Records of Thoughts

level 25 a little bit witchy, with the mouth of a sailor. Teacher of Small people on a daily basis.

[small-person-teacher]

Told another teacher I loved them today because they were being an absolute delight to have in my room.

Only to then be told off by a 4 year old, because apparently "You can't say I love you to her, you aren't a married to her!".

[small-person-teacher]

Having to explain to a 5 year old why they can't hydro dip a t-shirt they've just sewn was not something I had on my 2026 bingo card.

[small-person-teacher]

Should you use stickers as motivation for small children? No.

But I have never seen a kid move faster than when I said I'd be getting their sticker instead.

[small-person-teacher]

In the time I've been away from this website someone let me become a teacher of Small children. I've discovered that these small people are some of the weirdest and funniest humans to interact with on a daily basis, and I want to document some of our conversations.

For example I was serving breakfast one morning and talking to a coworker about a friend's and mine mothers who have passed when one of the children eating piped up to say

Child: "You can just buy a new one"

Me: "a new mum?"

Child: Yeah a new mum

Me: Okay.... And where would I get one

Child: At the shops!

Anothet Child: No, mums are made at hospitals

Me: So if I go to the hospital I can buy one?

Child: Yeah that's how.

Me internally: Wtf

[plain-flavoured-english]

this woman is imo the funniest person on YouTube

[sugarghosts]

Her name is Karolina Zebrowska and she is a national treasure

[fanpersoningfox]

She’s from Poland so I’d say she’s an international treasure, but YES CHECK HER OUT SHE’S GREAT

[lunagames]

I feel the strong urge to kiss whoever wrote this.

[cadaverkeys]

i dont WANT to be a fucking farmer in stardew valley i want to be an incredibly attractive and surprisingly reclusive romancable bachelor who stares at shit like water and trees for 1-6 hours of the day only to be bothered by a filthy down and out farmer kid with a surprisingly accurate ability to guess what items i like.

[spacecaptainglow]

I’ve been standing outside your bedroom every Thursday at 4 PM with a bag of skittles and yet you refuse to acknowledge me!

[cadaverkeys]

you need to right click me to engage conversation, king.

[arachnaboy-deactivated20240429]

2020 does NOT pass the fucking vibe check what in the fuck is this

[small-person-teacher]

So I have a small group of friends right, and we’re all very antisocial and kinda introverted until we’re all together. And what we do together is have bonfires and play card games, but most of us are on the chaotic alignment spectrum, 2 are lawful, leaving me the neutral good (though that’s debatable).

But I’m one of the most antisocial in the group and so I can keep interacting with the others and not be rude I’ve started recording out of context quotes and putting them up on social media to confuse everyone. Here are a few

[veryfunnymemes]

[i-cant-make-a-good-name]

[dandy-boi-ftm]

The best part is the fact that out of the two of them Martha Stewart was the one who went to prison.

[shadowkat678]

Wait…what?

[2fngrsin]

Wiiiiild. He did commit murder (in self defense - no judging) and America‘s Best Housewife was sent to jail because of insider trading, securities fraud, obstruction of justice and conspiracy. This is wiiiiiild 😄😄😄

[skrytch]

[brunhiddensmusings]

also he has every right to make fun of kanye west considering snoop has had a successful career for about two decades including his own cookbook and appearing in movies whereas kanye is a flat earther who had to crowdfund another album because he ran out of money despite kim kardashian being with him, not having the money to produce another album should be the metric when you know you can tell a musician has failed somewhere in either money management or actually being a musician rather then a famous trainwreck

[sunshine-tattoo]

snoop dogg is a good man who loves cooking, nature, and supporting the dreams of young children in poverty. kanye west helped get trump elected.

[alone-to-dance-deactivated20240]

Snoop also coaches underprivileged kids football and takes a 6-month break from smoking every time he does so.

[small-person-teacher]

Ghost story in Melbourne.

So, a while ago I was doing a ghost tour of Melbourne. And our tour guide lead us outside this Viking pub. It had the whole aesthetic of a Viking pub and what not with large doors and Norse symbols on the walls outside. Our guide begins to tell us that this Norse pub, used to be the headquarters of Australian skeptics society. They moved base because the pub is haunted.

The pub itself was originally an old home from the late 1800’s, and it was torn down and rebuilt as apartments, factories or something later on. The skeptics society had purchased this place a couple of years ago in order to have a base in Melbourne. So they set themselves up, placing cameras inside and around the property and began to work.

After a couple of months after moving in, they start seeing weird weird shadows on their cameras, so they replaced them and continued on. Then one night someone was working late and heard something weird upstairs. So they left their work walked upstairs to see a women. She legit says hi and then just vanished. This dude was then kicked out of the skeptics. The final straw for the skeptics move is when the same women keeps appearing on one of the cameras always in the same spot, but doesn’t appear on any other cameras other than the ones in the upstairs rooms. They concluded that they were being haunted. So they moved.

Just let that sink in. Skeptics had to move base because they were being haunted.

[small-person-teacher]

Shit kids in my class say p.2.

That was a child. Not a bird

The sociology class is a bit deadly

It’s sarcasm darling!

Top dogs? *slams head into a wall*

*teacher face palms at simple sams stupidity*

Ethan. Eat your hot dog quietly

It’s more like 5 people screaming, trying to prove whose loudest

Conquer the evil that is group reading!

‘You we’re talking to the new Egyptian kid in the wheel chair?’ ‘Yeah does he do wheelies?’

I will give you paper cuts

‘Some people’s opinions-’ ‘ETHANS’ ‘- are not as valuable as others’

Like wienstien!

Weren’t the French lazy in world war 2

Teacher: You don’t want to spend the rest of your life pressing a button. Student: I would! Teacher: of course you would simple Sam.

