~melancholy internet wanderer~

[omegaverse]

scooby: raggy! shaggy: like, what is it scoob? scooby: *starts shitting on the sidewalk* shaggy:

[umameva]

the mother called her babies just for me ;;;

[chaifootsteps]

Blessed.

[missanthropologist]

the most blessed, pure thing…

[endangeredbodiesnyc]

PSA to our followers this Autism Acceptance Month:

Use Autism **Acceptance** Month (as opposed to Autism Awareness Month).

NO “light it up blue” or puzzle pieces. Google “Autism Speaks hate group” to learn more.

Use red or gold instead, which are colors supported by the autistic community.

Use identity-first language (most autistic people prefer “autistic” instead of “person with autism”), but don’t police the language of someone who prefers to be called a person with autism.

NO scare terms like “suffering with autism” or “afflicted with autism.”

Avoid functioning labels like “high functioning” or “low functioning.”

If autistic voices are not at the center of your efforts, you’re doing it wrong.

When in doubt, ASK AN AUTISTIC PERSON. 

To learn more about autism, visit autistic-run organizations like the Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN) and Autism Women’s Network (AWN).

[mohtz]

spent almost an entire day at the louvre..🏛

twitter / ig / prints

[charlesoberonn]

New original 3D animated movie: Ducks. The secret life of ducks when humans aren’t looking.

Whenever ducks fly south in the winter, they’re actually flying to a big city of ducks where they talk and have jobs and have traffic lights with pictures of ducks in them and every billboard and storefront is a bird pun.

A generic duck guy is a young adult who feels inadequate because his dad is a big broker in the bread stock exchange.

He accidentally reveals the secret life of ducks to a human child, and now he must take her south with him to duck city. On the way they get into hijinks and find out about a big duck conspiracy or something.

[artigust]

I was thinking at first this was an actual movie

[charlesoberonn]

It will be if you just give me 3 years and $150,000,000

[old-manrupee]

How many times would “duck” be confused between the physical action and the animal in question?

[charlesoberonn]

12 times for comedic effect. 1 time used ironically in a sad moment in the end of act II. And 1 time in the last act when the protagonist has to say something badass when he defeats the bad guy.

[erinye]

This winter, ditch the binoculars and rediscover bird-watching with the hot new movie…….DUCK!!!! 

[charlesoberonn]

If this post gets 100,000 notes I’ll start working on the script.

[charlesoberonn]

Well then…

Let’s get to work.

[charlesoberonn]

Without further ado, and over a year in the making:

The final draft of the script

[tylha]

your fav is problematic: jean valjean

at one point said he “stole a loaf of bread”

later said “a mouthful of bread”

which is it valjean? when will the lies end

[enjoltairemyass]

maybe he can fit a whole loaf of bread in his mouth huh? what can you do? exactly.

[thunderfcknroad]

JVJ deepthroats a loaf of bread and flees the scene

[helloitsbees]

is that why javert was so obsessed with finding him

[rednines]

hey guys

FRUIT BY THE FUCK

[neurowall-deactivated20170120]

[kuttithevangu]

If the ocean ever disappears DONT GO LOOKING FOR IT… go in the other direction

[purified-zone]

i know this sounds like a shitpost but isn’t this like, real advice regarding tsunamis

[kuttithevangu]

Yes this was about hurricane Irma it is not a shitpost

[eff-word]

This is actually really good advice so let me elaborate a bit: if you notice the tide is retreating very quickly at a very odd time of day, get as far away from water and as high up as you can. I live along the ocean and a long time ago we had a small tsunami and a relative of mine tells me how her father saw the tides retreating so he just picked her up and just ran, which probably saved their lives.

So yeah DONT LOOK FOR THE MISSING OCEAN just run away

[stuffandsundry]

ocean not lost, ocean is actually winding up to kick you very hard in the nuts.

[stele3]

The 5 Things A Massage Therapist Will Probably Tell You To Do In Order To Stop Hurting

Caveat: I’ve only been a massage therapist for about 7 months. But I’ve noticed that lots of people come in with the same issues, and I wind up giving the same stretches and exercises as “homework.” So I thought, why not tell everyone? Here they are:

1. “Shoulderblade kisses” aka scapula retraction exercise.

You know that spot between your shoulderblades that gets tense all the time? Well, it’s not actually tense: it’s stretched. Those are your rhomboids and the pain they experience is the price we pay for using a computer, studying, driving a car, texting, and any other activity that involves our arms being out in front of us. That position brings our shoulders and our shoulderblades forward into protraction. That stretches out the rhomboids and causes them to tense up in an effort to counteract our slump.

