza?”

He scoffs.  “Right.  I did promise you.  Lines, sex, pizza.”

I laugh, full of an abundance of joy I don't know what to do with.

I am suddenly thankful, again, I moved from my old shell of an apartment to something that doesn’t have a permanent residence of mouldy friends taking up a corner of my shower.  This one also has a shower head with a hose, which is great for getting into every nook and cranny after a night like this.

I whimper when I aim the spray at my crotch, and Sasuke uses the excuse of cleaning me to play with me a little more.

“Don't start something you can’t finish,” I say.  I don’t mean it as a challenge, but he takes it as one.  He shoves me against the glass.  His growing dick presses between my thighs.  I shiver, already knowing how it feels inside of me and my traitorous cunt clenches, wanting it again.  

“I could say the same for you,” he growls.  “Take responsibility.”

I have a hard ‘no shower sex’ rule for multiple reasons, but I’m not above some handjobs and maybe some oral.

Sasuke crowds close and rests his forehead on my shoulder while I take him in hand.  I can’t look at what I’m doing from this angle, but I feel better using my other hand to card my fingers through his wet hair as I work.  His sounds pressed into the crook of my neck.  Hips thrusting into my hand.  He kisses me, and finishes after, his come trickling down our legs and flowing down the drain.

He pulls me close, kisses growing demanding.

“Now come here,” he demands.

He makes good on one promise.  His tongue digs into my cock, pointed and wet, warm water still spraying down on us, as I lock my knees to keep from collapsing to the floor.  He fights a smile the whole time, looking up at me through wet lashes.  He makes salacious, disgusting and perverted noises as he works on me.

I come in moments.

We spend a little longer cleaning each other again.

I loan him some sweatpants and one of my oversized graphic t-shirts.  It’s one of the cover designs for my book during one of its first print runs.  I laugh at the irony as he proudly throws it on.  He wraps me in a hug and kisses my laugh away, so I’m left to moan against his lips instead.

We finally order pizza.  I eat a whole one by myself.  Apparently the stress of running lines for a sex scene with your celebrity crush and then sex (twice) with your celebrity crush will make you famished as fuck.  I finish off half the garlic bread for good measure.

“That’s hot,” Sasuke comments as an inhumanly loud belch escapes my lungs.

“Thanks!” I say, unapologetic.  He laughs and kisses pizza sauce off my cheek.

We fall asleep again, something playing on the television in my room.  Sasuke has wrapped his arms around my middle.  He’s warm and a welcome weight against me.  His soft snoring against my chest a constant reminder of what happened here tonight.  

-

I’m startled awake when something crashes against the wall and a notable fuck is hissed into the grey of the room.  I look around, utterly confused as to what year it is.  Or if this is even reality.  Sasuke is a shadow in my room, shuffling back into the clothes he arrived in.  He fell against the wall pulling his pants on.

His eyes dart to me, noticing I’m awake.

“What time is it?” I ask, not really wanting to know the answer if it’s any time I think it is.

“Four AM,” Sasuke answers.  He finishes zipping up his jacket.  “I have to be on set in an hour.”

“Gross,” I whine.

He chuckles, and I realise how used to that sound I’m becoming.  How welcome it is in our conversations.

The mattress dips as he kneels on it, hands either side of my face, bangs trailing softly against my cheeks.

“The glorious life of an actor,” he explains.

I sniff, still half asleep.  “You should quit.”

“Then you’d have no goth ninja boyfriend for your movie,” he says on a laugh, grazing our noses together.

“That’s fine,” I say, half heartedly.  “Just stay here and be my goth ninja boyfriend.”

He follows my lead, arms hooked around his neck, pulling him down to press his morning chilled lips to mine so I can warm them.

“I already am,” he whispers.  It’s kind of a corny line, but I’ll take it.

Then all over again I remember what he’s doing today.  Who he’ll be doing it with.  That burning jealousy is back, blazing hot iron in my stomach this time.  I have to remember he’s an actor.  It’s just a scene.  He’ll pour everything into it and it will still mean nothing once he returns to me at the end of the day.

I must have remained silent and sulking for too long because he kisses me harder.  I welcome it, morning breath and all.

“I’m taking you out tonight,” he announces, crawling off me to jam his feet into his sneakers.

I sit up a little, watching him struggle as he refuses to untie the laces.

“Yeah?” I'm unbelievably excited already.  

“Yeah.”

The room is only a little brighter now, the sun now taking away that morning shadow that coats everything just before dawn, and I can see Sasuke’s face in full.  His cheeks are still a little red.  His eyes glistening.  His jacket collar pressed up around his neck, and I’m suddenly grateful I had half the presence of mind not to give him any hickeys; I don’t think he wants to have to explain that to the make-up artists.  

He’s gorgeous.

And mine.

Then he stands up straight, face completely morphing into something serious, and distant, and familiar.

“‘The dawn changes nothing.’”  Amaterasu’s voice taking over Sasuke’s, yet they still mesh to become one and the same.  I want to laugh.  I want to kick.  I want to scream.  

I roll my eyes.  “Okay!  Get out of here!”

“‘Nothing has changed from last night.  Every promise I made is still yours, and I will return to fulfil them.’”

“Wow, I write annoying dialogue.”  I’m not going back to sleep anytime soon, so I pick up Sasuke’s leftover pizza from the floor and start picking off the pineapple.  Sasuke is gazing at me like I’m not naked and not licking cold grease off my fingers.

My face cracks into the dorkiest grin.

“You’ll be great,” I tell him.

He shares my smile.  My joy.  

“I’ll do you justice,” he promises, so sure of himself.  

“I know you will,” I reply.  I would never have expected anything else.  “It’s like the part was made for you.”

[micahabram]

Saw this advice on Twitter today, and I think it's going to end up being useful for me. 🥹 Thought I'd share it with y'all, too.

[rainbowrowell]

2 years ago today

[rainbowrowell]

True fact: After Wayward Son, I didn’t think I could process/manage reader response to Any Way the Wind Blows — so I picked about five smart, funny, unhinged people on Tumblr and pretended you were the only readers who existed. (This was during the pandemic when it was still easy to pretend the outside world wasn’t real.) This did *wonders* for my mental health.

“Do people like AWTWB?”

“I have no idea. But my five favorite Tumblr readers are puking hearts, so I’m completely at peace.”

I am in your debt.

[seb-writess]

Exactly You

Pairings: Naruto/Sasuke

Tags: Modern AU, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fake Dating, There’s Only One Bed, Implied Sexual Content, Internalised Homophobia, Biphobic and Homophobic Language, Bisexual Erasure, 

Summary:

“But…why’d ya tell him it was me? I’m definitely not Uchiha material.”

“You’re my best friend. You’re just…the first person I thought of when I was trying to make this lie work. We’re so close anyway, it was easiest to sell it if it was you.”

Naruto sighs with his whole body. He does everything with his whole body. It’s one of the first things I noticed about him. One of the first things I hated about him.

One of the first things about him I fell in love with.

“Now I’ve told Itachi so many details specific to you,” I continue. “It won’t work unless it’s exactly you.”

In a desperate bid to have Itachi stop setting him up on pointless blind dates, Sasuke enlists Naruto's help. Now, they're sequested to a private house with the intimidating Itachi Uchiha, and his group of loyal frat boys. Naruto begins to learn first hand why Sasuke loathes his brother so much, along with the other deep secrets Sasuke has kept locked away inside a frozen heart. Good thing they're on a mountain in the middle of winter with snow around the corner. That should be enough to keep those secrets frozen shut.

Status: Complete (26,000 words)

READ UNDER THE CUT

I am so fucked.

“Excuse me?” I say into the phone, my voice betraying me with a tremble I don’t give it permission to have.

“I said,” Itachi repeats on the other end, deep voice sure and poignant.  In a ‘no nonsense’ voice.  In a ‘I’m speaking to you and you will listen’ voice.  “Bring your boyfriend to the family reunion this week.”

I swallow.

“He’s busy.”

“With what?  It’s winter break.  I thought you two would be ecstatic for the free time together.”

“Yeah, but because I made plans, he made plans.  And now he’s busy.”

Itachi goes silent.  My mouth goes dry.

“Don’t you think it’s weird I haven’t met him yet?” he asks.

“No,” I say quickly.  “I don’t think that’s weird at all.”

“And what does it say about the man who thinks he’s worthy of my precious baby brother that he can’t step up and meet the family he’s marrying into?”

I bite my lip.  “Don’t talk like that.  It’s creepy.”

“Don’t change the subject.”

I slam a fist into my forehead.  My sweat band comes slightly loose with the action.  I always have the worst trouble keeping my bangs out of my face.

“I thought you said he didn’t have a family of his own,” Itachi continues.

“Yeah, but-”

“So tell him that if he wants to keep seeing you, he better realise that this is important and come with you to the reunion.”

I swallow.  Lick my lips.  It’s too cold inside my apartment to sweat, but I start trembling at my dining table.

“It’s not that simple-”

“Actually, it is, Sasuke.”

Fuck, I hate when he gets like this.  No nonsense.  No budging.  No room for argument.  It’s no different from when I was eight and wouldn’t clean my room.  It’s just as annoying, and just as impossible to pass.

Itachi continues, “This is an important family-”

“Like you’d ever let me forget.”

“-and we want important people coming into it.”

“We’re not even that serious!”

“Oh, you’re not?”

Shit.  Fuck.

“I mean, like, we’re serious enough to be talking about moving in together,” my words come out sounding fake.  And if I can hear it, Itachi can definitely hear it.  “But marriage is like…way, way down the road.”

“Serious enough to move in together but not serious enough to meet the family?”

“Well-”

“Sasuke.”  It’s that tone.  That fucking tone.  I’ve lost this argument.  I lost it when it began.  “Bring him to the reunion, or I’m going to have to assume you’re making him up.”

My only saving grace is that Itachi can’t hear how badly I’m shaking right now.

“I’m not,” I croak.

“Good.  Then I can’t wait to meet him.”

He hangs up.  Conversation fucking over.

I pull my phone away from my face, my sweat band coming loose completely and my bangs fall over my eyes.  I hardly notice.

I am so fucked.

“Which ones?” Naruto holds up two bouquets of flowers to me.  One is bright, pink daisies, the other is a hoard of garish, yellow roses.  I flinch away from the onslaught of sweet scent they bring with them.

“Don’t you think flowers are a little predictable?” I ask.  “Shouldn’t you be trying something more personal if you’re going to win her back?”

Naruto’s eyes keep flicking back and forth between the flowers in his hands.

“What do you mean?  Girls love flowers!”

I sigh.

Naruto puts the daisies down, and makes his way over to a different stand.  The weekend market bustles around us.  It’s full of noise and motion and people.   I hate people.  But if I’m going to get through this, I’m going to need Naruto’s help.  Which means playing best fucking friend in anyway he needs.

A gust of wind bellows and I pull my jacket tighter around me.  Did I mention it’s five in the morning in the middle of winter and way too fucking cold to be flower shopping?

“What about a cactus?” he asks.

I can’t help it.  I laugh.  “‘Cause nothing says ‘babe, take me back, I’ve changed’ like a cactus.”

“Well, it might, if the cactus could talk!”

I laugh again.

I don’t know how serious Naruto was about the suggestion, but he seems to see it for the horrible idea it is as he makes his way past them to look at the lilies displayed in their intricate glass vases.

I’ve been looking for a gap in the conversation all morning, but so far most of our talk has been taken up by Naruto’s girlfriend.  Ex-girlfriend, actually.

They broke up a week ago, and Naruto has been steadfast on finding ways to win her back ever since.  It would be endearing, if it weren’t so completely heartbreaking to watch.  I can’t believe she’s making him grovel like this, and then has the mind to call him disingenuous.  Naruto couldn’t really explain it to me, partly because I don’t think he really understands it himself, but she broke up with him because she felt he didn’t really know her.  She felt like whenever they were together, his attention was somewhere else.

Probably, because it’s Naruto, who I don’t think has paid attention to one, single thing since the day he was born.  But because it’s Naruto, she should have seen how incredible that makes him.  He doesn’t notice a goddamn thing in the details, but he’s incredible at taking in the big picture.  At making you see yourself the way he sees you.

How else would someone like him stand my asshole attitude long enough to become friends with me?

That she can’t appreciate that, in my unbiased opinion, is her loss.

Naruto doesn’t think so.  He’s set on showing her he can be it all.  

It that way, we’re so similar.  Naruto has spent his whole life attempting to be everyone’s idea of enough, when he’s never needed to be more than himself.

If it sounds like I’m in love with him, it’s because I am.  I’ve gone and accepted my lot in life long ago, cursed to harbour feelings that will never be returned.  I’m a walking stereotype.  The queer man falling for his straight best friend.

Which is what’s going to make it so much more awkward to ask this favour.

“Naruto,” I start, knowing this shred of courage is going to leave fast if I don’t wrangle it around the neck like a snake.  “You know how I have that reunion with my family coming up?

Naruto rips his eyes away from a display of artificially dyed, blue azaleas.  When they sway close to his eyes, they make the colour of them shine.

“Yeah,” he says carefully.  “The one you always come back from acting like your soul has been pecked out of your eyes by demon chickens?” I blink, surprised at the avid description he’s taken, and nod.  “Remind me again why you keep going to this thing every year when it seems like you’d rather chew loose screws in your cereal?” 

Naruto has moved onto the artificially dyed, pale pink azaleas.  They don’t suit his skin tone.

“It’s not all bad,” I try.  I kind of hoped Naruto would have forgotten how un-excited I am for this trip every year.  That he wouldn’t have another reason to say no.  “Would you, I don’t know, maybe, want to come?  Maybe it’ll be bearable with you there.”

Naruto stands up straight.  He’s only half a head taller than me, but he’s got twice as much muscle.  I always feel like I’m craning my neck back to look at him.

“Seriously?”  He doesn’t sound totally enamoured by the idea, but he does seem curious.  I nod again.  “But I thought it was like, an exclusive Uchiha thing?”

I roll my eyes.  “Itachi invites half of his frat house.  I don’t see why I can’t invite just one friend to save me from their constant bickering despite promising they’re brothers and they love each other.”

Naruto grins at me.  “So, you’ll invite your honorary brother too?”

I have to strain my face to stop myself from frowning.  I hate when he calls us brothers.  To him, I might as well be.  We’ve been pretty much inseparable since our first year of college.  Even once we graduated and went out into the real world and got real world jobs, I’ve spent more time at his apartment than my own.  

Until he got a girlfriend, and it became about prioritising his relationship with her over his relationship with me.

Look.  I get it.  I’d prioritise anyone sucking my dick over him too.  I just never liked anyone enough to let them.

When they broke up, it was hard for him.  I’d spend nights on his couch while he laid across my lap.  He never cried, I don’t even know if he was ever that depressed over it.  He kind of just went really quiet.  He seemed to accept it fairly quickly though, and I thought that’d be the end of it.  Except he woke up one day with a fire up his ass, exclaiming he wasn’t going to let her go.  He was going to win her back.  Now, if I ever want to hang out, it’s under the pretence of performing an activity that may (but probably won’t) win her affections again.

It’s also what’s going to make convincing him of this next part so hard.

“Yeah, about that.”  Naruto is still facing me.  He’s raised a blonde eyebrow, the roses he’s still holding limp in his hand.  “At this thing, I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend.”

He drops the flowers.

I paid for the damaged flowers as quickly as I could and ran after Naruto, who is trying his level best to disappear into the crowd.  I can recognise the hunch of his shoulders and the dart back and forth of his head that he’s not angry, just anxious.  Overwhelmed.  I don’t blame him.

“Naruto!” I call after him, trying to push through everyone getting in my way.  “Naruto, wait!”

He finally stops beside a drinks vendor.  The vendor gives us a puzzled look.  I know what this must look like.  Naruto, looking like he just swallowed a lemon whole and me, running after him through a crowd, clutching a bouquet of flowers.

Yeah, yeah, old man.  None of your business.  Move on.

“Naruto.”  I’m panting.  My breath comes out in white clouds.  Naruto finally turns to me.

“You want me to what now?”

He looks spooked.  I suck in a deep breath.

“I,” my voice gets stuck.  I clear my throat, and try again.  “I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend.”

Naruto lets out a very undignified  “Huh?”

I steal myself.  I was prepared for this.  Of course he wouldn’t go along with it, no questions asked.  Who, in their right mind, would?

“Sasuke, I love you, bro,” he says.  I bite my tongue on the ‘bro’.  “But maybe not quite that much!”

I just need to explain to him why I need this.  He’ll understand.  It’s Naruto.  Be clear.  Be concise.  We can both get out of this unscathed.

“Look, it’s just that-”

“And besides!” He’s not listening.  He’s trying to get as many thoughts out of his head as he can before they swallow his brain.  “I don’t think my girlfriend is going to think I’m genuine about her if I go off and get a boyfriend like, two seconds after we broke up!”

“I’d just be a fake boyfriend.”

“That’s even worse,” he says, voice dark now.  “You see how that’s worse, right?  It’s kind of the definition of disingenuous.”

“Naruto…”

“And why me?  Ask Sakura!”  

“I’m not asking Sakura!”

“I know she never really got over you, but she’d be over the moon to pretend to be your girlfriend for a few days.”

“It can’t be Sakura.”

I’m making no sense.  I’m losing him and I’m making no sense.  Get your shit together, Uchiha!

“If it’s a gender thing, ask Sai.  Or Kakashi!” he insists.

“No, I can’t just…”

“Then again, Kakashi is the same age as Itachi.  That’d be kind of weird…”

“It has to be you,” I plead.

Another undignified “Huh?” leaves his mouth.  I press my knuckles into my forehead.  The lemonade vendor isn’t even pretending he’s not listening to us anymore.

“Or else-”

“Or else what?   Sasuke, this is crazy!  I’m not becoming a part of some fake dating trope with you.  Yes, you’re my best friend, but-”

“Naruto…” I hate how pathetic my voice has become.

“But don’t you see how weird it would be?”

“Naruto, it has to be you, or Itachi is going to marry me off.”

Naruto doesn’t have any more words; not even any more undignified “Huh?” s.

Let me explain from the beginning.

The Uchiha clan is predominant.  Prestigious.  Even after losing my grandparents and my parents, Itachi did a great job of going against the odds and expanding the Uchiha company beyond what anyone thought possible of a mere twenty-one year old fresh out of business school.  It was incredible to watch those old ass board members grovel for his forgiveness once they realised how much money he could rake in, all thanks to his intuition.  Intuition he definitely inherited from our father.  I admire him for that.

He’ll never hear me say it of course.

But being born into a great family comes with great expectations.  Itachi gave me until I graduated, but as soon as that cap was thrown into the air with celebratory jest, he was already on my case about marriage.  House.  Kids.

Heirs.

He’s so busy running the family, he has no time to do it himself, he would say.  It’s up to me, he’d tell me.  And I’d curse his name for even mentioning it to me.

But it got worse. 

And worse.

And worse.

The profiles of women he’d email me.  The blind dates he’d send me on.  It was driving me crazy.  So crazy, in fact, that one day during a particularly heated phone call, I said something I may come to regret.

“You have a boyfriend!?” Came his incredulous question.

Shit.

Shit fuck.

Shit fuck shit.

“Y-yeah?” I clear my throat, prepared to put more force behind it.  “Yeah.  I do.”

There’s a silence on the other end I don’t like.  I can almost hear Itachi calculating.

“When did this happen?” he asked.

“Just over a week ago,” I answered.  “We’ve been seeing each other for a while, but I was waiting for it to stick before I told you.”

Itachi tutted.  “Really?”

“Yeah.  Really.”

I could hardly believe it.  Was this all it would take?  A simple white lie and I would be free of his relentless pestering and insistent matchmaking?  Surely, it couldn’t be that easy.

Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.

“Where’d you meet him?”

“Uh…”

“You haven’t been seeing each other for so long you can’t remember where you first met?” Itachi asked, a voice I forgot he knew coming back into play.

“That’s not it!” I snapped.  How could this be falling apart so quickly?  It’s not like I’m a bad liar either, but something about Itachi makes it impossible to slip anything by him.  I seem to learn first hand more than anyone else why he’s so prolific in his own business and in the field.  “I was just…”

“Sasuke,” Itachi started.  “If you’re lying-”

“I’m not lying!” I sounded desperate, which meant I was seconds away from cracking.  I needed to sell this to him, and fast, before Itachi brushed it off as a little brother’s fantasy and sent me his new bingo book of bimbos.  

So I called on something he told me years ago, when I was trying to sneak my first cigarette past him.  He caught me easily enough, disappointment deep in the lines of his face.  But it wasn’t the smoking he was disappointed by, it was how I got caught so easily.  He sat me down and gave me this long ass lecture, about the principles of building a good lie.  The best lies, he’d said, are founded in the truth.

If you lie about what you know, it’s easier for yourself to believe it.  Which makes it easier for them to believe it.

Blonde hair, blue eyes, a sunshine smile.  He appears to me in a vision of fangs and whisker tattoos and terrible bed hair he never makes an attempt to tame.

“We met in college.  In my photography elective,” I answered, and finally, the words began to sound real.  “We were partnered for a class exercise.  We hated each other at first, and after he pushed me into the campus fountain because I called him a dumbass one too many times, I decided, hey, this is the dumbass for me.”

Itachi laughed.  Well, scoffed.  Which meant I was selling it.

“Okay, that does sound like you.”

I allowed myself a victory smile.

“What does he do for a job?” Itachi asked.

“He’s a delivery biker for a ramen shop on the corner of his street.  Pretty good ramen, too.  But he wants to open his own business.”

“Doing what?”

This is where it would sound ridiculous.  Too ridiculous for Itachi, but ridiculous enough for it to sound real.

“A ninja dojo.”

Itachi laughed for real then.  “You’re kidding!?”

I shrugged, not caring Itachi found it amusing.  “You should see his business model.  I think you’d be impressed.”

“Okay, what’s his name?”

I knew the minute I told him, Itachi was going to go through my instagram feed to find him, assess his value as a prospective partner and, worst of all, find out this man is not dating me.

“Don’t even think about it,” I snarled.  “You’re not cyber stalking my boyfriend.”

Itachi made a noise.  “If I wanted to find him, I could.”

I rolled my eyes, but made it a little more audible for him by clicking my tongue.  “Itachi.  Seriously.  He’s good.”  Too good for me, but lies are all about the details, even the ones you don’t tell.  “I don’t need you scaring him off.  You want me to marry eventually, don’t you?”

Itachi hummed.  “Fine.  No cyberstalking.  For now.”

I breathed a sigh of relief.

“I can’t wait to meet him,” Itachi continued.

We said our goodbyes and I ended the call, muttering to myself.

“Like that’ll ever happen.”

And I truly thought that would be the last of it.

My mistake.

After that, Itachi asked new details about him every time we spoke.

“If I’m not allowed to cyberstalk him, I have to get my information from somewhere.”

The first few weeks, I just gritted my teeth, and relayed any facts Itachi deemed interesting enough to want to know.  After Itachi felt like he knew enough about my boyfriend himself, he asked what we had been doing.  So I’d tell him.

We went to the beach in the summer.  Sand and waves and sun clinging to his hard body as he threw me into the water.  Itachi didn’t need to know we were part of a group, and part of that group was his very real girlfriend.  

Naruto took me to the movies when I was upset over a project gone wrong at work.

He had let me choose everything.  The snacks.  The drinks.  The movie, even though he hates horror.  I had let him hold my hand the whole time.  

Luckily, to the untrained ear, it sounded like a date any time Naruto and I hung out, and I found I could sell it as such if I leant into the small things.  Like how cute Naruto looked cowering against my shoulder.  How good he looked sunbathing on the towel beside me.  How kind he was, even when I was being an arrogant prick and didn’t deserve it.

“You’re really taken with this guy, huh?” Itachi asked me one night.  I made a noise in the back of my throat.  A pained noise.

“Yeah.  I am.”

I think that was the only time no part of what I said was a lie.

I was doing a pretty good job of putting off making it any kind of real.  Even if Itachi was in town, I’d say my boyfriend had friends to see.  If he was around, and Itachi would ask to speak with him over the phone, I’d say he didn’t want to leave a bad impression and have their first meeting without the face to face.  

I knew I was stretching it thin.  I just hadn’t realised how thin until the thread didn’t just snap, Itachi slashed through it with a knife.

Naruto stares at me across the space between us.  His mouth had been falling further and further open with every minute I spoke as I told him everything.  Now that I’m done, I realise my coffee has gone cold in my hands.  I take a sip anyway.

“Geez, Sasuke!” Naruto says, scratching the back of his head.  “That’s…heavy.”

I grimace.  I hate him thinking I’m any kind of weak.  I’m not weak; I could have handled this entirely myself if my brother wasn’t literally the fucking worse.  Trying to get me tied up with a wife and, when that didn’t work, trying to get tied up in my love life anyway.

Even my fake one.

“But…why’d ya tell him it was me?   I’m definitely not Uchiha material.”

I swallow more of my cold coffee.

Okay, maybe I didn’t tell him everything.   Of course I certainly wasn’t going to tell him I thought of him first because he’d be my ideal boyfriend anyway, and that I'm obsessively in love with him.

