SPY x FAMILY x TEAM ROCKET
we're not kids anymore.
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$LAYYYTER
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if i look back, i am lost
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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open

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@sleepyblackcatz
SPY x FAMILY x TEAM ROCKET
I prefer wearing face mask unless I able cover my emotions.
I hate shown my emotions to the public.
Let I keep my emotions inside forever.
Just suffered from you spoiling your hell spawn.
When the time we wanted that toddler taste something new, both of you against it by given baseless excuse and no medical professional on that matter.
Now the toddler had a cold, that kids traumatized by both of you as the parents because you prevent him from tasting Orange. When the medication taste like oranges. I know each country had different taste for cough medicine. Here are orange.
Very night hears the toddler screaming and crying didn't want to drink his medication.
Who is the one going to blame? Not us, but you as the parents. When you never listen or bother to listen any parental advice especially your own parents.
Yes I chose not to be married, yet my parenthood instict already kicking in. Papa bear in action.
All wanted to do your own way, just suffered with you poor decision and judgement.
I needed to get out from my chest.
Literally I just don't get it.
Why the hell you wanted to waste your own hard earn cash on something that are timid and basic?
Why the hell you send your toddler at the age of 2 to a pre-school, just doing nothing. If they are learning something is ok but actually they learn nothing at all. When babysitter able to do it more until they able to be independent.
Truly don't understand the new parents and parents on this eras. Basically it's too young. Let the toddler be a toddler and let them enjoy their time. Why forcing them to grow up faster as a kids.
Really I don't understand and get it. When we advise, non give a fuck about it and some even insulting you for your experience.
Yes I know I'm still single but I literally raise up kids that I do care and love. I just don't agree with the way you raise your kids. I often asking around with professional and doctor about child care, when you parent prefer just Google search and wasap info.
Be a good parents, open your bloody mind. If you had no idea in raising kids, don't made 1 for the 1st place.
Tired and sleepy.
It's hurt..
I'm sorry for ignorance.
I'm sorry for being useless.
I'm sorry for complaining.
I'm sorry for all my useless sacrifice.
I'm sorry for being filial.
I'm sorry for being honest.
I'm sorry for to concern.
I'm sorry for saying the truth.
I will do like you wanted to.
Even its losing my humanity.
Even losing my last hope.
Even losing my true self.
I will be robot like you wanted.
Even your lies.
So called concern.
So called empathy.
So called love.
So called family.
I will keep my plan I killing myself slowly. I didn't want to get married I didn't want to had an descendent. I'm OK to be alone and even dying alone. Life didn't mean anything already after my own family destroyed it. There's no second chances for me.
Everyday my heart are broken.
Congratulations your lies and toxicity, you sure glad for destroying my heart and humanity. I will never forgive and forget since you are born to this world. From blaming your shit to defamation, I will never forgive you. Even we connected with blood. I know your true face that full of bs, shit and lies. So called friendly and help just deception to hide your ugly side.
From your worse parenting ways to disrespect your own family. Your own selfish and ugly anger issues. Your undynosis mental illness issues. Fuck you!! I will never acknowledge you as my little brother! I will never forgive you! All my sacrifice, didn't mean anything to you! Even you purposely didn't include me in your wedding, it's already biggest insult to me. FUCK YOU!
Just acknowledge you hate them, didn't like we babysit their kids. Didn't like we didn't babysit your own kids. Just said it you hate it. But the problem you didn't want we take care your kids or teach the right way. You insulting us the way of parenting. When their kids are good being babysat, when your own kids had problems of slow learning and can't even speak. Just said it you are jealous with the progression.
Not like we didn't babysit your own kids. Yes we did notice the slow progress, bad manners and never said a single words. Good keep spoiling your bloody hell spawn.
My heart is so hurt. I had being crying non stop for hours right now. Its still can't remove my frustration, anger and sadness.
I needed someone support so much. It's hard in this alone fight. It's a lied if I didn't wanted its to end. Its hurt so much.
Help.
It's hurt so much.
Hate it so much.
So frustrated.
Since I had being prescribed a new medication Epilim, my family getting more my nerves much more worse then normal.
