Shrimp's Corner

Jess, age 37. She/they. Into Pokémon, kawaii life sims, astrobiology, and origami. Also on Reddit @ ShrimpBisque and on Subeta @ Shrimp. Cash App tag: $celebi13

[socialistexan]

Babe wake up, new all time great image just dropped

[shrimpbisque]

[shrimpbisque]

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I HAVE A MICROWAVE WITH A MUTE FUNCTION

[pukicho]

May God kill everyone who has ever lived

[shrimpbisque]

Don't worry, he will. Eventually.

[maykitz]

[shrimpbisque]

Honestly, he'd probably prefer you phrase it like this.

[shrimpbisque]

My mom and sister were just toking up and roasting Jelly Roll, and I made Mom lose her hit with a great line I thought of:

Jelly Roll is the kind of guy who wishes ChristianMingle had downloadable coloring pages.

[personsonable-deactivated201908]

me holding a gun to a mushroom: tell me the name of god you fungal piece of shit

mushroom: can you feel your heart burning? can you feel the struggle within? the fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. you cannot kill me in a way that matters

me cocking the gun, tears streaming down my face: I’M NOT FUCKING SCARED OF YOU

[miaislying]

Hey OP? What the FUCK does this mean?

[personsonable-deactivated201908]

decay exists as an extant form of life

[miaislying]

That’s a terrifying answer, have a nice day

[haystarlight]

THE ORIGINAL?!?!!!!!!!!;!!!!!!!!???

[shower-thoughts-last-responder]

On my dash!??!

Please hold

[shrimpbisque]

I feel as though I am in the presence of greatness 🥹

[shrimpbisque]

Anyone else get a little sad when their copper golems turn into statues? It's like befriending a little doll and watching their clockwork wind down. I know I can just scrape them back to life, but there's something about the process that makes me feel wistful.

[shrimpbisque]

There's a guy at the hotel I'm staying at that looks like an old bedraggled version of Derek from Legends of Avantris.

[shrimpbisque]

I just remembered the existence of this picture and nearly collapsed a fucking lung laughing about it so I had to go find it

[meglyman]

Oh my god the fucking Onion

[ely-lilac]

i go to the ytp bar and order the usual. the bartender sets a Snoopingas in front of me. i pick it up, raise it to my lips, and set it back down, repeating all of this while gradually accelerating until i have finished the drink. my favorite way to spend a frirfday evenineve

[unagi-eel]

i go to the ytp tennis bar and order the usu. the usuasusual. bart- orders the Snoopingas. the bartender sets a Snoopingas in front of bart-. i pick it up (hey!), and set it back down, and i pick it up, and set it back down, and i raise it-and set it back down, all of this while pea-ing and gradually accelerating until i have finished. *cartoon splat sfx* i repeatedly drink bart-s drink until bart- sets me on FIRE!! *crackling* my favorite waaw to spend a frirfday evenineve. …veve.

[auberylis]

y y y i go to the ytp siis bar? *long pause* to order the bartender to set me on FIRE!! The bartender iS Snoop *snoop dog smoke weed song distorted* i pick the PINGAS up (hey!), and set it on FIRE!! *tf2 pyro happy noises* llAll of this while bartender Snoop gradually accelerating and ♪it's the wall, hit the wall!♪ *cartoon splat sfx 3 times, last paulstretched* waw waw waaaw way to drink aT the ytp siis bar on a friirf evenev lAl

[diamondbrickz]

Visit Original Link

Visit Original Link

Visit Original Link

the ytp bar

[kinobeans]

Please welcome my next project, the Plush Bat Bag!! It’s a bat shaped fanny pack made with soft minky fur with a squeaker in the nose, so you can boop the snoot and it SQUEAKS! Also introducing a soft chenille moon shirt with an embroidered bat and heart, a set of pastel mini pins, and a matching glitter epoxy charm to attach to your bat. Check it out here!

[shrimpbisque]

OH MY FUCKING GOD ASDHJFDGJHFDDAG I NEEEEEEEED IIIIIIITTTTTT

[valtsv]

thinking about the ethics of prophecy and its role as a narrative tool of coercion and control again

[valtsv]

like. if you're beholden to a set of conditions that must either be followed or subverted in order to produce a favourable outcome or avoid unfavourable consequences (or led to believe you are), subject to the decree of a higher authority whose statements you are expected to accept as the absolute, unbiased, factual truth, and structure your existence in accordance with, is that not just prison? you can't convince me that isn't just an elaborate psychologically abusive prison.

[valtsv]

it's not enough to simply defy the prophecy we need to abolish fate

[shrimpbisque]

This is part of why I like His Dark Materials. Lyra is "destined to bring about the end of destiny", and has to do so without knowing the details; the idea is that she has to come to her own decisions about what to do. A big part of her prophecy is that she can't be guided by prophecy. It's a great subversion of the trope.

[shrimpbisque]

I figured out how to make an Italian soda at a gas station mini mart: get a cup of whatever clear light soda they have (my local Maverik has Fresca), add a splash of vanilla flavoring, and then add a splash of half n half.

[shrimpbisque]

Hot take: Down With The Sickness is Disturbed's worst song. Not because it's a bad song per se, but because everything else by them is so much better. Listen to songs like The Brave And The Bold, Hey You, even Ten Thousand Fists, and then see if you still like DWTS. It's almost shit by comparison.

[depsidase]

[shrimpbisque]

This shit irks me so bad. Phones could be made nearly indestructible if they just used slightly thicker glass and made the body out of steel instead of aluminum, but nOoOoOo they gotta make phones flimsy pieces of shit so we can pay out the wazoo two or three times a year for marginal performance improvements. That and nickel-and-dime us on cases and screen protectors (which make the phONE THICKER ANYWAY SO WHAT'S THE POINT OF SLIMMING THEM DOWN SO MUCH). I got a phone in 2021 and took good care of it, and it still runs FINE. I used that phone for three years, and never had any problems with it. (Moto One 5G Ace, in case you're wondering and want a good phone for cheap-ish.) Literally the only reason I stopped using it was because I had the opportunity to upgrade to better specs for free when I switched providers.

Also, fun fact about humans creating cell phones: the CEO of Motorola got the idea for portable phones (and automatic switchboard systems) way back in the 70s after seeing the communicators on Star Trek. A vision of a hopeful future spurred revolutionary technological innovation, and if that's not human as all get out, I don't know what is.

[prokopetz]

I was about to make joke about how Tumblr doesn't declare many special daily observances mid week because there just aren't enough sex acts that start with "th", but before I could even reach the post button my brain immediately supplied "Thuck Her Dick Thurthday", and I'm not sure I'm going to recover from that one.

[shrimpbisque]

happy "thuck her dick thursday" everyone