{ ghost }

MINOR | SFW | WHUMP BLOG | THEY/IT/HE + NEOS

[shamefullittleghost]

redoing my intro!

So i’ve been tempted to remake my intro post because, ngl kinda hate my first one pf.

Hello! You can call me Ghost, Para or Pollux, and ill probably sign off with either of those names (for the funsies), you can use they/he + any neos for me, also feel free to do pronoun checks! They change a lot :]

My favorite whump tropes are definitely (also warning for whump typical violence ! :])

Captivity (literally my favorite thing, being trapped with a monster with no way to escape? whumperflies,,)

Defiant whumpees who are broken by the end of it (and this can go in two ways!!! Whumpee being shattered, feeling worthless, like they have no place in the world, they flinch and tense, they cry into their pillow at night. They lean into caretakers touch, the first kind touch they’ve felt in years, maybe. 

But on the other hand, whumpees that are Broken, like shards of glass. They never lost their spark nor their defiance, they killed whumper in cold blood and pushed away any horror or regret they felt to it. They escaped into the night with nothing, they fed on garabge and did odd jobs, theyre drunk constantly, they do anything to distract themself. They snap at anyone who looks at them with an ounce of pity, they wipe the blood pouring from their nose and grin with bloodied teeth, “is that all you’ve got?” they taunt, because they’ve been through it all before, they push away the pain because pain is life, and they will not stop, they will not give in)

Sadistic and intimidate whumpers (they make me BLUSH!! God,, the mix of sweet pet names to kicking whumpee in the ribs, or trailing a finger down whumpees cheeks before grabbing whumpees hair and dragging them around)

Following the topic above, manhandling (YES FLING WHUMPEE AROUND, GRAB THEIR HAIR AND SLAM THE BACK OF THEIR HEAD INTO A WALL TIL THEY BLEED)

Broadcasted whump (oh,, it kills me in the best way possible)

villain/hero whump

Restraints (they make my heart FLUTTER fr,,, literal whumperflies)

Failed rescue/escape or being caught in the process of being rescued/escaping (especially when the whumper is only amused by their actions, like?? The amount of people that they Know they have, they dont have to drag whumpee around, they dont have to yell or shout, because whumpee is already wrapped around their finger. The amount of power in whumper sneaking up on whumpee, not even angry, just pleasantly amused, because its a game for whumper!! I will Never be over it)

Hiding injuries (ESPECIALLY WITH WITH DEFIANT WHUMPEES,,, whether they hide their injuries from whumper or caretaker,, hmmmmnnnnpos)

Branding (,,, oh dont make me blush,,, its just?? Theres something about it AND collars that make me sooo,,,,,, mmmmmnn)

Pet whump (im iffy on pet whump sometimes, can make be a bit uncomfy. The dehumanization both makes me lean away and lean in, theres also something about the possessiveness that makes me sfhausdosdsa. Its good usually, and when it isnt i just click away :])

Not exactly new to the whump community, i just thought it’d be cool to make a more up to date intro post!

Also, i will go through periods of inactivity (because i forget tumblr exists and also just lose any motivation sometimes), no i will not be apologizing for that pf

Feel free to send in asks/requests, just no nsfw requests and i will deny any that make me feel uncomfy :] keep in mind i am a MINOR when interacting with me, so dont be weird, thanks! Hi and welcome to my blog <3 -pollux

[shamefullittleghost]

19. Who are your favorite whump bloggers? Tag them!

Thank you

@livingforthewhump ! their stories are always really fun :]

[shamefullittleghost]

CW: threats, intimate whumper, noncon touch (nonsexual)

“You know, Hero,” the villain smirked, “it’s such a coincidence that I spotted you here, isn’t it?”

Hero tugged fruitlessly against his metal chains, “fuck off, Vilain!”

Villain grinned, “aww, what's with the animosity? Shame, I really thought we were friends, Hero.”

Hero flinched away as Villain approached, a low growl irritating his throat.

“Oh?” Villain huffed with amusement, “Oh, darling,” his hand clamped around Hero’s shoulder, “that’s so cute, it really is, my love,” he drew a dagger and held it to Hero’s throat, “but really, you’re embarrassing yourself.”

