Slim, not sorry

Sideblog for expressing my thoughts and feelings related to my body/physical appearance. Not always a positive space, scroll at your own risk. I don't tolerate anorexia blogs.

[slimnotsorry]

Update: December 2022

I thought about deleting my tumblr account simply because I’ve stopped using it and I’m purging all social media currently. I decided that I’ll instead leave it up but never log in again. I want to leave my two blogs here because I think that what I had to say on them was important and worth having a platform. If I had encountered a blog like this when I was a pre-teen and struggling with bulllying and accepting myself, it would have been a huge comfort just to know that I wasn’t alone. So on the off-chance that someone finds my blog who really needs to hear these things, I’m leaving it up.

That being said, I won’t be active therefore no responding to messages (which I never really did anyway) because I won’t even see them.

I enjoyed my time here but it’s time to say farewell, Tumblr.

This is what I had written before:

Welcome

Some info about me in case anyone is curious.

Age: 24

Height: 5’7 - 170 cm

Weight: 155 lbs - 70 kg

I have never had an eating disorder. I’ve never tried losing weight, although I have tried successfully to gain weight at several points in my life as I rapidly grew in height and my body mass lagged behind (I was a late bloomer).

Although I sometimes post about other things, mostly my blog (which is actually a secondary blog) is an anonymous space for me to freely express my thoughts and opinions on living as a naturally slim and lean person and to discuss and vent about the social rejection and scrutiny I’ve faced due to my extremely abnormal body type. I may have a high end of normal BMI, but because of my unique shape and fat distribution, I’m often perceived as being severely underweight. For most of my life I looked like I was hovering around 14-15 bmi when I was actually at 21-22.

I’m open to answering most questions as long as you try to remain respectful. My asks are open and you have the option to ask anonymously. I am open to most discussions, again, if you are respectful. I do not tolerate eating disorder blogs under any circumstances. Interact with my posts from an ED blog and I will report you.

[slimnotsorry]

No, I won’t argue with you

There are a handful of blogs that are somewhat similar to mine, but one difference I’ve noticed is that many of them actively engage in arguments (not healthy debates) with people who subscribe to the fat acceptance/health-at-every-size school of thought.

The reason why I generally avoid engaging with those people is because we disagree on such a fundamental level that the discussion is not likely to ever be productive.

“Fat activists” or whatever terminology you prefer, are coming at me with the very strong belief that:

Fat people are an oppressed minority

Excess body fat does not contribute to any health issues

The concept of health is a myth

People who are not fat are starving themselves purposely

Being thin is an attack on fat people/anti-feminist/unnatural/wrong in some way

Even if they don’t believe in all of the above, believing in at least one means that our worldview is so different that there’s really no way to have a healthy, productive conversation about the topics I post about on this blog. It’s like a christian and a muslim arguing about who’s religion is the “right” one. It’s not gonna go anywhere, and it will only lead to anger and animosity.

All the people who have tried to start an argument with me about my posts are coming from a place of disbelief that my life story and experiences are even possible. Many of them think I’m being dishonest and trying to low-key hate on fat people simply by stating my experiences and my feelings on those experiences. They dismiss my story and downplay what I’ve gone through. Based on what they understand about life, someone like me shouldn’t be able to exist because it’s so opposite to what they have been through. Therefore I must be lying/exaggerating, right?

It’s unfortunate because I don’t feel this way about them. While I don’t agree that fat people face literal oppression for their size, I do believe that many of these people have been badly mistreated, rejected, bullied, harassed, humiliated, and shunned because of their body, because I have experienced a lot of these same things but in the opposite direction. But none of them seem willing to accept that it is even possible for a non-fat person to be mistreated. I accept that their experiences are real and hurtful and have led to insecurity, paranoia, fear, etc. But somehow by me explaining the struggles I’ve faced due to my small size, it’s seen as an attack and invalidation of them and their life story.

All I wanted was a space to anonymously express my thoughts and feelings related to a sadly controversial topic. I have never fat shamed someone. I have never used fat as an insult. I have never insulted someone’s body or looks. I have never done the things I’m often accused of. Just because thin people bullied you doesn’t mean that I’m one of them. People tore me apart for my body and looks so often that I vowed to never stoop to their level. If you feel that it is bullying or some form of oppression for me to talk about health, or about the animosity I’ve faced for being slim, then I guess I will always be a monster in your eyes.