“You’re my best friend.”  I’m not going to call him my brother.  “You’re just…the first person I thought of when I was trying to make this lie work.  We’re so close anyway, it was easiest to sell it if it was you.”

Naruto sighs with his whole body.  He does everything with his whole body.  It’s one of the first things I noticed about him.  One of the first things I hated about him.  

One of the first things about him I fell in love with.

“Now I’ve told Itachi so many details specific to you,” I continue.  “It won’t work unless it’s exactly you.”

Naruto groans, throwing his head between his knees in the chair.  A few others in the coffee shop turn to glare at him.  I glare back at them.

I can see this falling apart in front of me.  I can see, now, what exactly it is I’m asking of him.  How much of him I’m taking away just so he can give it to me.  

“I’m sorry,” I tell him.  “I know this is too much for you.  I’ll tell Itachi…”  The truth?  Fuck no, I’d rather lie in a bed of snakes.  “I’ll tell him we broke up.  Or something.”  I can tell Naruto’s eyes are on me now, assessing my expression.  I try to keep it as neutral as possible.  “Maybe I can sell the heartbreak enough he’ll leave me alone for a few days.”

I meet Naruto’s eyes.  He’s got a certain look he gets when he’s really thinking.  When he’s seeing clearer than ever, can see the pathways set before him, and is taking his time choosing the correct one.  I’ve only seen that look a few times before, but it’s always breathtaking to watch his blue, round eyes fill with an indescribable emotion.

“He’s really just going to assign you a wife?” Naruto asks.

I bite my lip, and nod.

“Does he even know you’re bisexual?”

I shake my head.

Naruto crosses his arms, frowns, and sighs again.

“I’ll do it.”

No.  No fucking way.

“Really?” I ask, terrified to, less he change his mind.

Naruto groans.  “Yeah, I’ll do it.”  Regret already sits between his eyes, but he’s doing an excellent job of trying to erase it.  “I mean, I don’t want to be the best man at a wedding even you don’t want to be at.”

I laugh, relief leaving my lungs.  Naruto smiles at me.

“Naruto, you have no idea how much this means to me,” I force myself to say.  My voice is shaking.  I’m not good at the getting sappy thing.  It’s why I’d make a terrible boyfriend anyway.

“Yeah, I do,” Naruto insists.  Then he sits up straight, like he’s been poked with an idea.  “But you can’t tell my girlfriend about this!”

I scoff.  “Like I’d ever.  It’s embarrassing enough asking you.”

“I suppose I can work on getting her back from…where is this thing?”

“We have a winter house at the base of Mount Hokage.”

Naruto’s eyes light up.  “Woa!  You have a house all the way up there?  That’s like, bougie country!”

I try not to spit.  “It’s not bougie country!”

“Sasuke, as someone who has looked on in wonder his whole life wondering how the other half live, I can tell you, that’s bougie country!”

I groan.  I don’t let Naruto see my family’s wealth very often.  Mostly because, if I had a choice in the matter, I wouldn’t have anything to do with it at all.  I’ve worked my whole life for my own rewards.  I pay for my own apartment.  Won my own sports scholarship.  Everything in my apartment and on my back I’ve worked my own sweat out for.  I haven’t touched my family’s money in years.

Naruto knows we’re rich.  Everyone knows I’m famous.  Uchiha is a pretty unforgettable name (regrettably) and it’s what anyone zeroes in on the moment I introduce myself.  Except Naruto.  Naruto didn’t know who the fuck I was the day we met, and even when he found out, he didn’t care.

But Naruto has never seen how rich we are.  Honestly, I’d kind of hoped to go my whole life without him ever seeing it.  It’s not important.  It’s never been an issue in our friendship.  He’s the only person who has always known me outside my name or my family or my wealth.  I was kind of hoping he’d continue to know me like that.

“Fine!” I bend.  “It’s kind of, sort of, maybe a little ritzy up there.”

Naruto’s eyes go wide.  They sparkle in the setting winter sun.  “Do you have a whole mansion?”

I feel a muscle in my eye twitch.

“Maybe.”

His face breaks into a grin.

“I knew it!”

I roll my eyes.  

“Shut up, moron!  It’s not actually a big deal.”  Please don’t make it a big deal.

Naruto’s grin is huge.  “Well, if I have to spend my break single, sort of, at least I get to spend it in style!”

This whole thing is a mess, but at least I get to hear the hitch in Itachi’s breath when I tell him I spoke to my beloved boyfriend and he has valiantly agreed to come with me on winter break and meet the family.  He wasn’t counting on that, but I’ve always been good at calling his bluff when he’s called mine.

I break it all down for Naruto, who I see regretting this with each new piece of information I throw at him.  A week later, I somehow get him packed and into the car before he changes his mind.  I figure if I at least don’t talk about it during the drive up, he might not tuck and roll into the snow in a bid to escape.

He’s still abnormally silent.  Any kind of silence is abnormal for Naruto, but something specific is eating away at him.  I squeeze the steering wheel, my knuckles white despite the heater keeping my fingers warm.  

“Sasuke,” he says tepidly.

I try not to snap, to not let my impatience show.  It’s not like I could say anything if he chose to pull out now.  I couldn’t even blame him, but reserve the right to be extremely pissed.

“What is it?”

There’s a long moment of silence.  The radio is on but the volume is low.  

“We’re not gonna have to like, ya know…kiss?  Are we?”

I commend myself for not immediately swerving into the line of trees bordering the road.  My face flashes hot.  My eyes dart to the rearview mirror, making sure I can absolutely keep my face in check before I have this conversation with him.

“In front of my brother?  Fuck no!”

“Okay.”

I can tell he’s still worried about this.  I let out a frustrated sigh.  I can’t lie; I’m a little offended he’s so turned off by the idea of kissing me at all.

“Naruto, I promise you,” I say in what is a much gentler voice.  “Of everything that comes out of this weekend, kissing me will not be one of them.”

“Okay,” he says again, and I can tell he’s still not convinced.  “Just…couples kiss and all.  And it might poke a hole in the story if we don’t do…something.”

I’ve thought of this.  Of course I’ve thought of this.  I was just banking on the fact that Naruto is already an overly, physically affectionate person, and that my brother might mistake his usual, friendly, brohood touches for something meant to be more intimate, and only for me.  Not something he does with literally every one of his guy friends.

“We can hold hands.”  I hate how hot my cheeks get at even the thought of something so innocent.  “That’s enough PDA for anyone, let alone a room full of my relatives.”

“Okay.”

He sounds a little more sure this time.

“Why?  Don’t you want to kiss me?” I ask, trying to lighten the mood.  “I’m too ugly for you, is that it?”

“Fuck off.  You know you’re gorgeous,” he says immediately.  

If he notices my face, I’m going to blame it on the car’s heater.

We spend a few minutes in what is noticeably a more comfortable silence, and then Naruto is grabbing the AUX chord and plugging in his own music.  Normally, I’m steadfast on the ‘my car, my music’ rule, but considering Naruto is sticking everything out for me this week, I let him have it and pretend I can stand his shitty hip-hop as we make our way further and further into the country.

Two hours later, and Naruto is getting his first view of the place I used to call home every winter break.

“This shit is huge!” He exclaims.  “Is that a jacuzzi on the balcony?”

I roll my eyes.

“It’s really not that impressive.”

“Shut up, rich boy!  If I have to date you this week, I’m taking full advantage of the perks!”

I can’t roll my eyes any harder; they’ll pop out of my sockets.  I just snort and shut the engine off.

Within moments, a figure appears on the aforementioned balcony.  Long, black hair frames so many of the same features I share with him and my late father.  We even have the same trouble keeping our bangs out of the way.  He waves to us from the railing.  I open the door far enough to flip him the finger.

“Woa, your brother’s…intimidating,” Naruto says.  I can hear in his voice the hesitation coming creeping back.  I better get him into the house before he attempts to run all the way home.

“That’s putting it lightly,” I reply.

“What is it your family does again?”

“Private investigation.”

Naruto chokes on air.  “What?”

I pause on my way out of the car.  “What?”

“Your brother is a spy?” Naruto chokes out again.

“No?  He’s a PI.  That’s totally different.”

“And judging by the size of this house, a really good PI.”  I mean yes, but also, for the love of god, don’t read anything into it. Naruto’s fear is growing in his voice and in his eyes.  “Sasuke, won’t it only take him like, five minutes of internet research to realise we are both big, fat liars?  My instagram is not exactly rainbow pride flags and declaring my love for you or anything.”

I hate that my blush comes back in full force.  I also hate that we’re having this argument in full view of Itachi, who was already ready to come at us with a fine tooth comb.

“Your instagram is private,” I remind Naruto.  “And I’ve told him from the beginning to not go investigating your life.  Mostly to protect your privacy, but also for this very reason.”

Naruto grumbles.  “This shit just got so much harder.”

He throws his head back against the headrest, making a soft thunk.   He shuts his eyes, brows drawn together.  His anxiety is set in the shape of his mouth and his fists clenched in his lap.  Before I can tell him he doesn’t have to do this, that I’ll drive him back and face Itachi later, my door is flung the rest of the way open and a familiar blue head of hair pops into my line of sight.

“Well, well, well!  If it isn’t the happy couple!”

Fuck.

“Hey, Kisame,” I greet with about as much enthusiasm as either Naruto or I feel for this situation.

“Bit early for a lover’s quarrel, innit?”

Naruto laughs nervously beside me.

Kisame disappears to pop the boot and grab our bags.  I look at Naruto, who is doing a very good job of not looking at me.  Fantastic.  

“Naruto,” I say gently, “It’s okay if you want to-”

“Okay!” he shouts suddenly.  He wears a look of determination he wasn’t wearing before, eyes wide, blue and fixed on something I can’t see.  I’ve always envied his talent for being rid of any feelings he doesn’t want like it's as easy as cleaning out the fridge.  “Let’s do this!”

Then he’s pushing his own car door and practically leaping out of the car.  I hear a “Shit!  It’s cold!”, and after a few moments to reflect on how good of a friend he is, I follow him out.

“Shit!  It’s cold!” I repeat as a gust of wind hits me.

Naruto is helping Kisame with the bags while simultaneously introducing himself for real.  I attempt to take a bag from him.

“Nah, babe!  I got this!”

Babe?

We hadn’t agreed on any pet names.  And now that I think about it long enough, we haven’t agreed on much of anything.  The ‘absolutely no kissing’ was really the only boundary we set up.  In my honourable idea to not talk about it in case Naruto changed his mind, I’m realising now how badly we should have talked about it.

It’s fine.  I’m good with a pet name or two.  My rapidly beating heart will get used to it.

We make our way up the driveway, Naruto lugging our duffels, teeth chattering the whole way.

“How is it so cold and there’s still no snow?” he whines as we finally get inside.  The heat of the house is a welcomed greeting.

“We’re still too far down the mountain for that,” a voice says, cold and smooth as the owner descends the staircase.  “We might get some ice later in the week, but if you want any real cold weather, you’ll have to travel further up.”

Itachi Uchiha is a business man first and a family man second.  Or in my case, he’s always both.  I still hate how good it feels when he encompasses me in a hug.  Damn him.

“Welcome home, brother,” he says in my ear.

“This isn’t my home,” I reply, but I hug him back anyway.

“And this must be the man of the hour,” Itachi says when he pulls away, focusing now on Naruto completely.  “And do I finally get the honour of knowing the name of the man who is tasked with protecting my little brother’s heart?”

Gag me.

“Naruto!” Naruto takes it in good nature, clasping Itachi’s hand and shaking it.  “Naruto Uzumaki!”

“Uzumaki?” Itachi questions.  “Have I heard that somewhere before?”

Naruto shrugs, completely oblivious.  “Beats me!  I don’t know any of my family.”

A silence that could be construed as awkward takes up the room.

“Really?  Interesting.”  Itachi says, and means it.  I can see Naruto instantly regretting disclosing this fact, especially now knowing what Itachi does for a living.  What he created an empire doing.

“Well, ya know…maybe I’m lucky last?” His voice cracks.

“Naruto, this is Itachi,” I say, by way of changing the subject to anything else.  “And his assistant-slash-bodyguard-slash-whatever the fuck they do behind closed doors, Kisame.”

Kisame grins wide, flashing razor sharp teeth, and chuckles.

“Cool!” Naruto exclaims, and reaches out to shake Kisame’s hand too.

I should have known he’d be good at this.  He’d be good at leaping into this den of dogs like it’s nothing.  Naruto has an unquestionable ability to make friends out of whoever he meets, but I feel like he’s about to face his biggest challenge.  

“The others coming?” I ask.  There’s a definite hope in my voice that Itachi is about to turn around and say no.

“Yes, of course,” Itachi replies.  Dammit.  “Deidara and Sasori will be here tonight.  Nagato is arriving tomorrow morning-”

“You invited Pain?”

“He’s family, Sasuke.”

“He’s fucking weird, Itachi.”

“ -and Zetsu will arrive tomorrow afternoon.”

“If everyone is getting here tomorrow, why did you make a big deal out of telling me I had to be here today?”

Itachi only smiles.  It’s easy and humourless and to anyone else, handsome and calming.  To me, it just means he was always up to no good.

“To get to know your new beau out of the way of all those prying eyes, of course.”

I glance at Naruto, who is doing a great job of pretending like he isn’t officially realising just what he signed up for, none of it is good, and freaking the fuck out.

Forget appeasing Itachi and getting him off my back re: marriage; by the end of this, I’m going to be lucky to even keep Naruto as a friend.

There’s only one bed.

How did I forget that, obviously, there will only be one bed?

“Is this alright?” Itachi asks behind us as he follows us into one of the main guest rooms.  I thought he’d let me have my usual room, that’s fitted with just a king single, and give Naruto a cot in the corner to sleep on.  I was going to insist Naruto take the bed.  Itachi, in his own words, was having none of it, and allowed us one of the bigger rooms for our stay.  “I wouldn’t want you two love birds sleeping apart for so long.”

“Why do you have to be so creepy?” I snarl.  He only laughs.

“Well, get situated and come down stairs later.  We’ll give Naruto the tour.”

He leaves us alone, shutting the door behind him.

It’s so uncomfortably silent.  

“So…uh…”

“I’ll take the floor,” I say immediately.

Naruto fixes wide eyes on me.  “Wha-  You don’t have to do that.”

“This weekend is already shit enough for the both of us; I don’t need you losing sleep because of it.”

“Yeah, but we could just-”

“Anyway,” I interrupt, terrified of what he was going to say next.  “We should unpack, because once the others get here, Itachi will expect us to be present in polite company.”

I can’t help the sneer that leaves my voice at the mention of the others, but I move to start unpacking anyway.  If I know Naruto (and I do) he’d live out of his duffle bag for the duration of his stay.  So I start unpacking for him, too.

“Your brother is so commanding.  It’s like he takes up the whole room as soon as he walks into it,” Naruto says.  He’s moved across the room to look over the knickknacks gathered across the bookshelf.  All of them are decorative; none of them have any sentimental value.

“I think he gets it from dad, and I don’t think it’s something you can just learn.  He and dad used to fight just as much as they used to bond.”

I don’t realise I’ve said too much until I’ve said too much.  I keep my eyes steadfastly focused on unruffling Naruto’s one, good dress sweater I made him pack.

“I’ve never heard you talk about your parents,” Naruto says, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

“I don’t make it a habit,” I reply.

“Is it hard?”

I turn to him now, and see the blazing curiosity in his eyes.  Yes, Naruto doesn’t have parents either, but he also never knew them.  He doesn’t have much frame of reference when it comes to mourning, and despite how young I was when the accident happened, I still have vague shapes and sounds that resemble the memories I have with my own parents.

“Yes,” I answer honestly.  “It’s very hard.  It tends to make me angry.”

Naruto chuckles.  “Yeah, I noticed.  This is also the only time you haven’t gotten pissy while talking about your family.”

I huff and move on to unpack my own clothes.  A quiet chime falls from Naruto’s pocket, and he brings it out to check the notification.

“Oh, right,” he says.  “I’ve got to try ringing her again.”

I make a face, then quickly hide it.  It’s so easy to forget Naruto is emotionally taken, even if not physically so.  He still hasn’t given up the chase.  She only answers his calls to tell him to stop calling, like a spoiled child.  If Naruto rang me every day just to say ‘hi’, ‘how are you’ and ‘I love you’, I’d deck anyone who got in my way of answering that call.

“You have a reminder on your phone for that?” I ask instead, ignoring the squeezing in my chest that never really goes away when Naruto’s girlfriend comes up.

“You know I’d forget my feet if they weren’t attached to me!”

“Sometimes I think you forget them anyway,” I reply.  He pokes his tongue out at me before heading into the ensuite to try his ex.  

When he’s gone, I let myself make as many faces as I want.

When we exit the room and make our way downstairs, Itachi doesn’t waste any time commanding our attention.

Just when I think Naruto’s eyes couldn’t possibly get any bigger, they seem to swallow his face as he twists his head every which way Itachi points as he rattles off the history of the house, right down to how the Uchiha clan won the wood for the third structural beam from the left in a duel against the clan across the river something-hundred years ago.  When will he realise this shit is only impressive to investors and his country club bumpkins?  Naruto’s attention is rapt, however, despite him not really taking in any of the information.  

He seems to enjoy the tour though, and finds the house huge and wondrous.

The sun begins to set over the valley, and just as we make it to the back deck, there’s a commotion from the front.  Loud yelling.  A lot of banging.  Naruto gives me a concerned look, and I only meet it with my own tired expression like I’ve been here before, and I’ve come to expect this.

Because I have and I do.

“You’re shitting me?” Comes a voice I hate that I recognise.  “It does not!”

“It does,” comes a much more calm but twice as insistent voice.

“You’re fucking crazy!”

Itachi chuckles as the voices grow louder and louder.

“Deidara.  Sasori.”  Itachi calls.  “Please.  We don’t have neighbours but we do have guests.”

Deidara, in sweats and a sleeveless shirt, strolls onto the deck.  Sasori follows him, in black jeans and a t-shirt.  Neither look dressed for mountain-side, cabin vacationing but I also know neither of them care.

“Oh, is this the little one’s little one?” Deidara asks, walking right up to Naruto.  I shove myself between them instantly.

“This is Naruto,” I say.  “My boyfriend.”

I can feel my voice catch on the word, still so foreign to me.  Knowing how uncomfortable Naruto is in this situation doesn’t help.

“Hey!” Naruto gives them a friendly wave.  Then his eyes flick between me and him and me and Sasori and me again.  I cock an eyebrow.  “You guys don’t share much resemblance.”

Deidara starts laughing.

I shoot him a glare.

“I’m not actually related to these idiots by blood,” I clarify.  “Thank god.”

“Oh c’mon, Sasuke!  Don’t be like that!” Deidara reaches up to ruffle my hair and I swat it away before he can try.  “We basically saw you in diapers!  I think we’re allowed to be family!”

“Not even in my grave,” I glower.

Deidara just keeps laughing.  Thankfully, Kisame chooses that moment to bring out a steaming dish of something that smells delicious.  Our stomachs growl simultaneously at the sight.

“So, when you call this a family reunion, you really mean…?” Naruto asks as we all sit down.

“It’s more of a reunion of the people we love, if we’re going to be specific,” Itachi answers.  “I know all of these men from college, and each were there for me during the darkest moment in my life.  Deidara and Sasori helped me with Sasuke when he was going through his rebellious phase.”

“Still am,” I grunt as I shove an entire roast potato into my mouth right off the serving dish.

“Kisame has been my partner since freshman year, when we were paired together for an economics assignment, and he hasn’t left my side since.”

“You’re fucking welcome.”

“And the others have helped in a variety of ways, from loaning me money or directly investing in Uchiha Investigations.  I owe them all.”

Naruto, like the sap he is, smiles at this.

“That’s kind of really cool.”

“You would think so,” I mutter.  Naruto looks at me, a question burning in his eyes.  I meet his look.

You’ll soon see, I mouth.

Naruto’s confusion doesn’t go away, but soon Deidara and Sasori have made themselves at home at the table and we start eating.  Admittedly, the food is really good.  I always eat well during this weekend, and drink even better.  Itachi is a collector of many things.  Ridiculously expensive alcohol being one of them.  He tries to keep it civil with some good, red wine but three bottles in between us all and we’re demanding the hard stuff.

The scotch burns in all the best ways as it goes down.

Naruto is having the time of his life.  Of course, being a previous frat boy himself, he gets along really well with them.  I have to keep telling myself that’s a good thing.  That if they like him, they’re less likely to go looking for holes in our relationship.  They’ll want it to be real.

“Okay, okay, enough!” Deidara is saying, sloshing his drink over the table and his words into the night.  “Naruto.  Sasuke.”  He addresses us with an almost alarming amount of seriousness for someone that drunk.  “Let’s get to the point.  How serious is this?”

I throw my head back and groan to the sky.  Kisame and Deidara immediately erupt into giggles.  

“Could we not, for five fucking minutes, talk about my relationship?” I ask.  My words are also sloshed.

“Why not?” Kisame demands.  “Now that you finally have one!  Itachi was about to go rogue if he didn’t hear of grandkids by Christmas.  I don’t know how none of us clocked you as a pansy before.”

My eyebrow twitches.  Here it comes.  I wish I had had the presence of mind before, when I was sober, to warn Naruto.  I didn’t mean to throw him into the deep end, and I now realise just how incredibly unprepared I am to fake this.

“Don’t call me that,” I say.  Plead.  It comes out a little watery.

“It makes sense,” Deidara tacks on.  “The nail polish.  The hair.  The jeans!”

“My style has nothing to do with my sexuality!”

Deidara just turns to giggle into Sasori’s shoulder.

“So what’s Naruto then?  Flavour of the week?” Kisame’s roar of laughter is ear splitting, teeth grating, headache inducing.  

Naruto is looking at me again, not with confusion, but with concern.

“Isn’t that what bis do?” Sasori asks, voice quiet and low, but I can tell from how glassy his eyes are that he’s just as drunk as the rest of them.  “Pass themselves around to what fits their needs.”

The implication of my sex life has me seeing red.

“It’s not really any of your business,” I snarl, glaring at him.  He simply shrugs, and downs the rest of his glass.

“‘Kay so, if you like both tits and dick,” Kisame starts, “Why choose the latter?  Why not make it easier on everyone and just date a girl?”

I’m so close to throwing myself across the table and strangling him, if it weren’t for the very real fact that he’s twice my size and has years of martial arts experience on me.  He’d flatten me in an instant.  He’s done it before.  Itachi didn’t do a thing to stop him then, and he wouldn’t now.

“I don’t think that’s how it works,” Naruto says, and I can hear in his voice how much he’s holding back.

“Can we stop talking about my sex life?” I cry.

“Why?  Does it still not exist?” Deidara rocks in his chair from his laughter.  

I bury my face in my hands and wish the floor to open up and swallow me whole.

“Sasuke?” Naruto whispers to me, but I can’t look at him.  

“Okay,” I say, standing up.  “You’ve all had enough.  We’re going to bed.”

I have to get him out of here.

“Oh, come on!” Deidara’s smile has turned evil.  Drunk and evil, what a mix.  “We’re just joking!”

I ignore him, tapping Naruto on the shoulder, gesturing he should follow me.  He hesitates, not wanting to be rude to his host, but begins to stand with me.

“Please, it’s fine,” Itachi is now saying.  He takes an extremely languid sip from his glass.  He’s clearly not as drunk as the rest of them, and is using that to his full advantage.  He loves having power over everyone in the room.  I was never an exception.  “It’s not all that serious anyway.”

This makes me pause in my quest to get the fuck out of here.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask, glaring at Itachi across the table.

He shrugs.  “You told me so yourself.”

I want to kick him.  

“I said we’re not serious enough for marriage,” I almost scream.  “But we’re plenty serious.”

I glance at Naruto out of the corner of my eye.  He’s fidgeting, unsure of himself, what part he plays in this group of strange men.  Like how I’ve felt my whole life.

“Really?” Itachi asks.

“Yes!  Really!” I’m snapping now.  He’s got me drunk and wound up and irritated.  He just stares at me, pensively.  Have you ever hated a human being so much it hurts?  

“Sasuke, we both know you can’t possibly be serious about this man.  Or any man, for that matter.  Kisame has made a point; when the time comes, you’ll choose what’s right.”

My jaw falls open.  I feel Naruto tense beside me.

“We’re plenty serious!” I am screaming now, teeth gnashing.

Deidara, Sasori and Kisame have exploded into laughter.  Itachi just raises one, condescending eyebrow.

“Let’s just go to bed,” Naruto pleads, taking my arm and trying to herd me away.  I follow him.  Does he know I’d follow him to the ends of the earth?  I rub my entire face with my palm.  We’ve been here less than a day and they’ve already embarrassed me, worked me up and made me regret folding to Itachi’s plan.  

Like I always do.

“I hate him!” I’m still screaming, and I don’t care who hears.  I can still hear the four of them joking and laughing and drinking downstairs.  Separate from reality but have sucked me in with them.  I slam the bedroom door shut.

“Sasuke,” Naruto tries.

“What kind of sick fuck does he have to be to always undermine me like that?  In front of the guys?  In front of you?”

“Sasuke.”

