Erica

I'm slightly more interesting on Twitter.

[feralseraph]

Why we need to talk about #MeToo in the birth room

Women see what happens to them as yet another part of the raw deal of womanhood, writes Milli Hill

Georgie was in established labour when the midwife asked her to get out of the birth pool and have a routine vaginal exam. Georgie said no. She didn’t think she needed to be examined, and she felt the birth was imminent. The midwife asked again, and when Georgie declined once more, the midwife turned to her husband, urging him to impress upon his wife that she needed to comply. With her husband now joining the midwife in repeated requests to get out of the water, Georgie acquiesced, and was then examined during a contraction, and her waters forcibly broken. She found this incredibly painful, and asked the midwife to stop. She did not stop.

On paper, Georgie had a good birth. Shortly after the examination her baby was born, at home, in the birth pool. Everyone was healthy and well – at least physically. At an emotional and psychological level, however, there was much for Georgie to unpick in the weeks that followed the birth, not least the fact that not only did she feel her body had been completely violated, but that her loving husband had unwittingly become complicit in this act.

[…]

Interestingly, Georgie did complain. When she explained how the examination had made her feel, in particular when it continued even when she had asked for it to stop, she was told, by a different midwife: “No vaginal examination (VE) is pleasant, if she had stopped when you had asked I doubt you would have let her continue the examination, and it needed to be finished.”

[…]

So for Georgie’s midwife, “it needed to be finished”, and Georgie’s role was to endure it. There is a sense of entitlement to be found in moments like this, with echoes of rape culture: a real confusion over whose needs come first, and who has ownership of the body in question and is permitted to do as they wish with it. Education for health professionals is urgently needed to address this. A 2013 study published in the journal BMC Pregnancy and Childbirth found that professionals held conflicting beliefs about women’s choices in childbirth; on the one hand the health workers questioned stated that “women were the ultimate decision makers”, but also simultaneously agreed that “the needs of the woman may be overridden for the safety of the fetus”.

[dankmemeuniversity]

[trannypilledfaggotmaxing-deacti]

Sexy what happens if you drink shampoo

[nokogiriyama]

sexy red tree frog

[aromoji]

sexy boston university tour

[hamstergal]

Sexy unripe avocado

[thingsstingshouldsing]

… and frog.

[callmebliss]

Sexy grease actor

[rokenford]

Sexy fiberglass in menthol cigarettes

[saint-batrick]

sexy peter stormare 2019

[anaquana]

Sexy Tom Hiddleston

[jonlybonlyfromboldlygo]

Sexy French Pile of Laundry

I was looking up a translation

[cumaeansibyl]

Sexy Sephardic folklore

I didn’t actually get enough results to know what that would look like

[soaskmeaskmeaskme]

sexy next to me crib - that’s just wrong

sexy common people woman, the previous one, is extremely niche but doable

[tlematimun]

slow songs, they for skinny hoes can’t move all of this here to one of those i’m a thick bitch, i need tempo fuck it up to the tempo

Lizzo - Tempo (feat. Missy Elliott)

[larkandkatydid]

“Effective altruism” is both deeply annoying and morally depraved and if ‘stanning effective altruism’ becomes the new ‘stanning gmos’ I’m going to eat my own face.

Human beings aren’t investments, you Silicon Valley sociopaths.

[soaskmeaskmeaskme]

i would literally pay you to debunk effective altruism! i hate it so much

[iwillseethegoodness]

I was at a party last night that otherwise was really fun and I liked everyone. Except that for like, an hour, the conversation kept coming back to people like Ted Bundy and the Golden State Killer?!?!?!

And like, I have interest in true crime, but only the mystery part of it. I could not give less of a fuck about Ted Bundy. I’m not curious about his mind or his life at all, or his crimes. Like…. men rape and murder women every day. He’s not DB Cooper, jumping out of an airplane. That guy earned intrigue. Men like Bundy and other serial killers are boring af.

And also, everyone at that party was cool and liberal and like I don’t think they’d randomly start talking about rapists at a party? But just because you don’t use the word, doesn’t mean all those women who were murdered didn’t get raped first. 

[exmellivorinae]

OH MY GOD whyyyy did no one tell me you’re supposed to send thank-yous after interviews?? Why would I do that???

“Thank you for this incredibly stressful 30 minutes that I have had to re-structure my entire day around and which will give me anxiety poos for the next 24 hours.”

I HATE ETIQUETTE IT’S THE MOST IMPOSSIBLE THING FOR ME TO LEARN WITHOUT SOMEONE DIRECTLY TELLING ME THIS SHIT

[a-windsor]

NO ONE TOLD YOU???? WTF! I HAVE FAILED YOU. Also: Dear ______: Thank you so much for the opportunity to sit down with you (&________) to discuss the [insert job position]. I am grateful to be considered for the position. I think I will be a great fit at [company name], especially given my experience in __________. [insert possible reference to something you talked about, something that excited you.] I look forward to hearing from you [and if you are feeling super confident: and working together in the future]. Sincerely, @mellivorinae

[exmellivorinae]

THIS IS A LIFESAVING TEMPLATE

[a-windsor]

YOU ARE WELCOME

[emeraldboreas-deactivated201809]

My brother got a really great paid internship one summer. The guy who hired him said the deciding factor was the professional thank you letter my brother sent after the interview.

[suaimhneas-peace-deactivated202]

should it be an email? or like a physical letter?

[daminwayne]

email, you want to send it within a few hours at max after the interview if you can so it’s fresh in their mind who you are. 

[khirsahle]

Confirmed! I interviewed for a job right after arriving in NY. The interview went incredibly well, and I went home and immediately wrote a thank you letter and put it in the mail. I had a super good feeling about this interview.

