This Life @sittinglightly - Tumblr Blog

Shifting out of autopilot

Hi, internet.

I just wanted to share my brain fart with you. It’s been brewing a while but it came to a head this evening and I thought “I must get pen to paper”, which I did, and now here I am relieving the gas...

Do you ever notice how stuck we get in our ways?

Like when you’re doing something in a certain way, like carving out an avocado with a spoon, and someone exclaims: “Oh! I’d never even considered doing it like that!” and they add the new idea to the mounting mass of information in their mind.

And although I consider myself to be quite a spontaneous person, I do wonder about the things that I never question, like;

Why do I always take the left fork in the road, even though i know the right ultimately leads the same way? And I know that a change of scenery really resets my minds!

And why do I chew all of my food on the right side of my mouth, doesn’t the left side wanna join the party?

And why do I always go to sit on that bench for lunch, why not take a stroll through the woods instead?

Lately I’ve been calling myself out on the patterns of behavior, some much deeper than these seemingly mundane choices that we make most minutes of the day. But the changes made in addressing the little choices, forces us to look at how we behave when making some of the bigger ones, like why do we always go for the same impossible-to-sustain relationships? Or why do we always give up on something after only a few months of trying? After all, what really is life but a shit-tonne of choices, presented as some sort of game in which, essentially, you will neither win nor loose?

I mean, maybe you do often try the other way around, and power to you for that! Because thinking openly, noticing your patterns, actually listening to those around you who notice your patterns (good or bad), and trying new ways to do things however trivial they may seem, is a sure-fire way to keep yourself out of auto-pilot mode, and doing life more free-style. Feeling more alive.

What portion of your life do you spend mindlessly on repeat?

And however comforting that routine may be, might it be time to rip off the security blanket? To walk some new roads?

And you know, in these last few months, some of us extroverts have really discovered the joy that can be found in solitude. But in the end, however replenishing time to yourself may be, spending time with others, especially those who are different to you, helps us break free from patterns, and presents us with a key to the door of a world unexplored. A step on the path towards mutual understanding.

The concept may sound simple, but I believe that empathy is actually one of the rarest but most essential senses amongst all of mankind. And if we are wishing to save our world in this lifetime, or at least to boost the platform for generations following our own, then with empathy is where we must begin.

Because with empathy, comes compassionate understanding, and once we truly understand one another, and what it means to be a human being, then what else is there to it?

What greater act of love exists beyond the effort to truly understand another?

These small decisions may seem meaningless, but let’s give them meaning! Why not fill every conscious crevice of your life with radical significance?

And for the unconscious corners, let us go and be still with them, learn from them. Let the quieter moments be the main show. The chorus to your song. Because when you’re feeling lost, powerless, or just stuck on auto-pilot, these will be the moments that will truly bring you back to yourself, and the little decisions will be the ones to fill your life with the meaning you crave.

#selflove #conciousness #conciousminds #conciousliving #selfawareness #growth #blossom #bloom #innerwork #develop #grow #selfhelp #personaldevelopment

#berlin

“British people are more accused by accusations of race than they are of actual racism happening...”

I just read this, and it’s something I completely identify with as most of my conversations about race with family members are centered around this defensive attitude. They make it about them with comments like “they’re just telling us all white people are racist!”, or “once my son was attacked by a group of Somali boys- that was racist!”. (I’ll come back to this)*. Oh, and another classic, the shocked sort of “I don’t see race!”... Oh, what a wonderful world that would be.

They also demand an unrealistic amount of evidence for any fact or statistic that you supply, refusing to otherwise believe it yet simultaneously accept the load of BS that their beloved government feeds them on the daily.

This attitude pulls a cloth over the eyes of those who employ it. Actually, it blinds them. It takes the discussion away from what is important. I personally can be extremely defensive when people challenge my beliefs, it's something I'm working on. Here, we have white people playing the victim, either adding fuel to the fire of their own denial and/ or to simply avoid the magnitude of discomfort that comes with actually seeing their pain that their complacency causes to their fellow humans. All the while causing more damage.

I'm currently considering how I can keep these conversations going, and also when to draw the line to look after my own mental health, and walk away.

*Reverse racism isn’t even a thing. You can have racial prejudice towards someone because they have white skin, but you c an’t be racist towards them because they benefit from the systemic and insitutionalised division of power which puts their race at an advantage.

#antiracism #racism #britain #politics #borisjohnson #blm #whiteness #whitesupremacy

Riding the Storm

“Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn't get in, and walk through it, step by step. There's no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That's the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine. And you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You'll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others. And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about.” Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

#Haruki Murakami

#st ives

Can’t I just be?

I have spent the last ten months or so of my life challenging myself and feeling more confused by the day as to what my real dreams and desires are.

I have been fighting a lot of inner battles as to what kind of an existence I not only want to live, but that would make me happy too. Can’t I just “be”? Do I need to find a purpose and direction in every damn thing I do? Can I not just live in the present? And if so, can I live the way I want to without hurting anyone?

When confronted with the future my immediate response is to bolt and panic. Now I’m sat here at my desk following a wholesome hour spent on the phone to a good friend who has finally taken control of the direction of his own life, and am asking myself, “what do I want?”.

Listening to Bonobo on this hangover seems to be helping me to unearth my various emotions and desires. I have a general plan of action for the next year in my life, and that’s the furthest I have ever planned ahead! For the time being, the pain and sometimes loneliness of my daily life is making me question my plans. Trying to save money in a new city to do something which I know I will find fulfilling, whilst also trying to justify my lifestyle to those around me has been isolating.

What is my passion? Is it okay to feel that I don’t always know? I’m not going to spend every living moment of my life feeling inspired, but a sure fire way to reconnect with your self-identity and that sense of purpose is to speak to and spend time with the people you love and who also see the best in you. That, I have been reminded this evening, is the simplest way to push forward positive thoughts and manifest the kind of magical ideas that will leave you with far more belief in your life experience than any amount of inner criticism will ever acheive. Yes, I can just “be”. All I know right now is that I would like to spend my moment on this planet with an open heart and spreading love and self belief like I do peanut butter.