“Let me go,” he said with a strained voice.

“Oh? Why would I do that?” he laughed softly, “i have the number one hero at my mercy and bombs ready to blow.”

He grinned at Hero’s sharp gasp.

“You- you wouldn’t.”

“Why wouldn't I, lovely?” he teased the knife against Hero’s throat, grin widening as the hero shuddered, “i’ll make a deal with you, Hero.”

“What do you want from me?” he spat, shuddering as small beads of blood dripped down his neck, “my dignity? My pride? My life?”

“No,” he answered easily, “I want you.”

“What.”

“Hm,” Villain pressed the knife deeper into the thin skin of Hero’s neck, “let me rephrase, you come with me willingly and i call off the bombs, does that sound fair to you?”

“You’re sick,” Hero spat.

“Maybe,” Villain agreed, shrugging the smallest amount, “tick tock, little hero, I'm not sure we have much time left.”

Hero inhaled sharply, eyes darting for a moment before his expression steeled over, “fine, i’ll- i’ll go with you willingly if you call off the bombs completely.”

“Good answer.”

The blade left his throat.

With a click, his hands were free.

He staggered back, one hand raising to hold his bleeding neck, grimacing at the pain.

“That wasn’t so difficult, now is it, Hero?”

Hero grit his teeth, “call off the bombs, now.”

Villain tch-ed, “so bossy, you heroes are,” he rolled his eyes as Hero’s dramatics, “alright, alright, mister prince-y, let’s get out of here now, shall we?” Villain held out a hand.

Hero hesitated, hand twitching back before his expression hardened, grabbing the villain's hand.

___

you know i was gonna apologize for straight up disappearing but tbh it did me well, i had fun writing this

tags - @deirdre-the-lost-deer whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump @acewhumper @o-hazos-mihanikos @heart4brains @stuck-in-this-mortal-form @livingforthewhump @whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump  @infamy1343 @revon-breaks-free @darth-nikeon  @yells-in-lowercase @mercurymom @briars7 @bookworm2107

[whumptopia]

Whump Blog Ask Meme

What are your favorite whump tropes?

Do you prefer illness whump or injury whump?

Do you prefer whump in the form of writing or visual media?

Do you prefer physical whump or emotional/psychological whump?

Who is your favorite whumpee?

What are the traits of your ideal whumpee?

What are the traits of your ideal whumper?

What are the traits of your ideal caregiver?

Which archetype do you identify with the most: the whumpee, the whumper, or the caregiver?

When did you first realize you were into whump?

How and when did you discover the whump community?

Why do you love whump?

Have you ever felt insecure because you enjoy whump? How did you overcome that insecurity?

What are your least favorite whump tropes?

Are you interested in any niche whump genres, such as fem!whump or non-human whump?

Do you have any whump media recommendations (whump blogs, books, movies, etc.)?

When was the last time you got the whumperflies?

What whump content are you currently craving?

Who are your favorite whump bloggers? Tag them!

How are you doing today, buddy?

[darlingwhump]

^^ I’d love to answer some of these if anyone wants to send in asks!

[shamefullittleghost]

^^^

[shamefullittleghost]

consider: defiant whumpee who is broken in both ways. they want to fall apart, they want to sob and hurt, they dont want to be strong anymore, but even with escaping from whumper, anyone could still hurt them so they wipe their tears and brush of their feelings, leaving it to fester and rot within the back of their mind, leaving it til the dead of night, when shadows covered everything, they’d break. theyd sob into their pillow til there was nothing left except for a hollow hole in their heart, with the aching question of “what is my purpose?” and in the morning, they piece themself together. because there is no room for weakness, when perfection is the standard.

[shamefullittleghost]

DEFIANT WHUMPEE DIALOGUE PROMPTS

CW - WHUMP TYPICAL VIOLENCE AND THREATS. REFERENCED FORCED KNEELING, THREATS

#1 - “Is that all you’ve got?”

#2 - “My grandma hit better then you do.”

#3 - “So you’re going to break me? That’s your plan? Make me a groveling mess at your feet? Jeez, dude, get a hobby that doesn’t include beating some guy to death.”

#4 - “Our father who art- i’m not religious, but if anything could help you, maybe it’d be God.”