“I know what you’re going to say!” I round on Naruto.  I instantly regret it.  “I’m the problem!  I’m the one making a scene and causing a fuss and I can’t take a joke and…”

I’m enveloped by Naruto’s arms.  They’re big and warm and strong, but I’m frozen inside.  He pulls me to his chest, all the way in, so I can hear his heartbeat, loud and sure.  It sounds so reassuring.  Like he’s the only one alive in this house.  

“Sasuke, I’m sorry,” he says into my ear.  I shiver.  I blame it on the alcohol.

“What do you have to be sorry for?” I scoff.  

He pulls away and I mourn the contact.  He’s not looking at me.  He’s looking at the space between us, head bowed, eyes sad.

“I don’t know what I assumed about your relationship with your brother,” he starts.  “Like I said, you don’t really talk about your family, and you get mad when I ask, but I don’t know…I always just figured it was some kind of friendly, family rivalry.  Brothers fight, right?  You’re meant to say ‘I hate you’ and ‘you’re annoying’ when talking about family.  Right?”

My breathing is becoming uneven.  So is his.

“I didn’t realise you were always so…tortured….here.”

I laugh.  I force myself to laugh.  “Please!  I’m not some pick me princess stuck in a young adult novel!  I can take care of myself.”

He doesn’t let me turn away.  “But do you always have to?”

I’m scared to look at him.  Naruto has always had an unquestionable talent to make me raw with him.  To break off pieces of armour I hadn’t even realised had formed.  It’s why we’ve been friends for as long as we have.  It’s why I’m so fucking in love with him.

“It’s easier,” I admit.

I don’t think I’ve ever admitted that to anyone before.  When I finally face him again, he’s wearing a sad smile.

“Look, I can’t do much about your brother or his dickhead friends, but I am your boyfriend for the weekend.  Imaginary or not, it’s a boyfriend’s job to protect his…other…boyfriend?”  He gives me a nervous laugh.  “That made way more sense in my head.”

His whiskers are dusted with a light shade of pink.  It’s adorable.  

“My point is!” He crosses his arms, stands up tall, the way he does when he’s about to announce something archaic yet, at the same time, completely true.  “I’ve been kind of half-assing this, and that’s not right of me.”

I shake my head.  “I’ve asked something impossible of you.”

“Nah!” he suddenly says.  “Hard?  Maybe.  Impossible?  For you?  Never!”

My heart is pounding in my chest, making my head throb and my vision swim.  

“I’m gonna be the best boyfriend you’ve ever had!  Starting right now!  We’ll show those dickwads who is serious about who, then Itachi won’t dream of marrying you off.  Then you’ll find someone you really do care about, the person of your dreams and we’ll announce we amicably split because I couldn’t compete, and they loved you so fiercely, I wouldn’t dare!”

I can’t help it.  I start laughing for real.  I’m clutching my stomach and bending over, the alcohol finally warming my blood in all the right ways.

“You’re ridiculous!” I tell him.  Naruto only grins wider.

“Ridiculously right, maybe!”

I’m still laughing, and Naruto joins me, until we’re both trying to keep the other upright with how hard the joy and happiness takes, leaving us breathless.

“C’mon,” he says through dying giggles.  “You need to sleep this off.”

My own laughter finally bubbles out, and I start to grab blankets and pillows to make a nest for myself on the floor, but Naruto yanks it out of my hands and throws it back on the bed.

“Take the bed.”

I scowl, but the good feeling from before doesn’t really go away.  It’s really hard to get rid of it around Naruto.  “We’ve already talked about this.”

“Yeah, when I was being a shit boyfriend!  Now I’m better.  Take the bed, Sasuke.”

If he keeps talking like that, I’m going to die of a heart attack on this mountain and no way is Itachi burying me on Uchiha ground.

“Fine, just for tonight,” I mutter.  “Tomorrow, we switch!”

I might have said that last part too loud because from the other side of our door bursts a new round of laughter from Deidara, who is sufficiently drunk enough he’s stumbling through the halls.

“Didn’t take you for a switch, little one!” he calls.  I feel so gross, my skin dances on my arms.  Sasori must be with him because there’s multiple sets of footsteps thundering down the hall before they finally taper out.

“He’s kind of a creep,” Naruto comments.

“They’re all creeps,” I agree.

After changing into sweats and a long shirt, cleaning up and crawling under the covers, I feel the night start to catch up to me.  The feeling of being so under Itachi’s control, even as far as I’ve escaped, sitting heavily in my stomach.  That could also be all the scotch I drank.  I try not to barf, reminding myself it’s only for a few days.  Then I get to go home and pretend I’m nothing like him and not part of this cursed clan they call family.

I hear Naruto softly snoring already from the floor.  He’s like a cat; he truly can sleep anywhere.  His declaration from before settles in my chest.  His grin.  His eyes.  His loud voice promising, not his protection, but his guidance.  His help.  For once, it’s not just me picking up the pieces of myself like I’ve always had to.

Do you always have to?

I look at him, in the dark of the room, sprawled out under the blankets, and feel for the first time I’ve ever been in this house, maybe I don’t have to do this alone.

The morning brings a new drop in temperature and with it, hangovers for every one of us.  Every one of us except Naruto, who isn’t where he was when I fell asleep.  I groan.  Hiccup.  Squint against the light snaking in between the curtains.  I roll over, bury my face in my pillow, and try not to throw up.

Unfortunately, I’m not hungover enough to forget last night.

Their terrible, ear grating laughter and the words that caused it.  The sting of every accusation and perverse comment lashing against my skin.  How weak I felt trying, again and again, to pretend like it doesn’t bother me.

The bedroom door swings open.

“Sasuke?  Sasuke!  Look!” Naruto begins the morning like how he begins everything; with shouting.  I groan again in response.  “No, seriously!  You have to get up!”

I roll over to look, only so I can work up the strength to punch him for being so damn loud.

Naruto is balancing a bag of something in one hand and a tray of extremely tall coffees in the other.  My eyes zero in on the paper cups, and I lick my lips.  Naruto settles the bag beside me on the bed before plucking a coffee cup out of the holder and handing it to me.

“Is this…?”

“All black.  Triple shot.  No sugar.  No cream.”

I love you.

I sit up slowly and take the most tentative of sips.  It’s still piping hot.  I don’t know how Naruto ran up the side of a mountain when it's negative degrees outside with all this in just basketball shorts, a singlet and a backwards baseball cap.  He’s some kind of god to me.

“How is it still hot?” I croak.  My voice scratches on the way out.

“Oh!  I heated it up downstairs.”

Thank god he’s distracted digging out whatever else he has in his magic bag of tricks, because I might have made some very embarrassing declarations right now.

“But look!”

Finally, Naruto brings out a box of scones.  They look fluffy and would probably also still be warm if Naruto didn’t insist on exercising for his breakfast.  I recognise the bakery logo on the box.  I remember going there a tonne when I was a kid.  I haven’t been back there since my parents died.

“And they gave me homemade butter!  For free!”

With how excited Naruto’s face is, it might as well be Christmas.  It makes me smile.  It fills my heart with a little bit of hot air and makes me feel a little bit lighter.

We eat scones with fresh butter in bed, and sip our coffees while I nurse my hangover.  Naruto is showing me photos of the village he took on his phone, exclaiming how picturesque it looks.  I have to admit, it’s been years since I’ve viewed this place in the way Naruto does now.  I used to love coming here on family vacations, ready to visit the bakery and the lighthouse and the ocean, even though it was always too cold to go swimming.

Sometimes my brother and I would sit out on the sand for hours, counting the wildlife we’d see in the surf.

“Hey, you okay?” he asks, voice suddenly tight.  I blink, and realise my eyes have filled with tears.

I wipe them away.

“Yeah, sorry.  This bakery just brings back a lot of memories.”

Naruto goes pale.  “Shit, really?  I’m so sorry!  I didn’t-”

“It’s okay,” I say, gently placing a hand on his forearm.  And I find it really is okay.  It doesn’t hurt as much as I thought it would.  “Thanks, by the way.”  I tip my coffee to him.

Naruto slowly puts his smile back on his face.  “Figured you could use your devil drink to help with last night.  And to prepare for today.”

I slouch back into the pillows, under the covers of the bed, groaning.

“Right.  God dammit and there’ll be more of them now, too!”

For all that has happened already, Naruto laughs.  His phone goes off in his hand.  I don’t mean to spy, but I recognise the reminder notification flashing on his screen.

“Ah, right,” Naruto murmurs, staring at it.  

“How’s that going, by the way?” I ask, more out of a need to know if I’m running out of time with him, and not any real curiosity.

“Not well.”  Naruto scratches the back of his neck.   “She still doesn’t want to take my calls.  But she wants me to show her I really care.  How am I meant to do that if she won’t speak to me?”

My fingers tighten around the coffee in my hands.

“You’ll figure it out,” is all I can say.

Naruto makes a hacking cough, before sighing, swiping away the notification, and tossing his phone to the side.  I give him a confused look on the way to taking another sip.

“Don’t you have to call her?  Profess your undying love and all that.”  It hurts only a little to joke about.

Naruto has settled down beside me, smearing more butter onto a scone so it’s more butter than scone.  

“Nah!  I’ll call her later.”  He proceeds to stuff the whole thing in his mouth.

Once we’ve polished off the rest of the scones and pulled on clean clothes, we head downstairs.  It’s a little quiet in the house, eerily so, and it takes us both a minute to follow the commotion out toward the backyard.  When we step out, it’s to find Deidara and Itachi facing off against Kisame and Pain (who must have arrived while I was still passed out) in a game of basketball.

I feel Naruto twitch beside me.  His need to be moving and competitive overtaking his equal need to show his loyalty to me.

“Sasuke!” Pain calls.  He dribbles the ball while somehow still fending off Deidara.  “It’s been a while!”

He doesn’t wait for me to answer before shoving Deidara away and going for a dunk.

“Not long enough,” I mutter.  Naruto giggles beside me.  At least he thinks I’m funny.   “That’s Nagato, but he’s Pain to us,” I explain.

Naruto is rubbing the bridge of his nose while his eyes play dot-to-dot between Pain’s piercings.  “That’s such a cool nickname.”

Itachi taps in Sasori so he can join us on the porch instead.

“You really need to fix your sleep schedule.  It’s almost noon,” he says, instead of just a regular ‘good morning’.  Does everything have to be a criticism with him?

“Yeah, I’ll keep that in mind.”

“I saw Naruto leave early; I thought he was running away.”

“Couldn’t get rid of me if you tried!” Naruto announces.  He steps a little closer to me, the heat of him beside me makes me feel a little safer.  

“Naruto was bringing me breakfast,” I explain.  

“And didn’t think to share?” Itachi’s eyes are incredulous.  The nerve of him.

I open my mouth for a scathing retort along the lines of how much he doesn’t deserve a minute of Naruto’s kindness, but Naruto beats me to it.

“Oh, there’s plenty there!  The scones are in the oven if you guys wanna heat them up.”

I don’t mean to look so shocked at this.  It shouldn’t shock me that Naruto has gone above and beyond for people who wouldn’t dain to offer him even a kind smile.

“Did I hear scones?” Deidara appears, Pain behind him.  Again, none of them are very good at waiting for answers before they’re hurrying into the kitchen and inspecting the treats Naruto brought back.

Itachi sighs.  Like he’s annoyed.  Like he wasn’t expecting this.  I let myself feel a little smug.

“Well, while they’re stuffing their faces, you should join us for a game.”

I want to say no.  I want to say fuck no.   Usually when I’m here, I only show my face long enough to make an appearance at dinner, because Itachi would make me even if I were maimed and dying at the end of the driveway.  

I can feel Naruto tense beside me.  How badly he wants to join in.  To him, it’s still just a game.  To me, it’s twenty-six years of hazing.

“Fine.  We’ll join.”

I ignore Naruto’s look of elation.  At least making him happy makes me happy.  Gag me, this shit is for saps.

The day continues much like that.  We play basketball for as long as my body will let me (it would be longer but my limit means Naruto’s limit), and between us, we even scrape through with a few wins.  Having Naruto here seems to put everyone on their best behaviour.  They seem to like him enough, and approve of his rowdy, flamboyant personality.

I get an eyeful of Naruto’s abs when he picks up the hem of his shirt to wipe the chilled sweat from his brow, Deidara snickering at me when he catches me staring.

Whatever sells it, I guess.

Basketball turns into a game of cards on the deck.  Sasori and Deidara screaming profanities at each other, at least, is predictable and has nothing to do with us, so we’re happy to let them while we cheat and trade each other cards to get a better hand.  Kisame still cleans us all out.

Zetsu shows up and he seems to hone in on Naruto almost immediately.  I can’t tell if he’s just trying to bother him on purpose or he’s really up to something.  I can’t discount the latter, and make sure there’s a generous distance between us and him at all times.

They ask Naruto about anything and everything they can think of.  It makes me nervous; this is when my lie could start to split and show through the cracks.  I wouldn’t be surprised if Itachi has a manilla folder full of eligible bachelorettes I’m meant to court taped to the underside of the table, ready to whip out the moment he deems our relationship unworthy.  

Yet Naruto is incredible.  He seems to have taken what he promised last night to the extreme.  He remembers what I said at the beginning; that something about our friendship means it’s easy for people to believe everything we’ve done up until now has been the basis of a great romance.  If we just strategically leave out the ‘just friends’ part.

This is when it starts to hurt; when I have to remind myself it’s fake.

“What is this ninja dojo I’ve heard so much about?” Itachi asks.  We’ve settled at the table again for burgers and beers.

Naruto’s face goes red.  He’s great at talking other people up, he’d compliment me until I was rotting in the ground, but when it comes to himself, he always falls short of words.  

“Think Chuck. E. Cheese but without the creepy, anthropomorphic mouse, terrible music and overpriced, stale pizza,” I cut in for him.  “And is actually fun.”

“So, it’s like a glorified playground?” Pain asks.

“But with more focus on discipline, martial arts and Japanese history,” Naruto explains.  “I was obsessed with ninjas when I was a kid.  I wanted to be one when I grew up.”

Everyone is focused with rapt fascination on Naruto, who is busy studying his chicken in hopes it will keep talking for him.

“And you have experience with this?” Itachi says.  Naruto nods.

“Kind of.  There’s this public school at the edge of town that lets me work there in the afternoon, teaching karate as part of their after school program,” Naruto starts.  

“Voluntarily,” I say.  “He doesn’t get paid a dime.”

“They can’t afford to pay someone!”

“He was assigned there on his teacher’s placement and then he never left.”

Naruto is blushing from the tips of his whiskers to the roots of his hair.  “Well, it’s not like I had many role models growing up either.  I see these poor kids with absent parents or no parents at all, who have a history of causing trouble because they figure it's the only way they can get anyone to look at them, and then I show them that being angry doesn’t mean they can’t also be productive.  And I guess I kind of just rub off on them.”

“You definitely rub off on them.”  Hyping up your boyfriend (even your fake boyfriend) might be for saps, but at least I excel at it.  “Their teachers say they act up way less in class, do their homework, stop picking fights with the other kids.”

Naruto laughs nervously.

It’s not hard to pretend I’m so proud of him, because I am.  I went to college to get a degree so I could make money and get out from under Itachi’s foot.  Naruto worked two jobs the whole time, could barely afford to live most weeks, but would still keep going back to help the school if it meant one less kid growing up to make trouble on the street.

“I just think it’d be kind of cool to do that full time,” he continues.  “Like a daycare, but the kids are getting something out of it besides shoving marbles up their noses.  There’s a lot of mental energy that goes into martial arts as well,” he accentuates this by slamming his fist into his palm.  “So it’ll tucker them out and mean they’ll make less trouble when they go back to their parents.  And if the parents are happy, they’ll keep wanting to bring the kids back!”

I reach out and rub his shoulder.  It’s probably the most intimate way I’ve ever touched him before.  I figure it’s allowed, considering the circumstances.  Naruto cups my hand where my palm is splayed over his arm, and he gives me a grateful smile.

Deidara starts laughing.  “That’s so fucking cheesy!” 

Kisame snorts into his palm.  Pain and Sasori are doing a terrible job of hiding their amusement, their shaking shoulders betraying them.  

I look at Itachi, who only raises an eyebrow at me, and shrugs.  

Like I should have expected this.  Like it’s what I deserve.  Like it’s the same fucking thing again and again and again.

I don’t care about me, but no one deserves this less than Naruto.

“Ah, yeah, I guess it is kind of stupid,” Naruto comments, quietly, afraid even of his acquiescence proving a weapon in the mouths of these assholes.

“Sorry, mate,” Kisame starts, sounding very much not sorry.  “I know you’re just tryna impress Itachi, but that’s a lot!  ‘Oh, I teach underprivileged kids the values of harnessing their anger!’”   

“‘Oh, what’s that,’” Deidara joins in. “‘I volunteer to babysit so maybe they won’t end up as poor as me!’”  

They keep laughing.  Itachi doesn’t look amused, just annoyed and tired.

At me.  At us.

“C’mon man!” Kisame claps Naruto on his other shoulder.  “No one likes a suck up!”

I slowly fill with rage behind my half-eaten lunch.  Do they even know how incapable Naruto is of sucking up?  He’d never waste his own time.  If he wants to pay attention to you, it’s because he’s seen something inside, something you haven’t seen yourself.  Something he wants to be around.  

“It’s not like that,” Naruto tries, but Deidara is snorting into his plate.  Charming as he always is.

“This has nothing to do with you,” I say, aiming it at Itachi.  I squeeze Naruto’s shoulder tighter.  Itachi just shrugs.

“Naruto, speaking of someone who’s been in business a long time, there doesn’t sound like there’s a lot of profit in this venture.”

I go to spit something but Naruto stops me.

“I’m not doing it for profit,” Naruto says, barely loud enough for anyone to hear now that Pain has joined the other’s mockery.  I hate how Naruto sounds, like how I always feel at these meals; he sounds so small.

Itachi raises one, condescending eyebrow.  “Then what is there left to gain from this?  It’s not like there’s a lot of stability in good deeds.”

I stand up and grab Naruto’s hand, and for the second meal with this house of horrors, we ditch.  

“Not everyone is as obsessed with status and wealth as you, Itachi,” I say over my shoulder.

Naruto doesn’t hesitate to follow me this time.

We walk to the edge of the grounds, to the sea of trees and disappear amongst the roots.  Our footsteps are heavy.  Our breathing is loud.  We’re still holding hands.  I pretend not to notice.  I’m hoping if I don’t notice, Naruto won’t notice, and he won’t let go.  When I chance a glance at his face though, I can’t help but squeeze harder.

I’ll make them pay for the ring of red they put around Naruto’s baby, blue eyes.

“Geez,” Naruto mutters, wiping his face with his sleeve, hoping to hide them from me, but I can hear it in his voice. 

“I’m so sorry,” I murmur, so quietly I don’t think he hears me over the whistle of the wind.

“Nah!  Don’t be.”  Naruto sniffs.  “You had it way worse last night.”

I squeeze his hand again.

“It’s not about who has it worse; it's about how they’re all a bunch of dicks.  I just thought they’d only ever go for me.  Ya know, to be polite?  I didn’t think they’d go for you, too.”

We’re both quiet as we walk.  We just keep walking.  I know I’ve ventured deep into these trees before, trying to escape my grief and my trauma and later, when those things took on a physical form, my brother.

“Sasuke,” Naruto starts softly.  I hum so he knows I’m listening.  “Why do you keep coming here?”

I grit my teeth together.  

“I mean,” he continues.  “Every year you always come back from here, and are depressed as shit for like a whole week.  Then you brush it off and pretend like nothing happened.  But…they’re horrible to you.  Your brother is an asshole.  His friends are creepy and perverse.  You keep calling this a family reunion, but I don’t see a family here.”

I clench my jaw harder.  It’s beginning to hurt.

“I can’t explain it,” I finally reply.  “It’s like some deep-seeded obligation to keep coming back; to keep showing Itachi we’re still brothers.”

We’ve stopped walking, and Naruto is giving me his full attention.

“I have to keep reminding myself that I’m not the only one who lost our parents.  I’m not the only one who had to pick themselves up and get on with life while carrying the family name.  Sometimes I believe Itachi had it worse.  Trying to provide for me, fighting to stay on the board of the company my father literally founded, all while dealing with my piss poor attitude and neglect.”

Naruto leans against a tree trunk, still listening, but I can see it in his eyes.  He’s still searching for a reason I haven’t supplied.

“I guess I owe him.  Maybe not for money, or for raising me.  I just owe him because, as horrible as he is, we’re still blood.”

Naruto looks at me for a long time before sighing, long and low.  “That’s bullshit.”

I can’t help it.  I laugh.  “Yeah.  I know.  But it’s my bullshit.”

Naruto’s phone chimes.  He’s quick this time, to check his reminder and swipe it away.  It’s effectively broken the tension, popped the bubble, one ghost in the forest blown away for another.

“Naruto,” I start.  He grunts to let me know he’s listening.  “Why do you do that?”  He raises an eyebrow.  “I see you trying so hard to even remember her.  Do you even like her?”

His eyebrows twitch.  His eyelids flutter.  I can tell I’ve hit something Naruto has been trying not to think about.  To my surprise, he smiles.

“You know I’m annoying, right?”  I go to rebut this immediately.  “Nah, c’mon!  I’m a pain in the ass!  Everyone knows it.”

I want to keep arguing, but Naruto says it like it’s a fact.  And it is.  Naruto also says it like he’s long since accepted this facet of his life, and he’s chosen to love himself anyway.

“Well, when I got to college and started making friends, people who genuinely liked me and wanted to spend time with me, that was more than I ever thought I would get.  I didn’t ask for anything else.  Sure, I like girls and I like sex, but I wasn’t going to stress over never having a real date for valentines day or, I guess, someone who I’d meet the parents for.”

The irony is crystal fucking clear.

“Then she came along and didn’t just tolerate me, she liked me.  Don’t get me wrong, I like her too, but I dunno.”  He’s looking to the canopy, to the sky beyond the thick coating of branches above us, his focus so far away on something neither of us can see.  “It’s like, something inside me is saying this is my only chance.  Don’t fuck it up.”

I frown.  “Naruto, that’s bullshit.”

His eyes meet mine.  They’re a little sad, but then he grins wide in that way that he does when his eyes crinkle in the corners and his fangs are shiny and bright in front of me.  

“Yeah, but it’s my bullshit.”

“Absolutely fucking not.”

Itachi is dressed in a nice, clean shirt and jeans with his leather jacket hanging on a bar stool beside him.  He’s fiddling with his Hugo Boss watch and fixing me with a stare that I recognise all too well.  The one he’d give me before he dragged me into the bathroom by the collar, showered me while I hissed like a stray cat, then forced me into whatever uncomfortably, itchy suit I’d be forced to wear for a night of pleasing strange people my fourteen year old brain couldn’t care about.  For a night of sucking up.

“Look, the boys are sorry for this afternoon…”

“They are absolutely fucking not.”

“And we’d like to treat you both to a nice dinner.”

I blow my bangs out of my face with an irritated huff.  “Then get us take out and deliver it to our room.  We’re not leaving the house.”

Naruto is hiding upstairs and I’m done with pretending in front of Itachi.  He’ll never know Naruto isn’t really my boyfriend, but I’m not going to force Naruto to play nice to a man who he knew for barely a day and then in no uncertain terms, crushed his dreams.  Naruto doesn’t need that kind of rejection when he’s still trying to make up for a childhood full of it, especially when we’re not even truly dating.

“You could at least try to meet us halfway-”

“Fuck off.”

“-and give us another chance.”

“Fuck off and die.”

Itachi rolls his eyes.  “You are such a brat.”

“And you’re an asshole.”

We glare at each other over the kitchen island.  The kettle makes a noise behind me, boiled water at the ready.  

“Let’s go!” Deidara calls, waltzing into the room with his hair braided and his nails freshly polished, probably courtesy of Sasori.  And they give me shit for my style?  “I want to eat and drink while I’m still young and hot!”

“Dates way passed on that one,” I mutter, still focused on making our coffees.

Deidara looks ready to jump right into the fray before Itachi interrupts him.

“Either you come or I shut the power off and you can freeze.”

I pause where I was pouring water into Naruto’s mug.  “Are you actually kidding?”

“I’ll take the key to the fuse box and the generator.”

There’s a thousand arguments that form in my head.  That I’m not five anymore and he can’t punish me for not doing something he wants by taking away my toys.  That Naruto is actually real handsy with wood and flint and could probably start a fire even without the gas.  That he has a really fucking funny way of making it up to us for being an ass…by being an ass.

None of this gets past my mouth anyway, and a half hour later we’re in a rowdy bar situated deep in the heart of the village, nursing extremely large pints of beer and trying to guess what game the others are even playing with the dart board.

At least, for once, their attention is not on us.

I lean over to Naruto who, like always, looks like he’s making the most of the situation by taking giant bites out of his food.

“I’m sorry about this.  I owe you ramen and pork buns.”

“Hey, at least the steak is free!”

I’m amazed again at Naruto’s ability to see the good in literally anything.

Then the whole bar goes quiet, even our table, as the lights dim and someone steps up onto the mini stage, in front of a microphone.  Someone fiddles with a projector, and they’re swathed in what looks like a very cheap, very emulated version of-

“Oh no.”

