Iâm redoing this now that Iâve been on here for a little while. :]
Quick Intro:
Hey, Iâm Bee! Iâm a 21 year old queer hispanic from the USA. I prefer if a mix of pronouns are used for me but itâs not required.
I have multiple different disorders/ mental illnesses but youâll mostly only find BPD related vents here so big TW for BPD related stuff. Itâs a safe place for anyone who struggles with any type of disabilities, disorders, mental illnesses, etc.
My DMs, Inbox, etc is always open for any comments, questions, concerns, etc. Iâm not very active on Tumblr (I donât spent a lot of time on here) and I donât have notifications on but I will respond once I see your message. If youâd like to be mutuals, feel free to interact with this post! Feel free to like, reblog, comment or shoot me a message! If I deem that your account is too triggering for whatever reason however, I may not follow back.
Take care of yourself honey! đ
Tags:
#SheBeeZee - lil rambles or whatever else
#Inbox - inbox stuff
#BPD - bpd related vent/ rants
Longer Intro:
Hello again! Iâll just go into a bit more detail here. :)
Iâve been off the internet for a long while since I did cut off everyone in my life a few years ago. I isolated myself until more recently when I really started struggling and needed a place to vent out some frustrations. I struggle reaching out to people so feel free to reach out yourself, I promise youâre always welcomed here! :]
I only really post BPD related stuff here to try to keep things more of a safe place where thereâs not too many sensitive things that can easily trigger people. I do have a side blog thatâs not too hard to find but I wonât link it here because Iâll be rambling more on there about other sensitive topics that can be triggering.
I never had a âTumblr Eraâ before this so Iâve pretty much been going in blind. I also donât spend too much time looking at stuff on here either, not cause I donât want to but just the mental illness brain talking.
I also do have pretty bad paranoia so if thereâs ever something I donât really answer or I seem to avoid mentioning, please donât take it personally. I donât mean any harm by it but I just prefer to keep some things private and my privacy is something I value a lot.
As I mentioned previously, I do have a lot of different disorders along with BPD so BPD can look very different on me compared to someone else who has different disorders. I am not a professional and only use this page to vent thoughts related to my experiences or things Iâm going through. People without BPD might also relate to some of my vents since I do have other disorders that can affect my mindset so please donât take anything I say or vent about as professional medical advice. If anyone wants to talk about it privately, I donât mind that but please donât take anything I say as 100% one way or the other since BPD can really look much different in people as well as my other disorders that are also factors to take in.
Thank you so much for reading and I appreciate anyone who sticks around! Itâs definitely made me smile knowing thereâs a lot of people who can relate to things I struggle with. It makes me feel much less alone than I did when I first started this account. Itâs made me feel less crazy and less âitâs all in my headâ about things. I appreciate each and every one of you. 𫶠Hope I see all my cute lil flowers around often! đ» Take care of yourselves, stay hydrated and remember youâve been doing amazing with the cards you got given. If no one has said it, Iâm so proud of you and love you! đ
Oh how I wish youâd tell me something like that. How I wish youâd tell me that I could never annoy you. How I wish youâd be open and tell me how you feel. I just want you to reassure me that you donât hate me. I will always think youâre upset with me otherwise.
Splitting from you hurt so much. Realizing how much I put up with to bend over backwards for you. No one should have to go through that. I just wanted your love and trust. You just wanted my body. Iâll be alright now that youâre not around.
Thank you to all 159 of you still hanging out here and thank you to everyone whoâs interacted with my page. It means a lot. đ
I made this account while I was going through a pretty bad split and Iâm not sure if Iâm necessarily doing better but I feel like Iâve reached a point where Iâm pretty over that situation specially but a lot of other roadblocks have happened which have taken a toll on me. I do miss posting on here but it also feels kinda overwhelming wanting to come back for some reason? Probably because Iâve been in a terrible head space. Anyways Iâm sure no oneâs gonna end up seeing this small ramble but thank you either way.
Hey! I know u havenât been active in a while but I hope ur doing ok! â€ïž I really resonated with ur blog alot and u were able to put alot of what I was thinking into words better than I could. Iâm too shy to reach out to u but ur a big inspo to me.
This is my first time logging back into Tumblr after so long because frankly Iâve been in a terrible head space but this genuinely made me tear up :â) Thank you to whoever you are. I hope to be able to come back to this page soon. Thank you to anyone whoâs still sticking out here. Iâve been too overwhelmed to check everything but Iâll try to get through it soon.
Sorry for disappearing, I completely forgot I even existed for a hot minute! Was too busy getting consumed by the eternal emptiness that fills my existence. It will happen again! :D
seeing the way some peopleâs face twitches when you tell them you have a personality disorder can tell you a lot about how they view it and no one will understand the pain of meeting someone you connect with so much just to see that flash of disgust/panic on their face when you mention you have a personal disorder unless youâve been in those footsteps
coming to terms that itâs over doesnât feel real at all
one day you were happily chatting away and enjoying each otherâs company but now itâs all gone. it feels so empty. disconnecting + splitting so now you donât even remember the small things you once treasured about them so much
As someone who suffers from BPD, do you have a favorite person?
