I feel like I should leave or change the theme of my blog
I want to start off by saying I’m not angry at anyone and this isn’t directed at anyone in specific. I did see some posts today concerning trauma and shifting and it got me thinking. It got me thinking about how I come across on this blog and whether or not I want to continue coming across that way. The only solution is to change my DR yet again or to leave this community and go to a LARPING/Creative writing community instead.
My CR partner and I write stories together. We have since were eleven years old.
Our stories have really dark and traumatic themes sometimes. It didn’t start out that way, but because of our own histories with trauma and the content we read and watch on TV, we have become sort of desensitized to the tragic themes in which we create.
The problem is that it comes across very bad in the context to shifting.
I’ve said it many times, I’m not sure how much I believe that shifting is completely quantum jumping. I don’t entirely believe or disbelieve. I’m on the fence about it, despite having shifted several times.
But, if it is real, I guess I was under the impression that anything a person has ever thought or written is created as another reality automatically. Once it’s even thought about, it exists. Correct me if I’m wrong, but that’s what I’ve always heard concerning the multiverse theory.
My CR partner and I created this story YEARS ago. Long before we even knew about shifting. Therefore, it already exists as another reality anyway, right? And if it already exists, then I’d like to go there and be with the characters I love during their happy times and struggles.
In the story Viveka and I are writing out, we are focusing heavily on their horrific pasts. They are minors as well. Minors going through terrible things. It looks BAD on my end. It looks like I’m a grown adult getting a kick out of writing the suffering of children. And then I SHIFT to it?
When I shift to my DR, I don’t visit the traumatic elements of the story. I shift to the characters adulthood (I don’t want to be a minor or with minors). I shift to a point where they are already HAPPY and FREE of their trauma just as I am with my CR trauma. My CR self and my DR selves have suffered a lot of the same things as one other, but in different ways. I have processed a lot of my own trauma through writing as their exaggerated versions of it.
My CR self and my CR siblings were never enslaved by mobsters like my characters, but we were in foster care due to being victims of child abuse and neglect. I felt very trapped and had little freedom to be a normal kid at that time in my life and unfortunately I saw just how corrupt the system could be. I have lost people in tragic ways and I’ve been exposed to serious crimes/violence. My CR partner has also been through a lot in life. These elements are mirrored in our stories. And yes, the content is dark and extremely unpleasant at times.
But, I’m worried that people are going to take this the wrong way.
I don’t write these things because I want to experience more trauma. I don’t write it as a means of glorification. I write it because of the realism and because it does help me process things. It’s worked better for me than therapy has.
I also just like complexity of dark tales.
With the bad comes the good. With the dark comes the light. I enjoy the light far more than the dark, but the dark has to exist in order for the happy times to really shine. I like to write stories where characters save others and themselves from horrific things. I like to see the good guys triumph over the bad guys. Our stories, as dark as they are, always have periods of up’s and down’s, but the abusers and oppressors DO lose and their victims triumph and get the happiness they deserve in the end.
I love this community, but I don’t want to send the wrong message. I don’t want to appear as someone who wants to traumatize or be traumatized. Most importantly, I don’t want people to think that I’m intentionally CREATING trauma for people in other realities for shits and giggles.
As I said, I thought that the reality already existed once thought up the first time. I thought that once I wrote a story, it created another reality. But by that logic, nobody should write fiction unless it’s devoid of all trauma/tragedy.
I don’t really attempt to shift anymore anyway. It just sort of happens naturally at this point. Usually just to random places like fields of flowers or whatever. I still enjoy posting about it. I still love the terminology and people in the community.
I think I’ve become too content in my CR to want to shift much these days anyway. My CR partner and I spend hours on end writing and LARPing as the characters in our stories. They’re so real to us. If I ever shift to them by mistake, it’s amazing, but they exist within myself and Viveka so I don’t have to actively try anymore. I can see and talk to them whenever I want.
I think the idea of being in the body/life of my DR selves appeal to me a lot. I am Bigender/Genderfluid so it’s nice to be able to switch between Klaus and Bandit. I love writing about these experiences. I just don’t want to face backlash or have people think that I’m trying to glorify trauma/abuse because their lives have those elements and I write about those elements.
I guess I was wondering what you all thought about this? I would like your input if you’re willing to share your perspective.