“Sasuke!” Naruto calls excitedly, tugging on my shirt like I’m not right beside him, seeing it.  “Holy shit, they have karaoke!”

Deidara and Kisame are already hooting, demanding they go first.  Zetsu sits pensively, while he and Itachi whisper to each other.  Pain and Sasori sit pleasantly, just pleased to see the others so eager to embarrass themselves.

Naruto is still stretching out my shirt sleeve.

“Naruto, we can’t,” I try to stress, chancing a glance at Itachi and eyeing where Deidara and Kisame are making a beeline for the songbook.

“Sasuke, we have to!  It’s tradition!  When have we ever not done it when there’s karaoke around?”

Sasori leans over into my space.  “Excuse me, but what is it?”

“It is none of your business!”

Naruto has disappeared to join Deidara and Kisame, flicking through the pages of the songbook, and all I can do is pray and hope and cross every part of my body that-

“Sasuke!  They have it!” Naruto calls excitedly across the room.

Everyone left at the table is sniggering.

“Don’t tell me you have a duet?” Itachi asks, mirth back in his dark eyes.  

“It’s not a duet,” I try.  “It’s just a stupid thing we do, but we’re not-”

“Sasuke!” Naruto is calling again, racing back to the table.  The entire bar is enamoured with him.  I usually wouldn’t blame them but right now I want to throw the entire karaoke machine at his head. “I loaded it!  Either I do it by myself or we do it together!”

Both of those are not options!

“Naruto.”  I’m looking at him with what I hope is my best scathing look.  The one I usually save for the slow walkers on thin walkways.  “Naruto, think of where we are.  We can’t.”

“C’mon, Sasuke!  It’ll be fun!” Naruto says and slaps my shoulder.  Hard.

What the fuck?  I thought he was on my side?

Deidara and Kisame are already on stage screaming some version of Sweet Caroline.   I think.

“Look!  They’re doing it!”

Yeah, but, they also haven’t been the target of constant scrutiny and blazed criticism since they walked through the front door a day ago.

I shake my head.  “Naruto, I can’t.”

He looks upset, then like he’s going to argue with me, then realises something and just looks disappointed.

“Okay, okay.  You’re right.”

He sits back down beside me, hand placed on my knee so casually, it makes me double take.  He doesn’t look at me, just looks on in yearning at the next group of friends who stumble on stage to drunkenly belt out Somebody to Love.

I know our turn is coming up, and as the missed opportunity draws closer, my chest begins to fill with rage.  The group is back to ignoring us.  Apparently, it’s bully us until we implode in on ourselves, or isolate us completely.  Naruto’s hand remains firm on my leg, a powerful weight keeping me grounded.

And then I remember getting to college, knowing no one and, thinking, that’s how I liked it.  I remember Naruto being so eager to be friends, and I couldn’t understand why, so instead of trying to figure it out, I was cruel to him.  But he didn’t just take it, he dealt it back, and I couldn’t fathom someone who didn’t put up with my shit, let alone someone who threw it back in my face.

And I remember how satisfying it was.  To find someone who’d rather call me a dickhead to my face than cower in fear of the prestigious Uchiha name.  To find someone who would push me into a fountain because I insulted his clothes.  It’s so disorientating to find your equal, when you were so convinced you were all alone.

“Fuck it,” I mutter, shoving my chair back.

Naruto looks at me, bewildered, where I have his hand in my grasp and am tugging him toward the stage.

Fuck them.  Fuck Itachi and his friends and this fucking holiday he makes me come to just so he can feel like a big hotshot for bullying his brother for a few days.  Fuck them for then turning this same maliciousness on Naruto.  Fuck them for making me feel like I have to hide who I am, who I’ve become.

I’m tired of my every action being dictated by Itachi.  And yes, Itachi will hate what I’m about to do.  He’ll call me uncouth and unconventional, despite his friends doing the exact same thing.  It will be exceedingly satisfying, but it will be twice as fun to do this with Naruto.

For Naruto.

We both take a side of the stage, fully facing each other.  Naruto looks giddy, smile threatening to split his face in two.  I can feel the others looking on in wonder, with anticipation, just waiting for us to make fools of ourselves.

That’s fine.  Making a fool of myself is my favourite thing to do with him.

The words come on screen, and the both of us have this song down to an art, so know exactly when to lean into our microphones and scream across the bar.

“YOU ARE MY FRIEND!  AH-AH!”

Naruto’s singing voice is horrendous.   It’s off-key, high pitched, cracks in all the wrong places.

“YOU ARE MY DREAM!  AH-AH!”

But fuck, if it isn’t my favourite thing about him.

“THANK YOU MY FRIEND! AH-AH!”

I can hear the group hollering for us, laughing with us, but for once, I wouldn’t care even if they were laughing at us.  This is my thing with Naruto.  Something we’ve done at every bar with karaoke since we decided hey, maybe we are kind of friends.  

“I GO THE DISTANCE!”

The song fades away, but our ears are ringing with the cheering of the bar, helped along by Deidara and Kisame who think it’s equal parts hilarious and entertaining.  It’s warm under the spotlights, and we’re both out of breath.  Naruto is grinning at me.  His cheeks are flushed and there’s a line of sweat dripping down his temple.  I know I’m smiling back twice as wide.

“Just kiss him already!” Sasori calls.

Naruto’s face falls, just slightly, just enough.  My smile falters.  

We ignore them, and climb down off the stage for another couple trying to match our energy, though it just doesn’t have the same vibe with Adele.

The guys are kind of, dare I say it, nice about it when we get back to the table.  Kisame slaps Naruto’s back so hard he almost pitches forward into the plate of chicken wings someone ordered.  Deidara compliments our choice of song and our execution.  Itachi sits idly by, but I can see the hint of a smirk on his face.

The rest of the night is kind of fun.  A rare night where it doesn’t end with me embarrassed and storming off, wanting to skin my brother’s face off while he sleeps.  We share food and good humour and talk about a whole lot of nothing.  They include us in their game, which I still don’t understand and I’m still not convinced is any version of darts.  Eventually, Deidara convinces Sasori to sing a surprisingly sweet rendition of Enchanted with him .  

Naruto leans against me, the entire length of our upper arms connected, whispering into my ear.  His warm breath brushes my cheek and makes me shiver.

“Is there something going on between those two I should know about?”

I look again, and it’s unmistakable, the look Deidara is giving Sasori under the tint of the blue light and the scrolling words across their faces from the projector.

I hide my smile behind my hand.

“If there is, we’re the first to know.”

Naruto chuckles, but doesn’t move back to his own space, still leaning firmly into mine.  I take his hand on the table, rubbing his knuckles with my thumb.  He squeezes the tips of my fingers.  I’m drunk.  I’m drunk and I’m warm and Naruto is drunk and warm beside me.  What I wouldn’t give to lean over and kiss his ear, run my hand down the neck of his shirt, play with the blonde strands at the base of his neck.

Oh fuck, I’m so drunk.

We drink well into the night.  We have to call taxis to get back to the house.  Sasori fends off Deidara’s wandering hands as Itachi struggles to open the front door.  They all go tumbling in.  Naruto has his arm thrown around me.  I think he’s forgotten where he is and what he’s doing, resorting to his old frat house ways of pulling me close when he gets overly drunk and overly friendly.  I love him like this.

I keep my hand on his belt, but I’m being tested by God every moment to not drift my hand lower.

We separate amongst ourselves.  I lose track of where everyone else goes, dragging Naruto up to our room and onto our balcony.  I deposit him onto the couch.  He bounces in the cushions, laughing the whole time.

“Sasuke!” He calls, drunk and loud.  “Sit with me!”

“I’m lighting the fire!” Thankfully, even with my vision blurry and my hands shaking, I get the fire lit and drag out the blankets we keep for outdoors, throwing one over him and keeping one for myself.  But as soon as I’m settled, Naruto has forsaken his own blanket to crawl under mine and forces me to share.

I certainly don’t hate it, but I might find myself with a particular problem if Naruto keeps rubbing his nose into my neck like he is.

“You smell so good!” he croons.  I’m bright, fucking red hot.

“C’mon, you moron,” I try to push him off, but he comes right back like a starving cat, except now his arms are wound around me.  I want to scream.

Out of frustration or happiness, I’m too drunk to determine.

“This was so fun!” Naruto says.  “You’re so fun!”

I sigh, pulling the blanket around the both of us.  Naruto has finally stilled, but his whole face is shoved against my collarbone.  I take the opportunity to put my arm around him, playing with those too long hairs at the base of his neck.

“I would just date you if I could,” he says.  Out of nowhere.  Like he just hasn’t turned my world upside down.  Like he hasn’t just simultaneously filled me with elation and broken my heart.

“Fuck off, you’re not even into guys,” I say, rather bitterly.

“I dunno!” Naruto says, chipper as ever.  “I’ve never really tried!  I could be into guys!”

I’m trying so hard not to hold onto this hope with a death-like grip.  He’s drunk.  He’s drunk and he has it in his head that this is kind of real.  

“Naruto,” I say, a warning in my voice.

“C’mon!  Let’s try!”  He sits up, suddenly determined, facing me with intent in his eyes.

I’m losing my mind.

“Naruto,” I try again, my voice much firmer, deeper, threatening.  “Don’t with me right now.”

He hesitates.  I’ve finally gotten through his scrambled brain, so he can remember he’s not into guys.  He’s just drunk and overly affectionate and is carrying a little heartbreak of his own.

“Oh, right.  Sorry.”  He sits up straight, but I can tell he’s doing it with great effort.  “Kind of shit of me to assume you want to kiss me just ‘cause you like guys.”

He doesn’t know the half of it.

“It’s not that,” I say carefully.  He can’t know.  He can never know the half of it.  “But you’re drunk off your ass and not making sound decisions right now.”

“Ah-ha!  So you’d kiss me if I was sober?”

I’d kiss him if he was dead.

I roll my eyes instead.  There’s a silence that stretches across us, our bodies still pressed together under the one blanket.

“How’d you figure it out, anyway?  That you like guys as well as girls?”

The ‘as well’ sits in my stomach and festers with the alcohol running in my veins.  It makes me brave.  It makes me stupid.

“Because I don’t like girls at all.”  It makes me confess secrets I was meant to go to my grave with.  I can feel Naruto’s eyes on me, big and blue and filled with drunken confusion.

“Has bisexual changed since I last knew it?” 

I know he means it as a joke, but I’m sullen and tired, and don’t look at him when I shake my head.

“I’m not bisexual.  I’m gay.  I have been since I found myself feeling more excited for the showers after swim practice than swim practice itself.”

It’s silent except for the wind that blows across our little pocket of the universe, chilling us both to our bones.

“Why does everyone think you’re bi then?”

I sit with the question for maybe longer than I should.  I sit with it for so long, it grows and grows between us until I can’t stand to look at my hands anymore, or even be a part of my body, but the only way to escape is to answer.

“Because it’s easier.”

One of Naruto’s infamous “Huh?”s leaves him in a grating cry.

“I never told Itachi I was anything; I just told him I was dating you, and figured he’d figure out the rest.  But he assumed, like Kisame inferred, I can choose, and I’m just choosing the wrong thing to spite him.  It still got him off my back and bought me some time, so I just went with it.”

“But everyone thinks you're bisexual?”

I shrug under the blanket.  “I don’t really care.  Labels are stupid anyway.”

I know he can see it on my face.  I know he can tell how much I care and how it’s eaten at me every day of my life.  

“When I got to college, I didn’t have anyone.  No one asked who I was into.  No one cared, but it was a superficial kind of not caring.  Like they only didn’t care because they got something in exchange.  They just heard ‘Uchiha’ and assumed I was either going to be their new, rich best friend or I’d unearth the skeletons they hide in their closet.”  I sigh, and it’s a little wobbly and a little wet.  “Then I had you, and of all the things I didn’t want you to hate me for, liking guys was top of the list.  You were such a stereotypical jock, I thought you’d learn I liked guys, assumed I wanted in your pants, and deck me.  So I just let you think I was bisexual, because I figured if you thought there was a shred of me that still liked girls, you’d think I was a little bit normal, and you’d still want to be my friend.”

“Sasuke…”  He sounds sad.  He sounds like he feels sorry for me.  I expect him to deny it.  I expect him to say he’d never punch me or judge me for who I was into.  I expect him to be a little angry I thought of him like that at all.  I keep going before I lose my nerve.

“Then I met everyone else, I made more friends I really cared about, and I didn’t want them to hate me either.  I never dated anyway.  A few hook ups when I felt like it, but nothing serious, so it’s not like I ever gave myself the chance to correct anyone.”  I shrug, expecting that to be the end of it, but when I open my mouth on a sigh, even more comes out.  “Itachi will never accept it.  He thinks I’m only dating you to spite him or get out of marriage.  He thinks I’m doing it as a prank.  Everything about my life revolves around him.  Nothing can ever be about me.  Not my career.  Not my money.  Not the person I love.”

He’s quiet beside me, contemplating all I’ve just said.  What it means for me, and how it changes his view of me as a person.  Exactly what I didn’t want to happen.

“Sasuke,” he starts, carefully.  “I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but Gaara is as gay as a spring fresh daisy.”

I snort.

“He always wore his sexuality unapologetically, it’s not like he was too chicken shit to come out earlier.  For me, it’s too late.”

“What do you mean ‘too late’?”

I tilt my head and look at Naruto, slightly annoyed, a little bit pained.  He only meets my gaze with the same look he always wears, with a challenge in his eyes.

“C’mon, Naruto.  I’m twenty-six.  I think my coming out has gone past its best before date.”

Naruto makes a noise in the back of his throat.  “I’m not even anything, and even I know that’s bullshit.  Ino came out, like, last year!”

“Yeah but-”

“And Hinata told us she’s trans two months ago!”

“That wasn’t a surprise to any of us.  We were all just waiting for her to tell us when she was ready.”

“And you can do the same!  Just tell us when you’re ready.  Shit, Sasuke, we’d all die for you.  I don’t think a little shift in who you prefer to date is gonna scare us off.  Your pissy attitude certainly hasn’t.”

I can’t help it; I laugh.  I laugh harder than I have in years.  Naruto snickers, and then he’s laughing too, with his whole body.

“Yeah, of course it all makes sense coming from the one guy who never makes sense of anything!”

He punches me.  “Fuck you, I make plenty sense!”

We erupt into a fresh load of snorts and guffaws.  There are tears in my eyes, I’m laughing so hard.  They bead in my eyes and roll down my cheeks, taking over my lungs and changing the shape of my shoulders with deep, inescapable sobs.

To my surprise, Naruto winds his arms tighter around me, pulling me into a deep, warm hug.  His hand is in my hair, woven through the strands, holding me so gently, but I might just break anyway.  “Stop thinking you have to do it all alone.”

Oh fuck him for making me cry.

But I do.  Long and low and heart racking sobs into the shoulder of his jacket.  He rubs my back and holds me tighter, and just lets me feel twenty-six years of pent up feelings I’ve never dredged up, or let beyond the gate in my head.

They come out full force, and the only one who is strong enough to hold them all is Naruto.

We’re lying in bed, side by side, facing each other.  I finally stopped crying, but now my eyes are dry and my throat hurts.  I haven’t brushed my teeth either.  I probably look foul.

“I’ll do it,” I whisper softly, into the dark of the room where all our other secrets are waiting.

Naruto hums, slowly drifting off beside me.

“I’ll kiss you.  I mean, if you really want to know if you like guys.”

He opens his eyes to fix me with the warmest of smiles.

“You’re a pretty good friend, Sasuke.”

I inch close across the mattress so we share the same pillow.  His eyes are wide now, darting between my lips and my brow.  He won’t look me in the eye.

“You okay?” I ask.

“Yeah,” he attempts, but his voice cracks.  He clears his throat.  “Yeah!  I’m just…”  He’s about to change his mind and I’m about to die of embarrassment.  “I’m just remembering how beautiful you are.”

Thank god it’s dark and he can’t see the full blush creeping up my chest and taking over my face.

“Fuck off and die,” I whisper, before I press my lips to his.

When I open my eyes again, the room is deliriously bright.  We forgot to shut the curtains last night, or even the balcony doors for that matter.  It’s too bright and fucking freezing.  I scramble out of bed to shut the doors, but the damage is done.  My vision is swimming, my head is pounding.  I‘m going to throw up in my mouth because I can’t make it to the bathroom.

I stand with this feeling for a bit, letting memories of last night come back to me in flashes of blue tints, loud laughter, cold tears and…

Oh.

Oh shit.

Oh fuck shit.

“Naruto.”

I whirl around, have to hold my mouth or I’m in danger of throwing up again, and when my vision clears, see Naruto isn’t in bed.  It’ll be just my luck he hasn’t ditched to get home early.  I take comfort knowing his bag is still here, along with his coat and his runners.  I don’t hear him in the bathroom.

Carefully, I make my way downstairs.  As I descend, I begin to hear more people in the kitchen.  I stop half-way down and begin to pick out their voices.

“I’m going to throw up.”  Deidara.

“That’s what you get.”  Sasori.

“We told you not to mix drinks.  It’s a total myth that it prevents hangovers.”  Pain.

“Honestly, where did you even hear that nonsense?”  Itachi.

Okay, but where is-

“I dunno know if it’s the beer or the five pounds of spicy chicken wings that’s going to kill you first.”

Naruto.

I shuffle down the rest of the way, peering around the corner, and almost drop my jaw at the sight of Naruto hard at work over the stove, flipping pancakes while simultaneously mixing more batter.  Sasori and Zetsu already have plates in front of them.  Itachi is cutting fruit.

What the fuck kind of domestic hellscape did I wake up in?

“If it ain’t the boy wonder!” Kisame calls, spotting me.

Dammit.

I make my way into the room, carefully, like a cat with canary feathers stuck to his chin.  My anxiety is not a good mix with my hangover, but Naruto whirls around without hesitation, batter flying from his spoon, and his face lights up at the sight of me.

“Sasuke!” he calls, abandoning the stove instantly.  Itachi takes over before the house catches on fire.

Naruto wraps me in his arms.  Despite how warm he is, I freeze.  

“You just as dead inside as the rest of them?” I can feel his grin against my hair.

Does he not remember?  Does he not remember, at all, the extremely intense make out session we had last night?  Does he not remember how desperately I clung to him?  How tight he held me back?  How hard I got in my pants before he let me grind against him until I was moaning into his mouth?  Does he not remember my fingers slipping down the hem of his shorts where I was elated to find his own erection?  Does he not remember how fast he came in my hands when I stroked him readily, eagerly, revealing how hungry I’d been for him this whole time?

Did he forget all that in his haze of booze and experimental fuss?

Or worse…is he pretending like it didn’t happen?

Before I can answer, before I can grit out a response that won’t totally give away how fucking terrified I am, he kisses me.

A peck.  Warm and sweet, but lingering, on the corner of my mouth.  My heart stops in my chest.  When he pulls away, his face is steady.  Certain.  Happy.  

What’s his fucking game?

“Come have breakfast with us!”

“Sasuke!  You can keep him if he’s gonna cook like this everytime!” Deidara shouts through a mouthful of pancake, maple syrup dribbling down his chin.

“He was awake again before you,” Itachi explains.  The batter is finished and he’s turning off the stove and bringing the last of the pancakes to the kitchen island.  “Went out to get fresh berries and everything.  I think he’s in danger of living here.”

I look, bewildered, to Naruto for confirmation.  He just grins.

“Am I a good boyfriend or what?” Then he cups a hand to the side of his mouth, voice dropping to a whisper.  “I think your brother is finally starting to like me.”

And I get it.

He’s still playing this game.  It doesn’t matter whether he remembers last night or not.  It was just a kiss.  And tongue.  And mutual hand jobs.  It’s not like I cracked him open and changed what’s inside.  Naruto is Naruto, unflinchingly loyal and obsessively determined.

And we still have an act to put on.

We’ve got one more day here, before we can leave tomorrow and get back to our old lives.  Where Naruto can go back to being his usual, straight self, attempting to win his girlfriend back who he’s convinced is the only one who will ever love him.  I couldn’t tell him last night how wrong he is.

But if I have to act like we’re in love, and I have to act like I’m not breaking my own heart, I get something out of it.

“Yeah,” I reply, twisting my fingers in his shirt.  “You’re the best.”

I pull him down, slam my lips to his, and find it’s very easy to ignore the cries of disgust from our audience as Naruto leans fully into me.

The last day is always a snow day.  We’ll split into two cars, make our way up the mountain with snowboarding gear and spare clothes filling up the backs.  The others have bought their own gear and lodged it at the house over the years.  I lend Naruto my old set of boots, gloves and goggles.

“I haven’t been snowboarding in years!” Naruto exclaims excitedly as we stand beside Kisame’s range rover.  The others are going to take Pain’s.

I admit, I’m in a much better mood than I have been previously.  Naruto hasn’t left my side all morning, and it’s easier than ever to pretend this act is our version of normal.

Itachi appears out of the shadows, startling us both, and clutches my shoulder.

“Naruto, there’s a space left with Pain.  You don’t mind taking it.” 

I look at him fearfully.  That definitely wasn’t an offer, but I loathe Itachi throwing Naruto into a steel trap of wolves.  Naruto can take care of himself just fine, but I’m not naive enough to think the ride will be filled with merely friendly banter and some innocent jokes at Naruto’s expense.

“Oh.  Sure.”  Naruto agrees, like it’s a script.

I kiss his cheek for good luck and watch him walk away to spend an hour alone with Deidara, Sasori and Pain.

Itachi gestures at me and I get into the car with him, Kisame and Zetsu.

The first moments are spent in a relatively uncomfortable silence.  Zetsu sits as quietly as he always does.  Kisame is tapping his fingers on the steering wheel along with the tunes wafting off his phone.  Itachi and I sit in the back.  I’m waiting.  Waiting.  Waiting.

“So when are you going to just admit Naruto is only a way to get back at me?”

There it is.

“What are you on about now?” I ask irritably.

“You don’t actually care for that boy,” Itachi says, again, without the question of it.  “And it was entertaining at first to see you bring back someone so…”  He waves his hand.

“Different,” Zetsu gives.

“Insane,” Kisame pipes up.

“Yes,” Itachi says.  “That.  Sasuke, you’re not sixteen anymore, and bringing home someone I’d clearly not approve of just to spite me isn’t a way to get attention anymore like you think it is.  Why don’t you just admit there’s no future with him, and we can end this weekend on a peaceful note?”

I don’t know what it is about his words.  Maybe it’s the turn of events of last night, or maybe some of what Itachi says is right.  I’m not sixteen anymore, and I’ve long since stopped fighting for Itachi’s attention.  I don’t need it, when I have friends like Naruto who will guard me no matter what.  And all the others, who learnt facets of myself I hoped to never show, and still cared for me anyway. 

What Itachi says no longer bothers me.

For the first time in years, I can finally admit this to myself and believe it: Itachi has no power over me.

“You’re wrong.”  

Itachi looks surprised.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen him look surprised.  He lives on calculations and carefully planned moves in every day of his life.  Sounds exhausting to me, but it means I can so rarely surprise him.  Until now.

“I do love him,” I say, with so much conviction and force in my voice it surprises even me.  “I’m not doing this to spite you.  I could actually care less what you think of Naruto or my relationship with him.  I invited him this weekend because you were so insistent on meeting him, and it’s not like I ever thought you’d be nice to him, but he came anyway.”

“Sasuke,” Itachi spits my name.  “He’s not-”

“He’s not Uchiha material,” I finish for him.  “I know.  And sure, maybe that's a reason I love him, but it’s not the reason.  You will never ascertain what the reason is, because you couldn’t understand.  You never will, because you’ll never try.”

Kisame gives a low whistle in the driver’s seat.  The music has been turned off.

“Sasuke, think about your future.  If you think to bring this boy home next year, if you think to continue this diatribe of putting off finding a wife, I’ll cut you off.”

I bark a laugh.  “I cut myself off years ago, Itachi.  Have you not noticed?  My trust account has sat untouched for months, though it’s raked in some handsome interest.  If you want it though, it’s yours.  The only reason I keep coming back is for the very reason you keep looping around my neck like a noose ready to tighten; we’re family.”

The car pulls up to the ski lodge.  The others are already here.

I immediately open my door.

“Maybe you should start begging me to stay in the family, rather than threatening me.  Because if what you say is true and I’m not allowed to bring Naruto back next year, then this is my last year too.”

I jump down, my feet landing in fresh fallen snow, and walk away.

“You didn’t?” Naruto gapes at me, white teeth sparkling like the snow metres below our hanging feet.  “You said that?  To Itachi?”

I nod, unable to keep my own smug grin off my face.

“Do you want to know what the best part is?” I ask.

“I hope it’s the look on his face when you effectively dumped his ass.”

I scoff.  “Actually, it was that I could say all that, and mean it.”  Naruto’s grin widens.  “I’ve been telling him I’m not coming to this thing for years, saying I won’t attend Christmas and Thanksgiving and Easter and whatever fucking holiday he drags me to.  But I kept coming back for the scraps of his attention I told myself I didn’t actually care about.”  I shrug.  “But now I finally believe myself.”