# 5 - “This is kind of pathetic, even for you.”

# 6 - (“I’m going to break you” - whumper) “Break me then, bitch.”

# 7 - “I’d rather die then kneel for you.”

# 8 - “I thought getting information from me was like, the one thing you’re good at? But it seems the only thing you got from me was the twenty seven ways you’re an egotistical bastard on a power trip.”

# 9 - “Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?”

# 10 - “The reason you won’t break me, love,” they spat, “is because you can’t break what’s already broken! [past whumper] did your job for you, and better then you, quite frankly. You’re pathetic, you make threats of shutting me up, of cutting out my tongue, cutting off my fingers, killing me?” they let out a bark of laughter, “try it, bitch. Kill me, kill me then, you coward.” ___ taglist - @deirdre-the-lost-deer whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump @acewhumper @o-hazos-mihanikos @heart4brains @stuck-in-this-mortal-form @livingforthewhump @whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump  @infamy1343 @revon-breaks-free @darth-nikeon  @yells-in-lowercase @mercurymom @briars7 @bookworm2107 ayy guess whos BACK bitches!! ayup B) - ghost

[doomdaysdecays-deactivated20251]

dried blood under fingernails. bruised knees and shins. blood and grime in matted hair. a split lip that just won’t heal. and still they don’t talk, because betraying the ones they so dearly love would cause them pain greater than all of the above.

[wildfaewhump]

hey do me a favor and slam your character up against a wall. surround them with overwhelming force, stack the odds against them too high to possibly be won.

now don't let them give up. let them stagger to their feet, wiping that trickle of blood from their nose, favoring that leg or that arm, and let them bare their teeth at the enemy and dare them to bring their worst.

[wormwriting]

Loaded Gun

Captive Whumpee is locked in a room, and they've been planning to escape for a while. It took them a while to work up the courage to attempt it.

They try. Their plan starts to unfold pretty smoothly.... until Whumper walks in:

"Going somewhere? No no, it's okay. you can go. But you'll have to kill me, because I won't let you."

Whumper hands them a gun.

"Come on. You've gotten this far - the door is right there. Pull the trigger, and leave. Or are you too weak and pathetic? Can you be strong for long enough to get away? Or do you know deep down that you need me? That you'd be nothing without me?"

"I'm not weak."

"Of course not, dear. That explains how you ended up as mine."

"M'not yours."

"No?"

"No."

Whumpee pulls the trigger.

Nothing happens.

Whumper laughs.

"You didn't really think I'd give you a loaded pistol, did you?"

Whumper tackles them and ties them down

"That's cute."

Tags: @painsandconfusion @jadeocean46910

[sideblogformindtrash]

So the place I go to college at is basically a huge farm, and because we have a lot of environmental and pet related courses, and it's fairly known that the students take care of them, it's often that people abandon their unwanted pets on the campus.

Since this is based out of real animals I guess a mild animal abuse cw.

So... That, but pet whump.

Pet whumpees that are too old or unwanted or sick being dropped at a college.

If they arrive injured, they are cared for as soon as someone finds them

They just roam around, and the students will give them food and blankets in the winter and when they are sick they make little fundraisers to take them to vets and buy meds or the vet students do it.

They follow around students they like the most in hopes of being adopted.

Lots of photos of them across Instagram and other social medias trying to get good owners.

They sometimes go and watch classes. Some of them follow a specific teacher or class, and are there so often they get added to roll call as a joke.

They have a dozen different names because every class and grade calls them something different.

They are mostly safe because they are so widely known as the colleges dog and everyone's pet that anyone trying to hurt them would be burned on a stake

They follow you and wait outside the restaurant doors for treats and pats

Lots of naps on sunlight and fresh grass

Lots of them start very shy and scared and terrified of being hurt. Over time they grow very friendly as everyone is nice.

[some-messed-up-writing-for-you]

Short Prompt #619

CW: captivity, restraints, threats of torture.

"You're pretty interesting, you know?" - the villain mused, circling the restrained hero, who was strapped down in a chair. "No one has ever seen your face or heard you speak before."

Villain suddenly stopped in front of their nemesis, slamming their hands on both their shoulders and leaning in close. "But I'll make you talk sooner or later."