That’s why I just block people who think of me as evil. What’s the point in responding if it won’t lead to anything good? You hate the fact that my life didn’t line up with yours and there is nothing I can do about that.

[slimnotsorry]

“Men prefer curves!!!11!11!!!”

Has only ever been said to me by fat women. Usually after insulting my body by insinuating that I look like a boy, a child, or any other comparison meant to invalidate my femininity. This very long post sums up my thoughts about this “men prefer curves” sentiment.

First of fucking all. These are the same cunts that screech about feminism and “women supporting women” that are the QUICKEST to police my appearance in the name of appeasing the Straight Male Gaze™. Which I’ve never given a shit about. Every man on the planet could find me repulsive and I’d be relieved, not upset. Seems like the same women always preaching online about how happy and beautiful they are care a lot about what hetero men think of them.

Secondly, this is not a “hUmBLe bRaG” because I, again, genuinely couldn’t care less if men find me attractive or not. I have a sixteen inch difference between my waist and hips. I gave up on pants a good 7 years ago. I have a true hourglass figure naturally, regardless of my weight. A wide-ass pelvis which gives me a thigh gap at any weight/size. People are constantly pointing out my ass and how disproportionate it looks to my body. Which I don’t appreciate. I don’t appreciate any random body related comments. Point is, my body type is what almost anyone with functional eyeballs would call curvy. I have a lower waist-to-hip ratio than Beyoncé for fucks sake.

But apparently my body doesn’t count as curvy to these brainless asshats because my body fat percentage isn’t high enough (???) As if someone’s huge gut spilling over their sweatpants, shrouding whatever bone structure they may have underneath is the only thing that counts as “curves” 💀

Third, I have been fighting off men with a proverbial stick my whole adulthood and most of my adolescence because of the way I look. I’m hit on and leered at every time I leave the house. Sometimes I cannot make it to the end of my driveway without strange men pulling over in their cars and rolling down the window to ask for (or demand) my number (I wish I was exaggerating, this happening more than once is what prompted me to put another camera on the side of the house). If I’m having a particularly irritating day, I wear giant over-the-head earphones and dark sunglasses to discourage suitors from interrupting my day. Sometimes this isn’t enough. Boys as young as 12 and men as old as 70 approach me regularly and make comments about my body and proposition me for dates/sex/whatever. Occasionally women approach me to ask for my number too. It might sound really strange but I have spent years dressing down and wishing that I looked more average or invisible. Wishing for a more peaceful life and to be left alone. I’m not the type of person that’s ever enjoyed receiving any attention, especially from people I don’t know. It makes me anxious and puts me on edge. I want nothing more than to blend into the background and to not stand out.

So obviously when an overweight woman brazenly utters the phrase “men prefer curves” to my face in an attempt to put me down and imply that I’m unattractive, it’s clearly coming from a place of insecurity. I find it pathetic that so many women operate under the assumption that every woman who’s not overweight must be taking drastic and dangerous measures to keep thin with the goal of being more attractive to men. Which by the way, I strongly hold the belief that MOST straight men simply prefer whoever has the largest ass and breasts, which typically is overweight women (or surgically enhanced women). So I don’t even fully disagree with the underlying message of those words in and of themselves. It’s the context in which they are said to me which is so backwards it’s laughable.

God, if only they knew how badly I want to be left the fuck alone by men and the general public. To be able to move through life undisturbed. To not be viewed as a piece of meat that lacks autonomy and humanity by both men and women. If I could suddenly overnight put on 100 pounds and be invisible to society, I’d be crying with joy and relief.  I DREAM of the day when I’m finally considered “old” looking enough to no longer be conventionally attractive. Fuck, what a heavenly, PEACEFUL existence that must be. It’s really not the soul-crushing bingo they think it is to imply that men won’t want to fuck me because I’m too thin. It’s just a toxic, vain, contemptuous lashing-out from people who are desperate for male validation.