Naruto wraps his free arm around me and brings me into an awkward side hug.  It makes the chair lift swing dangerously and I clutch to him more out of fear of falling than in returning the hug.

But the hug is a nice touch.

“Fuck yeah, babe!”

Babe.   I glance over my shoulder.  Right.  Kisame has the chair lift behind us.  I hope the exclamation of excitement was carried backwards on the wind.

We reach the top of the mountain and head toward the slopes.  Naruto whines that he wants to try the hard ones.  I remind him he’s out of practice and he’ll have to drag his own ass down to the medical bay if he breaks his neck.  He whines more but follows me to the easier slopes to warm up.

But both of us pick up on it pretty quickly.  Our competitive nature towards one another comes out in full force, and we’re racing each other down the medium slopes by the afternoon.  I announce we have to take a break or my ass is going to freeze.

“C’mere!  I’ll warm it for you!” Naruto unzips his snow jacket, pulls me to his chest and wraps the front half around me.  It’s insanely warm in the coat with him, but I still shiver at being so close to him.  I spy the lingering looks of Deidara and Sasori in the reflection of his goggles.

We don’t join the others for dinner.  After cleaning ourselves up in our room and dressing in casual, warm sweaters and fitted jeans, we find a table in the warmly lit, lodge restaurant and order anything we want off the menu.

“I don’t know if I can afford this,” Naruto says, looking nervously at the prices.  “Even if we go dutch.”

“It’s on the Uchihas,” I say, before ordering an extremely fine, extremely expensive bottle of wine.  “We have an account here.  That Itachi pays.”

Naruto snorts.  “What happened to cutting yourself off?”

I grin, feeling a little naughty.  “Think of it as backpay.”

I’m careful with how much I drink this time.  Partly because I’ve already spent two mornings in a row nursing a hangover, but mostly so I won’t be tempted by Naruto and his tight, turtleneck sweater stretched across his ample bosom.

Okay.  Maybe I’m a little drunk already.

“Out of curiosity, what did the guys interrogate you about on the drive up?”

Naruto’s face flushes when he answers.  “‘What are your intentions with the little one?’” He says in a piss poor impersonation of Deidara.  “‘Don’t get him pregnant!’ ‘If you’re after his money, forget it!’”

We both peel into laughter.  We’re a little louder than we should be.

“And what were your answers?” I hope he can’t hear the tremble in my voice.

“I told them you were on the pill.”

I kick him under the table.

“Naruto!  Seriously!”

He just cackles.  “Don’t worry, don’t worry!  I just told them there’s nothing to worry about, that your shitty attitude wouldn’t be worth your wealth anyway,” he pauses to scratch the back of his head.  “And that I’m a little bit in love with you.”

I know my face is red.  I’m pale enough as it is, my dark hair a stark contrast to my skin, so every little blush shows up on my face like someone took a red, permanent marker to my cheeks.

“You’re hilarious.”

I tip my head back and swallow the rest of my wine.

We stumble into our room.  Room service has been here to fluff our pillows and light the fire.  There’s a faux fur rug lining the floor between the bed and the hearth, and I have a vision of lying Naruto down on its soft surface and showing him what being with a man can really be like.

I’m so drunk.

How did I let this happen again?

“One bed again!” Naruto calls excitedly, already dumping himself across the entire king size expanse of it.

I laugh this time, pulling off my sweater now that we’re tucked away safe in the warmth of the room.  Naruto whistles.  He’s staring at me.  Like, really staring at me.  

“What, moron?”

He sits up on his elbows, wine flush across his cheeks, and probably his chest if I could get that damn turtleneck off.  “You’re so hot.”

Oh, I’m too drunk for this.  I scoff.  

“I’m serious,” Naruto stands up, making his way over to me.  “You’ve got the chest of a model!  How come you only wear fitted stuff when it's too cold to see it?”

“Naruto,” I warn, but I don’t get much else out before he’s taking my jaw and kissing me, warm and soft.

He tastes awful, like the wine we just had and the duck he just finished, but I quickly wrap my arms around his neck and let him pull me close.  His kiss is more forceful than last night, when he was kind of unsure but still so eager, now he’s just eager.  It makes my toes curl and embarrassing noises escape from my throat.

I snap out of it momentarily when his hands go under my shirt, slowly lifting the fabric as his fingers trail up my spine.  I should stop him.  I should tell him he doesn’t need to do this, but when he presses his nose against my neck and fucking inhales against my skin, I go needy with want and repressed feelings.

I raise my arms above my head, and let him take my shirt off.

I’m laughing as we crash into the floor.  Those visions before of us sinning against the rug coming back in full force, like I’m some kind of pornographic clairvoyant.

“What?” Naruto asks, smiling against my jaw as he keeps kissing me.  I tilt my head, never wanting him to stop.  “What’s got you so happy?”

“Your hands on my ass are a good start,” I say.  I feel lighter, happier, than I have in ages.  Naruto is still figuring himself out.  He’s been through hell this week.  I tell myself the least I can do is get him off and let him enjoy himself tonight, and if I get to be the one to help, it’s a win-win.

“Yeah?” he asks, cheeky and ruddy with a goofy smile.  “Where else should I put my hands?  To make you happier?”

The images that flash through my mind.  I kiss him, moaning against his tongue.

“Literally, anywhere you want.”

Waking up tangled in the arms of a naked Naruto Uzumaki is a new one for me.  It’s a good one for me.  I twist my neck to look at his sleeping face, a little pout on his lips, hair already a mess from the frenzied way he sleeps.  I press a kiss to his furrowed brow, he mumbles in his sleep, and I turn back to settle under the weight of his arm around my waist.

We checked out and went home early.  Take a shuttle back.  

“Petty motherfucker,” I mutter to the text on my screen.  Naruto peers at it over my shoulder.  

“Someone’s throwing a tantrum,” he says.  I’m in the midst of twisting a few choice and creative expletives into my reply, but then Naruto kisses my bare shoulder, and I forget why I was mad in the first place.

With our ride gone anyway, we don’t rush.  We order room service.  Fluffy waffles with a raspberry sauce and whipped cream, fresh coffee and crisp peach slices I push onto Naruto’s tongue and let him lick the juice off the pads of my thumbs.

Honestly, I don’t know why we’re still doing this.  Itachi and his army are nowhere near us, can’t see us, haven’t been able to since last night.  Maybe there’s a little acting left in both of us.  I don’t bother fighting it when Naruto offers to give me another slow, languid and spine shattering blow job.

I’m waiting for Naruto to realise there’s no one to put on a show for anymore.  He did his part.  My brother believes I’m so serious for this boy, and he believes it because I am.  

I’m just waiting for Naruto to realise he can stop pretending like he cares the same for me.

“Let’s get a bath going in that giant tub we’ve got!  Are the room charges itemised on the bill?  I hope Itachi sees sensual bath salts and oils and knows exactly what we were spending his money on all morning!” Naruto is already stripping his sleep shirt off and making his way to the bathroom in just his boxers.

I scoff.  “Naruto.  You can stop now.”

He turns in the doorway and grunts.  “Huh?”

My anxiety is rising.  It makes me irritable and feral.  

“What’s with you?” He takes a step toward me.  I feel the pull of him even across the room.  He reaches out to me.

“Stop,” I say, forcing myself to put force into the word.  I step back, startled at myself, how easily I almost fell into him again.

He raises his hands in the air, to show he’s heard.

“Okay, fair!  We’ve probably charged enough to your brother’s card.”  He says it good-naturedly.  Like he’s not nearly as disappointed as I am.  “But I’m still curious.  I’ll pay!”

My hangover has hit me.  I have a raging headache, and a throbbing heart that hurts everytime it beats.

“Naruto, we’re alone now.  You don’t have to act so hard,” I say, forcing even myself to confront the truth I’ve been ignoring.  He blinks, an unreadable expression coming over his face.  I sigh, running a hand through my hair.  “It was fine on the mountain and at the restaurant and in the house where we can be seen, but no one is here but us, and I’m kind of sick of you hanging off of me.”

I didn’t mean that last part to sound so harsh.  I fix my gaze to the rug.

“What do you mean?”

I won’t meet his eyes.  I refuse.

“Naruto, seriously, stop it.”

“Stop what, Sasuke?”

“Stop the act!”

I’m desperate for him to understand.  I just don’t know what I need him to understand.

“What act?”

I can’t read his voice.  Is he scared?  Is he hurt?  Is he angry?

Because I certainly am.

“You don’t have to do it anymore.  Not here!  Not behind closed doors.”

Naruto looks bewildered, shocked.  A little speechless.  “What about-”

“Last night was fun.  It was good, but I’m done being your experiment.  You like guys!  Congratu-fucking-lations!” My voice cracks and takes on a tone I hoped Naruto would never have to hear.  “Why do you need me to keep telling you that?  Go tell your fucking girlfriend!”

Naruto stands there, not saying anything, for what feels like an eternity.

“Sasuke,” he says, careful and delicate.  “I like you.”

My world is spinning.  

“No, you don’t,” I spit.  “I’m just the first guy you kissed and happen to look a little feminine.”

“That’s what’s got you so pissy?  You think I think you’re close enough to a girl I can get away with rubbing one out on your leg and still say no homo?”

“Isn’t that part of it?” I challenge him.  “Aren’t I just lucky number one?”

“Sasuke, I don’t know about you, but I don’t fuck my friends and then expect nothing to come of it!  My friends are kind of important to me.”

I run a hand through my hair, yanking at the strands.  “I’m not saying you’re not important to me.  Of course you are!”  I need him to understand how important, and I need him to stop pretending I’m just as important to him.  “I’m saying you don’t want to be my boyfriend, so you can stop acting like it!”

“You’re right.  I don’t have to act anymore.”  It’s his turn to stare at the rug.  He swallows.  I watch his throat bob, and my traitorous brain remembers sucking kisses into it last night.  “I don’t want to be your boyfriend so Itachi will stop setting you up with eligible wives.  I don’t want to be your boyfriend so they’ll take your sexuality seriously.  I don’t want to be your boyfriend because I get a free ski weekend out of it.”  All these words should hurt.  Why don’t they hurt?  “I want to be your boyfriend because I like you.”

It’s too early in the goddamn morning for these serious declarations.

“How would you know that?” I’m not screaming, but my chest is bursting to hurt like it wants to.  “You’ve been hooking up with me for, what?  A few days?  How would you know you like me?”

Naruto strides forward with a growl, and I fear for half a moment he’s going to hit me.  I make myself stand still for it.  He grabs my shoulders instead.  I guess because I’m not wearing a shirt.

“When are you going to get it through your thick, beautiful, fucking head?” He is so angry and he is so beautiful.  “You think I stuck around this weekend because I’m some kind of masochist?  No!  It’s because you needed me!”  His fangs are bared and his eyes are shining.  He’s going to cry.  I grip his wrists, but I don’t push him away.  I can’t.  I can’t make myself.  “Yeah!  I didn’t know I liked guys until like two minutes ago.  And yeah!  I’m a shit boyfriend!  But I want to try for you.  I want to learn.  I want to be better!  Not because I think you’re my only chance and I’ll fuck it up, but because I don't want another chance with anyone else.  Now I’m terrified I’ll fuck it up!  I want to be better for you.”   And then he is crying.  I think I am too.  “You were the first person to see me, Sasuke.  And I think, this weekend, you finally let me see you too.”

He’s panting.  On the verge of sobbing.  We’re both standing in our underwear, in the middle of an overpriced room with a ridiculous fur rug we had sex on last night.  There are remnants of us all over the place.  In the way our clothes are strewn in a trail from the door to the bed.  In the way the pillows are set up so I was always supported, even as Naruto spent this morning taking me apart.  I literally can’t look anywhere and convince myself he’s lying.  Because it’s Naruto, and he’s stubborn, and he’s stupid, but he is incapable of lying.  

If he cares about you for even a second, he’ll never let you forget it.  I grip his wrists tighter, my fingernails digging into his skin.  He moves closer, his forehead resting on my shoulder, blonde hair tickling my skin.

“I always thought it’d be so cool to date someone like my best friend.”  He presses the words to my skin, against the beating pulse in my neck.  “Now I know; I don’t want anyone like you.  I want exactly you.” 

I grip his hair, yank his head back and press him to me.  Our breath is heavy, our hands are shaking.  I can taste our tears on my tongue.  He lifts me off the floor and I wrap myself around him.  He stumbles backwards a few steps before he manages to catch himself from falling and cracking open his skull.

“You’re a little heavy,” he grunts.  

I hiss and bite his lip for good measure.  “Are you saying I’m fat?”

For all his complaints, he’s still carrying me right toward the bathroom.

“No, you ass!  I’m saying you’re all man and muscle!  And I dig it a lot!”

Then he’s pushing bottles of lotion and unused face cloths aside so he can rest me on the bathroom counter.  

“If you’re going to keep being my boyfriend, I need you to stop using words like ‘dig’.  It’s not 2009!”

Naruto is busy turning on the tap so hot water blasts from the faucet.  Steam rises from the tub.  It’s going to make him so pink under his tan and I’m getting excited about making him pink other places.  Then he gives me a view of his big, beautiful, blue eyes surrounded by blonde lashes set in the most determined expression I’ve ever seen.

“I am going to keep being your boyfriend, but I’ll use whatever language I want to.”  My mind fills with steam faster than the room does, fogging up like the mirror behind me.  “Like a boss!”

I can’t help it.  I start laughing.  I throw my head back with force and my head smacks against the mirror.  Even as I’m clutching it in pain, I can’t stop laughing.

“You’re so ridiculous!”

“Ridiculously right, maybe,” he says, crowding between my legs and speaking against my hair, already damp from the steam.  

He hooks his fingers into the hem of my boxers and yanks them down my legs to my ankles.  My laughter gets caught in my throat as he does the same to himself, picks me up off the bathroom counter (with seemingly no effort this time) and lowers us into the tub now full to the brim with steaming hot and rose pink water.

I kiss him.  I kiss him hard enough I know my teeth are leaving marks against his lips.  I kiss him for long enough we run out of breath and have to take turns regaining it.  Him, while holding me tight enough to bruise and discovering the new parts of my body that make me whimper and moan.  Me, while gliding along his thigh, water foaming around us and overrunning the edge.  

I kiss him.  I kiss him and become a person whole again.

We check out late, charge the fee to Itachi, and get the next shuttle back to the house.  

I’m not sure who I expect to see first, but it’s Itachi who greets us at the door, with a cold shoulder and a scornful look over the rim of his mug.

“I see you two had a good time,” he says as we approach the porch steps.  It makes me pause.  There’s something hidden in his tone.

“You’re the one always telling me to take better advantage of our vacations,” I reply.

He doesn’t say anything more, just takes a long, languid sip of his coffee.  I usher Naruto to go inside, hoping I can get us packed and out to the car before Itachi decides he wants to play cat and mouse.  He goes to follow us.

“By the way, Naruto, how’s your girlfriend?”

Both of us pause in the foyer.  There’s ice trickling down my back, freezing my lungs, making it hard to think.  We both turn to look at him, and are met with a look of visceral hate.  I feel my own hate rising in my throat.

He couldn’t just let me have this.

“I thought I told you not to go digging into his life?” I say.

Itachi shrugs, and walks between us into the main rooms.  “I didn’t.”

“Zetsu,” I hiss.  “That’s cheating!’

If looks could kill, Itachi would have several lacerations in his back, and an open, bleeding heart.  

“And what you’re doing isn’t?”

I stomp into the kitchen with him.  Thank god the others aren’t here.  It’s just us.  Uchiha versus Uchiha.

“They broke up!” I say.  

“Oh, I wasn’t talking about them.  Frankly, I could care less what Naruto does with his love life.  It’s you I’m concerned with.  Setting up such a thin facade as to bring a fake boyfriend home.  Really, Sasuke?  How immature are you?”

“Can you blame me?  You wouldn’t stop shoving suitors into my face like I’m some mediaeval prince refusing to take the throne!”

“Maybe if you took finding a partner half as seriously as you took finding a fake partner, we wouldn’t be having this discussion.”

“Maybe if you just got off my back, I wouldn’t have had to fake a relationship!”

“It’s not fake!”  Naruto takes the space beside me.  Itachi regards him, like he forgot Naruto was even here.  “Okay, we came here faking it, but it’s not-”

“If you say something like ‘it’s not fake anymore’ then I will throw up in my mouth.”

I want to scream and throw my head against the marble countertops.

“Why do you have to be like that?” I cry.  “Did it ever occur to you that even if it was real from the beginning, I wouldn’t want to share it with you anyway!  Because you do this!  Every.  Fucking.  Time!”

“Sasuke, you are an Uchiha-”

“Like you’d ever let me forget!”  Fuck, I’m so sick of hearing that name.

“And you cannot bring home boys that don’t have any understanding of what that means!”

“Maybe I won’t be an Uchiha anymore than!” I know I sound like a petulant child.  I know I’m not helping this image Itachi has of me as a young kid crying on the playground because he was told he has to go home and practise his piano.  But if he’s going to constantly talk to me like I’m a child, maybe I’ll never stop acting like one.

Itachi has gone silent, leaning against the kitchen island, glaring at us across the kitchen.

“What does that mean?” He demands, in a voice that sends tremors of fear through my veins to my heart.  

I swallow.  I remember that feeling in the car with him yesterday.  I remember the boy beside me that cares for me no matter my name or my status, and has so since the day I met him.  Since the day I fell in love with him.  I remember the power he believes I have.  The power Itachi knows I have, or he wouldn’t be constantly trying to rob me of it.

I grit my teeth and I don’t back down.  

“Did it ever occur to you that maybe Naruto won’t marry into this family?  That maybe I will marry out of it!”

Finally, finally, Itachi goes silent.

“You wouldn’t dare.”

Finally, finally, Itachi has no leg to stand on.

“You know what, Itachi?  It’s not up to you.  It’s a choice we’ll make together, without your input.”

I steal my courage and look at Naruto, hoping he hasn’t been scared away by my sudden proposal.  I should never have worried about Naruto, who would never back down from defending a friend.  He looks at me with such a wide, proud smile.

“Sasuke Uzumaki!” He says, like it’s the greatest idea in the world.  “I like the sound of that!”

“Sasuke,” Itachi grits my name, loathing in his voice.  “This is your last chance-”

“No, this is your last chance with me!”

“How could you ever think I’d take a relationship like this seriously?” Itachi gestures between the two of us, and I don’t miss the look of contempt that flits over his face when he eyes Naruto.  I don’t miss the underlying meaning hidden in the this.   

“Oh, please take your prejudice and shove it up your ass!  I am not doing this because of you!  I’m gay!  I’ve been gay since the moment I was born.  There is no other choice here, not that that’s at all how bisexuality works, but you can very safely assume I will never date a woman!”

You could drop a pin on a shag carpet and hear it, the silence that encompasses the room.

“You’re gay?” He says, almost on a whisper.

I’m still terrified.  I’m still afraid of him, I will always be afraid of him, but that fear can no longer paralyse me and make me bend to the image he has of me.  Naruto looks at me in wonder, probably wondering where this version of me has been hiding.

I give Itachi one very quick, curt nod.

“Believe it or not, Itachi, some things in my life have nothing to do with you, and nothing to do with being an Uchiha.”

He doesn’t seem to know what to do with this information.  Every avenue he normally uses to coral me into his bidding, every string tied taught around my limbs, cut and shredded.  

I am no longer his dancing puppet.

It’s silent for what feels like eternity.  I hear someone sneeze outside the room, and a cry as they’re whacked in the arm.  So the others were listening.  

“Naruto,” I finally say, being the first one to speak.  “Let’s go home.”

He nods, takes my hand and leads me out of the room.  I find myself a little grateful.  My legs have stopped working.  

I let Naruto drive.  He doesn’t play any music and he doesn’t speak.  He fidgets, and I can hear it the whole time I lay my head against the seat and try to sleep.  I open my eyes when I know we’re off the grounds, when the familiar road finally starts to lead home.

I look over at him.  Naruto’s eyes are gleaming in the winter light, reflecting the stark, blue sky around us.  I shift, so he knows I’m awake, and carefully place my hand on his thigh.

He takes my hand in his immediately.

“That was,” he starts.  Swallows.  Clears his throat.  “A lot.”

I scoff.  “That’s an understatement.”

He clutches my hand tighter.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

I sit with the question for a moment, letting the trees roll past us.  

“I am,” I announce.  “It’s been long overdue; cutting myself off from him and the others.”  I sigh, long and heavy, but it’s the first breath of fresh air I feel truly reaches my lungs.  “I think I got tired of hanging on to all my bullshit.”

Naruto grins at me.  

It’s silent again, a little more peaceful, and I think we’re going to spend the next couple of hours in comfortable silence.  Until Naruto starts fidgeting again.  I raise an eyebrow, that he’s ignoring.

“What, moron?” I ask.

He fidgets some more.  “I’m really proud of you for standing up to your brother and all, and for coming out to him.  I mean really coming out to him.  And it’s even cooler you wanted to announce our relationship so clearly to him…”

Oh my fucking god.  Where’s the but?  

My heart stops beating.  I’m going to have to ask him to pull over to throw up.  I applaud him for waiting until now to break up with me, and even after all we’ve been through, I can’t even bring myself to blame him.  What he just saw was probably not even a tenth of the family baggage that comes with being an Uchiha, and cutting myself off or no, I can’t guarantee it’ll all magically disappear.

I fucking wish.

“Okay,” I say, trying to keep my voice steady.

“And it sounded really cool in the moment!  Like ‘Maybe Naruto won’t marry into this family.  Maybe I’ll marry out of it!’  That’s so badass!”

I would punch him if he wasn’t driving.

“Naruto, just say it!”

He grimaces, and takes a breath.  “I’m not ready to get married!”

He’s so stupid.  He’s so stupid and I love him.  Relief hits me hard.  I commend myself for being able to hide it.

“Neither am I, dumbass.”

Naruto blinks, eyes flitting between me and the road.  He’s not doing as good of a job at hiding his own relief.

“Oh.  Cool.”

Silence takes over again.  I’m suddenly missing his shitty hip-hop tunes.  I reach for his phone to plug it in and find them.

“What’s your passcode?” I ask.

“You’re still my boyfriend though, right?” Is his answer.

I can’t keep the smile off my face.

“Yes, moron, I’m still your boyfriend, but we don’t have to get married.”

“Okay, cool.”

“Great.  Now, passcode?”

“But like, maybe we could!  Way, way down the road!  Like, once I’ve figured out what my sexuality even is and we should live together first and-”

I heave a sigh.  “Naruto, pull over.”

After he’s shared a few more nervous glances my way, he obeys.

“Fuck, I’m screwing this up already.  You’re literally my best friend, Sasuke, and I love you so fucking much, but I can’t get married!”

While he’s babbling, I reach over and pull the lever that sends his seat careening back.  I take up a position in his lap, steering wheel digging into my back, and press my lips to his.  Sure enough, he folds easy, hands finding my hips, thumbs rubbing circles into my bones.  I kiss him until he’s stupid (which doesn’t take very long) and then I keep kissing him.  We’re wasting fuel, blasting the heater and the engine is still idle, but I don’t let him go until he’s done with me.

And he’s never done with me.

I pull away, peck his pink lips once, twice, then nibble on his bottom lip a little for good measure.

“Are you done?”

He gulps, but nods, with a sappy, lost, smitten look on his face.

“Yup!”

“We can be boyfriends, for as long as you want, even if that’s forever.”

I kiss his whiskers and climb off his lap.  We spend a few minutes calming down, before he rights his seat, and turns the car back onto the highway.

“Now!  Give me your damn passcode!”

He chuckles.  “Sixteen-oh-four.”  I tap it in and open up his Youtube Music.  “But you might want to change it.”

“Why?” I ask, not really paying attention as I try to search for something we both like.

He’s silently fidgeting again.  “Because it’s her birthday.”

I pause.  I look at his profile, and notice how determinedly he doesn’t look at me anymore.  “How can she say you didn’t care if your passcode is her literal birthday?”

He laughs nervously.  “Because otherwise I would have forgotten it.  You should make it your birthday!  Twenty-three-oh-seven!”

I don't comment that he can’t remember the birthday of someone he was meant to be dating, but knows mine off the top of his head.  I allow myself a little victory smirk.  I select a song, put his phone down, and go back to holding his hand, fingers intertwined, resting on his thigh.

I’m fidgeting nervously, picking at my fingernails, trying to calm my racing heart.  I pull a napkin from the dispenser in the middle of the table and tear it to shreds.  Naruto returns from the bar holding our beers.

“Chicken wings are on the way!” he announces, and takes a swig of his drink.  I grunt in acknowledgement.

His hand fits into mine, pausing my homicide of the napkin, and squeezes my fingers.

“This isn’t going to be like last time,” he reassures me, again.  He’s been reassuring me all day.  Telling me we don’t have to do this tonight, that he’s happy to keep waiting.  It’s because of that I don’t want to wait anymore.  I feel like I’ve been waiting for this moment for years, and I’m going to crawl out of my skin if I have to wait a moment longer.

I’m also just completely terrified.

“I know that,” I say with a tight voice.  “I just can’t stop imagining it all going wrong.”

He squeezes my fingers again.  He abruptly lets go when two figures join our table.  