Hero only smiled and cocked an eyebrow at them, wondering how long it would take Villain to realize that they were mute.

[meowsikbox]

70 whumpy questions: for the whumper

🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪

---------------------------------------------------

disclaimer: this is directed towards your ocs, not you.

cw: torture, creepy questions, probing questions, abuse, yadda yadda

---------------------------------------------------

1. What about [Whumpee] made you feel drawn to them?

2. What do you think of [Whumpee]?

3. Do you hate [Whumpee]?

4. What was your childhood like?

5. How did you capture [Whumpee]?

6. What made you like this?

7. Are you a sadist?

8. Why do you do this?

9. What is your favorite weapon to use?

10. What is your relationship with your parents like?

11. Do you think that you’re doing the right thing?

12. Are you lonely?

13. Does this make you feel powerful?

14. Who do you think you’re fooling?

15. What is wrong with you?

16. Has [Whumpee] ever tried to escape?

17. How long have you been doing this?

18. Favorite punishment method?

19. Least favorite punishment method?

20. What do you like about [Whumpee]?

21. Have you ever thought about letting [Whumpee] go?

22. How many people have you done this to?

23. Do you have a favorite [Whumpee]?

24. What are your thoughts on [Caretaker]?

25. Do you feel insignificant?

26. Did you not get enough attention as a child?

27. Do you think that you’re superior to others?

28. Do you ever feel guilty?

29. Do you ever comfort [Whumpee]?

30. Do you think that you deserve forgiveness?

31. Do you think that you deserve to die?

32. Have you dealt with traumatic situations in your past?

33. How do you cope?

34. How do you sleep at night?

35. Do you think your mother would approve of this?

36. Has [Whumpee] ever scared you?

37. How did [Whumpee] escape?

38. Are you stupid?

39. Favorite method of restraint?

40. What’s the worst thing [Whumpee] has ever done?

41. Has [Whumpee] ever hurt you?

42. Have you considered hurting [Caretaker]?

43. Would you ever replace [Whumpee]?

44. What would you do if Whumpee died?

45. Have you broken [Whumpee] yet?

46. How do you condition your captives?

47. Do you see [Whumpee] as human?

48. What made you want to hurt [Whumpee] so much?

49. If you were to be forced to face the consequences of your actions, would you accept them?

50. Do you think your friends and family could ever love you after this?

51. How do you relieve stress?

52. What is your relationship to [Whumpee]?

53. How could you do this to someone?

54. Why?

55. Are you aware that you’re an abomination to this earth?

56. What do you look for when selecting a target? Certain traits?

57. Have you ever considered just putting [Whumpee] out of their misery?

58. Do you enjoy hurting [Whumpee?]

59. What do you enjoy the most about hurting them?

60. Are you afraid of getting caught?

61. What would you do if you got caught?

62. Who is your least favorite captive that you've had?

63. Who was the first person you've ever intentionally harmed?

64. Do you regret it?

65. Do you know where [Whumpee] is now?

66. Would you recapture [Whumpee] if you could?

67. Can you live without [Whumpee]?

68. Have you ever taken things too far?

69. Have you ever considered stopping?

70. Do you think [Whumpee] will ever forgive you?

————————————

taglist:

@shywhumpauthor @painsandconfusion @thoughtsonhurtandcomfort @astralrunic @gottawhump @writergirl135 @tavecincertum @wolfeyedwitch @tastes-like-melonade @wild-selenite-caffine @badluck990 @appleejuice @void-fireworks @kim-poce @dragyouthroughthewhump @rainbows-and-whumperflies @shooting-star123 @whump-is-my-second-name @equestrianwritingsstuff @thelazywitchphotographer @bleeding-letters @gendertit @msiai-is-a-fool @heart4brains @whumpasaurus101 @cain-writing @starliight-whump

[itsleelove]

I need people to send me asks im dying please

[thatsgonnaleaveamark]

as a whumper i like to use doesthedogdie.com as both a way to avoid squicks/triggers and a reference to browse my favorite whump tropes in shows/movies

[painsandconfusion]

Just Relax...

Shoutout to @wormwriting for inspiring and helping flesh out this idea! You're so heckin lovely.

