[secretsdid]

An alter...who resembles and embodies many different fictional characters...and when that alter embodies a certain character, she has amnesia to when she embodied the other characters she relates to.

Even when she isn't embodying a character, she still has amnesia over her other "selves".

What is that called? What does that mean?

She doesn't realize it's happening unless I tell her it is, and informs her on what has been happening since she's last been out. But even then her memory is covered by a thick fog.

Please help with telling me what's wrong with her. She really is the only one in the system that experiences intense amnesia.

[secretsdid]

I was just watching a video about BPD on YouTube, and it described this character named Alex, and it went on to say "Alex has no sense of self" "he has another personality" and then went on to draw Alex and the other personality completely different (different hairstyle, body language, and mannerisms) as well as saying "he experiences rapid changes in self identity" and "in moments of crisis, experiences dissociation" (met with the other personality).

And I thought to myself....Alex has DID. Or both DID & BPD.

[secretsdid]

I want to be able to look up "identity confusion" and "identity diffusion" without being bombarded with LGBTQIA stuff. I want to see more posts related to people having identity crisis due to identity disorders and not related to being trans or their sexual orientation. Let's talk about having multiple names in one body, let's talk about not knowing what direction to take in life due to not knowing who one is.

Don't get me wrong, LGBTQIA deserves a space to talk about their sexual/gender identity struggles, (I am sexually queer myself) but I want to find that niche group of people that have identity issues related to dissociating away from one's identity or specifically their name.

[secretsdid]

Can we talk about the POC DID/OSDD systems that formed due to racial trauma/abuse? Especially growing up in America 😪😓

[secretsdid]

I tried sharing this on reddit (r/DID) but they took down my post so I'm sharing it here.

Title: Repeated alters that don't look like me

Edit: reddit put my post back up

"I asked my therapist first that diagnosed me with DID her opinion on this, but her opinion wasn't helpful. To preface, I am/the body is a Black American woman diagnosed with DID. Recently I've noticed we keep splitting alters that look the same, and completely opposite to me/the body. Different skin tone, different hair type, and also those few alters that look the same, are all depressed. We were also diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder. These few alters that look the same and are depressed usually come out during a BPD episode, not every episode, but they don't come out without it. I wanted to ask you lot why might I, a Black woman, have alters that look opposite to me and all serve pretty much the same function (being depressed)?

My therapist said, "...maybe there’s something with that look you value or resonate with...your brain likes or finds comfort in it being opposite.""

[secretsdid]

Someone out there brought up how sometimes they feel like they more-so "turn into" certain alters rather than "someone (an alter) taking over". I wanted to reach out to the community, is it odd that that's what it feels like for us? To morely "change into" someone else rather than someone else taking over?

[secretsdid]

Does it sound weird to basically say as a Black woman that I have many non Black alters because I couldn't handle being a Black girl growing up with all the racial trauma, harmful stereotypes, and micro aggression pushed onto me?

[secretsdid]

Reason why we were diagnosed with DID and not OSDD (we thought we had OSDD for a couple of years)

Long story short. Our therapist doesn't believe OSDD is a valid stable diagnosis.

(In the state that I am in, a therapist CAN diagnose you. You don't NEED to be diagnosed by a psychiatrist in my state)

Very weird, I know. It's literally in the DSM 5. My therapist says that OSDD is a diagnosis people mostly receive if they're being held in a hospital and are in waiting for a real diagnosis of DID or something else by professional. I asked her many times, why we weren't diagnosed with OSDD, we don't really experience amnesia between each part (news flash, we did, just not black out amnesia). She claims that we're further in a healing journey and that is why we don't experience much amnesia between the alters.

Anyways, that's another part of our diagnosis story

*shrugs*

[secretsdid]

Discussing alter appearance and body alignment

I remember back in 2020, there was a lot of discourse, or syscourse, about having alters that do not look like the body in terms of skin tone.

There were a lot of systems of color (people of color who have DID) that told other systems to change how their alters looked in innerworld, to match the body that the system resided in. The reason was to not be offensive towards racial minorities, especially if the system's body was White.

It was a time where people needed to either hush about their alters that didn't identify with the body, or change that alter's appearance.

As a system of color, as the host, I have tried to get some of my alters to look different than how they present. I wanted them to be more aligned with the body. I wanted them to have dark skin as the body did. I was met with hesitation from one alter, and another alter informed me that the reason they look different is because there had to be a disconnection or disassociation from the body and their appearance due to racial trauma or stereotypes we endured when we were little and growing up. (Will not get into it)

I want my alters to look like me. My therapist said that it isn't wrong for wanting my alters to look like me, as it can help with healing and integration or fusion, but if I am met with hesitation, to not force anything. I cannot force my alters to change their appearance, especially if they do not think it is time yet, but my therapist said to take baby steps and start slowly.

I have learned though, in the meantime of getting other parts to become more aligned with the body, to change my language and to not do certain things.

Here's what I've learned:

(1) Don't share faceclaims for the whole world to see, only share it privately for close friends. Understandable for many reasons. & (2) Instead of saying "this alter is White/Black/Asian/Hispanic/etc" if the alters look differently than the body, say "this alter has lighter skin/darker skin than the body".