“Naruto!  Sasuke!” Sakura greets, kissing us both on the cheek in greeting.  “Don’t be a surgeon.  Don’t ever be a surgeon!”

Ino sits beside her, cackling.

“Trouble at the hospital again?” Naruto asks.  He’s careful not to touch me, but his arm is draped over the back of the booth, where it would be so easy to ease against it and let him trace the slope of my neck like he does when we’re on my couch and watching a movie together.

“I find the human body so fascinating,” Sakura continues.  “Just not when it’s exploding all over me!”

Naruto joins Ino’s cackling but I give her a sympathetic smile.

The others show up a few minutes later, and I grow more and more nervous with each new member of our group joining the table.  We managed to grab one of the big booths, but Lee shows up late enough he still has to borrow a chair from another table and Shikamaru is squashed in the seat opposite to us with Neji, Hinata, Sakura and Ino.  In a chair with five that’s meant to seat three.

Gaara took the seat beside Naruto when Kiba went to the bathroom, and refused to give it back.  

Everyone takes turns sharing their stories of their breaks.  What they did.  Where they went.  Who they spent it with.  I’m trying to be a good friend and listen to what they’re saying, but I’m not hearing it.  My brain is numb with nerves. 

Naruto seems at ease, like he always is when he’s in a group this large.  

“Okay, enough about you!” Sakura says as Kiba attempts to start another story of the dogs on his uncle’s ranch.  “Sasuke, I want to hear how it went with your brother!”

Well, if this ain’t it.

“Yeah, about that.”  I know I was meant to rehearse what I was going to say.  Naruto said it’s mostly my story to tell, and he’ll jump in when it’s his turn.  All my words left me the moment Sakura called any attention to me.  “So, funny story…”

And I tell them everything.  

I tell them how Itachi has been hassling me about finding a wife for years.  I tell them about his and his friends’ relentless bullying.  I tell them Naruto valiantly agreed to fake a relationship with me in an effort to help me carry some of my baggage out the door.  I tell them I put off dating for so long, because I was terrified of what Itachi would think of me bringing a guy home.  Of what anyone would think of me bringing a guy home.  

My friends are not assholes.  They’d die for me as much as I would die for them, but telling a group of people you care for about how your innermost self works is so much more terrifying than telling the people you care about less.  You care more about their opinions, and have so much more to lose.

“And by the end of it, I guess…” This is the important part.  The part I’ve been building up to.  Naruto is practically vibrating out of his seat in his excitement.  He tells me everyday he’s proud of me.  I take his hand under the table, lace our fingers together and bring them out onto the surface.  I trace the shape of his knuckles with his thumb, place my other hand over it so there’s no mistake.

This one’s mine.

“By the end of it, we kind of decided to-”

“No!  Don’t say it!”  We’re shocked into silence.  “Please!”

Sakura turns to him.  “Lee, shut up!”

“But I can’t-”

“Hah!” Gaara calls in an uncharacteristically loud laugh, pointing at him.  “Pay up!”

“No!” Lee screeches.

The table erupts into action all over again.  Sakura, annoyed we were interrupted, growls at the boys.  Ino laughs.  Shikamaru shakes his head, like this is all Lee’s fault for betting against Gaara, who has some eerily accurate predictions about us sometimes.

“You bet on us?” Naruto asks.  I can’t tell if he’s truly angry.  We watch as Lee, definitely, truly sobbing, hands over his cash to Gaara.    

“Lee bet you two would be together by Christmas.  Gaara, by New Year’s,” Shikamaru explains.  “But when your girlfriend broke up with you, Naruto, Gaara changed his bet and said you’d be together by the end of winter break.”

“I told them it was immature and cheap!” Sakura says, disappointed scowl aimed at the two of them.

“You guys suck!” Naruto calls, then raises a palm to Gaara.  “I want in on that!”

“Honestly!” Sakura wails.

“Thirty percent,” Naruto demands.  “It’s my relationship, afterall.”

“Ten,” Gaara counteroffers.

“Twenty!”

Gaara nods and hands over Naruto’s share.

“Are you serious?” I ask him as he settles back beside me.  “You’re earning off of this?”

“Don’t you want twenty bucks?” He asks, mischievous grin on his face, offering me the aforementioned twenty bucks.

I consider it.  “Yeah, I want twenty bucks.”

My hand is back in Naruto’s, on the table, in full display.  I know he’s going to tease me later, for being so right.  That none of them would care that I'm gay and tried to deceive my brother with a fake relationship.  None of them would care that I'm cutting myself off from the Uchiha name.  

Or rather, they care very much, but only in the way my friends ever could.  

“Wait, hold up,” Naruto pauses suddenly, turning to Gaara.  “How did you guess we’d get together?  I was straight!”

Everyone laughs.  It’s a joke everyone is in on, except us.

“Naruto, buddy, I don’t know how to tell you this,” Shikamaru starts.  “But you flirted with Sasuke more than you ever flirted with your own girlfriend.”

Naruto makes a loud noise of protest. “I did not!”

“He flirts with everyone,” I say in his defence, rolling my eyes.  They all start laughing again.

Naruto looks like he’s going to argue with them.  Then he pauses, seriously thinking about it, and begins to turn as red as the booth we’re sitting in.

“Oh my god!” He buries his face in his hands and wails, which only makes everyone laugh harder.

I frown at him.  “Don’t you?” I ask, incredulous.

“No,” comes his cracked response.  He looks at me between his fingers.  “I don’t think I do.”

Anyone’s words are lost in the cry of our group as they slap and tease him, recounting tales of when he bought me hot chocolate at work when I was sick and refused to stay home.  Then waited until I was done and walked me home.  

Or when he bought me a flower crown out of nowhere because he thought it would suit my eyes; his girlfriend at the time was right beside him.

Or when he-

“Okay!  I get it!” He cries, now burying his face against my shoulder.  “I’m gay as fuck for this man!”

I cringe a little when everyone cheers, but if it doesn’t warm my heart in all the best ways.  Fuck them, I care about them all so much.  Sakura announces we should get drinks to celebrate.

“Yes!  Agreed!” Lee says, now in a better mood.  “And Gaara is paying!”

He scowls and we erupt into laughter.  

Naruto is still flushed pretty pink, but picks himself up off my shoulder, and tries his best to participate in the conversation.  I slide my hand back into his, kiss his cheek, and whisper in his ear.  “It’s okay.  I was probably flirting with you the whole time too.”

It seems to help, and he gives me a grateful smile.  “Sorry I got here a little slow.”

I shrug.  “It’s not like there’s a best before date.”

One Year Later

I am so fucked.

“Excuse me?” I say into the phone, my voice betraying me with a tremble I don’t give it permission to have.

“I said,” Itachi repeats on the other end, deep voice sure and poignant.  “Why did your boyfriend just show up at my apartment door, demanding your hand in marriage?”

I pause in the middle of the sidewalk.  Someone bumps into my shoulder and gives me a dirty look.  I return it with my own.

“How am I supposed to know anything about that?” I ask.

“So you two haven’t been talking about marriage?”

“Not since…”

Not since a year ago when I decided to announce in front of my only remaining family I was disowning myself and taking Naruto’s name.  

It’s been a hard year.  A long year.  My relationship with Itachi is still tumultuous on good days.  He did ask to talk it out.  He did ask if we could fix our relationship.  I told him, honestly, I didn’t think there was anything left to fix, but if he truly wanted to be a part of my life, my life with Naruto, he could do it on my terms.

For the most part, he’s been amenable to that.

Except for now, when he spoils my boyfriend’s surprise proposal.

“Honestly, I’m surprised it took so long,” Itachi mutters.  “The way that boy looks at you, I expected to get a message from Vegas with an elopement status.”

I scoff.  “We only just moved in together.”

“Could’ve fooled me.”

“Did you want something?” I’m suddenly eager to get home.  

“Yes, actually, I wanted to say congratulations-”

“Prematurely,” I mutter.  

“And I hope you have a long and happy marriage.”

I laugh into the phone.  “You do not!”

Surprisingly, Itachi laughs too.  “You’re right, I do not.  I still think he’s not good enough for you, and I could set you up with a thousand better men who all have greater prospects than he does.  Prospects that match yours.”

“So you’ve said,” I keep walking.  Winter hit early this year and the wind is cold on my cheeks and the tips of my ears.  Luckily, I have a living, human furnace waiting for me at home.  “And I’ve told you, I love him.  I’m not changing my mind about him.”

Itachi sighs, but for once, I can’t hear the bone-deep, exhausting disappointment he usually has for me.  If anything, I can almost hear a kind of happiness in it.  

“Fine.  I expect an extravagant wedding at least.  Don’t break your poor, big brother’s heart and elope!”

“We’ll do what we do and you’ll say thank you.  With a gift of cash.”  As I’m wrapping up the conversation, suddenly something about Itachi’s words hit me, and I have to pause in the middle of the sidewalk all over again.  A lady in leopard print jeggings walking a yappy dog frowns at me.  “Wait, did you say yes?”

Itachi clears his throat.  “What can I say?  He’s very persuasive.”

“You said yes so he’d leave, didn’t you?”

“The game was on, and I already missed a good goal because he wouldn’t stop waxing poetic about you in my living room!”

I laugh at him.  “Not that it matters what you said.  Naruto will ask anyway.”  Of that, I am sure.

“Then why was he here?”

I delight in hearing the pain in Itachi’s voice.

“Maybe it was for you rather than it was for him.  Maybe he wanted you to give you the chance to take us seriously, before we really do drive to Vegas and elope.”

There’s a pause, and Itachi answers with a laugh.  “And maybe I respect him more for it.”

We say our goodbyes and I speed walk the rest of the way home.

When I reach our apartment door, I pause before opening it, taking a long, deep breath.  I don’t know what I was expecting.  Maybe the apartment to be dark.  Candles lit in the living room.  Rose petals in a trail to the bed.  Pink, rose water steaming in the tub in an adorable repeat of our morning not so long ago when we bit our words of greedy affirmation into each other’s throats.

Instead, our apartment hasn’t changed.  There’s still the foyer table cluttered with photos of our time so far together, some taped to the wall because we haven’t had the time to frame them.  I can hear the TV blasting the tunes of whatever anime Naruto is avidly watching.  It’s a little chilly still, the thermostat set low, as Naruto naturally runs hot.

I dump my coat and boots at the cabinet, and make my way in to find Naruto in a shirt and shorts.  He has his hair tied back, bandana around his forehead, slurping ramen broth like it expires tomorrow.

He looks over his shoulder, infamous grin spreading across his face.

“Sasuke!  Hey babe!” He has a noodle stuck to his chin.

I throw the rest of my things on the table, walk to the couch and deposit myself beside him.  He snaps his chopsticks with one hand, discarding them into the bowl and the bowl onto the coffee table.  His thick arms wind around me, and I busy myself sliding in even closer, pressing kisses to his exposed collarbones.

“Itachi called on my way home,” I say.

“Oh, yeah?” Naruto winds a hand into my hair, kissing the strands, and pulling me on top of him so I’m lying across his body.  “What’d he have to say this time?”

I smile against his chest.

“Just the usual.”

“He still disapproves of me, huh?  Well, I’ll show him!  Don’t underestimate Naruto Uzumaki!”

I laugh, and not because Naruto’s hands have found my ass in my jeans and it kind of tickles.

“No one would dare underestimate you, Mr. Uzumaki,” I say, but my words are muffled while I find a squishy part of his chest to bite.  Lucky for me, it’s all squishy.  He grunts, and tugs on my hair.  I know it means he wants a kiss.  I know it means he wants to see my face, to look into my eyes, to tell me he loves me.

I do what he asks, kissing what parts of his face I can reach.

“You tell him that, Future Mr. Uzumaki!” he commands.

I laugh against his jaw, and finally seal our lips together.

I don’t know when he plans to propose, Itachi can’t spoil all his surprises, but when he undoubtedly does, I am undoubtedly going to say yes.

[not-poignant]

me giving advice to writers: don't worldbuild too much, you'll intimidate yourself out of writing the story

me: /worldbuilds too much, intimidates self out of writing the story/

me: ...

[seb-writess]

I’m About to Meet Your End

Pairings: Naruto/Sasuke

Tags: Rated explicit, Modern AU (College), Semi-public sex, top Naruto/bottom Sasuke, Sex on the beach, skinny dipping, dirty talk, consensual possessive behaviour

Summary:

It’s been like this all night. Some girl will find a way to strip down to their bikini top in front of Sasuke, waiting for a piece of his attention before then, and only then, deciding to remove the towel they had draped over their chest. Another literally wrapped herself around his arm. She hung off him bodily for minutes until he managed to take his arm back.

Naruto has witnessed it all, and done nothing.

He should be proud of Naruto.  He clearly heard Sasuke before.  He’s holding Sasuke’s words to heart; that Sasuke isn’t interested no matter what boobs get thrown at him or cleavage is on display.  He only has eyes for Naruto.

Naruto, like he promised, is playing the perfect boyfriend.  He’s keeping his cool.  Even his touches remain calm and casual.  A gentle hold on Sasuke’s hip when they’re close enough to touch.  A quick kiss to his hair before Naruto goes bounding off to greet Gaara when he arrives with his siblings.  A nod in Sasuke’s direction when he strolls past, despite Sasuke standing between two girls making eyes at him and giggling at his every word.

Without a hint of Naruto’s jealousy in sight, the night goes on smoothly.

And Sasuke hates it.

Status: Complete (8,000 words)

READ UNDER THE CUT

 The alarm is going off.

 It’s 6.30 AM and the alarm is going off.

 This would be a problem any day of the year, regardless, but it’s a particularly big problem today as the alarm was      not meant to go off.  

 Naruto reaches out from under the covers, fumbling for the giant button that will silence the screeching, condescending noise.  He pushes it, but the sound doesn’t stop.  He pushes it again, more forcefully, and the sound still doesn’t stop.  Frustrated, angry and sleep deprived as it is, Naruto raises a fist and brings it down.   There’s a crunch, a crack, a shatter, and the noise finally stops.

 Silence in exchange for a broken alarm clock.

 He’s had worse.

 “You moron,” Sasuke grumbles against Naruto’s back, having had to wake up to the same noise.

 Naruto finally drags his arm back under the covers, mumbling an apology.  He intertwines his fingers with the ones trailing against his stomach.  He rubs a thumb over Sasuke’s knuckles and squeezes his hand.  

 “I forgot,” Naruto replies, voice raspy and full of the sleep he’s deprived of them both.

 “I hate you,” Sasuke replies again.

 “Yeah, I know.”  

 Naruto, still holding Sasuke’s hand, rolls onto his back, where sure enough, Sasuke doesn’t waste any time draping himself across Naruto’s chest.  He presses his nose to the underside of Naruto’s jaw.   Their fingers stay tightly grasped between one anothers, and Naruto simply holds it against his heartbeat, where Sasuke finally squeezes his fingers back.

 “Forgive me?” Naruto asks, a small, sweet lilt to his voice.

 Sasuke uncurls himself from Naruto long enough to look at him.   Naruto stares back.  Sasuke looks beautiful, even on the first day of summer vacation.  He looks beautiful after three weeks of finals and last minute labs and rallying his group to do their, and quote, ‘fucking part in the fucking assignment before I fucking end them and their entire fucking families’.  End quote.

 He’s beautiful when he’s trying to glare at Naruto after being ripped from the chance to sleep in for the first time all semester.   He’s so beautiful, Naruto can’t help but smile back.

 “You’re a blight on my life, I swear to god,” Sasuke says, but seals their lips together all the same.

 Naruto holds back his laugh so they can remain as they are.   Sasuke’s long bangs tickling his cheeks where the hair trails finely over his skin.  His fingers squeezing Naruto’s own tighter than ever.   His tongue forcing its way inside Naruto’s mouth to trace the shape of his fangs.

 “What time did you get in last night?” Naruto asks.  Truthfully, Sasuke’s morning breath could be used as a weapon of war, but there’s something else he’s missed during their mad scramble for the finish line.  

 His closeness.

 Over the time of semester, casual touches became quick jabs.   Longing gazes turned to tired glances.  Words of love and wonder (and sometimes scorn, but still, always with love) morphed into frantic questions of ‘where is my laptop charger’ and ‘why are you using my laptop charger’.  Naruto realises pretty quickly, he’s missed Sasuke.   Just Sasuke.  Brooding, aggressive, quick tempered Sasuke.  Beautiful, handsome, ethereal Sasuke.  

 Sasuke, his boyfriend, who has relaxed back by Naruto’s side in the single bed, squished between the wall and Naruto’s body.  Naruto gets the feeling, as Sasuke gayly uses Naruto’s right pec as a pillow, it was his masterful, evil plan from the beginning.

 “About two,” Sasuke replies.

 Naruto hums.  He remembers passing out around half past midnight, the relief of finishing his last assignment and handing it in on time (for once) leaving him feeling dizzy.  Or that might have been the sleep deprivation.

 “Did you get it all done?” Naruto asks.  He curls his arm, pinned under Sasuke’s neck, up to thread fingers through Sasuke’s thick, dark hair, scrunching it between his fingers affectionately.  

 “With no help from anyone else.”

 Naruto laughs.  “That’s my boy.”

 “Shut it.”

 Naruto laughs again, but silence quickly takes its place.   Naruto glances across the room, to the bed Sasuke should have been occupying, but it’s strewn with his laundry that hasn’t been washed in two weeks, remnants of study snacks, and old lab notes Naruto is certain Sasuke is happy to finally ignore.  

 Their room is fitted with two single beds, two desks, two closets, and a door to the bathroom they share with the guys on the other side, Lee and Neji.  Except neither have used their beds individually since sophomore year, when begrudging roommates became aquaintances, became kind-of-maybe friends, became the worst of enemies (Naruto’s jealousy period, they don’t talk about it) became lovers.

 Now, they’ll sleep in Naruto’s bed until his sheets have taken on a weird smell, always hurried along in the long stretch of quiet between exams when their sex life is far more active.  Then they’ll migrate to Sasuke’s side of the room and do the same.  About once a month (and Sakura argues it should be far more often) they rip the sheets from both their beds and spend an afternoon at the laundromat at the end of the block with their class notes, passing back and forth hot cheetos, different coloured highlighters, and a bottle of blue Gatorade Naruto swears tastes better than blue Powerade.

 Naruto realises they’re far more overdue for a laundry day than they usually are, but without essays to keep them occupied while they wait for the spin cycle to finish, they might have to find other ways to occupy the time.

 Like if he can convince Sasuke to let Naruto suck him off in the bathroom again.  Or if he can convince Sasuke to bend over in the bathroom again.  Or if he can…

 Wow, they’ve had a lot of sex in that laundromat bathroom.

 “What are you thinking about?”

 Naruto snaps out of his thoughts, cheeks warm in the brightening room, staring up at Sasuke.  Sasuke has sat up, stretching his arms, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.  He’s got an old pair of sweats on and nothing else.  Naruto can see the shape of his dick if he tilts his head just right so the light of the rising sun falls over his crotch.

 Fuck, he’s horny.

 “How corny would you think I am if my answer is you?” Naruto rolls to his side, head propped up against his hand, making no effort to hide his very obvious ogling of Sasuke’s chest.  Or his neck.  Or his-

 “Very corny,” Sasuke answers.  He hasn’t caught on yet.  Hasn’t noticed Naruto’s heated stare.

 “I’ll say it anyway,” Naruto replies.

 “Whatever,” Sasuke sighs.  There’s a very faint, pink blush on his already impossibly sharp cheekbones.  “Do you want food?  I’m ordering Door Dash.”

 Naruto scoffs.  “You can’t order Door Dash.  You order food through Door Dash.  What food are you ordering through Door Dash?”

 “Oh for fucks-  Does it      matter!?      Do you want food or not?”

 “No!”

 “Fine!”

 “I want you, you clueless prick!”

 Then Sasuke is in Naruto’s lap, tongue in his mouth, hands in his hair.  They never stopped bickering, even while dating.  Never stopped arguing over mundane things like how to correctly say you are using door dash’s services to bring food to your place of residence.  Or if Naruto left the milk out on the counter again.  

 But it tastes different now.  It tastes like Sasuke can’t live without the dumbass who gets his heart pumping and his skin heated and his brain fogged with the feel of his chest under his hands.  It tastes like Naruto can’t fathom spending a moment away from the asshole who makes him see stars in the daytime or makes him smile while throwing insults or makes him want to give up his last can of redbull if Sasuke is the one who gets it.

 They’re rock hard in minutes, naked moments after.

 Naruto groans against Sasuke’s neck.

 “Fuck, I wanna fuck you,” he grunts, grinding up.  He feels the welcome press of Sasuke’s thighs around his hips.  

 “Later,” Sasuke promises.  “Just get me off.”

 “Touchy.”

 “Naruto,” he says, in warning, and Naruto would be scared of the look broiling in those storm dark eyes if it weren’t also such a turn on.

 “Yeah, yeah,” Naruto laughs, pressing their mouths together, flipping Sasuke onto the mattress and shimmying down his body.  “I got you.”

 He says it so quietly, meaning it to be gentle, but has to make a mental note to apologise to the house      again     when Sasuke practically screams as his dick disappears down Naruto’s throat.  Sasuke never means to be vocal, so it always strokes Naruto’s ego      just right     when he can dislodge such sounds from Sasuke’s otherwise stone, cold chest.

 Neither are interested in drawing it out.  They’re both still tired, still hungry, and still incredibly touch-starved to bother with anything more than some quick foreplay before getting right to the point.  Sasuke fists blonde strands in his fingers, guiding Naruto’s head up and down his length.  He shudders when Naruto presses his tongue firmly to the underside of his cock as he drags it up.

 Sasuke is panting wildly, voice filled with unfallen, wanton and needy moans.  Naruto is as vocal as he can be with a dick in his mouth which is, impressively, still pretty vocal.  He’s got a hand down his own shorts and Sasuke watches in awe at Naruto’s ability to multitask but only when it serves to find a good orgasm for them both.

 “I’m- I’m gonna-” Sasuke pants, thrusts becoming wild and untempered.  Naruto just moans, vibrations running down Sasuke’s dick, which makes Sasuke’s thrusts even more erratic.  “Fuck!  I’m gonna-!”

 And he does.  Naruto pulls off just in time, stroking Sasuke through the deepest parts of it.  The parts where Sasuke is lost to the feeling of pleasure ripping through his veins and out his dick while Naruto’s rough hands handle him with practised precision.

 “Enjoy yourself?” Naruto asks with a cheeky grin.  Sasuke returns it with a tired, sweaty smile of his own.  

 “C’mere,” Sasuke mumbles, jutting out his chin in invitation.

 Naruto leaps back up Sasuke’s body.  Their sounds are finally muffled only because they’re busy with each other’s mouths.

 Sasuke rolls closer to his boyfriend, and feels the erection Naruto still has press to his inner thigh.

 “Didn’t get there, huh?” Sasuke asks, not at all offended.  

 “Mmm.  Need something extra,” Naruto replies.

 Sasuke smiles into their filthy kiss.  “I got you.”

 His hand joins Naruto’s down his shorts, feeling Naruto wince at the sudden new contact, but settle into it immediately.  He sighs, long and happy, hips moving shallowly in Sasuke’s palm.

 They exchange goofy smiles and clumsy kisses while Sasuke finishes him.  Naruto uses his hands to hold Sasuke’s hips, before they glide around to grab his ass.  Sasuke doesn’t mind, just lets Naruto enjoy himself.  Because Naruto enjoying himself unabashedly is the sexiest thing ever, and Sasuke has fucking missed it.

 “I said I was sorry!”  The house just grumbles at Naruto as he stands at the kitchen table and pleads his case.  He whines in the back of his throat, and clasps his hands together.   “It won’t happen again!”

 The house ignores him, having heard it before, and expecting none of it to be true.

 “We’ve told you before,” Neji starts, “if you two are going to reconcile your differences so fucking loudly, you can move to the outhouse!”

 The outhouse isn’t actually an outhouse, just the old shed that stands separate from the building, refurbished with a clean coat of paint and fitted with its own bathroom so they could get another body in and make the rent cheaper.

 “And we would if princess over here would give it up!” Naruto thumbs angrily at Gaara, who only flicks him an irritated glare before going back to his tea and the news on his tablet.

 “I’m not giving up anything,” he says.  “I don’t have a problem with Naruto and Sasuke’s antics.”

 “Because you’re in the outhouse and don’t have to hear it!” Kiba pipes up.

 “I also don’t have to put up with anyone else’s antics,” Gaara stipulates.

 “Damn, man.  Thought you’d changed.”

 “No one changes that much.”

 It’s true, and Gaara really is a far cry from the secluded boy who first moved into their share home.  A year ago he never even stepped foot in the main house unless it was to cook or ask to borrow toilet paper.  Now he’s a constant at the breakfast table, along with everyone else.

 It never meant to be a frat house, but when seven guys fresh on their own rent a house out in the suburbs together to save money and get away from constantly living on campus, it’s not hard for it to feel like one.  There’s no hazing rituals and no greek letters proudly nailed to the roof.  Just a pile of pride flags swinging from the mailbox that make their next door, right-winged neighbour give them nasty looks but also grants them a wide berth.