(tw: torture mention, touch starved whumpee, over-exhaustion, whump aftercare (whumper caretaker), BAD caretaking, gaslighting, intimate whumper, creepy whumper, forced comfort, blood, (sfw)non-con touch)

Whumpee shuddered against the cold ground. The concrete bruised against their cheekbone and shoulders, but the dull ache was lost in a wash of exhaustion. It mingled with all the other bruises, scrapes, and cuts and throbbed over every inch of skin.

Everything hurt. They couldn't even fight it anymore. They just fell limp on the ground, praying for reprieve. Their muscles shivered, begging for rest; screaming for the pain to stop.

And Whumper stopped.

Blessedly, they stopped.

Whumpee took in a few shuddering breaths as Whumper crouched down next to them.

"Oh darling, you look so tired..." A hand crept between their cheek and the floor. It pushed them up. Whumpee blinked hard, trying to wash away the fog as they met Whumper's gaze.

It was softer. Kinder.

That meant...they were done.

Finally.

"C'mere," Whumper whispered, tugging on their wrist to tug them up into a sitting position. "You can rest now."

Whumper shifted forward pulling Whumpee to lean into their chest.

"N-no. Don't t-t-touch m..." Whumpee twitched and jerked away from the hands, but Whumper applied a steady, gentle pressure. Eventually, Whumpee could't fight it anymore. They shivered against Whumper's chest as the other held them close.

Whumpee's muscles twitched, begging to rip free, but Whumpee didn't dare move. They held completely still. Rigid and trembling. Twitching slightly as Whumper's fingers brushed slowly through their hair.

Whumpee's lip quivered. "D-don't-"

"Shhh....sh sh." Whumper hummed. "It's okay....It's over now."

Somehow, Whumpee didn't believe that.

But they were so tired.

Their back tingled with bruises, gashes, and welts. A trickle of blood crept slowly down their arm. Their head throbbed under the gentle fingers.

Whumper's arm around their waist barely dodged the ripped flesh, safely pressing against the unmarred spaces. Their warmth soaked slowly into Whumpee's shivering skin.

Whumpee's breaths slowed. They steady, slow cadence of Whumper's breath mirrored the hand brushing softly along their scalp. In..........and out. In..........and out. Fingers brushed smoothly from their hair-line, smoothing above their ear, trailing down their neck. Then beginning again. Over and over again - predictable and warm.

The ebbing, twisting aches slowly started to fade until they were barely a thought, replaced by the rhythmic, warm sensation. Their knotted muscles slowly unwound, melting into the touch. Whumpee closed their eyes and let themselves go limp in Whumper's arms, drinking in the warmth and quiet.

Whumpee cried out, jolting away again as Whumper's fingers dug deep into a gash on their side. Fiery pain tingled up their back, rekindling the aching burn in the marred and bloodied flesh. They writhed and pulled, but Whumper had already tucked their hand safely under the marks.

"L-let go. Let go of m-me." Whumpee took in harsh, ragged breaths, pushing on Whumper's chest. They shoved and writhed, but Whumper's hands pinned them in place, shoved awkwardly against them.

"Relax," Whumper murmured, guiding Whumpee's head back under their chin with a strong but gentle hand. Whumpee pulled away as best they could, but they were so weak. So tired.

"It's okay. You're done now. You can rest."

Whumpee squirmed, but Whumper's grip kept them pinned in place. Their heart was beating far too fast. It demanded faster and faster breaths until Whumpee's head spun with the effort.

"Please, Whumper. I-"

"Shh. You need to calm down." They resumed petting Whumpee's hair. They ignored Whumpee's finches and whines. The cold concrete bruised into their knees, cold seeping into the joint. Whumpee squeaked as Whumper pulled them closer.

"It's okay. Everything is okay now. I'm not going to hurt you anymore." Whumper's voice hummed though their chest, warm and rich, pressed against Whumpee's ear. It was...a nice sensation. Whumpee froze, letting the sound soak through their skull.

Whumper must have noticed, because they started to hum. A low, slow, rich lullaby filled the room as Whumpee trembled. The sound was soft - hardly audible - but the vibration wound through Whumpee's flesh. Their cheek, pressed to Whumper's collarbone, warmed at the sensation. They felt their heart slow again as the melody grounded them.