My outburst getting worse and always made me 🌋.
Just made it stop. I didn't wanted my outburst and anger consuming me. I also kill my family during my outburst and anger.
I hate it so much. They do know about my mental illness but they never bother to care or acknowledge it. It's so painful when you had to suffered it alone without any support.
Like I growing up with no support both moral and emotional from my family. Even that had, had pass away leaving me alone.
I had to hide it well. Like nothing is happening. Honestly it's hard. Sometimes I didn't wants to be honest with my psychological doctor, when they keep changing it. Which hard for me to feels comfortable to talk with.
Yes I had a trust issue. After being betrayed both family and friends. Others can trust me, but I can't trust others. Sorry my inner self kinda misses up because of that.
Keep lying on the lives I'm leaving in. I never show my real self. I can be free about it when my wing had being clipped away in the past. I do wanted to fly away far. Yet those bs responsibilities stone keep chaining me down.
It's bs if I didn't even shouting out for help,when nobody even care or came for my aids. So I made a promise to came to other people aids, when nobody came for help.
I already suffered it.
Being blame, being defamation, being humalilated, racism, bullied and discrimination. All I had suffered it alone.
My patience already at my peak. To the point I wanted to die with the stress causing problems to my health.
Honestly life is hard. When you truly alone.
Happy Birthday to me.
My Birthday's cake that I baked it myself.
A Velvet cake. Supposed to be violet but end up being dark red. After baked the cake really the color I wanted. After chill over night it's had become dark red. Really wth?
Came from someone had forgotten his own birthday.
Sometime I didn't know how old myself is.
Another year, another year of getting old. Keep hoping my deep depression and anxiety able to maintain it well, when world always give shit.
With a shity government that never dare said they had fail epicly. Making life more horrible and more difficult, while them busy filling their own pockets.
Trigger often came and go. Anxiety kinda bitch and trigger without warning or without reason. It's kinda annoying to do anything.
Emotional abused still happen almost daily events. Even my own family know that I had mental health issues. They just didn't care or bother to care. So no wonder I rant it here.
I kinda ok celebrate my birthday alone. Even celebrating it with my family, I still feels alone. My introvert are strong within me.
Anyway Happy Birthday to myself.
Homemade Banana Cake.
Homemade Baked Mango 🥭 Cheesecake 🧀🍰. My specialty and it's super rare it's available at my place.
It's my sister in law birthday cake after a request from my Lil brother.
A slice of the cake. With some yogurt and mango sauce on the side.
Sorry I had no mood to describe it more. My mood changes without reason again. Worse my anxiety attacks without being trigger.
100 posts!
Thanks.
I used this platform to release my feelings of had mental health issues, baking is one of my copping mechanisms to help me to deal on it.
I do had other way other then baking which are photography and drawings. There's other but all had long death due to my deep depression and anxiety.
Thank you for take your time
Sorry long time didn't post anything. My mood kinda fked up.
Homemade Vanilla Ice Cream 🍨 with Watermelon 🍉 bits.
Had some leave over whipping cream that I needed to used as soon as possible, before it's spoil.
Just by using 2 ingredients, whipping cream and condensed milk. Some Vanilla essence and some cut watermelon bits. Frost it overnight to get this ice cream.
Still prefer the way I making ice cream, but unless it's still made a good ice cream.
Happy Pride Month.
I really wanted to said it but can't due to I came from a very extremely homophobic country.
People there's had very stereotypes mind and love to judge others. From homophobic, transphobic, and worse are how the people look on mental illness issue.
I dare to said it even the world already in 21st century, yet the mind set still in the middle ages.
Sorry I needed to ranting a bit. To get out from my system. I wanted to said it on my social media, but I can't due to stigma that we had being forced to follow since we are small.
Freedom of speech, non existence here. If you speak out on some issues. Normally the backlash come out 1st. Sorry my sarcastic mode still ON. I will fight out of spite. I had seen the worst of people in social media.
From using racist card so often, I would fight until the end. I dare to speak out our mind with the bullshit injustice of Cash is King. The cruel and corrupted are free man and some even recognized as hero.
Hate the BS in the country when racism card being used near daily events by those racist radical boomers especially those politicians.