 Every now and again, one or two of them will talk about getting their own apartment.  Not because they hate the house or the company it holds, but because it feels like the required next step forward toward adulthood.  And then someone hosts the next house party or arranges another bowling night and no one wants to leave the comfort and comradery of the family they’ve found with each other.

 But sometimes, Naruto and Sasuke’s      coupling     drives them all a little closer.

 “Look, if I make you all pancakes, will you let it go?” Naruto asks the crowd.  It works, and everyone goes silent at the thought of Naruto’s fluffy, pristine, white pancakes he will sometimes pair with maple bacon if they ask nicely enough.

 “No!” Neji says, lost in a heard of yeses from everyone else.

 Which is how Sasuke finds him twenty minutes later.  Frilly, pink apron over Naruto’s bare chest, hair pulled back with that black bandana he carries around ‘just in case’, ladling pancake batter onto a hot griddle.  It’s cute, the way his brows are so furrowed in concentration over a simple breakfast confectionary.

 “They got you making up for it already?” Sasuke asks, sliding up behind Naruto to kiss his neck.  Naruto only grunts in reply.  He feels Sasuke press his forehead in between Naruto’s shoulder blades, the quiet huff of his laughter.  It makes Naruto smile.

 “Who’s in charge of what for tonight?” Neji asks suddenly.   There’s a collective murmur of everyone’s replies, half-assed just as their tasks will be.  Neji tuts at everyone’s lack of commitment, but Naruto wonders what Neji really expected.  Half of them only just emerged from finals, and no one has had time to think about the sausages they promised they’d order or the fire pit they agreed to rent.

 Which is exactly what Naruto and Sasuke were in charge of respectively.

 “Did you rent the fire pit?” Naruto whispers to Sasuke, who is still hanging by his shoulders.

 “No.  You got the sausages?”

 “Only one,” Naruto whispers back, looking away from his pancakes long enough to toss a salacious grin toward his boyfriend.  Sasuke slaps his naked shoulder in retaliation.

 “Why must I do everything?” Neji is muttering, in between bites of pancakes and maple bacon, so arguably, he can’t be that shot about it.

 Their semesters usually end the same.  By everyone inviting their friends, and their friends of friends, down to the beach for a Summer Start Extravaganza.  It started with just the crew in the house (sans Gaara).  Then it became about inviting the girls (and dragging Gaara out).  Then it became about inviting everyone in their classes.   Then it became bigger than any of them.

 They now make an event page, announce the time and place on instagram and if anyone wants to come, they have to bring an offering.   Usually, this means everyone just brings alcohol.  It became up to Naruto and the rest to provide anything of substance.  Now it's what everyone holds onto in their dreams as they drag themselves through the last trials of hell and toward freedom.  

 Every year has been bigger than the last.  Except last year.  Last year was a disaster…

 “I need to know you’re not going to do it again,” Sasuke says, when Naruto has finished making pancakes, scraped the griddle clean, and followed Sasuke back upstairs to hurriedly bag a space by the beach and order a hoard of barbeque meats.

 “Do what?” Naruto asks, pushing open his laptop, making a face as his assignment from last night is the first thing he sees.  He exits it quickly before the PTSD takes hold.

 Sasuke whirls Naruto around in his desk chair to face him, leering over him.  The sun behind him, casting his face in shadows, and his dark eyes make him intimidating enough for Naruto to shut up and listen.

 “Do that.  The jealous thing.”

 Naruto wears his silence on his face, looking like Sasuke slapped him.

 “Oh for fucks…it was one time.”

 “You almost got us banned from the beach, Naruto!”

 He scowls, pouts, and utters a  it wasn’t all my fault under his breath.  Because a year later, and Naruto still isn’t taking responsibility for what happened.

 Last year, Sasuke and Naruto had finally worked out their differences.

 Banged out, actually.

 But hadn’t made any emotional effort to define the relationship.  Which meant Naruto had been sitting on a mix of blissed out love hormones and extremely good sex.  And Sasuke was still ignoring the beat in his chest everytime Naruto smiled, convincing himself it was anything but feelings.  So naturally, when Sasuke got his usual onslaught of girls coming at him from every direction, he didn’t play indifference this time.

 He leant into it.

 He flirted back, petty and loud.  And Naruto called him out on it, just as petty and just as loud.

 It lead to a fist fight in the sand where both of them almost crashed into the bonfire, before the police showed up and, by the grace of this being the first time he’d run into this particular bunch of college boys, let them go with a warning and an order to clean up before they left.

 It took weeks before Sasuke and Naruto reconciled.  

 Only because the house got so sick of the roiling tension they locked them in Gaara’s outhouse together and refused to let them leave until they’d come to some kind of truce.

 And they did.

 Three times in fact.

 Gaara made them buy him a new mattress.

 So yes, Naruto is fully aware of what Sasuke is talking about.

 “I’m not gonna hulk out, geez,” Naruto whines, before turning his chair back around to focus on pulling up the address of every wholesaler in town.  Sasuke isn’t going to get anymore out of him, so turns to do his own work of bribing whoever took their usual spot to fuck off unless they never want to be invited again.  Then he hears it.  “I mean I wouldn’t have had any reason to be jealous if you’d had just stopped flirting with Sakura.”

 Sasuke flinches, grimaces, closes his eyes and pinches his brow.

 “I told you; I don’t like Sakura.”

 “Could’ve fooled me,” Naruto mutters petulantly.

 “You had more of a crush on her than I ever did.”

 Naruto doesn’t say anything.  Sasuke sighs, stepping up to, once again, swing Naruto’s chair around.  His blue eyes are down turned, face like stone, but his fists are clenched on the arms of his gaming chair and Sasuke can see he’s biting the inside of his cheek like he does when he’s stressed.  

 “Naruto, when are you going to get it?”  Naruto doesn’t look up to answer him.  “I don’t want any of them.  I want you.”

 They stay still in the silence.  Sasuke watches Naruto, waiting for it to click.  Waiting for him to get it.  Naruto finally lifts his eyes, and the blue of them swims wet.

 “Okay,” he croaks, trying desperately to keep his voice even.  

 “Okay?” Sasuke clarifies, voice hard.

 “Okay!” Naruto juts his bottom lip out.  “I’m won’t get jealous tonight.”

 Sasuke keeps staring Naruto down, to see if he’ll bend under the weight of a fake promise, but he holds his head high and his eyes harden.  

 “Okay.”  Sasuke dips down to place a kiss over Naruto’s pout.   It’s a light kiss, soft and warm, all too familiar.  Naruto leans into it, opening his lips just a touch.  Sasuke sighs.  His fingers run up Naruto’s still bare shoulders, cup his neck, tilt his head and dives his tongue deeper.  Naruto makes a surprised noise, but returns Sasuke’s heady kiss with just as much heat.

 Almost simultaneously, they remember they haven’t touched each other for weeks.  Besides this morning, when it was definitely about the result and not the execution, they hadn’t had time to simply  be.  And Sasuke misses him all over again.

 “Wanna do me?” he asks, his spit soaking Naruto’s lips and it makes it almost impossible to wait for an answer.

 Naruto hums.  His hands are on Sasuke’s hips, fingers toying with the waistband of his sweatpants, loosely deciding if he wants to get underneath them or not.

 “Always,” is his perfunctory answer, so it makes Sasuke cold when he pulls away.  “But I really gotta get this order done, or we’ll get a beach full of feral, starving college kids fresh off finals.”   Naruto pulls himself out of Sasuke’s hold and swings his chair around.   “You said you didn’t want a repeat of last year.”

 Naruto’s focus is burning, so he doesn’t see Sasuke roll his eyes.  

 Or the fond smile that accompanies it.

 They’re late by an hour, but they roll up in Naruto’s jeep with a boot of beef, bread rolls and bags of salad.  The fire pit is already lit.  Someone’s jukebox is screaming across the sand.  It’s boys versus girls at the volleyball net.  There’s a few heads dotted amongst the waves.  The party is in full swing under the flames of the setting sun.

 It doesn’t take them long to disappear into the heart of the party.  Someone shoves a beer into their hands as they walk into the crowd, and it takes even less time than that for inhibitions to die and for it to finally set in.  They’re done.  They’re free.  This is summer time at its finest.  No preparations for college classes, past or present.  Summer jobs loom on the horizon, but with the promise of a steady (albeit, small) stream of income coupled with all the free time they longed for these past weeks, Sasuke doesn't hesitate to down his beer in one go.

 And then gratefully swallows the second one when it's pushed into his hand.  It tastes like piss, but it also tastes like summer.

 The sun sinks, someone turns the volume up on the jukebox, and Sasuke is lost to the heat of the night, the sand, the fire and the bodies pressed around him.

 He’s lost to the thrum of alcohol in his veins and the beat of the music ricocheting off the waves, and he swears he’s not horribly turned on when Naruto jumps into the middle of the crowd and flawlessly raps every word of      Hero’s Come Back!!  

 As parties do, there’s dips where it’s a little more quiet.   Where Sasuke sits in the sand with a group of his friends and they talk (read; complain loudly) about certain professors or classes or assignments.  Whether they’re in the same degree or across campus from each other, nothing ties them all together like unfair grading scopes.

 Every now and again, and Sasuke has practiced enough self control to only do it every twenty minutes, his eyes search the crowd for Naruto.  Right now, he’s in the middle of a volleyball game with Shikamaru and Lee.  Sasuke is momentarily distracted from his vivid conversation with Ino, watching the entire expanse of Naruto’s muscles stretch and conform as he leaps into the air and sends the ball down to the other side of the net.  His biceps bulging when he pumps his fists in the air.  Naruto’s eyes meet Sasuke across the beach, and he fixes Sasuke with a grin.  White teeth, fangs bared, eyes narrowed in delight.

 Sasuke swallows.

 “Sasuke!?”

 He’s ripped out of his reverie, Ino leaning so bodily over him he flinches back so hard and lands in the sand.

 “Geez!” she whines, still crawling over him.  “Don’t you know to listen when a lady talks to you.”

 Sasuke isn’t terrible at picking up social queues; he chooses to ignore them.  Even so, it’s hard to ignore Ino’s position as she leers over him with her elbows folded under her breasts, pushing them together so they become      very     obvious in her low-cut swimsuit.

 And Naruto saw this.  And fucking smiled.  

 It’s been like this all night.

 Some girl will find a way to strip down to their bikini top in front of Sasuke, waiting for a piece of his attention before then, and only then, deciding to remove their light jacket or their beach robe or the towel that they had draped over their chest.  Another literally wrapped herself around his arm (something akin to what Sakura used to do in high school, before she matured beyond her boy-craze-phase, before they were really friends).  She hung off him bodily for minutes until he managed to take his arm back.

 Naruto has witnessed it all.

 And done nothing.

 He should be proud of Naruto.  He’s clearly heard Sasuke in their room before.  He’s learnt from last year, the nightmare it caused not only them, but their friends and the rest of the party.  He’s holding Sasuke’s words to heart; that Sasuke isn’t interested no matter what boobs get thrown at him or cleavage is on display.  He only has eyes for Naruto.

 Naruto, like he promised, is playing the perfect boyfriend.   He’s keeping his cool.  Even his touches remain calm and casual.  A gentle hold on Sasuke’s hip when they’re close enough to touch.  A quick kiss to his hair before Naruto goes bounding off to greet Gaara when he arrives with his siblings.  A nod in Sasuke’s direction when he strolls past, despite Sasuke standing between two girls making eyes at him and giggling at his every word.  

 Without a hint of Naruto’s jealousy in sight, the night goes on smoothly.

 And Sasuke hates it.

 “How ya like me now!?” Naruto jeers, spiking the ball into the sand as someone calls time and their score surges up another point.  He laughs heartily, mouth wide to the night sky.  He slaps the back of his teammates, Lee coming easily, Shikamaru being dragged in.

 He’s giddy with victory.  

 While he walks off the court to make way for the next teams, Naruto unravels his headband from his forehead, winding it back around his bicep for later, and takes his drink back from Hinata.

 “Did ya see that, Hinata?  Did ya!?”

 She smiles, soft and pleased.  “Of course, Naruto.  You were great.”

 “I was better than great!”

 “And he’s humble too,” Shikamaru scoffs, joining them on the sidelines.

 “Anyone ever tell you you’re a buzzkill?”

 “If they did, I didn’t bother to listen.”

 Naruto rolls his eyes, but the smile never leaves his face.

 His eyes, however, trail over to the circle of people by the fire, where heads are locked in conversation.  He saw Sasuke there before, Ino’s boobs right in his face and all, but she seems to have moved on to exchange flirtations with Sai, and Sasuke’s space beside her is empty.  

 Naruto bites the inside of his cheek.

 As the next game goes into play, Naruto decides this is as good as time as any to grab some food.  He glances around again, trying to find Sasuke in the crowd, wondering if he’ll want anything yet.  Sasuke has a bad habit of not realising he’s hungry until it’s too late.   Naruto decides he will just bring him something anyway and he can deal.

 He finds Sasuke over by the drinks, alone for only a moment, before another gaggle of giggling girls with too small bikinis saunter up to him.  Naruto’s teeth sink deeper into his cheek.

 He remembers Sasuke’s words from before.  Takes a deep breath, concentrates on that feeling of having Sasuke’s lips on his, of the promise he placed over Naruto’s heart, and tries to remember what it would feel like to disappoint Sasuke if he strayed.

 Sasuke likes him.

     Only him.

 These girls don’t compare.

 Even so, it deters Naruto from ranging too close to his boyfriend, and he simply walks past the group without a second glance, out of range of temptation.  

 Fuck, being a good boyfriend is hard.      

 He’s sucking back his sixth (seventh?  Could be ninth?) beer when arms wind tight around his waist.  He jumps, beer dripping out the can and down his front, before he glances Sasuke’s pout over his shoulder.

 “Oh hey there, handsome!” Naruto calls.  He swallows his glee at some of Sasuke’s much desired attention finally on him.      

 Sasuke presses a kiss to Naruto’s shoulder, mouthing at the sunburn that already formed there in the cross section between the end of the day and the deep of night.

 “What are you doing?” Sasuke asks.

 “Getting food.  Want some?”

 Sasuke shakes his head.

 “I mean, what are you doing?”  

 Naruto raises an eyebrow, his answer caught in his throat when Sasuke draws his fingernails over Naruto’s stomach.  He suppresses a shiver.

 “Uh…getting food?”  For some reason, this still isn’t the right answer.  Sasuke makes a face, his eyes dark with anger, but he still doesn’t let Naruto go.  “Dude, what?  What’s got you so pissy?”

 Sasuke mumbles something.  Naruto can’t hear Sasuke’s words muffled against his muscle.  After some more coaxing, Sasuke finally speaks coherently enough to say “Where have you been all night?”

 Naruto is starting to feel frustrated with Sasuke and his attitude.

 “You mean…enjoying the party?”  It’s still not good enough and Sasuke’s frown deepens.  “Seriously,      what?!”      Naruto, disappointedly, tears himself out of Sasuke’s hold.   He was happy to finally be there.  “I’ve been good, man!  I haven’t said a thing about you and your fan club trailing after you all night!”

 Something flickers in Sasuke’s eyes.  Something small, but oh so bright.  Something evil and feral.  Naruto sees it, and the shiver returns.

 “So you have noticed?”

 Naruto frowns.  Bites the inside of his cheek.  Scratches the back of his hair.  Then Sasuke is grabbing Naruto’s hand, and dragging him away from the food and the fire and the frantic energy of the party, far enough down the beach so they disappear amongst the night and the noise of the waves.

 “What the fuck, Sasuke?” Naruto demands.  “You’re such a diva!  Why do…you…oh…”

 Words die on his tongue as Sasuke finds what he’s looking for: a curve of beach behind a mound of rocks, out of sight and out of mind from the rest of the group.  He pushes his boxers down with little hesitation, which is how Naruto  knows he’s drunk off his ass.  But it’s a very nice ass, so he’s not going to complain.

 Sasuke turns to him, pale skin glowing in the silver of the moon.

 “Coming?” He offers a hand to Naruto.

 Naruto swallows thickly, trying to take all of his boyfriend's body in at once.

 Right.  End of semester.  Finals.  Accompanying blue balls.  How incredibly horny he is.

 He takes Sasuke’s hands and is led into the waves.  

 The water is only a little cold, and Naruto hadn’t realised how much of a sweat he had built up over the course of the night.  Between running between friends, running over the volleyball court, and running  away from his gorgeous boyfriend, it feels surprisingly nice to let the water wash away the sand and grime, cooling his flushed skin.  

 They don’t go very deep, just deep enough they can kneel in the water, tossed a bit by the push and pull of the tide.  Naruto immediately succumbs to Sasuke’s touch, his cool fingertips on his neck.  His eyes, dark and deep and filled with pin pricks of starlight. His weight, entrusting himself so entirely with Naruto that he lets the waves carry him into his arms.

 “You know you were wearing swim shorts?  Right?” Naruto asks.   He pushes Sasuke’s bangs, slightly damp but still so soft, away from his eyes, trailing his fingertips behind Sasuke’s ear.  Sasuke shivers.

 “Isn’t this more fun?” Sasuke answers with a question of his own.

 Naruto grins.  His hands sneak down, under the water, skimming over Sasuke’s thighs to where the muscle meets his ass.

 “Oh, totally.”

 They hold each other like that, in the secret of the night and the moonlight.  Sasuke traces the shape of Naruto’s whisker tattoos on his face.  He leans close, and Naruto feels Sasuke’s warm breath against the lobe of his ear.

 “Just like you, isn’t it?  To leave me to fend for myself.”

 Naruto swallows, and thankfully it's drowned out by the rush of the water around them.

 “I thought you didn’t want me to get jealous?”

 He feels Sasuke’s smile in the corner of his jaw.

 “I said I wanted you to hide that you were jealous.”

 Naruto’s brain is losing all semblance of sanity.  Sasuke is so close and so warm and his voice is so, so smooth.

 “I did?”  Because he did.  He thought he did.  He thought he did a really good job.

 “Right,” Sasuke’s tone is shifting to something more dangerous. “But you still left me alone, to fend off a bunch of people I’m not interested in.  Don’t you know Naruto?  There are  other ways to stake your claim.”

 Naruto is shaking now.  He’s starting to catch on to what end of the game Sasuke wants him at, and he’s following orders like a dog.   Fuck him, he already knows he’s whipped.  He already knows he’d do anything Sasuke asked just for the chance to be as close to him as two humans can be.

 “Yeah?” Naruto’s voice comes breathless, strained.  His fingers dig into where Sasuke is naked under the water.  “Should I do that then?  Stake my claim?  Make you mine?”

 Sasuke traces the line of Naruto’s jaw with his lips, softly travelling to the corner of his mouth, where he says what comes next.

 “You better.”

 Naruto crushes Sasuke to him.  Their lips meet, and Naruto almost cries at the relief of bringing their bodies together.  Sasuke is already hard, grinding against Naruto’s crotch, tongue deep in his mouth where he plays with his fangs.

 It’s a good thing they’re so far from the party, because Naruto isn’t interested in keeping quiet.  He digs his fingers into the cleft of Sasuke’s ass, spreading him apart, his own cock feeling between the taut muscles.  Sasuke uses one hand to steady himself against Naruto’s shoulder, the other to wind into blonde hair and tug back so Naruto’s neck is bared.

 He begins work on biting at the skin, sucking kisses up the column of his throat.  Naruto swallows, breath ragged, and he knows Sasuke can feel his noises more than he can hear them.

 “We should  fuck!”     Naruto can’t speak long enough when Sasuke is working his hips, sucking kisses into the cross section of skin and muscle where Naruto’s neck meets his shoulder.  “We should get back to the shore,” Naruto pants.  “I’m losing my goddamn mind and I don’t want to drown us both.”

 Plus, there’s nothing that would ruin his summer vacation more than a UTI from fucking in whatever nasties lie in sea water.

 It’s something to be said for running through the water when you're stark naked and carrying a bordering on painful boner.  It’s also fucking hilarious.  Naruto can’t help but laugh, with his whole chest and his whole voice, wrapping his sopping self around Sasuke’s middle when they can both stand and dragging him close to kiss him again.

 Sasuke lets him, his own laughter in his lungs, high on lust and love and the night.

 Then they’re crashing into the sand.  Still laughing, still kissing, refusing to let one another go.

 “Where are we gonna do this?” Naruto asks, between gulps of air and warm touches of their lips.

 “I’m not doing it in the fucking dirt,” Sasuke says, but there’s a fondness in his words while he sucks on the tip of Naruto’s tongue.

 Naruto rips his face away, surveying their surroundings.

 “C’mon,” Naruto drags Sasuke up, and makes for the line of trees where there is no path out and no path in.  They can hide in the shadows, and Naruto figures Sasuke will appreciate the soft grass under his feet a little more than sand at his back.  Sasuke grabs his swim shorts on the way up.

 The alcove of trees is cooler, despite the lack of sea breeze, and it’s quieter.  Naruto feels like now all their sounds echo around them.  Their breathing and their laughter and the sounds Sasuke makes when Naruto presses him up against a tree and kisses him with his whole self.

 Sasuke reaches into the pocket of his shorts and hands Naruto a condom and a travel bottle of lube.

 “Well, aren’t you prepared,” Naruto scoffs, but he’s far from complaining.

 “And you weren’t?” Sasuke eyes Naruto’s shorts, dragged low over his hips from the weight of the sea water, but doing literally nothing to hide his erection.  

 “It’s in the jeep.”  Naruto pops open the cap on the lube, smothering it over his fingers.  “I was going to drive you up the bay and fuck you in the back seat while Aerosmith plays.”

 Sasuke's heart stutters in his chest.  For all Naruto’s irate nature, he still has time to think about how to be so goddamn romantic when he’s in the middle of trailing slick fingers down the crack of Sasuke’s ass to find his entrance.  He hitches a leg over Naruto’s hip, pressing against his hard cock, and angles his hips to make it easier for him.

 “This is better,” Naruto pants before Sasuke swallows his breath and Naruto breaches him for the first time in weeks.

 Sasuke does his part of keeping Naruto happy while he’s prepped, grinding slowly and steadily along the line of Naruto’s hard prick.  He finds that spot on the roof of Naruto’s mouth that has him shivering, gasping for more, his fingers curling inside Sasuke.

 “Yes, yes, I’m good,” Sasuke says, literally slapping Naruto’s hand away and turning around.  He grips the tree, bites his lip and sighs long and low as Naruto’s naked cock finally makes an appearance.   His fingernails are sharp contact points on Sasuke’s hips, the only thing he can concentrate on to keep him from going insane.  Naruto grinds against Sasuke, pumping his dick along the cleft, watching the muscles in Sasuke’s back bunch and shift with every new movement that surprises him.

 Naruto’s senses are filled with the sound of his boyfriend gasping and begging, the smell of the trees and their salty, sweaty skin.  The feel of the earth under his feet, and Sasuke’s body pressed close to his.

 “Ready?” he breathes, already knowing the answer.

 “Hurry the fuck up!”

 Naruto cackles breathily before pushing in.

 He lets out a line of curse words that would make his dead mother roll in her grave.  He’s pretty sure Sasuke isn’t making anyone else prouder.  He’s      certain     he’s never felt like this before.  Hot heat envelops his cock, and he can’t believe he’s forgotten what it’s like to have Sasuke around him, exposed and intimate, the understanding between them that his pleasure is as much Naruto’s.  And vice versa.

 “Move, you prick!” Sasuke demands.

 Naruto leans across the line of Sasuke’s back, kissing his shoulder, mouthing at any part of his neck he can reach.  He shifts his hips, an experimental thrust, testing whether Sasuke is really okay or if he’s playing brave.  Sasuke gasps.  Sharp and quick.  Naruto watches his fingers grab at the tree, and Naruto is done being patient.

 His rhythm is steady, picking up pace quickly, fingers spread over the corner of Sasuke’s hip and thighs.  His thumbs press to the underside of Sasuke’s ass, his nails dragging along fine skin.  Sasuke’s gasps are wet, uneven.  His body shivers.  Naruto sinks his teeth into his neck just to  feel him moan.

 “You’re such an asshole,” Sasuke says between each breath of pleasure given.

 “Me?” Naruto demands, smiling wide despite himself.  

 “Yes!  Why didn’t you have to let all those fucking girls flirt with me?”  Naruto waits for Sasuke to continue, but doesn’t stop his pace.  This is as much about him as it is about Sasuke, how desperate they’ve both been for each other.  He’s not going to stop just because Sasuke is throwing a tantrum.

 “I’ll remind you,” Naruto says in a low voice, pressed to Sasuke’s pulse.  “You didn’t want a jealous boyfriend.”

 “No!  But I wanted you!” Sasuke’s sobs are building.  He’s scrabbling against the tree.  His hips twitch with every slap of skin on skin.

 Naruto noses at Sasuke’s skin, pressing long, wet, open-mouthed kisses along the bunching muscles.  

 “You wanted me to what?”

 Sasuke lets out a frustrated wail.  “I wanted you to tell them all to fuck off!  That I’m yours!  That its really fucking annoying fending off chicks all night who know I have a boyfriend but won’t take my relationship seriously.”

 Naruto pauses, momentarily, taking in Sasuke’s words.