What do? Take your arms out to the sides, Jesus-style. Now bend your elbows and try to bring them behind your back. Your forearms should still be out to the sides. You’ll kind of look like you’re trying to pick a fight with someone. Do 25 of these and you should be able to feel those rhomboids getting stronger, pulling your shoulders back where they should be.

2. “Write the alphabet with your nose” aka neck exercises.

Stiff neck? Tension headaches? You might be tempted to stretch. Don’t. Necks are super-prone to adhesions and trigger points, both of which can actually get worse if you stretch without warming up the muscles first. Next time you wake up with neck pain, try exercising it instead of stretching.

What do? My favorite is the alphabet exercise, in which you pretend the tip of your nose is a pencil and write the alphabet with it. Start off small with A and get bigger until the Z is huge. That takes your neck through a lot of different motions.

3. “Play superman” aka back extension exercises.

Hand-in-hand with the shoulder slump is the back curve. This usually presents as pain in the mid-back on either or both sides of the spine, in what’s called the erector spinae group (or ESGs in massage lingo). True to their Latin, the ESGs hold us upright–but when we’re slumping forward all the time they, like the rhomboids, get stretched out and weakened. Then when we go to lift something too heavy and bend over instead of using our legs, we get that eeeeeeak feeling in our back that is the ESGs informing us that this shit is not on.

What do? Lie on your front with your arms out to the sides. The picture above is kind of advanced: feel free to not have your arms out so far above your head, I only have my arms at a ninety-degree angle with my shoulders, frankly. Start off with maybe 20 reps of that motion and work your way up to 50 and arms straight out. Don’t overwork the muscles, but get them going.

4. “Cobra pose” aka psoas stretch.

You ever get that pain in your low back from sitting in a chair for a long time? That’s your psoas being a bitch. This stretch is a natural transition from the superman exercises. Really, it stretches a whole lot of things that need it, but especially the psoas muscles. The psoas attaches to the fronts of the vertebrae in the small of your back and run down through the pelvis to end up on the insides of your legs. It’s a waist flexor, which means that all that time you spend sitting down is teaching it to be short. Then when you go to stand up, it wants to STAY short instead of stretching, and the result is a sharp, powerful tug on your lumbar vertebrae and a helluva lot of low back pain.

What do? Lie on your front and rise up onto your elbows. You should feel a stretch in your abdomen. If you don’t, go up further onto your hands. If you still don’t, do this shit. Then get the fuck away from me. Jesus, what’s wrong with you? Do you not have a spine?

5. “Foam rolling your IT band” aka WHY GOD WHY DOES IT HURT??

I don’t know who made that picture but it is 100% accurate. See, there’s this swath of connective tissue (think tendons and ligaments) that runs down the sides of your thighs from your hips to your knees, called the Iliotibial Band, or IT band or ITB for short. The ITB, being sticky-wicky connective tissue, loves to get tangled up in everything around it, which is primarily the hamstrings and the quads. The adhesions that form along the whole length of the ITB prevent both these muscles groups from relaxing, and leads to all sorts of painful things, from torn hamstrings to kneecaps getting out of alignment and wearing down cartilage (thus necessitating knee replacements) to hip issues (gluteus maximus aka “the butt” feeds into the ITB). Basically it wants to fuck up your entire lower body.

What do? Well, if you’ve got a high pain threshold like the lady with the rictus grin in the picture, you can buy a foam roller and plop down on it like she is, then roll back and forth to your heart’s screaming, agonized content. If, however, your IT band is as sensitive as most people’s, I recommend getting a hard plastic water bottle (one that won’t crack and has a tight lid!!), filling it up with warm water, and using that instead. You can either assume the same position as above, or simply sit in a chair and rub it up and down your legs from hip to knee. Do it for about five minutes each day and that will relax the IT band as well as loosen the adhesions to the hamstrings and quadricep muscles. Stretch both those muscles afterwards for maximum benefit!

Again: caveat. I am by no means an expert at this. These are just the things that I’ve found to be most helpful for my clients. I take no responsibility if you injure yourselves actually doing these things, and especially no responsibility if you actually decide to foam roll your IT band. Seriously, that shit hurts.

[tatterdemalionamberite]

Also hypermobile people in particular should be cautious of foam rollers. A physical therapist hecked me up once by having me use one on my upper back when my core muscles weren’t strong enough to deal with it safely.