Anyway Happy Pride Month, we will keep hidden inside our closet and happy for those able to celebrate it with head high and happy.
Please let me rant on something.
I know it's wasn't my place to said it but I had being years doing babysitting so I know what the best in parenting.
Yes I'm still single but had experience in rising a kids.
Most parents in the modern age prefer let other people to care their kids when their busy with their careers. But some chose to be stay at home parents aka housewife or househusband.
But honestly mostly busy or glued their eyes on their phone 📱 from watching the surrounding or their kids. Yes there a babysitter nearby, yet your eyes needed to on your kids not your bloody phone.
Some get the nerves to blame the babysitter, when breaking off fight with fellow kids. Unless we had taken an action while you just see it and doing nothing.
If you babysit someone else children is still ok but babysitting your own relative aka own flesh and blood. We watched it for free without any payments, unless we babysit other people kids had payment. Not a single dime, the Entitlement even worse. When your kids aka my nephew show no responsive and wanted to get close. I had no idea what lies my own brother tells on his kids.
I had to accept when I growing up in a super toxic household. The Entitlement at fuck af.
Dont talk about work. You never once work after graduating from University, while I had works many times of work when I graduated from college. You had the nerves to comment and critique my works, when you NEVER work even once. You waste my parents money in stereo for your car which end up being sold with less money.
Investment not 100% success all the time and you never lift a finger to any chores at home. Most I handle it myself due my parents getting old. Yes it's kinda shocking I still living in the same roof, that is our culture in South East Asia. Even its toxic af plus the BS belief we had here. That's is life even its worsen our mental health, that responsibility I needed to held even by force.
Volunteer work wasn't a work too. I had enough of the bullshit. Yes you are young parent plus you 100% indepent from your wife because she is working while you are not. Hello your certificate had more value from my diploma, how come you never looking for work then?
Your acting can't fools me, yes you able to fool our parents and your in law. I as your brother can see all your bullshit. My mental health all affected because of you growing up. From attention to love. Whose spoiled brat for the first place.
Honestly we never had a good relationship as siblings for the first place. Yes I still keep all the vengeance, being wrongly being accused on something I never done. Your story and lies never affected me.
Now you had the nerves to comment on my parenting and babysitting. You never once care or even wanted to know. I had seen you hit the kids we babysit until it's swelled up. Thank goodness, we aren't being sued because it's our source of income.
Living under 1 same roof and buying your own groceries wasn't helpful at all. Bills needed to pay too. My mom never had the nerves to ask to pay for babysit your kids.
Sorry my long ranting. I hate to show my emotions or share to anyone because I had non that I care or trust. Sorry I had a trust issue due to my toxic household. I needed a place to rant it all.
Hand a bit Itching to bake or then I kinda trigger a lot on something. Making my mood goes crazy and hard to cope.
Avocado Cream Swiss Rolls.
Chilled Avocado Chocolate Cheesecake.
A slice of Chilled Avocado Chocolate Cheesecake. The chocolate are well hidden.
Happy Harvest Festival 🌾
Selamat Hari Kaamatan 🌾🌾
Kotobian Tadau Tagazo Do Kaamatan 🌾🌾🌾
It's a celebration of full harvest of rice 🌾 that celebrate by the ingenious people of Kadazan Dusun of Sabah.
Full of cultural heritage, beliefs and myth of the sacrifice of a Goddess to give rice to the salvation of the people by sacrifice her body. Her sacrifice are respected by the people by the great festivities by Unduk Nadau (selection of the Harvest Maiden).
It's being celebrated each year at 30th and 31st of May.
Happy Harvest Festival 🌾
Selamat Hari Gawai 🌾🌾
Gayu Guru Gerai Nyamai 🌾🌾🌾
It's being celebrated by the ingenious people of Dayak Murut of Sarawak. In celebration of harvest festival of cultivation of Rice 🌾.
It's being celebrated on 1st and 2nd of June very year.
It's kinda obvious where I come from, due to the explanation. I did do my research but I can't remember the part on the celebration of Gawai. I did posted on my blogspot once upon ago.
So it's kinda obvious why I'm being missing from posting here.