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Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
i don't do bad sauce passes
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I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
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@slime-goop
i had a dream two nights ago where i was being shown around a fancy medieval port, and my guide said "this coast used to have two ports, Mangeet and Totoga, but in recent years we've combined them both into one - Port ManTo" and i actually woke up with a fucking start
why is trying to make a new friend so embarrassing. hi. me again. asking for your attention once more even though i am literally just some random person to you. it's because i want to be not just a random person to you. please understand
They closed the Death Wendy's over a year ago and I'm still mad about it. It was a Wendy's located in the middle of a six-way intersection, requiring many pedestrians to cross the street 3 times in a row in order to get to it
It was one of the city's top ten spots for car crashes, multiple people died there, and the service was terrible. I miss it dearly
one of my friends just got a mug that connects to the internet and let's you upload pixel art and text to it remotely. he gave all of us access and
collection of mug photos:
this is the only completely ordinary household object that doesnt need internet access that i support having internet access
the best part about having a job is being able to go through doors other people aren’t allowed to use the worst part is everything else
I assure you: somebody, somewhere, is on the exact same wavelength as you are.
sometimes you dont realize how loud you’re being until its too late
who killed spamton?
Jeremy: it really was such a stroke of good luck that Neil was visiting when he was because it gave Jean a great alibi for Grayson’s death!! :)
Kevin:
Laila and cat, devastated beyond belief having just lost their home and desperately trying to understand information for an apartment in a foreign language:
Jeremy knox, worlds greatest french student: ☝️bedroom
imagine the chaos after kevin and andrew came back from LA
andrew: you killed a guy and you didn’t tell me
neil: well i was preoccupied with the FBI stuff
andrew: AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME ABOUT THE FBI STUFF
kevin: can you guys believe that jeremy wants to be a lawyer
It's all fun and games with Neil 'I'd rather be free than safe' Josten vs. Kevin 'I'd rather be safe than free' Day - until you whip out Jean 'Please just kill me' Moreau
the most car ride of all time
was talking to a coworker and realised i could not for the life of me remember his name but i was too embarrassed to ask because we've spoken multiple times so mid-conversation i started concocting a plan to nudge the conversation towards the ID photos on our building passes so that i could be like oh my ID photo is awful haha the camera they use to take these has a real talent for making me look as unphotogenic as possible and then he would say oh yes me too haha everyone says that (because they do) and then i would be able to say well let me see yours it can't be as bad as mine! and he would show me his ID because we are coworkers and why wouldn't he and this would allow me to see his building pass which of course would have his name on it and then i would be able to say well yours is perfectly nice it must be me that's the problem! and then we would have a polite chuckle about it and i would have his name without needing to ask for it and he would be none the wiser and all would be well but then before i could execute this fine plan a little voice in my head went "so this is some light yagami bull shit you are about to pull" which was such a violent reality check it shocked me completely out of my embarrassment and i went "hey im so sorry your name has slipped my mind could you remind me" and he did and it was fine.
Spent tonight at a local short film festival. One of the shorts was made by two 12 year olds in their backyard and it was the best short of the entire night
“Hello I’m Officer Goodguy”
“I didn’t kill him!”
“I wasn’t going to ask if you killed somebody”
“Oh, sorry”
“Did you kill somebody?”
“Oh yeah”
“I’m gonna have to take a look around”
“Okayyy but you’re not gonna like it”
*opens door, reveals room full of badly keyed in fire and high pitched screaming, closes door*
“Well?”
“I didn’t like it”
It won the audience choice award, obviously
i think a really funny project that a statistics professor could have their class do is like. put a bunch of random, patently untrue demographic statements into a hat. "the most popular tv show among white men ages 24-27 is Bluey." "the majority of business majors are middle children." "bisexual women love hot chips." and each student picks one out of the hat and you gotta like. design a whole study and survey a group of people to specifically achieve that result. you have to prove it true. by whatever means necessary. you have to construct the most biased study possible and wrangle in your exact demographic to make that statement a statistical reality. i think people would learn a lot.