[clarityshade]

I’m crying y’all…..

https://twitter.com/ShaunKing/status/829562422528704512

[fish-with-a-knife]

faq on how to help

Official Standing Rock Sioux Tribe DAPL Donation Fund through PayPal

Sacred Stone Legal Defense Fund

Volunteer to help Sacred Stone Camp if you have legal or media skills. Email [email protected], or phone [phone].

[princxssluci2]

Fucking spread this like wildfire.

[astromot]

Visit Original Link

background music from windows xp installation. few people actually heard it, because it was set to play before the audio drivers were configured.

filepath: C:\Windows\system32\oobe\image­s\title.w­ma 

[corporateslut]

[y2kaestheticinstitute]

Background music from the Windows XP installation (2001)

[quickweaves]

im mad this slaps

[vincent-van-gtg]

[fitnessdesire]

Can’t risk it

[laderdesders1]

The duck of creativity. I waited so long for it.

[neilsanders]

DANCING GUY!! by Talbot (4yrs old)

I ran some animation workshops with kids at the State Library earlier this month. When I showed the results to my kids, Talbot wanted to have a go.

Am I just an over proud parent or is this THE MOST AMAZING THING YOU’VE EVER SEEN?!!

[thechronicleofshe]

How To Get A Job Fast As Hell

 @owenabbott​ 

Apply to a  job, wait (1) day, then call.  Give them your first and last name. Tell them you submitted an application and that you’re very motivated to find [Enter field name] work. Let the conversation lead you wherever it takes. Be very polite. Say” thank you for your time, I’ll be looking forward to hearing back from you.” Rinse, repeat. This is to force them to be looking out for your application. 

 When you get to the interview, shake their hand firmly,  tell them your first and last name.  

Describe your experiences  as “ two years transcription and data entry” if you have a desk job interview and “ [however many years]  costumer service, retail and stock” for your retail jobs.  

Don’t use job “ buzz words” I stg they hear them all day. Say  things like, “ I’m detail oriented and am very good at taking instruction.”  “ I would like to work for a company with integrity and I feel that [ company name] would be a good fit”

When they ask you if you have “reliable transportation” say  YES. don’t tell them what kind of transportation, just say yes. (if you don’t do this, you wont get the job , I’m telling you right now). 

Research the company. Know what they do, why they do it, how OLD the company is. WHERE it was founded, and what kind of position you’re intending to apply for.

When they ask you “ give us a situation where you had to blah blah blah” Make one the fuck up. Make yourself sound good as hell, and like you put your company’s needs slightly above the customer’s needs, but make the customer happy. 

If they ask you about being outgoing, Say you “like to focus on your work so you can concentrate on doing things right” (which buys you out of having to act friendly all the time)

Questions for after the interview:

1.  Does this position offer upward mobility?

2. Do you enjoy working for the company? (if you’re not interviewing for a temp agency who will send you anywhere)

 Then, shake their hand,  Ask them to repeat their name (REMEMBER THIS) say thank you for your time, wish them a nice day and leave. write their name down outside if you have to, just remember the fuck out of it. 

AFTER your interview, send a card directed to the name of the person who interviewed you (I’ll give you them) that says “Thank you for the interview, I appreciate the opportunity. have a great day” This shows  that you have an understanding of professionalism, and will have them thinking of you kindly (or at least remembering you) when they’re shuffling through the choices. 

DO NOT tell them you just moved to the city over the phone.  In person, tell them you just moved to the city. Make it sound like the only reason you need a job is because you moved. Not because you’re desperate. 

__________

 The titles of each section are key words you can use to search for jobs on Snagajob.com  and Simplyhired.

Data Entry:

http://citystaffing.com/job/data-entry-specialistsmailroom-clerk/?utm_source=Indeed&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=Indeed

https://www.roberthalf.com/officeteam/job-search/chicago-il/data-entry-clerks-needed/43517752?codes=IND

http://www.simplyhired.com/job/data-entry-specialists-job/chicago-transit-authority/jepfivkhjk?cid=udsowkxtausyzitcfeecaeuzoxkltmbl

https://jobs-theprivatebank.icims.com/jobs/3435/temporary—data-entry/job?mode=job&iis=SimplyHired&iisn=SimplyHired&utm_source=simplyhired&utm_medium=jobclick&mobile=false&width=792&height=500&bga=true&needsRedirect=false&jan1offset=-360&jun1offset=-300

