it’s interesting that for all sam needles at dean after their father’s death to talk about his feelings… sam doesn’t. he doesn’t break down in front of dean. he doesn’t outwardly mourn him. he doesn’t sit down and talk about it. he just keeps it all in.
i don’t think sam loved their father any less than dean. sure, he had his hangups with the man but he was still his dad. there’s more of this though; sam never talks about jess’ death either. it clearly eats him up inside, but not once does he ever really talk to dean about it. no fun stories of their time together. no sad memories. no grief meltdowns, no yelling no crying no external signs of his sorrow at all except him becoming hollow and distant.
it’s so telling for me that sam is seemingly so outwardly caring but he never actually shows anyone what he feels. sam doesn’t grieve like dean. he clams up. he dissociates. he gets angry. when jess dies, when his father dies, when dean dies, it’s all about revenge. he stuffs down all of his grief and replaces it with fury.
sam is only playing at being the normal, emotionally stable brother. in his head, he’s a mess. he’s awful at managing grief. he never allows himself any catharsis, and he doesn’t trust anyone enough to externalize his grief, even dean. maybe its because every time he spoke out as a child, he’d be struck down by both dean and his dad. or maybe it’s just his nature. either way, sam is very, very good at repressing his emotions, shifting the focus to the people around him, and never really dealing with his own issues.