They were so tired. So so so tired.

And Whumper was so holding them so close.

Whumpee slowly unwound, relaxing further and further until they fell limp again. They slumped against Whumper's chest once more, relishing the soft warmth that soaked through their skin.

Whumpee barely registered Whumepr’s arm pulling back before their fingers dug deep into another gash.

Whumpee screamed this time, shoving Whumper away. Adrenaline shot back through their limbs, barely beating out the pain spiking down their veins.

They jerked against Whumper's hands. "D-dont!" They tried to skitter back, but Whumper's grip locked around the back of their neck and at their wrist. Whumpee clawed uselessly at Whumper's fingers, eyes wide and frantic.

Whumper's face was full of gentle concern, but their eyes danced with amusement. "It's okay. Don't fight me now."

Whumpee whimpered as Whumper reeled them back in by their neck. They trembled as they were tucked back into Whumper's embrace again.

They pushed away lightly, afraid to do more. Whumper ignored their pitiful efforts. They just held Whumpee close, careful not to touch any of the wounds. Whumpee trembled.

Whumper's voice was so soft. "It's okay...calm down, love."

Whumpee gasped as Whumper's fingertips trailed along the edges of a smaller cut. It tingled with a phantom burn - a subtle promise of what would come. Whumpee squirmed further into their chest, trying uselessly to avoid the touch. Every muscle was pulled taught, ready to spring. Shivering and twitching at every movement.

Whumper laughed softly. Warmly.

"I don't know why you're so tense. You can rest now. Just relax."

Whumpee didn't dare.

.

(tags: @prisonerwhump @whumpawink @mabledonut @paleassprince @distinctlywhumpthing @wormwriting @tropes-for-my-md-daydreams @batfacedliar )

[gingerly-writing]

Superhero AUs #14

Last Meetings

- ‘So, I guess this is it, huh? It was nice…nice doing business with you’ AU - ‘I did not pay you this much money for your irresponsible, reckless ass to die on me!’ AU

- ‘I’ve got a terminal illness and you used to be my partner-in-crime back in the good old days. Fancy one last hurrah?’ - ‘You couldn’t stop me if you tried. Besides, there’s a bank I’ve been eyeing up on 53rd every time I’ve been to bingo this month, and-’ AU

- ‘No!’ AU - ‘Oh, my poor little hero. You really shouldn’t have given a new meaning to the phrase ‘bite the bullet’, especially not for me’ AU

- ‘Honey…honey I’m sorry, please forgive me’ AU - ‘I always knew you were an evil bastard, I just didn’t realise you were a supervillain too’ AU

- ‘So. You’re retiring. (…but what about this? What about…us? Our rivalry? You’re my nemesis, what am I going to do without you?)’ AU - ‘It’s time to leave the spandex where it belongs: in the past’ AU

- ‘If you die on me, you heroic fucker, I will resurrect you just so I can kill you all over again. Do not test the limits of my mad science because I will succeed, and with immortality in my grasp I’ll be around to ruin your day forever’ AU - ‘I spend enough of my time trying to stop you breaking laws, could you please leave the laws of nature alone?’ AU

- ‘You’re an assassin’ AU - ‘I wish you hadn’t realised that. I really am sorry about this’ AU

- ‘Hey, just ringing to ask how your day is going; I hope you’re having fun saving the day and all that heroic junk. Fighting a new villain? Starstrike, yeah, I’ve heard of her. Pretty cute, am I right? Me? Oh yeah, I’m fine. Kinda winded, just lost a fight against one of these new vigilante types, but I’ll see you tonight. I’ll get Chinese on the way home. By the way, you’ve always been my favourite hero. Have a good day!’ AU - ‘I never got that Chinese’ AU

- ‘Even though I’m dying, I’m still glad it was you that finally killed me’ AU - ‘You were the greatest hero of them all, and I can only regret that your death was necessary. Rest in peace, my old friend’ AU

- ‘I can’t wait for tomorrow. To finally get married to you will be the best day of my life’ AU - ‘Me neither. Just one last patrol before the big day, I’ll be back before you know it’ AU

PS. These are sadder if you realise that for these to qualify as last meetings, someone has to leave forever…

[auideas]

Do you by any chance have any mafia au prompts?

