fighting the shame

27 ❤️‍🩹 any pronouns because idk who I am hi i’m Z, a transsexual trying to get over my damn daddy issues so I can live my queer ass life in peace

[shamefulhijra]

hi im a pakistani american who started T in 2022, got top surgery 2025, just been going through a lot of my Trans Experience feeling Very Alone and Shameful even though i hold a lot of Trans Joy🏳️‍⚧️ within me too.

i have been Learning a lot of my Shame stems from Childhood Trauma, some Sexual Repression (this blog is 18+ occasionally NSFW but usually more so in self analysis), some Islamic religious trauma that i initially began navigating since it started to negatively affect my relationship with my partner. but realizing now that i should Unravel It All for my Own Sake.

remade to create a space where No One Knows Me, in hopes of maybe Finding More People To Know? or perhaps i will be Silently Perceived…and that’s fine. just trying something different, just nice to have a safe space to Put It All Down.

i tag my original posts #z

[shamefulhijra]

bro please i feel like a teenage girl stuck inside an adult man….someone please help omg im a walking contradiction

[ofchaosgoddess]

help I’m having ideas beyond my available free time

[thelittlelurker]

my therapist gave me a list of negative and corresponding positive cognitions to look through and keep in mind as we prepare to start emdr therapy. i thought maybe y'all would like to see it. it feels kind of silly because it's essentially just the opposites for the negative thoughts, but [something about neuroplasticity and positive self-talk], y'know? ^-^;

[bugthingsdaily]

Today's bug thing is this cicada tattoo by wild.isley.tattoo!

[screamingbug]

men really be like “well this woman has studied this subject her whole life, and i am a man, so we have equal knowledge on this”

[hcrzallerliebst-a-deactivated20]

it’s ok you could have just said “i hate men”

[screamingbug]

okay, i hate men

[shamefulhijra]

another one Bites The Dust

[calvinanddune]

The mind commands the body and it obeys. The mind commands itself and meets resistance.

[currentlycryingaboutlancelot]

i NEED to stop being avoidant. not right now though like maybe tomorrow

[creepmovie]

giving a nuancejob to a boy with huge assumptions

[andpierres]

you should have seen me a couple of years ago!

[shamefulhijra]

there are many occasions where i Catch myself sexualizing myself against my Will. making it feel as though your feminization is the equivalent of your sexualization, and visa versa (that your masculinization is the equivalent of your de-sexualization)

[tepitome]

Xi'an, China. 2026.

[caspercryptid]

I feel like not enough people realize that people under enormous strain act really really fucking Weird

[pine-branches]

things humans are known to do when stressed:

-hallucinate

-cry over what seems to be small things

-become furiously angry over what seems to be small things

-hit a self destruct button over and over again

-lose all sense of reality

-becoming straight up unable to communicate

-view every situation as life or death

-experience delusions/become vulnerable to irrational worldviews

-perceive hostility where none exists

-become extremely nauseous and/or throw up

-stop engaging in sleeping/eating/basic hygiene

-stop processing sensory input

-process way too much sensory input all at once

-lash out at others/themselves

-and more!

being able to recognize when a human (ie. you or another person) is so stressed out they cannot think clearly is VERY important for conflict resolution and diffusing emotional crisis. highly recommend trying to train yourself at being able to recognize that state of panic- there is a point in which logic and rationality is useless and you have to address the underlying emotional issue first. knowing that saves everyone a lot of pain and struggle.

[arcadebroke]

[entrailer]

sometimes you invent mind prisons for yourself for no good reason and youre like "i really like being in the mind prison" even though you dont actually like being in the mind prison

[angelicdewdrop]