i am msytiw i do shape shitfs

Don't fuck with me or i'll turn into you and upload embarassing videos online.

[shape-shift-and-trick-blog]

im practically a magical girl.

[shape-shift-and-trick-blog]

okay, murdock i'm still unsure about, but you are DEFINITELY evil. what is peter DOING? listen. i can be very creative under duress. i'm still getting settled into running away from all my problems via universe skip, but peter's peter in any reality, and if you hurt him, i will. i'll. i. i will figure out something truly horrible

Ah, I’m assuming you’re Gwen? Or some version of her, in any case. 

I might not know anything about… your universe, but I don’t doubt you can think up some very exciting ways to hurt me. Although, whether you can actually act on those thoughts is another matter entirely.

But either way, I can assure you from the very evil depths of my heart that I will never hurt Peter. You needn’t worry your darling little head over it. 

[thenewspiderintown]

well, the effort’s appreciated.

the powers are probably of less consequence than, you know, me being here. i’m not sure what kind of life this world’s gwen stacy led, but i think trying to step straight into her place would probably end poorly. similarly, i probably shouldn’t long so much to recreate my own personal better times, but there’s really only so much that can be done about that. still, maybe i should get a cover story or something. dye my hair or whatever

my peter died. it resulted in my dad threatening me with a gun, lots of people trying to kill me, and me fleeing from my own universe to stop having to hear… what people were saying about it. i wouldn’t recommend it.

[shape-shift-and-trick-blog]

Oh, no. Losing a llved one is always hard, I understand. I can barely imagine how terrible it must of been for you. I can't even think about anything bad happening to Peter.

Do you want a hug? I promise to not strangle you or anything.

[shape-shift-and-trick-blog]

Sighs. I suppose I can find it within my cold, dead, broken heart to forgive you.

[theguardiandevil]

Does that mean we get to kiss and make up?

[shape-shift-and-trick-blog]

Oh, absolutely. I may even need more than one kiss to recover.

[theguardiandevil]

Of course, as many kisses as it requires. 

[shape-shift-and-trick-blog]

What if I need 100 kisses?

[shape-shift-and-trick-blog]

Your pretty words arent helping to heal this Broken Heart you’ve given me.

[theguardiandevil]

I had no idea the The Burnt Toast Incident was so personal for you. I sincerely apologize.

[shape-shift-and-trick-blog]

Sighs. I suppose I can find it within my cold, dead, broken heart to forgive you.

[theguardiandevil]

Does that mean we get to kiss and make up?

[shape-shift-and-trick-blog]

Oh, absolutely. I may even need more than one kiss to recover.

[shape-shift-and-trick-blog]

The burnt toast thing never happened

[theguardiandevil]

It definitely happened

[shape-shift-and-trick-blog]

Matty, please.

I might cry.

[theguardiandevil]

It’s okay, your toasting skills don’t define you.

[shape-shift-and-trick-blog]

Your pretty words arent helping to heal this Broken Heart you’ve given me.

[theguardiandevil]

I had no idea the The Burnt Toast Incident was so personal for you. I sincerely apologize.

[shape-shift-and-trick-blog]

Sighs. I suppose I can find it within my cold, dead, broken heart to forgive you.

[shape-shift-and-trick-blog]

The burnt toast thing never happened

[theguardiandevil]

It definitely happened

[shape-shift-and-trick-blog]

Matty, please.

I might cry.

[theguardiandevil]

It’s okay, your toasting skills don’t define you.

[shape-shift-and-trick-blog]

Your pretty words arent helping to heal this Broken Heart you've given me.

[shape-shift-and-trick-blog]

The burnt toast thing never happened

[theguardiandevil]

It definitely happened

[shape-shift-and-trick-blog]

Matty, please.

I might cry.

[shape-shift-and-trick-blog]

okay, murdock i'm still unsure about, but you are DEFINITELY evil. what is peter DOING? listen. i can be very creative under duress. i'm still getting settled into running away from all my problems via universe skip, but peter's peter in any reality, and if you hurt him, i will. i'll. i. i will figure out something truly horrible

Ah, I’m assuming you’re Gwen? Or some version of her, in any case. 

I might not know anything about… your universe, but I don’t doubt you can think up some very exciting ways to hurt me. Although, whether you can actually act on those thoughts is another matter entirely.

But either way, I can assure you from the very evil depths of my heart that I will never hurt Peter. You needn’t worry your darling little head over it. 

[thenewspiderintown]

yeah, it’s actually surprisingly nice to meet you too, despite the fact that i hate being talked down to and it sure looks like that’s, idk, your thing. i am completely adorable, though, so i’ll let the implied condescension slide.

and, uhhhhhh, yeah. i have powers. the same ones peter has in this universe, as i understand it. i probably shouldn’t be admitting that, but the whole secret identity didn’t work out for me so well in my world, so now i’m trying the other thing. if this somehow turns out worse, i’ll go hang with spider-ham or something.

and uh. no. i haven’t, and i’m not so sure he would. ha. i didn’t come here to bother him. it’s pure coincidence that i wound up in one of probably very few worlds where the peter parker is exactly the same as mine in all the ways that matter. except that he got bit by the damn spider instead. and is alive. he seems, you know, happy, so i’ll just do my best to leave him to that. well. aside from giving his current partners the shovel talk, i guess. hey, i’m traumatized! no one can blame me here!