This is so we aren't perpetuating any unconscious or conscious harmful stereotypes associated with a certain race or ethnicity.

Side note: my therapist also said it isn't wrong for alters to look differently than the body, there may be a reason as to why an alter may present or feel they look a certain way.

However, it isn't right to tell people you're something that you're not. Even if an alter very much feels a certain way about their appearance; if the system's body is not a certain race or ethnicity, the alter themself shouldn't outwardly claim to be.

[ay-system]

Honestly shout out to Meeples.

He's our only (I think) little that is elementary age and yet he does A LOT for our system.

When he's fronting he's able to grab our bus pass our wallet, our water bottle, our phone.

He's able to get on the bus and take it to work

Sometimes he's able to get dressed.

He writes down assignments we need done.

He does a lot. And I'm proud of him for doing so.

I can't co con much and see him do these things but I can hear what the others say.

Cora/Francis

[secretsdid]

Why is it that "little" or "child" alters do so much? One of our littles is the same, she likes to cook and clean and take care of chores and likes to make sure things get paid on time when all we expect from her is to watch cartoons and play.

Proud of Meeples and our own little alter! They deserve so much happiness and joy! 👏🏾🙌🏾

[secretsdid]

How I found out I had Dissociative Identity Disorder (before diagnosis)

This is through the lens of the host. There are 3 different times I found out about my DID. We were 15 years old at the time, around this time and in summer, 7 years ago.

1. I was age regressing a lot. I noticed my personality changed drastically when age regressed. The way I viewed people changed too. My mind was that of a child. At one point I decided to name my age regressed state. (We'll call her K). I was on instagram and a question popped up, "why do you age regress?". One of the reasons was "multiple personality disorder/DID". My age regressed state, or "K", told me that that was the reason. I looked into it and the symptoms fit my experience, I just didn't know about it then. "K" then told me about the others in the system.

2. Another alter, we'll call her "P", wrote a story about another alter, "M". I thought I was writing it but I would never remember what I wrote afterwards. The alter we were writing about, "M", told us or told "P", how she wanted the story to go. As it was her "innerworld backstory". M would come out a lot to help write her story as well.

3. I won't go into too much detail as it is very personal, but it happened after a breakup. I couldn't handle the emotions so "P" and "K" took over a lot during that time and I realized in whole that I have multiple identity states.

[secretsdid]

Hey, we wanted to reply to your poll abt POC system/Systems of Color. We’re doing this anonymously because we don’t want to cause conflict between people or get any sort of harassment. We want to reply to your poll, but we hesitate because our identity is considered “controversial” in terms of how we are racialized in the United States. For context, we are Ashkenazi Jewish, which means our ancestors spent a forced diaspora in Europe and were subjected to antisemitism and later were Holocaust victims and survivors. We do not necessarily identify with the term “POC” as we are not racialized in terms of skin color, rather in terms of ethnicity, but we wanted to ask if you would be comfortable with us answering the poll in general. Thank you.

Yes, answer however you want.

We know little to nothing of Jewish culture so we can't give an opinion on how you should answer.

We're just looking for people with DID who do not fit the majority of having a White-presenting body.

[secretsdid]

Are you a system of color/POC system?

Yes

No

Voting ended onMar 30, 2025

We saw a poll like this posted in 2023 and wanted to see if those POC systems are still active on tumblr or not. We're looking for people like us that have DID or OSDD.

[secretsdid]

Before the host knew about me, the host (who thought she was genderfluid) just thought that she "was a girl" or felt like a girl mostly when age regressed. Really it was just me fronting to cope with stuff. It wasn't until she gave me a name did she realize that her "age regressed self" was a different personality or alter. I was the first alter she discovered.

-a system little

[secretsdid]

Back in 2021, I thought I was psychotic. I believed I was a version or variation of Alice from Alice in Wonderland. My therapist at the time told me it was just dissociation. Heavy dissociation. I believed I was going crazy. Most likely I had (or have) an Alice fictive. My then therapist did not want to dive into DID though, she just kept brushing me off and getting upset that I experienced "being Alice". It was a terrible 2 months to endure. I did not know who my relatives were. I felt heavily disconnected from them and my friends. I thought that if I killed myself, then I would "return back to Wonderland" which I considered my home. I don't remember how or why I snapped out of it, but I haven't really experienced anything similar to that since then.

[secretsdid]

We have a problem eating. Most of our eating disorder shows up in public. We hate eating in front of others. Especially big (normal size) portions.

I help give steps to the host on how to eat and to focus on the food instead of the people around us. I become hyper aware of what we're eating.

Another part makes sure we have food in our house or room or if we need to pick up food, even if we need to save money. One of her biggest fear is starvation.

-not the host

[secretsdid]

In the mornings, I wake up feeling detached, almost like my eyes are cameras showing me what another alter looks like. As if they've taken place of my body. I (and the body) have dark skin, and locked hair. This other part has pale skin and brown curly hair. My eyes, my perception, make it seem like there's someone entirely else in place of me. On my bed, in my room.

It’s this mix of depersonalization and dissociation that has been a part of me since I was 14. Her presence lingers, even if I feel like myself later on. It’s like we’re sharing control or overlapping, but sometimes it feels frustrating or exhausting, especially when other parts come about and influence me in different ways.