[emolyofficial]

DEAR PRO ANAS

Just wanted to remind y'all that putting “disclaimers” and “trigger warnings” on yalls blogs don’t change the fact that you’re posting “tips” and content that directly encourge you AND OTHERS to starve yourself. If your blog was truly “for yourself” you would make it private so others wouldn’t be hurt by the dangerous content you post. Alsooooo stop claiming that posting thinspo and pro-ana related content is a way to cope when in actuality all it does is further disordered thoughts which can lead to disordered eating. YOU are responsible for the content you post and making disclaimers does not change that. You can have a blog about your eating disorder and the problems you face because of it without posting pro-Ana and thinspo. Whether you claim that your blog is solely for yoy and No one else if you PUBLICLY post pro-Ana content you ARE encouraging disordered eating and eating disorders. It’s not a hard concept to grasp.

[slimnotsorry]

Aren't you basically being body negativity by eating an excess of calories to give society the middle finger? Practice what you preach or be quiet

Eating an excess of calories in my case is the opposite of giving society the middle finger because I’m conforming to what is expected of me.

About the body negative part, I’m trying to gain weight to feel more comfortable in myself and I disagree with the notion that any intentional body change is negative. I know that seems to be a popular narrative these days but we seem to fundamentally disagree on that.

The whole “practice what you preach” thing is confusing to me. What exactly am I preaching? I’m preaching to live and let live and as far as I’m aware that is what I’m practicing. I don’t harass others about their weight and I leave people alone. Don’t know how you’d perceive me to not be living in integrity with that.

I will not be quiet on my own personal tumblr blog. You went out of your way to reach out to me, yet you’re telling me to be quiet? Since you’re on anon, I cannot spare you the trouble of blocking me, but I suggest you go ahead and do so. You’d get nothing but silence from me if you hit that block button.

[slimnotsorry]

Pro Anas taking photos of strangers to share on their blogs as thinspo.

These pro ana blogs are so fucking disgusting sometimes. No surprises there but like… holy shit this is low.

That device on her arm is called a continuous glucose monitor and is used by diabetics. This poor woman has a serious illness and it could very well be the reason she’s so thin. Or maybe that’s just her body type and she still doesn’t deserve to have pictures of herself taken by a stranger to be posted on the internet as self-harm motivation. Can you imagine if this was you and you stumbled on this post of YOURSELF being used as “thinspo” for disordered teens?? I’d be mortified. I get that anorexia literally eats away at the brain but like damn… make your blog private at the very least. This is so unacceptable. This blogger should really be ashamed of themselves if they aren’t already. Regardless of their mental illness. Stop dragging random people into your hellpit.

BTW: I edited the photo to cover the woman. The pro ana blogger didn’t do that. There was no face showing in the original but my point still stands. I’ll take this post down once that a-hole removes their original post. And stops creepshotting strangers to share online.

[slimnotsorry]

I just checked this blog and I’m pleased to announce that it’s been deleted. (Like, the entire blog, not just the post). Reporting pro-ana blogs works. Report a pro-ana blog today.

[slimnotsorry]

Just totaled up all my calories for today. I’m right at 5,000. It was pretty easy tbh. I thought this would be harder but I guess I’ve gotten used to it. I used to consume around 3,200-3,600 daily with very, very high physical activity. Now I’m mostly sedentary and obviously eating a lot more. No wonder I gained the weight so fast. I’m sure the scale has gone up by now I just haven’t checked in a little while. I might actually be overweight by now. I’m a little afraid to check it though because I don’t want to be disappointed if the number is lower than expected. I’ll just keep eating for now!

[slimnotsorry]

It was always a fear of mine

That people would use photos of me, either stolen from social media or taken without my knowledge in public, to share online for the purpose of either motivating themselves to starve or to roast my body type.

Because people were regularly saying nasty, unkind things to my face, I feared how much worse those comments would be if they were anonymously discussing my photo online.

I remember getting comments on instagram telling me to off myself and that I don’t even look human. Which were left publicly under my photos. So I always had this thought that people would screenshot them and send them to a private groupchat or forum to tear me apart even further. I eventually closed my instagram account. That wasn’t the only reason but it was a primary one.

I also didn’t want my body to be associated with starvation, illness, and death. Even worse than receiving nasty comments, I feared being posted as “thinspo” to a bunch of sick kids on a forum somewhere. I was horrified at the thought of being recognized in public as ‘the girl from the pro ana forum’, which someone may have posted my pictures to without my knowledge.

