Poetic Ramblings

Just some random shit that floats through my head and, falls out of my fingers. Poetry, updates, Videos, pics, and a bit of babble. Well alrighty then. My name is Shane Gray. I am a stand up comedian, stage/screen actor, poet, freelance writer, and Karaoke DJ. I enjoy long walks on the beach, women who hate me, and roast beef. I make no decision with out first consulting my shaman. My greatest fear is that one day there will be a Facebook page called "I bet this dill pickle can get more fans than Shane Gray". I know the pickle will win. Pickles haunt my nightmares now. When not pursuing my professional interests I spend My time pretending I am relevant, looking for love in all the wrong places, and preparing for the inevitable zombie apocalypse that will occur due to an entire generations over exposure to Sponge Bob Square Pants. Somewhere in the midst of all that I find time to drink way too much coffee. (All Content including poetry, web graphics .jpg, and .gif images are original creations and the intellectual property of Shane C. Gray unless marked otherwise. That being said, feel free to reblog.) var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-21058155-1']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })();

[shanecgray]

Tattoos are no longer taboo. Facial piercings are practically required if you work at Whole Foods. Hip hop is no longer underground. Punk is no longer about politics. Craft brews are distributed by Budweiser. Hipsters are now mainstream. Everything has been reduced to fad fashion. There is no more "counter culture". Now it's "counter couture". Nice Che Guevara t-shirt. Very edgy.

[shanecgray]

Single guy signs

(I wrote this 3 years ago when I was terminally single. Now that I'm married I look back at it and chuckle. Mostly due to how quickly most of this changed. Partially due to the fact that some of it hasn't.) You only need to look at my apartment to know that I’m single. There are a number of “single guy signs” that are easy to spot if you know what to look for: 1. My living room has the standard collection of mismatched old curbside couches and folding camp furniture. My TV stand is the plastic tough box that I moved the TV in. I keep a full sized plastic trash can by the couch because I am too damn lazy to walk to the kitchen to throw shit away. 2. Pictures are for women. The walls in my house are decorated with nothing but nicotine stains. 3. My Kitchen, like most kitchens, has a sink, a dishwasher, and cabinets. There are clean dishes in the dishwasher, dirty dishes in the sink, and no dishes in the cabinets. I take clean dishes directly out of the dishwasher and use them until the pile in the sink starts to look like a game of Jenga that I’m really fucking close to losing, and then I load some of them back into the dishwasher, usually without unloading it first. I have some dishes that have been washed thirty times in a row without ever being used and others that have never been washed at all. 4. The stove is spotless, because it’s there for purely decorative purposes. The microwave, however, looks like I blew up a live rodent inside of it…two or three years ago. 5. I have two bathrooms. The one that I use, and the one that I keep for company. The one that I keep for company is spotless, because I never use it. The one that I use looks kind of like somebody shaved a large Muppet in it, and never swept up afterwards. It is the home of what one of my exes has dubbed the “Hell Toilet”. It also houses one of the most impressive collection of porno mags and empty tooth paste tubes that the world has ever seen. 6. Looking inside the cabinet where I store my supplements and vitamins, might give you the impression that I am the healthiest man alive. Looking inside my fridge and pantry might cause you to wonder how I’m actually still alive at all. 7. Dressers and hampers are also for women. I store most of my clean clothes in one big plastic tub, and all of my dirty clothes in another. The tubs are identical in both appearance, and organizational style. The only way to tell them apart is by smell. 8. Clothing is not hung up on hangers after ironing. It is hung up on hangers as an attempt at avoiding ironing. 9. Why buy an ironing board when you have a towel, and a floor? 10. If the idea is blocking the light from outside of the apartment from coming in …what can curtains really achieve that a folded bed sheet nailed over the window can’t?

[shanecgray]

The two main differences between a horse and a donkey are intelligence and impulse control. A horse will work itself to death if you prompt it to. A donkey will take a beating until you are tired before it works itself to death. If you lock a donkey in a feed shed it will eat until it’s full. A...

[shanecgray]

I...just...had...to.

[shanecgray]

These “Personality test” word searches are normally so full of shit that I thought it was time for a more realistic one. The first three words you find describe how your Ex probably sees you.

[shanecgray]

Before we sit down to our feast, we must go out, and kill the beast.

Next strip it’s flesh, and bleed it dry, then throw it in the pit to fry.

we feed our need, when logic fails, to keep us firmly on the rails.

That tend in some peculiar way, to lead us to another day.

So quench your thirst, your hunger sate.

Now pour the gravy, pass the plate.

For life’s a smorgasbord of sin.

So grab a fork my friend, dig in.

[shanecgray]

#Fredphelps #DeadFredPhelps #WestboroBaptists #WestboroBaptistChurch #dead #DropDeadFred #Deathwatch #hate #lol #lolz #lmao #meme #photogrid #funny

[shanecgray]

Steve...when I wrote this it was meant to be nonsense...lol. I had just listened to a twenty minute long argument between an atheist and a Christian about whether gid exists or not, and what he is accountable for if he does. This was the result. I gave actually used it on stage since.

[shanecgray]

[shanecgray]

And that is all I have to say about that.

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[shanecgray]

Don't you just hate it when a dose of reality strolls into the room and just ruins a good fantasy?

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[shanecgray]

Who says politics can’t be fun?

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FEED ME!!!

[shanecgray]