 Front Desk:

http://localjobs.joblur.com/jobapplication2/?jobid=99957&subaffid=300006&JobType=Food%20/%20Bev%20/%20Hosp&ix=1&c1=99957

https://jobs.ajg.com/job/-/-/109/1256110?apstr=%26src%3DJB-10280

https://pepper.hiretouch.com/job-search/job-details?jobID=32066&job=receptionist

http://accesscommunityhealth.hodesiq.com/jobs/default.aspx?JobID=5203566 (this one is close to the place you rented.)

http://ihg.taleo.net/careersection/all/jobdetail.ftl?job=R113601&lang=en&media_id=24863&src=Indeed&src=JB-10920

https://covalentcareers.com/employer/listing/86450f8517588197c9b04f5068ed4300/detail/?apply=1&ref=indeed&v=30&utm_source=indeed&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=indeed_optical

http://www.careerbuilder.com/jobseeker/jobs/jobdetails.aspx?APath=2.21.0.0.0&job_did=JHN0KY6823WBWZX21VM&showNewJDP=yes&IPath=JRKV0F

http://www.simplyhired.com/job/front-desk-receptionist-customer-service-sales-job/rosin-optical-co-inc/qaeoquzgdi?cid=ivdnhijkmxchdanahwfoupazcwisfnxt

http://www.simplyhired.com/job/receptionist-front-desk-job/all-us-jobs/fonj7wmldf?cid=trhyvmfcsgjltxkjxkemyinsjveewfjp

Other jobs you don’t need a degree for that aren’t retail:

Dental hygenist ( yeah, seriously, who knew!) They also make about 40,000 a year)

Stenographer-Court Reporter

Surveyer ( you need a certificate for this, but its something you can get while working a temporary job and doing this on the side. Also, they make like $55,000 a year sooooooo) https://sjobs.brassring.com/TGWEbHost/jobdetails.aspx?jobId=1406428&PartnerId=16023&SiteId=5118&codes=IND

Real Estate Broker

Purchasing agents, except wholesale, retail, and farm products ( basically you arrange to buy large things) they make like 60K

Claims adjuster 

Loan Officer

Subway driver (trains) they make like 60K,

Duct Cleaner: http://jobview.monster.com/Duct-Cleaners-950-00-Weekly-Entry-Level-Flexible-Hours-Call-to-Apply-Job-Chicago-IL-US-161970321.aspx?intcid=re

[theherunoirnetwork]

I knew this but I’m reblogging cause someone might not know

[rootbeergoddess-deactivated2017]

I’m saving this.

[roboticonography]

A note from a former interviewer:

The “give us a situation where you blah blah” questions are what’s called behavioural interview questions. They are looking to assess a personality trait rather than a skill level. Usually the traits they are looking for are listed right in the job posting: time management, teamwork, customer service, etc.

Before the interview, Google “behavioural interview questions.” You will find ones that apply for the traits the employer is seeking, and you will also find information about how employers score these questions.

In the interview, try to figure out which trait(s) the question is trying to find, and tailor your answer accordingly. A customer service answer isn’t always the best choice if they are looking for your leadership ability.

Answer these questions using the STAR method:

Situation - background to the story you’re about to tell

Task - what the problem/challenge/goal was

Action - what you did and how it went down

Result - how your action solved the problem/challenge or achieved your goal, and improved things for you and others going forward.

(Bonus: show some forward thinking. How did you act to keep the problem from happening again?)

And try not to lie if you can help it. If your example isn’t all it could be, talk about what you would do differently, knowing what you know now.

[umameva]

the mother called her babies just for me ;;;

[chaifootsteps]

Blessed.

[missanthropologist]

the most blessed, pure thing…

[captainkirk94-deactivated201903]

Yesterday i lost my glasses. And decided to document my frustration until……… I really wish this was planned, but i gotta admit, I took a big L.

[cc-videos]

“[defeated tone] So… I have…. lost my glasses. And I’m afraid to leave my bed because I can’t see… and I fear I might step on my glasses. So I’m sitting here with my bee pillow pet… and I don’t know what to do.

I need to get up. I wanna get food. I gotta exfoliate and moisturize, cause my skin looking atrocious right now.

What if… [deep breath] What if I die here, y’all? Would anyone even miss me?Like, really?

I want Enrique Iglesias to come save me. Like, the ceiling opens up and like, he comes down from like, a heavenly cloud with my glasses, and he’s singing. [imitating Enrique Iglesias] ‘Would you dance? If I asked you to dance? I will be your hero baby!’ And I just take my glasses and I’m like ‘Thanks yo! Put a shirt on homie!’

But life, life don’t work… life… [prolonged silence]

[camera zooms in on glasses] 

[long silence; light chuckle] Enrique…”