I was already NEVER believed when people asked if I had anorexia or bulimia and I truthfully said no. So I thought that if I’m found on one of those sites, I’d have absolutely no chance of defending myself. Nobody would believe me if I told them those pictures were stolen or taken and posted without my knowledge/consent. It would just be taken as proof that I’m a liar trying to cover up my obvious eating disorder.

If anyone bothers reading this, think again about sneakily snapping a picture of a stranger, think again about stealing someones pictures from their social media, thank again about assuming that random thin girl is starving herself, think again about asking her intrusive questions, think again about leaving accusatory comments under their posts. Just leave that thin girl alone.

[princessofclubs-blog]

This is a little reminder that not all thin people have the trust of the medical community

There are those who are dismissed by being told all their problems relate to not eating enough.  That was me for about twenty years, most of those years my youth and twenties. In my preteen years, doctors threatened to hospitalize me for what they thought was anorexia.

[slimnotsorry]

I know this post is old as hell but I’m very surprised to see someone else had a parallel experience to mine. I grew up always a healthy weight but absolutely nobody believed that I wasn’t underweight and starving, not even doctors. They would take my weight before the appointment, be looking at it in the chart, and still tell me that I need to get over my non-existent eating disorder before it kills me.

I was threatened multiple times with hospitalization for an eating disorder I never even had, and one time they actually did it. I spent almost 6 whole months in a long-term inpatient facility for anorexic and bulimic adolescents. I ate and ate and ate desperately trying to get released before I was admitted for 2 years.

I gained 15 lbs (that I didn’t need) and was released but I missed a lot of school. I was in 7th or 8th grade and was kicked out of the charter school I attended for missing so much. It started a domino effect which caused me to graduate high school late.

I already had low trust in doctors/the medical community in general but that experience shattered any remaining hope. I still have flashbacks to that time in my life. Being gaslit by everyone around me, being called a liar, told I’m desperate for male attention, that nobody will love my sickly, dying body.

It was one of the most traumatic things I’ve endured and I don’t know if the affects of that experience will ever fully go away. It’s an every day slap in the face to see and hear people invalidating the experiences of thin people, saying that our lives are perfect and everyone adores us and we get love and support everywhere we go. My life experience could not be more oppositional to these claims and it still baffles me that nobody sees it.

I don’t know if I’m some freak of nature that perpetually looks underweight no matter what but I have a hard time believing that I’m the only one. And the post I’m responding to is a little piece of evidence that I’m not.

[daxbrown]

Body Positivity

Examples of body positivity:

- Wearing whatever the hell you please, regardless of your physique

- Eating healthy food

- Regular exercise

- Putting on makeup just because you want to

- Maintaining a body weight that is appropriate for your frame and height

- Not sweating it if your body isn’t perfect

- Taking care of health problems before they get out of control

Examples of body negativity:

- Deliberately eating too much in order to give society the finger

- Maintaining sedentary lifestyle

- Making catty remarks about the bodies of others

- Allowing preventable diseases to take over your life

- Spreading misinformation and lies regarding health, potentially harming somebody else’s body

[slimnotsorry]

I’ve gained some weight, nothing too significant but it’s noticeable to me and I feel so much more comfortable in a psychological sense.

I went from middle of normal bmi to upper end of normal. I’m really trying to break into overweight purely for personal aesthetics.

When I look at myself in the mirror now, I feel like my body more closely matches how I feel on the inside. I lost muscle definition all over (which was the goal) but especially my arms. I have very soft upper arms now and it makes me feel normal finally. I’m not overly paranoid about arms anymore which once was a huge insecurity.

So far my fitness level is mostly the same despite a drastic change in my activity level (it’s been about 2.5 months since making these changes). My back hurts pretty often but it’s still too early to tell if that’s due to the weight gain. I’m keeping an eye on everything though.

There was no real point to this post, I just wanted to get my thoughts out. I can’t wait to finally break into the overweight category because I feel like it’ll provide a huge sense of emotional relief. I know it’s not healthy to keep this up long term but it’s helping me cope with discomfort until I can address the underlying cause of my insecurities. I’m proud of myself. Even if I have to drop some of this weight eventually I’m just happy I got to gain any in the first place.

[slimnotsorry]

That lower belly bulge is not your uterus, it's fat.