“As a godfather, it’s my duty to avoid particularly violent confrontation with other groups, but when I return home from my weekly bowling trip to find my entire family massacred, things get very serious, very fast” AU

“My parent rose to power in the Mafia quickly through foul play, and although I’m uncomfortable with it, I play along. Soon after they become the head of the Mafia, though, I meet a person that changes my life forever, but who also knows that my parent has killed so many of the family to rise to power and wants them to see the barrel of their gun. When I confronted my parent about the issue, they threaten to kill both my partner and myself without even flinching. I believe them.” AU

“I’m a mailman, okay? I deliver goods, like letters, packages, and such, but I never asked for this, okay?! I never asked to deliver what was apparently an assault rifle and then be yanked into an FBI van and questioned for two hours straight. I DEMAND TO CALL MY LAWYER.” AU

“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust - why yes, dear brother, killing is a must. The thrill up your spine when you take the light of an innocent kind. The blood in your nails that will never be washed and never be healed. The knowledge and paranoia that comes with all this…yes…all this, per la famiglia.” AU

“I’m a concerned neighbor, so I of course called the police when I heard muffled gunshots from next door. However, the police didn’t arrive next door - rather, someone arrived at MY door, and they certainly weren’t cops.” AU

“The landlord of the place we rent for our ‘family business’ is very sweet; she makes us cookies once in a while and everything. Once, however, she walked in at just the right time to see us torturing someone for information. To our surprise, she didn’t even flinch, and just strolled over to me and gave me a smack on the arm, telling me that she would never hire me to water her plants again since she had just found a dead leave hidden away. Either she’s very tolerant or loose in the head.” AU

“The person I’ve been charged with killing this evening by the familia isn’t someone that I had really been expecting - I mean, they were a defenseless homeless person…right?” AU

“My spouse-to-be was welcomed easily by the family…almost too easily.” AU

“NOT ALL MAFIAS ARE ITALIAN. WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK THAT?!?” AU

[auideas]

Modern Magic AUs

“Our familiars seem really into each other huh you wanna go grab a coffee?”

“We’re in the same practice space and you are terrible at magic and you keep hurling stuff at my face STOP IT.”

“We are neighbors and you are terrible at magic and keep making noise and hurling stuff at my house/apartment walls STOP IT.”

“I do magic tattoos and you want something illegal. Like really illegal.”

“You’re a street artist who uses magic in their art and I see your work everyday on my commute.”

“You drag me to an underground meeting of mages plotting to overthrow non-mages. Little do you know I’m a non-mage.”

“You drag me to an underground meeting of non-mages plotting to overthrow mages. Little do you know I’m a mage.”

“I’m in the science camp of mages who believe that everything can be boiled down to equations and formulas. You’re in the natural camp of mages who believe that magic comes from feeling, spirituality, passion, and other non-quantifiables. Something happens that prove us both wrong in some way.”

“My regular dealer of spell ingredients got raided the other day. Now I need a new source.”

“I have some disorder that makes magic emerge from me differently than others. Or at least, the doctors call it a disorder.”

“Wow, who cursed me in Klingon, can’t be that nerdy kid next door who bragged to me about his working phaser last year.“ *side-eye*

“My magical cosplay is better than your magical cosplay.”

“I’m the first non-mage in my family in generations and nobody understand how or why and it’s really awkward.”

“So this spell went wrong and my body disappeared into the aether and I’m now a disembodied voice please help.”

“So I summoned a demon, but it never appeared. Clearly didn’t work. So why are my dishes washed and my clothes put away and my doors opening when I’m about to walk through them?”

“I made a golem to mind my kid while I’m at work, but I think it’s doing more than I’m expecting. Do golems throw raves?”

“I’m a burglar who uses magic to do what I do, but then I try to break into your house and find out you’re a way more powerful mage than I am and I am screwed. Or am I?”

“Note to self: do not try to con a former mage-master.”

theballadofbilbobaggins: sorry if there are too many

admin °m°: No worries! This is a wonderful list that I’m sure the followers will love. Please feel free to send more things like this in at any time!