[shape-shift-and-trick-blog]

I'll Try to rein in the condescension. Possibly. I just can't help it, I'm sorry.

and dont worry, I won't inform anyone else of your powers if you dont want me too, I'm not that evil. but I digress.

Your Peter died?? :(

[shape-shift-and-trick-blog]

The burnt toast thing never happened

[thenewspiderintown]

shape-shift-and-trick replied to your photo:thinkingbigandcatchingspiders i google myself, and…

uh oh

i’m not completely sure what you’re implying here, but, in the event that that’s an “oh no harry’s not going to stand for this” sort of uh oh, you should know that in no universe will i ever be afraid of harry osborn

[shape-shift-and-trick-blog]

Oh no, I was implying nothing of the sort. It was more of an “Uh oh, my partner in crime is going to get their ass kicked”. 

[shape-shift-and-trick-blog]

okay, murdock i'm still unsure about, but you are DEFINITELY evil. what is peter DOING? listen. i can be very creative under duress. i'm still getting settled into running away from all my problems via universe skip, but peter's peter in any reality, and if you hurt him, i will. i'll. i. i will figure out something truly horrible

Ah, I’m assuming you’re Gwen? Or some version of her, in any case. 

I might not know anything about… your universe, but I don’t doubt you can think up some very exciting ways to hurt me. Although, whether you can actually act on those thoughts is another matter entirely.

But either way, I can assure you from the very evil depths of my heart that I will never hurt Peter. You needn’t worry your darling little head over it. 

[thenewspiderintown]

what makes you think i can’t act on my genius and injurious plans? i will have you know that my skills are not limited to wall-crawling and web-slinging, the way many people seem to think. like. i don’t know. you seem pretty good at this villain thing. but i’d at least get in a few good punches, all schemes aside. come on.

…i guess we don’t really need to go there right now, though. or ever, maybe. if you, you know, really do mean well. towards peter. i guess. i appreciate that.

[thenewspiderintown]

oh, and yeah. gwen. the spidery one.

[shape-shift-and-trick-blog]

Oh, you really are so adorable. It’s lovely to meet you Gwen.

 I trust those punches would hurt very much, you seem more than capable of a good fight. Speaking of which; you have powers, too? Now that is interesting. From what I've heard our Gwen never did. 

Not that Peter ever talks of her much. Have you spoken to him yet? I imagine he’d appreciate the visit.

[shape-shift-and-trick-blog]

I’m so glad that my mildly evil tendencies are a universal constant. What wonderful news.

[shape-shift-and-trick-blog]

okay, murdock i'm still unsure about, but you are DEFINITELY evil. what is peter DOING? listen. i can be very creative under duress. i'm still getting settled into running away from all my problems via universe skip, but peter's peter in any reality, and if you hurt him, i will. i'll. i. i will figure out something truly horrible

Ah, I’m assuming you’re Gwen? Or some version of her, in any case. 

I might not know anything about… your universe, but I don’t doubt you can think up some very exciting ways to hurt me. Although, whether you can actually act on those thoughts is another matter entirely.

But either way, I can assure you from the very evil depths of my heart that I will never hurt Peter. You needn’t worry your darling little head over it. 

[shape-shift-and-trick-blog]

Yes, please. I don’t think I can bare to look at anymore happy families today.

[theguardiandevil]

Then the view from my apartment windows is a perfect array of product advertisement. 

[shape-shift-and-trick-blog]

That sounds preferable, but still terrible. I’ll just have to look at you instead.

[theguardiandevil]

Now there’s an idea if I’ve ever heard one. I’m all yours.

[shape-shift-and-trick-blog]

Oh Matty, you can't just say stuff like that. You might get a girl all flustered.

[shape-shift-and-trick-blog]

Ah yes, mothers day. The one day a year I get to remember how terrible I am. Wonderful.

[theguardiandevil]

You want to come over?

[shape-shift-and-trick-blog]

Yes, please. I don’t think I can bare to look at anymore happy families today.

[theguardiandevil]

Then the view from my apartment windows is a perfect array of product advertisement. 

[shape-shift-and-trick-blog]

That sounds preferable, but still terrible. I'll just have to look at you instead.

[shape-shift-and-trick-blog]

Ah yes, mothers day. The one day a year I get to remember how terrible I am. Wonderful.

[theguardiandevil]

You want to come over?

[shape-shift-and-trick-blog]

Yes, please. I don't think I can bare to look at anymore happy families today.

[offtide-deactivated20150828]

what if….matt murdock was a priest DON’T LOOK AT ME 

thank you endquestionmark everites and my entire tl for making this possible