I did, unfortunately!
We havenât spoken in a while so these past two months have basically been me coming to terms that I have to cut them off completely and move on, otherwise it wouldnât be healthy for me. Iâm glad to finally be able to get to a point where I no longer have a FP.
Thank you for asking and I hope you take care of yourself! đ Thank you for sending something in!
do u try 2 make ur post relatable bc I relate alot
Sorry for the late reply but no! I donât try and make ârelatable postsâ whenever I write something on here. Theyâre all me venting in some way, shape, or form. Iâve never been one to want to get too personal or deep venting because I feel bad about it but it brings me comfort when I can put something out there and I, myself, know what/ who itâs directed to.
For example, I believe the post that ïżŒpeople relate to the most is the âfuck you, youâre such an asshole (please answer me, Iâm losing my mind)â one. It was directed at someone specific in my life and I was venting about it in my own way but I think itâs simple enough for all different types of people to relate. Other people with BPD know the feeling or someone going through a heartbreak might understand the emotions on a personal level. Even someone struggling with depression who feels like no one is there for them might be able to relate.
Iâm so sorry to anyone going through it, itâs definitely not easy. Iâve had a few people reach out and say that my account brings them comfort because they can relate so much to the stuff Iâm saying which Iâm happy about. Iâm glad Iâm able to help some people feel less alone in the world just as everyone helps me feel less alone as well.
Thank you for sending something in! Hope this answers your question!
realizing that now you actually have to let them go hurts so much.
you were holding onto to that hope that theyâd return, they just had to. they meant so much to you and you loved them so much. you still do but you know theyâre not coming back. theyâre done with you. thereâs nothing you can do
they were your whole world and now youâve been thrown away like a piece of trash. why, oh why, do you have to ruin everything you touch?
sometimes I donât even want advice. sometimes I donât even want to be heard. sometimes all I want is just to be acknowledged. the comfort of knowing that you donât have to talk about anything going on but youâre still acknowledged.
especially with BPD itâs always âyouâre just being dramaticâ âyouâre just overreactingâ âitâs all in your headâ but hearing someone just acknowledge you is comforting especially when you feel in your head about the situation.
Aw, Iâm sure it hasnât been easy on you. A lot of POC households arenât the greatest and Latino households are no exception. Iâm sure itâs been a struggle trying to navigate things but I hope youâre doing alright! Thanks for sending something in! đ
They are not coming back. They will never be back. They are not coming back. They will never be back. They are not coming back. They will never be back. They are not coming back. They will never be back. They are not coming back. They will never be back. They are not coming back. They will never be back. They are not coming back. They will never be back. They are not coming back. They will never be back. They are not coming back. They will never be back. They are not coming back. They will never be back. They are not coming back. They will never be back. They are not coming back. They will never be back. They are not coming back. They will never be back. They are not coming back. They will never be back. They are not coming back. They will never be back. They are not coming back. They will never be back. They are not coming back. They will never be back. They are not coming back. They will never be back.
Remembering a time where you actually enjoyed things. Remembering how you enjoyed specific hobbies. How you enjoyed specific shows or movies. How much fun you had while goofing around. How colorful the world seemed.
Now itâs not the same. Itâs never going to be the same. The things you once enjoyed so much now feel so dull and more like work you have to do. The bright flame you once had nothing more than a tiny light about to burn itself out in any moment. The passion you once had that burned so brightly is nowhere to be seen. Even doing basic things such as going to take a shower or brushing your teeth feel impossible some days. Seeing your life go by right in front of your eyes. Everything seems a blur. Nothing feels real. The loneliness calls to you because it feels better to actually be alone over having people around you and knowing you canât ever talk to them. You want to have someone there so desperately but you know youâre a ticking time bomb. Youâll be the only one left to be picking up the pieces one you explode. No one can handle being around you. You canât even handle yourself at times. Itâs so suffocating. Sometimes you want to just disappear into the darkness so you can finally be at peace. Laying in a bed of roses, falling asleep for one last time.
The void that fills you, nothing feels like itâll ever fill it up. That emptiness constantly there. Being in a happy moment and not being able to actually fully feel that happiness because you know that empty feeling is right around the corner. Wanting to please others but always feeling empty because youâre no oneâs pick. Feeling bad for yourself but then feeling like itâs not even worth it. You are nothing, youâll feel nothing soon. Constantly wanting to fix yourself and fix your life but your impulses always get the best of you. Seeing others have perfectly healthy relationships with others while you always fear people leaving you the second they can.