[small-person-teacher]

Shit kids in my class say p.1.

Rat poison is tasteless in coffee

It’s called banter

Teacher: I am Superior

Who likes mind maps? Sicky’s

30 minutes of yelling that it was raining only half of the windows

Your committing to my laziness

She’s Mr ______ ? That’s not how biology works

We don’t talk about that uncle. Not after the nudist beach.

We don’t talk about.... it.

Did he give you his golden globe?

Soooo close to 69

‘All powerful’ which if you know your Disney is jafar.

‘I wish the bird would shut up’ ‘just shoot it’

Do I like the shit coming out of your mouth? No.

Isn’t conflict important in war?

‘No conflict’ ‘unless it’s MMA’

[thothoes]

this is the funniest twitter thread i’ve ever seen in my goddamn life

[heartbeatemoji]

“Wait but don’t ask another guy I’ll do it” is making me laugh

[myhollywoodending]

[the-spiritess-eliza]

HOW FAST CAN YOU RUN

[thisiseverydayracism]

https://www.thedailybeast.com/state-department-to-lgbt-married-couples-your-out-of-wedlock-kids-arent-citizens

[thenerdyanthrohistorian]

Watch the white gays start to give a fuck now.

[roughstar]

First it was the Mexicans, legal citizens born here from immigrant parents, that were claimed as non citizens. Now it’s the children of gay parents. Don’t you see what’s happening? Disenfranchisement. Classic fascism. We’re heading towards a totalitarian regime folks. Trump is a white supremacist and him and his administration won’t stop until they’ve recreated Hitler’s Nazi Germany.

[injuries-in-dust]

Hitler didn’t start as histories greatest monster, or he wouldn’t have gained the power he got. It was only after he became too powerful to be removed that he revealed his true nature. You have to look for the warning signs and there are a lot of them with the Trump administration. Like, big red flags with glowing flares.

[misterdoctorironstrange]

The worst thing is that Hitler had to put some effort into gaining his power, while Trump has been waving his red flags as high as possible since the start and no one seems to care…

[immortalcheesewedge]

What. The. Fuck.

SPREAD. THIS. SHIT. NOW. DO. NOT. SCROLL. PAST. DO. NOT. SCROLL. PAST. DO. NOT. SCROLL. PAST. DO. NOT. SCROLL. PAST. LOOK. AT. THIS.  SPREAD. IT.

[sea-anon]

Ten steps to genocide (we are at number 8 now with the ‘detention centers’ by the way. Next step is literally extermination. Just thought y’all would like to know)

Also see poem “First they came”

I’ve been saying this since 2016. I hope you care now that it might affect you.

[systlin]

Look I have no problem with aces being part of the community, but historically queer was never used as a slur against them, so as someone who has been called queer as a derogatory insult plenty of times, I'm pretty uncomfortable with them using it. Reclaiming the word queer is fine, but not if it wasn't directed at you in the first place.

Hey.

Quick tip. 

You are not the Queer Pope. You don’t get to decide who is and isn’t queer. 

Also, get off my blog. 

[damnfool-of-a-took]

Not only is anon not Queer Pope, they’re also factually incorrect. For others champing at the bit to be the next grayface too chickenshit to be wrong with their URL attached: 

Google “the spinster movement”. 1920′s and 1930′s. Ace women considered “queer” by straight society for not complying with the demands of compulsory heterosexuality (i.e. marry, let your husband fuck you whenever he wants, produce hordes of children, probably die of tuberculosis (well, that last bit’s not compulsory heterosexuality, but I digress)). 

Better yet, look up stuff from the research of Alfred Kinsey and/or Magnus Hirschfield (of the Institut für Sexualwissenschaft- the Nazis burned it for advancing knowledge and acceptance of ace, trans, and gays & lesbians- all enemies of the State because their existence undercut the Aryan call for men FATHER MANY ARYAN BABIES and to FIGHT FOR THE FATHERLAAAAAND and for the women to manage Kinder, Küche, and Kirche (children, kitchen, church). 

Here’s a nice excerpt from a 1935 newspaper on how asexual women should be barred from teaching (one of the very few jobs a woman could hold in those days) based on their sexuality:  “The women who have the responsibility of teaching these girls are many of them themselves embittered, sexless or homosexual hoydens who try to mould the girls into their own patten.”

In the Victorian era, there was a movement for decades in favor of evicting spinsters (read: asexual and lesbian women) over 30 from Britain, and send them to Canada, Australia, or the United States instead. 

They were at best, “surplus females”, and at worst? Here’s another quote! This one is from Eliza Linton, a Victorian writer quoted in a more modern work analyzing Victorian families, describing spinsters in contrast with “naturally” celibate women, that is, widows: “Unnatural and alien: Painted and wrinkled, padded and bedizened, with her coarse thoughts, bold words, and leering eyes, [the wrong kind of spinster] has in herself all the disgust which lies around a Bacchante and a Hecate in one…. Such an old maid as this stands as a warning to men and women alike of what and whom to avoid.”

TL;DR YOU EXCLUSIONIST SHITHEADS KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THE HISTORY OF YOUR OWN COMMUNITIES, LET ALONE BROADER QUEER HISTORY. SHUT YOUR MOUTHS, OPEN A FEW WEBPAGES, AND READ. 

[cut-off-the-grain]

I want to be very clear here- if you want to question an asexual person’s right to use the term queer, they’re place in the queer community, or in general just want to harrass them, you are not welcome on my blog.

[hermionegranger]

The new Hunger Games novel is set 64 years before the 75th Hunger Games… So the 11th Games.. you know who was in the 11th Hunger Games?

[beatlemaniacinthetardis]

[charlieism]

[small-person-teacher]

ABOUT MAGS!! YES LETS GO