probably some gay shit

He/Him/His You'd think I'd know how to run a blog post high school

[emperor-gaozu-of-han]

getting followed by porn bots is weird and that’s coming from a guy with multiple 🥵 concubines

[emperor-gaozu-of-han]

this is really resonating with the subjects

[qin-shi-huang-di]

step aside you old cut-sleeve, i shall court these maidens!

[emperor-gaozu-of-han]

I’m an emperor actually @chasingtheskyline

[qin-shi-huang-di]

the marquis of homo WISHES he had a fraction of my imperial glory!

[emperor-gaozu-of-han]

right so i’m one of the most well regarded emperors in the history of china and you’re the guy who had to put “shut up about the mercury” in his bio

[qin-shi-huang-di]

I AM NOT OWNED! I AM NOT OWNED!!!

I AM A GLORIOUS EMPEROR, I CAN EARN THE LOVE OF MY CITIZENS!

I AM A GLORIOUS EMPEROR, I CAN ADEQUATELY PREPARE MY SUCCESSOR!

I AM A GLORIOUS EMPEROR, I CAN ESTABLISH A STABLE DYNASTY!

[diet-poison]

the Terracotta Army guy?

[qin-shi-huang-di]

🙄 you build ONE funerary complex with 8000 life-sized statues of soldiers, horses and generals and suddenly you’re “the terracotta army guy.” 🙄 execution.

[slimlimit]

Stumbling across this makes me feel like a dad whos walked into their kids room beer in hand and seeing them roleplay starwars fights i do not belong here but god its entertaining

[emperor-gaozu-of-han]

to be clear in this scenario im the jedi and im winning

[pettycentral]

[doriangraysrockcollection]

i must say, i am a huge fan of when a book is in the middle of a very exciting plot containing many interesting problems when out of nowhere for a few pages it's like, "hey by the way, real quick, here's a detailed explanation of the city's water filtration system! i'm telling you this for a reason and you should worry about it. anyway! haha okay back to the plot" and you just get to be Scared for a while

[doriangraysrockcollection]

i am kissing you on the mouth right now

you are the only person who understands me. you and the person who tagged a series of unfortunate events

[tlirsgender]

A nonhuman character in heavy makeup: *is very long*

Me: is that you, Doug

The credits: Freaky Creature played by Doug Jones

Me: YEAHHHH

[agir1ukn0w]

A nonhuman character in heavy makeup: *does that elegant hand movement that Doug always seems to do*

Me: DOUG!!!

[texnessa]

How dare anyone over look:

[dollsahoy]

Where it started

[laughterkey]

DOUG WAS MAC TONIGHT??

[icarus-suraki]

Y’all also need to know that Doug Jones was in Smash Mouth’s music video for “All Star” as Pencil Head:

[gallusrostromegalus]

@cellarspider It’s your Blorbo from apparently everything?

[hometoursandotherstuff]

https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cwydx34kzlvo

[runcibility]

"Vanderhorst had been under the influence of MDMA and three litres of vodka she had consumed on the night of the offence last September, her lawyer Michael Hill told the court."

three. liters.

[anais-ninja-bitch]

i support women's wrongs

[homoqueerjewhobbit]

[mikkeneko]

I think my favorite kind of miscommunication to do in fanfic is when a character has only limited understanding of a situation (especially if that's because the other character is concealing something from them) and they use their limited knowledge to come to a conclusion that is 100% reasonable based on what they know, but completely off base from the truth

[mikkeneko]

And, of course, this causes Problems

[writing-in-the-grave]

Hey y'all why are writers always cold?

[run-remi-run]

...why?

[writing-in-the-grave]

They're always surrounded by drafts!

How many mystery writers does it take to change a lightbulb?

[run-remi-run]

Oh god.

How many?

[writing-in-the-grave]

Two! One to change the bulb, and the other to give it an unexpected twist at the end!

What do writers have for breakfast?

[run-remi-run]

Coffee?

[writing-in-the-grave]

Synonym buns!

Where do all the struggling writers live?

[run-remi-run]

How are you coming up with all these?

Where?

[writing-in-the-grave]

Writer's Block!