The uterus sits 3-4 inches behind the abdomen, tucked away behind the pelvic bone. If you are not pregnant, you shouldn't be able to see or feel your uterus under the skin.

The lower belly bulge that many women have is actually just fat. It's normal to have extra fat there, it can be protective of inner organs. But it's entirely possible and normal and even sometimes healthy for women to have a completely flat abdomen.

Having a flat tummy does NOT make someone less of a woman, it does not mean they're fake or photoshopped, it does not make them unhealthy, and I'm tired of seeing this disinformation everywhere. The more you know.

[slimnotsorry]

Pro Anas taking photos of strangers to share on their blogs as thinspo.

These pro ana blogs are so fucking disgusting sometimes. No surprises there but like... holy shit this is low.

That device on her arm is called a continuous glucose monitor and is used by diabetics. This poor woman has a serious illness and it could very well be the reason she’s so thin. Or maybe that’s just her body type and she still doesn’t deserve to have pictures of herself taken by a stranger to be posted on the internet as self-harm motivation. Can you imagine if this was you and you stumbled on this post of YOURSELF being used as “thinspo” for disordered teens?? I’d be mortified. I get that anorexia literally eats away at the brain but like damn... make your blog private at the very least. This is so unacceptable. This blogger should really be ashamed of themselves if they aren’t already. Regardless of their mental illness. Stop dragging random people into your hellpit.

BTW: I edited the photo to cover the woman. The pro ana blogger didn’t do that. There was no face showing in the original but my point still stands. I’ll take this post down once that a-hole removes their original post. And stops creepshotting strangers to share online.

[shaftking]

Some of y’all are so used to seeing obese people that a normal plus size person doesn’t look “big” to you and yet you wanna talk about skinny/thin peoples bodies being “normalized.”

[slimnotsorry]

Preach it. I’m a lot closer to being overweight than under but everyone thinks I look like I have a bmi of 14. They act like I’m gonna drop dead any moment from starvation. Meanwhile, 25 year olds are out here having heart attacks from lifelong obesity and nobody even cares.

[oliviafitmomof3]

[shaftking]

“Thin privilege” is constantly being accused of having an ED because you’re naturally thin even though you are well within a healthy BMI and eat healthy.

[niiwa-angel]

I love when FAs will lie and say that to be skinny, you have to be obsessed with food at all times. Nah babe, its not that complicated. I pretty much never measure my food unless I’m following a recipe, and yet I’m still only 120 pounds. How could this be?

because the foods that I eat aren’t junk and garbage. I eat fruits, veggies, lean meats, potatoes, and rice. I would have to split my stomach in half to eat so much of my regular diet that I became obese.

It’s also funny how they think us skinny girls eat the same thing every day, lest we gain a pound. I eat a varied diet, I eat hamburgers (homemade so not riddled with salt) I love roast beef with mashed potatoes, corn, steamed broccoli, and gravy, Split pea and ham soup is awesome, I eat veggie and chicken stirfry, I make pancakes often (With homemade maple syrup from our own maple trees) and I enjoy much more than just that. but all of it is healthy and full of vitamins that my body needs, not just empty calories. So when I do go out to eat, I don’t have to feel guilty about those chicken wings and fries, I don’t have to worry about my blood sugar after my friends birthday party with cake and cocktails. 

[slimnotsorry]

It’s pure projection. These people are obsessed with food and eating, it entirely consumes their life and takes over their whole identity. They identify as “foodies” and make their whole personality revolve around being fat and loving food.

That’s why they can’t possibly imagine another person not obsessing over food 24/7. It’s very similar to people with anorexia who think that every little behavior they witness strangers exhibit in public is a sign that they, too, have an eating disorder. Looked at a food label in the grocery store? Anorexic. Checked your reflection? Anorexic. Said no to seconds? Anorexic. Look tired? Anorexic. Ordered a drink with almond milk? Anorexic.

People with severe and life-consuming eating disorders (whether it makes them binge or restrict) are living in their own bubble. Every other person is scrutinized through the lens of their own hellish disorder. It never, I repeat, never, is personal. These assumptions and accusations come from within and we should never take them seriously. The most I might feel is slight pity but I refuse to let sick people act like they know me when they straight up are using me as a mirror to criticize themselves.