 “Babe…”

 “Don’t you  babe me!” Sasuke glares over his shoulder, feral frown on his brows.  “Keep moving!”

 Naruto won’t lie.  It’s always a turn on when Sasuke bosses him around.

 He does as he’s told, continuing to kiss every inch of Sasuke’s skin he can reach, a hand gliding around to take hold of Sasuke’s dripping cock.  He pumps in time with his thrusts, feeling every ridge of it, squeezing Sasuke’s balls, spreading precum over his shaft and his thighs.

 “You are mine,” Naruto whispers.  Sasuke’s head is bowed between his extended arms, shaking all over.  “You are mine.  And I love you.   And I’m going to do a better job of making sure everyone knows it.”

 Sasuke gasps.  It’s ridden with pleasure locked deep in his veins.

 “I’m going to spend all summer showing you off.  Hand on your ass wherever I go.  You’ll have a line of permanent hickies on your throat.  You can wear them like a collar.”

 “Fuck yes,” Sasuke growls.  He lifts his head, only so Naruto can kiss his ear, his jaw, and finally twists Sasuke’s body around enough so their lips can meet in a clumsy kiss, before Sasuke starts making promises of his own.  “You’re gonna have to get used to  this.”      He drives his point home by shifting his hips back, Naruto’s cock sitting impossibly deeper inside.  He knows they’re both close, he knows there’s nothing stopping it.  “You’re gonna have to get used to fucking me sideways until I lose my mind.  Get used to filling me, because I don’t want to feel empty even for a moment.”

 Naruto groans, hips losing their rhythm as his orgasm builds.   He pumps Sasuke faster, hand slick with leftover lube and cum and desperate strokes.  

 “The next bitch that flirts with you can answer to me,” Naruto promises.  “And then  you can answer to this.”

 Naruto growls as he cums, long and low, the vibrations let loose along Sasuke’s skin.  Sasuke clenches around his pulsing dick, and falls over the edge moments after.  Naruto strokes him through it, pulls their hips tighter together, grinding into Sasuke as they fall and burn.

 Sasuke isn’t the only one naked in the water this time.  They’re careful with each other’s sensitive bodies as they wash off.  Naruto pulls Sasuke close, kisses him soft, and Sasuke lets himself sink into Naruto’s storm.

 “Fuck, that was good,” Naruto murmurs.  

 Sasuke laughs.  “Only good?”

 Naruto scoffs.  “Fuck off, asshole.  You know it was fucking incredible.”

 Sasuke laughs again, seals their lips together, winds his arms tighter around Naruto’s neck where he’s using him as an anchor in the tide.  Naruto holds Sasuke’s hips gently, thumbs tracing soft lines over the bones there.  Naruto kisses the corner of Sasuke’s mouth, his jaw, his neck, where he pulls Sasuke tight and presses his nose to his clavicle.

 “I’m sorry,” Naruto utters, quietly, words pressed to Sasuke’s skin.  

 Sasuke’s fingers scratch through Naruto’s sea soaked hair.   “Don’t be.  I was being an ass.  You’re right; you were being good.”   Sasuke lets out a sigh, and with it, his whole body seems to sag further.    “I just didn’t realise it before because I didn’t care.  I didn’t care how many girls were flirting with me or trying to get me alone or showing off their chests to me.  And I only cared last year because…”

 “Because you were  trying to make me jealous?”

 Sasuke sighs again.  “Yes.  Because I was trying to make you jealous.”  Sasuke’s fingers tighten in Naruto’s strands.

 They separate, a small river of water allowed between their chests so Naruto can look into Sasuke’s face.

 “I’m still sorry I let it happen.  I didn’t know how much it was bugging you.”  Naruto rights himself as a stronger wave knocks him slightly off balance.  He holds Sasuke tighter.  “I just thought if I stuck around too long, I’d come off like a possessive jerk.”

 Naruto’s voice cracks slightly.

 Sasuke has moved his hands to cup Naruto’s jaw, and presses their foreheads together.

 “Admittedly, I don’t think I’d mind that so much.”

 Naruto smiles, all teeth and fangs and that twinkle in his eye.

 “Sasuke!” someone calls.  Someone Sasuke doesn’t recognise.  He gets the feeling she’s in his class.  Maybe?  Or she randomly joined his study group on Tuesdays?  Or he owes her money?  Damn, why do so many people know him?

 She slams into his side.  He’s still sticky from his swim before, sand on his calves and between his toes, and the feel of a stranger’s skin on his only makes him more uncomfortable.  It doesn’t seem to deter her.

 “Sasuke, I knew I’d find you here!”

 “Really?  At a party I’m hosting?  What a coincidence.”

 She laughs, way too loudly and way too much.  It makes his molars vibrate unpleasantly.

 Then there’s another warm body on his other side.  It’s flat and hard muscled, tan glowing in the firelight, strong arm wrapped around Sasuke’s shoulders and fingernails digging into his arm.  

 “Hey, Haruka!” Naruto greets her.  Because of course he knows her name.  Naruto tips his beer to her in greeting, before unapologetically pressing his nose into Sasuke’s hair, teeth grazing his earlobe.  Sasuke shivers, and doesn’t hold back the smile that forms on his face.

 Sasuke twists toward Naruto, wraps his own arms around his middle and welcomes a kiss to his lips.  It’s loud and wet and kind of disgusting.  His extra weight makes Naruto drunkenly stumble and they laugh.  Someone yells get a room! across the bonfire.

 “You know, Kiba, I think you’d want that even less!” Naruto yells back.

 There’s a few laughs, some annoyed groans which can only come from members of their house.  

 Haruka seems lost for words as Sasuke unashamedly lets his boyfriend nuzzle his neck like a dog.

 “I’d heard rumours you two were…uh…”

 “Together?” Sasuke provides.

 “Encoupled?” Naruto asks over Sasuke’s hair.

 “Screwing an unhealthy amount?”

 “Possibly obsessed?”

 “Definitely obsessed.”

 Naruto cackles.  It’s too loud next to Sasuke’s ear and he loves it.

 “Right,” Haruka says awkwardly.

 With another friendly wave, she continues past them, flushed with shame.

 Sasuke just crowds close to Naruto, and enjoys the warmth of dozens of burning, jealous eyes on their backs.  

[seb-writess]

Annoying

Pairings: Naruto/Sasuke

Tags: Modern AU, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Insecurities and Depression and Feelings

Summary: 

“Sasuke?”

Sasuke mumbles an affirmative that, unfortunately, he’s still awake.  

“M’sorry.  Didn’t mean to wake you.”

He expects that to be the end of it, that Naruto might shift close and slide his hands up the front of Sasuke’s shirt, nestle in behind him and they’ll sleep wound up around each other.  Or that Naruto might grunt his own version of an answer before falling asleep again, never having truly been awake.Instead, he can’t sense Naruto settling back into bed, but can sense he’s about to say something profoundly stupid that will upend Sasuke’s whole night.

“Am I annoying?”

“Yes,” Sasuke huffs over a tired laugh.  “You are literally the most annoying person I know.  Now go to sleep.”

He rolls over, away from Naruto and shoves his face into his pillow.  Silence envelops them.  A wet sniff cuts through it.  Sasuke’s eyes fly open.  

He looks over his shoulder, and Naruto has his eyes buried in his arms, clearly trying to muffle his broken sobs.

Status: Complete (2,700 words)

READ UNDER THE CUT

Sasuke gets home a little before midnight, but it feels like three in the morning five days from now.  He grumbles in the entryway, toing off his boots, shrugging off his jacket, and leaving them both in a heap near the door.  He’ll be annoyed at himself tomorrow for making a mess, but right now, he can only think about getting to bed.  

He trudges into the bedroom.  Naruto is already asleep, curled up under the covers.  Sasuke envies him.  He makes quick work of his uniform, the bright pink and red striped monstrosity he’s forced to wear just so people will know yes, he sells cinema tickets and overpriced popcorn.  Because standing behind the counter with a big sign that reads tickets here! isn’t enough of a clue.

Fresh sweats, new socks, and an old band t-shirt he can’t tell is either his or Naruto’s, and he finally crawls into bed.  He lets out a long sigh, realises he forgot to brush his teeth, but only pulls the covers up and ignores it in favour of closing his eyes.  Exhaustion washes over him in a wave he wasn’t allowing, but here, under the covers already warmed by his always warm boyfriend, it comes for him easily.

The mattress dips beside him.  He hears Naruto’s breath shift.

“Sasuke?”

Sasuke mumbles an affirmative that, unfortunately, he’s still awake.  “M’sorry.  Didn’t mean to wake you.”

He expects that to be the end of it, that Naruto might shift close and slide his hands up the front of Sasuke’s shirt, nestle in behind him and they’ll sleep wound up around each other.  Or that Naruto might grunt his own version of an answer before falling asleep again, never having truly been awake.

Instead, he can’t sense Naruto settling back into bed, but can sense he’s about to say something profoundly stupid that will upend Sasuke’s whole night.

“Am I annoying?”

“Yes,” Sasuke huffs over a tired laugh.  “You are literally the most annoying person I know.  Now go to sleep.”

He rolls over, away from Naruto and shoves his face into his pillow.

Silence envelops them.  

A wet sniff cuts through it.

Sasuke’s eyes fly open.  He looks over his shoulder, and Naruto has his eyes buried in his arms, clearly trying to muffle his broken sobs.

“Oh shit,” Sasuke curses, realising far too late that it wasn't a joking ‘am I annoying’.  It was a deeply insecure, heart-shattering, terrified-of-the-answer-but-asked-it-anyway ‘am I annoying’.  And Sasuke gave him the absolute wrong answer.  He sits up, flicks on his bedside lamp, and slides over to Naruto’s side of the bed.

“No,” Sasuke tries instead.  “No, no no no.  Naruto, I’m sorry.”

It takes a few tries for Naruto to let himself be brought closer.  He’s so much wider than Sasuke, always has been, but it doesn’t stop Sasuke from attempting to bury all of Naruto in his arms.

“I didn’t mean that.  You know you’re my everything.”  Naruto is not a ‘words of affirmation’ kind of man.  He is a ‘set the world on fire and watch the flames while interlocking their fingers’ kind of man.  But it’s late, and Sasuke is tired, and his brain isn’t sure how much energy he has to burn the world down right now, even if Naruto does deserve it.  “You’re my sun.  I revolve around you.  I don’t know how I’d live without you.”

He means every word, but as Naruto shakes and sobs into his shoulder, he knows it’s like trying to weave wool and steel.  Naruto won’t take him seriously, nor does he have the mental capacity to.  He just keeps sobbing.

“What happened?” Sasuke demands, fingers fisting in fluffy, blonde strands.  “Babe, who did this to you?”

Because if the world won’t burn tonight, someone definitely will.

Naruto doesn’t answer him.  His cries slowly grow smaller, thinner, more pathetic.  It breaks Sasuke’s heart.  Sasuke lets him get it out, rubs his back, squeezes his body, holds him together while he’s falling apart.

“I’m sorry,” Sasuke says again, weakly, wanting so badly to reach Naruto in his own head and so unsure of how to.  “I’ll make it up to you.  Do you want ramen?  I’ll take you to the arcade.”

Naruto coughs wetly, disgustingly, against Sasuke’s shoulder.  Sasuke tightens his grip.

“We’ll go to the claw machines and you can pick out whatever nasty toy you want.  I’ll waste hundreds of dollars winning it for you when I could just buy it online for pennies.”

Finally, Naruto lets out a sound that isn’t a sob or a broken cry.  It sounds just a little bit amused.  Sasuke lets himself feel only a little relieved and lands a kiss to Naruto’s hair.  Then he kisses his ear, his temple.  

“Sto-op,” Naruto grumbles.  He tries to push him away, but Sasuke holds fast.

He plants a messy kiss to a tear-stained cheek.  Naruto whines harder.

“Oh, sorry, am I annoying you?” Sasuke asks against Naruto’s whiskers, and kisses them again.

“Shut up, you asshole!” Naruto calls, but there’s a familiar joy in his voice.

“Is it annoying how much I love you?”

“You’re a dickhead!”

“Why won’t you let me kiss you?  Is it annoying?”

“Fucking hell, Sasuke!”

But he’s smiling.  And giggling.  And holding Sasuke really, really tight.

Sasuke presses kisses all over Naruto’s face and hair and neck until he’s out of breath and gasping for air.  They settle back into the covers, Naruto panting while he fists Sasuke’s (that might be his anyway) shirt.  Sasuke watches Naruto’s features by the weak glow of the too-cheap beside lamp.  The curve of his nose, the shape of his cheek.  His too long, pale eyelashes.  

Sasuke pulls himself out of bed.  Naruto makes a confused sound in the back of his throat, and is answered with Sasuke throwing a clean shirt and jeans at him instead.

“Get up.”

“Huh?” Naruto still obeys, pulling his sleep shirt off.  “Why?”

“I told you.  I’m buying you ramen.”  Sasuke finds a different set of pants, but keeps his original tee on.  When he looks to Naruto, he’s still sitting in bed, nervously plucking at the frayed threads of his ripped jeans.

“You don’t have to do that,” Naruto murmurs.  His cheeks are flushed and his eyes are rimmed red.  His hair is mussed from where he must have been anxiously tugging at it before Sasuke got home.

Sasuke rolls his eyes.  “When have I ever done anything just because I have to?  Now get up.”

It’s the middle of the night, but the best part of living in a city as dense as theirs, means there are twenty-four hour places everywhere, and he and Naruto have mapped them all during semesters where their sleep schedules were continuously fucked from studying, losing all sense of time while text books and data swam in front of their eyes.

Thankfully, Ichiraku’s Ramen House is one of these places.

Of course, it’s not as busy as it usually is.  They’re the only ones here besides another couple in the corner and Ichiraku himself.  He greets them with a grin.

Sasuke lets Naruto order the most expensive bowl on the menu, which is a giant bowl of ramen that’s meant to be shared in a group, but Naruto regularly finishes all on his own, with room for seconds.  While Naruto takes their drinks and goes to find a table, Sasuke adds extra pork slices and eggs to Naruto’s share.

The walk here seemed to have cleared Naruto’s head.  Sasuke is relieved to see his beaming smile again as they cheers to midnight snacks and nighttime adventures.  

“So this weekend, we’re starting our new D‘n’D campaign!” Naruto starts, and it doesn’t take him long before he’s gesticulating passionately about the story he and the others have set up.  Something about an elven war.  Sasuke doesn’t really get it, couldn’t get into it when he was invited, but can’t help but rest his chin in his palm and watch Naruto’s face brighten with every word. 

He talks about how excited he is Gaara finally convinced Kankuro to join and wonders if they can get Temari in, especially since they’ve convinced Ino and Hinata to join so there are more girls now.  Somehow, like only Naruto can, this seamlessly flows into talk of a new video game coming out and he’s thinking of taking time off work to play it but is that lame and he needs the money but also he's been looking forward to it for years and wants to play it uninterrupted.

“Naruto…Naruto!”

“Hm?” Naruto stops, mid sentence, blue eyes zeroing in on where Sasuke has reached across the table to take his hand.

“Eat ya damn food!” Sasuke reminds him.  Somewhere during his impassioned live pod-cast, Ichiraku had visited the table with their food and again with their drink refills.  “It’s getting cold.”

“Oh!  Right!” Naruto digs straight in.  Sasuke shakes his head before ripping apart a pair of chopsticks and taking a mouthful of his own.

It’s quiet for a few moments while Naruto swallows noodles and slurps broth and Sasuke still can’t help but wonder how he can love someone so much despite his rancid table manners.

“Thank god,” he hears from across the restaurant, said quietly but certainly not quietly enough.  “I didn't think he would ever stop talking.” 

The couple in the corner have their heads bowed toward the centre of their table, throwing Naruto dirty looks across the restaurant.

“I know right,” the other agrees.  “He’s so annoying.”

Sasuke, horrified, glances to Naruto.  His eyes are downcast, and the previous excitement in his movements has been removed.  He just keeps eating, politely pretending he didn’t hear them.

Sasuke’s chair makes an awful noise when he shoves it back with his knees and stands up.  His dark, murderous eyes are fixed to the pair, and the looks of guilt and terror they wear is not enough for Sasuke to relent.  

“Sasuke…Sasuke!” Naruto jerks Sasuke out of his angry visage with a gentle hand to his, where his fingernails were carving marks into the table.  “It’s fine.  It doesn’t matter.”

Sasuke feels his anger roiling, dark tendrils curling up in his stomach, his teeth grinding together in his mouth.

Still, for his boyfriend’s sake, he sits back down, but not without continuing to fix the couple with a relentless wave of loathing.  He goes back to his food.  Naruto does the same.  The couple hurriedly finishes and leaves, and Sasuke flips them the bird when they glance back over their shoulders through the shopfront window.

Now the only sounds in the restaurant are the clinking of spoons on ceramic and Naruto swallowing noodles whole.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” Sasuke asks.  He means it to come out carefully, but can’t help the dark anger that underlies his words.

Naruto stills for a few moments, collects his thoughts and shrugs.  His smile is sad though, and there’s no love in his movements even though he’s in the middle of his favourite meal.

“I guess I was talking too much in class.  Pushed the wrong buttons.  Someone snapped.  It happens.”

Sasuke can imagine it so clearly.  Naruto, who tries so hard to do well in his classes, having a point he’s eager to get across, maybe taking too long, and someone swivelling around in their chair to fix Naruto with a heated look and unkind words.

“Shut up!  You’re so annoying!”

Normally, this wouldn’t affect Naruto.  He’s told Sasuke he’s been called annoying his whole life.  He’s too loud, too energetic.  He talks too much and takes up too much space.  He either can’t pay attention or has too much of it and doesn’t know what to do with it.  

“Who said it?”

“Hm?” Naruto shifts, his eyes like a cat who’s been caught with his paw on the door to the canary cage.

“Who said it?” Sasuke asks again.

This wouldn’t affect Naruto if it was just some random asshole.  Naruto would just throw insults back and go about his day.  Unless it was someone they know.  Someone they trust.  Someone Naruto thought was safe.

“It’s fine, Sasuke.”

“Who.  Said.  It?”

Naruto swallows.  “Sakura was just having a bad day…”

“Sakura!?”

“She didn’t mean it.”

And Sasuke knows her well enough to know she probably didn’t either, but the curve of Naruto’s shoulders as he bears the weight of her words doesn’t make Sasuke want to pardon her any less.

Naruto tries to shrug it off.  “She apologised.  We’re cool.”

Sasuke’s fingers clench into a fist and he snaps his chopsticks in half.  

Maybe he’s right.  Maybe it’s nothing.  Maybe Sakura feels just as bad about it as she should, but Sasuke will always remember the sobbing, distraught and distressed Naruto it brought home. 

Then again, Sasuke isn’t much better.  Sakura might have let the axe fall, but Sasuke stepped on the head and drove it deeper.

“I’m sorry,” Sasuke says, meaning it from so deep inside himself.  The part only Naruto gets to see.

Naruto meets his eyes.

“I know.  It’s cool,” he shrugs again, like the devil on his shoulder is being particularly clingy tonight.  “I love you anyway, you cursed bastard.”

Sasuke rolls his eyes.

“I love you too, you unhinged demon.”

When Naruto smiles, it’s a little more genuine, reaches a little deeper in his eyes.

They finish their food in silence and once done, neatly stack their bowls and cups, wave to Ichiraku and head out.  The air comes out of them on the cold air like dragon’s breath.  Naruto swings their linked hands between them as they walk down the street.  

When they reach the line of gachapon machines, Sasuke makes Naruto pick out a prize.  He raided his change jar before they left, and he’s actually excited to get rid of the heavy load that’s weighing down one side of his jacket.

Which means of course he gets it on the first try.

“Sasuke, that’s so cool!  You always have the best luck!” Naruto grins, fangs bared and eyes shut tight in joy as he fixes the new toy to his phone.

Sasuke cusses and briefly wonders if he can drop the rest of it in a donations box somewhere.

The walk home is quiet except for the occasional passing car or the hint of nightlife on a distant street.  Their fingers are still linked, Naruto squeezing tightly.  Sasuke squeezes back.

Getting home feels good, and Sasuke finds he’s not as bone-dead exhausted as he was when he first stepped through their front door.  A surprise, considering the emotionally charged night they’ve had.  And, for once, it’s a relief to see Naruto dropping his jacket on the floor, stomping through into the kitchen, yanking open the fridge and swallowing mouthful of milks right from the carton.  It’s disgusting and messy, and Sasuke loves all of Naruto’s raucousness that takes up too much space in his life.

“You know what?  I’ve decided.  You are annoying,” Sasuke announces, joining Naruto in the kitchen just as he’s finished with the milk.  

Naruto fixes Sasuke with a confused expression.  He has a milk moustache.  It’s kind of sexy.  “Oh…kay?”

Sasuke steps into his space, backing Naruto up against the kitchen counter.

“Annoyingly good looking.”

A brief look of relief flits across Naruto’s features before he scoffs.  Sasuke moves closer to slide his hands up the back of Naruto’s shirt, feeling every divet of his muscled shoulders.  He pulls him forward into a long, deep, probing kiss.

“You’re annoyingly the best boyfriend,” Sasuke continues.  “Who annoyed me so much I had to stop isolating myself or hanging out with only terrible people I hated and get the help I needed to confront my grief and reconcile with the friends who cared about me.”

“That’s a really long way of saying I made you go to therapy!”

“You annoyed me so much, I fell in love with you.”

Naruto is blushing now, whiskers stark over red cheeks.  One hand on Sasuke’s hip, the other ruffling his hair.  “I dunno if that’s how it works.”

“It is,” Sasuke states.  “I love you so annoyingly much, I don’t get anything else done.”

He kisses Naruto again, welcoming the slick press of his tongue and the light hum from his throat.

Sasuke lowers his voice, whispers against Naruto’s lips.  “You’re also so annoyingly good in bed.”

“Sasuke!” Naruto scolds, but his grin is as wide as his face.

“C’mon,” Sasuke says, taking Naruto’s hand to lead them back toward their bedroom.  “You can use your annoyingly big dick to bone me until morning.”

“Geez, you’re mouth!”

Sasuke turns with a challenge in his eyes and a plan on his lips.

“So shut me up.”

Naruto does just that.

[onebigsword]

爆 bào

1. to burst; to explode

[abalonetea]

my writing fundamentally changed forever ten years ago when i realized you could use sentence structure to control people’s heart rates. is this still forbidden knowledge or does everyone know it now

[dreamtofswallowingcoins]

?????? *raises hand* I’ve been writing for years and don’t know this trick by these words! do tell?

[abalonetea]

Okay, so a few people have asked for me to cite the dark magics at them, and i’m super happy to share because it’s my favorite thing ever. 

so, let’s see if i can explain this the same way that i learned. read a sentence out loud. you come to a full stop when you hit the period, and you take a normal, breath. but, when you hit a comma, you take a slightly longer pause. and when you hit a dash - you take an even longer pause. 

this is a natural rhythm that we pick up when we’re first taught to read; we do it without even thinking. but when you start to think about it, you realize that it can become a tool.

think of your heartbeat. a period is badump. a comma is badump-dump. and a dash is thump badump. one breath. a longer breath. two breaths.

that means what you read automatically affects the rhythm of your breathing and your heartrate. which means that you can control the amount of physical tension your reader feels… by altering your punction and your sentence structure.

for fast paced scenes, you use short sentences. a lot of hard stops. mostly periods, with just a few comma’s thrown in for the full breath. your reader’s heartrate accelerates. their breathing is slightly and unintentionally, on their end, quicker. you hit the dramatic ending of the scene - and your reader’s body phsyically feels the gasp, the breath of fresh air, of these longer sentences.

now, read that paragraph again ant take note of your natural pauses, and how it subtly affects your breathing. 

the same thing can be said of comma’s and dashes. while they can be used as a breath of fresh air, they can also cause a new line of tension as they lead your reader to hold their breath. during this section, you should use longer sentences; breaking up the harshness of the pauses by using variations of punction. read this paragraph out loud from the start and take note of how long you go between pauses and full breaths. 

and then, comes the biggest trick.

the hard stop.

the paragraph.

because while the periods, commas, and dashes are variations on a short stop, the paragraph is a hard stop. you take a full breath. you pause for a moment, then move to the start of the next paragraph.

which means you can create an entirely new sort of dramatic tension. read the sentences that are in bold. see how you take a naturally longer pause at the end of each paragraph?

see how it makes you feel? 

how it makes you breath different? 

how doing it once, twice, or three times creates a different line of tension? 

this little magic trick can be used to cause a reader’s heartrate to speed up during a fight or chase scene. it can be used to cause their breathing to slow down during moments of dramatic tension, sorrow, or softness. and it can be used to create hard breaks that add a new level of physically felt emphasis to your written work.

i hope these examples make sense! it’s my favorite writing trick!

[bruciemilf]

Did I daydream this, or was there a website for writers with like. A ridiculous quantity of descriptive aid. Like I remember clicking on " inside a cinema " or something like that. Then, BAM. Here's a list of smell and sounds. I can't remember it for the life of me, but if someone else can, help a bitch out <3

[bruciemilf]

I FOUND IT BITCHES

[dramono]

This is going to save me so much trouble in the future.