What do writers suffer from each spring?

(I've heard a lot of them over the years.)

[run-remi-run]

Allergies. Next question.

[writing-in-the-grave]

you were close; A case of allegories

Why are writers always in great shape?

[run-remi-run]

Circular prose

[writing-in-the-grave]

Nope! It's because we're always running out of ideas!

Did you hear about the famous writer who turned out to be a fraud?

[run-remi-run]

I did not

[writing-in-the-grave]

His life had it's prose and cons...

Why is editing a better job than writing?

[run-remi-run]

It's more rewording?

[writing-in-the-grave]

Correct! I am out of jokes. :(

[seerofmike]

too lazy to retype this but . insane interaction w coworker last night

[seerofmike]

tell me you have never worked in customer service without telling me you've never worked in customer service

[baddyzarc]

If you wanna know the state of Yugioh TCG collecting in the wake of Overframes in the core game…

[baddyzarc]

The situation is so funny man

Basically, Mr grifter announced that he might be getting into the collecting side of yugioh, which would lead to the scalping hell that now plagues the Pokémon and One Piece TCGs

As a joke, MBTYugioh gave them pointers on what to “invest in”, recommending some of the WORST shit products that this game released in the years

He then followed up with a tongue-in-cheek, clearly trolling video recommending shit like Legendary Duelists sets, Duelist of Deep and Synchro Storm, and the Platinum cards, and exclusive COINS before ending the video with “Don’t invest in yugioh. You will lose money due to this game’s reprint policies”

Like, it was very obvious for anyone with half-a-brain cell and is familiar with Yugioh that the video is a joke

BUT a bunch of scalping bots took the video at face value and bought out these doodoo, worthless products immediately after his fuckass video came out

Now they’re sitting on unsellable trash. 100% deserved, I hope everyone whose trying to grift this game like Pokémon loses their money

[themainspoon]

Yu-Gi-Oh fans really saw the scalpers coming and said "You've activated my trap card".

[susiephone]

underrated fantasy thing is when authors want to avoid giving an actual earth year their story takes place so the characters say shit like "back in the Year Of The Skateboarding Dragon" and all the other characters are like ah yes how could we forget the crops were so plentiful the year that dragon did those sweet sweet kickflips

[didsomebodysay-kat-aesthetic]

[susiephone]

how dare you be funnier than me on my own post

[ivy-michaels]

All these industries with shortages of workers and they can’t figure out why.

Im proposing the hypothesis that the reason we don’t have enough doctors/pilots/bus drivers/etc is that maybe, just maybe, having your entire industry function as a lifelong hazing ritual isn’t the best recruiting strategy.

[ivy-michaels]

Doctors are subject to 8 years of post-secondary education and are forced to work 48 hour shifts.

Pilots and other transportation workers have absurd hours of service requirements that start your rest period as “the moment you shut the vehicle down” and can be as short as 9 hours in some cases.

Railroad workers have to be available on-call 6 days a week and be ready within two hours notice. They don’t get sick time.

Retail workers have to keep a veneer of politeness against any and all abuse or they can be fired.

Truck drivers get paid by mileage and rarely see pay for shipper or receiver delays.

Work should not be designed to make you a miserable burnout and yet here we are.

[thememedaddy]

[dungeonmastersconsortium]

[unadulteratedhideouttrash]

[cherryhatter-deactivated2015072]

KICK THE CAN!

Let’s play the biggest game of kick the can on the internet.

To kick the can, reblog it. I wanna see how long this can go on for.

[visibun]

the oldest reblogs for this post that i can find are from january 2nd of 2013. this can has been getting kicked around tumblr for almost 13½ years now

[drtanner]

And yet somehow this is my first time kicking it!

[balsamgownoed]

quality so ass bro

[stardustfanfare]

my 12 year brother is talking to his friend on the phone and trying to arrange plans to go over to his house this afternoon and was saying that our dad could drop him off maybe and i just heard him say "well i could maybe come over earlier but my dad is busy sharpening his scythe"

[stardustfanfare]

muffled voice coming from the phone speakers: how long till the scythe is sharp