[toastbutteregg]

i want a cute boyfriend and $500,000

[toastbutteregg]

“I know someday I’ll feel better but it will never change the fact that I’ll always miss you.”

— 3 am thoughts (via suspend)

[teeny-tiny-taurus]

[edgar-thorn-deactivated20200514]

Bitch thats me

[emjineer]

So my boss once robbed a museum to prove a point and honestly, I think she is my new role model. 

[emjineer]

If this gets notes I’ll tell the full story

[marry-and-mirthful]

Storu

[emjineer]

Many years ago, my boss was working at this museum and they had these original Churchill documents on display. These documents are worth millions of dollars… The only thing separating the public from these documents was a sheet of glass secured with 4 philips head screws. Seriously. No security guards in the room, no cameras, just an easily removable piece of glass. 

My boss pointed out the security concern, but she wasn’t taken seriously, so she took matters into her own hands. 

She bought a ticket and  pretended to be a guest. She entered through the main entrance with a huge drill clearly visible on her belt, went straight to the documents and opened the case with the drill. (While  wearing gloves,) she removed the documents, put them in a folder, reattached the glass, and walked out the main exit.  Literally no one even questioned her.

 She immediately went around to the back of the museum, entered using the staff entrance and went straight to her boss’s office.  She dropped the folder on his desk and said “I just stole these in 15 minutes“

Once he was done being mad at her, he listened and the museum increased security. 

[lazyproblems]

SIGN ME TF UP

[daily-spongebob]

GreatestSurveys.com is amazing it’s basically this scene in Spongebob

[the-bloody-teapot-is-us]

Is this actually real

[calmnoqualm]

its legit, just got paid by them the other day

[moneypets]

THE MONEY CATS APPROVE OF THIS MESSAGE

[bithmst-blog]

This shit my future job..

[trailer-park-jesus]

I will clarify that this is real. I actually do this in my spare time for gift cards and stuff to make online purchases.

[thecatchat]

Collage kids take notes.

[help-mywife]

help, my wife got wine drunk and tried to set our marriage certificate on fire, saying “good luck trying to return me without the receipt”

[discreet45]

[gotouda]

[bonerfart]

damn who took all their honey

[dragon-in-a-fez]

I had to read this three times to realize it didn’t say “the power of YEET”

[dragon-in-a-fez]

“this doesn’t work…” *throws laptop into the sun* “YEET”

[tarynel]

What’s your fantasy?

[pleasestopandrew]

I wake up, my debt is all paid off, my bank account is full, my relationships with my family are healthy, and I’m able to travel anywhere in the world.

[sophiamariabaeks]

reblog for this ultimate fantasy life to come true

[luxgalador]

[wanksclub-deactivated20141104]

*15 years old boy voice* alcohol

[knownhoe]

alcohol

[onlytwitterpics]

[bidoof]

You can lead a horse to water

But you can’t drink a horse

[sunclean]

i could be an animal crossing villager! i’m round. i wear the same shirt every day. and i am easily befriended when the other party does anything nice for me

[justbrosthings]

honestly i hate when people try to sugar coat shit like if you don’t like me or don’t wanna hang or don’t wanna talk to me just fucking tell me don’t keep ignoring me and expect me to figure out the hint like that’s such a bitch ass move i’d rather hear it from you than be ignored 99% of the fucking time.

[cheese24k]

Walter is my cousin’s dog. He really has a thing for swimming.

[nasty-twerp]

that was a religious experience

[mightyfemme]

me

[pseudo-human-deactivated2021061]

I’ve never seen a butt-mounted camera, but damn, this dog knows where he wants to go, and goes there fast.

[shatteredwineglasses]

His little ears flopping in he wind

[cuttleskulls]

THIS IS THE QUALITY CONTENT I WANT TO SEE