I didn’t get the job.

However, a few weeks later, I was called in to interview with another editor in the same company, and I did get that job. I found out later from the initial editor (the one who didn’t hire me) that he had planned to offer me the job, but since I didn’t follow up with a thank you letter, he assumed I didn’t really want it. He offered the job to another contender–but when he got my letter in the mail shortly after the offer had already been made, he went to HR and gave me a glowing recommendation. It was based on that recommendation that I got called in for the second interview.

So: send an email thank you immediately (same day!) after the interview. If you’re feeling extra, go ahead and send a written one too. OR go immediately to a coffee shop, write the letter, and return to the office and give it to the secretary.

Either way, those letters are important.

[neurofancier-deactivated]

Pro tip: If you really want HR to develop a personal interest in your application, publicly thank them on linkedin. Just make a short post telling your network about how X recruiter really went above and beyond to make you feel welcome, or about how be accommodating and professional they were, or whatever. Make sure to use the mention feature so they’ll get a notification and see it. 

Flattery will get you everywhere… and public flattery that might make its way back to their manager, doubly so.

[oaky-dokey]

Obligatory plug for one of FreePrintable.net’s sites: ThankYouLetter.ws. They have a whole section with interview thank you letter templates, and a page with specific tips for interview thank you letters. (There are also tons of other letter templates if you browse around a bit.)

[cricketcat9]

As a former professional recruiter and recruiting manager, I confirm, especially for entry-level positions, where you are competing with oodles of people. This little thing can make a difference. Also the fact that, maybe, you took time to google the “interview etiquette”.

[boogiewoogiebuglegal]

SIGNAL BOOST

[ironswordandstarshield]

The post-interview thank you notes can be a good way to recover in case you got asked a question whose answer you either didn’t know or felt was super weak. So if you follow the above given template, jump in with something like “upon further thought to your question, here’s my revised answer.” 

But yeah always send a thank you note after an interview. It’s a small thing but it makes a hell of a difference. And def send thank you messages to any recruiters who may have helped. And also after you get the job. Small things like that really go a long long way.

[dxmedstudent]

I didn’t, but UK medical interviews are centralised to your deanery rather than by hospital. Also they are rather points based. Otherwise if you’re directly being interviewed by an employer, it sounds like good advice.

[soaskmeaskmeaskme]

Think this is something of a cultural difference between the UK and the US. It’s not expected in the UK, and I think it could run the risk of being viewed as sycophantic or trying to curry favour, distracting from the idea that whoever is most qualified for the job should get the job.

[larkandkatydid]

why do you militantly believe bottle is best? no hate just curious

I think breast feeding requires the person who also gestated the baby to have relatively inflexible biological attachment to the baby, which is pretty neutral, except…

The health/safe benefits of breast feeding are wildly exaggerated and/or conflate recommendations for people living without consistently safe drinking water with recommendations for the general public. 

The negative consequences of breast feeding for the woman doing the breast feeding are wildly downplayed: The clearest example to me is that breast fed babies sleep less well than formula fed babies, and tend to require that the lactating mother always/usually be the one who feeds the baby at night.  Nobody needs to be hassling individual sleep deprived mothers, but as a social issue I think it’s worth noting that “just feed your baby formula’ is utterly taboo in many UMC circles for the sleep deprived mother to even think about.  

While objectively first time moms often just need a little help with latching etc and it’s just a neutral thing: in my experience I’ve not known a single new mother for whom the experience of lactation support wasn’t grueling and awful in some way.  Whether it’s lactation consultants/midwives/doulas who repeatedly handle women’s breasts without any kind of explicit consent (this is an overall problem I have with midwives and doulas in general, that there is a subset who believe that their de-stigmatized approach to the female body means a casual approach to women’s boundaries) or being insulted in some way (that might not have been intentionally, but a woman who just gave birth is vulnerable) and in particular I know at least a handful of educated women whose education was sneered at and referenced (jokingly in almost all cases)  as a reason why they couldn’t just relax and trust their bodies.

Overall, I think the central place that breastfeeding takes on in many white educated families is a huge barrier to gender equality in straight households.  It perpetuates gender divides in child rearing that absolutely in practice play out beyond the simple biological “one of us lactates” division. 

I think it’s not a coincidence that the hardcore social pressure is  put on educated, professional middle class women to breastfeed and I think it’s very much a type of backlash against too much unfeminine ambition and too much unfeminine delegation of childcare to the perfectly capable fathers of the children involved. 

While we say (and should all 100% believe)  that the choice to breast or formula feed is up to the individual mother, there is absolutely a social pressure to be the “right kind” of mother which includes breastfeeding and, as an intentional result, requires a particular kind of super-involved, super-biological-mother-centric way of raising children. 

[soaskmeaskmeaskme]

I’m 9mo pregnant and planning to breastfeed, but this is important to me and a lot of it speaks to what I’ve experienced already. To be honest a big motivation for breastfeeding is less faff (no sterilising bottles in the middle of the night), but we’ll see if that’s worth the burden of labour. I completely agree that the benefits are overstated where you have reliable access to clean water.

[larkandkatydid]

There is a pernicious belief, that manifests itself in dozens of different ways and adapts itself to whatever the environment requires, that women who go against gendered expectations are snobs who think of themselves as better than other women. It can go so far as to insist that a woman who doesn’t meet a particular gendered expectation must be privileged over other women who do and/or that this woman is actively attacking other women.  The specter of Miss Trunchbull slicing off an innocent child’s pigtails looms large in our culture.

It’s important look out for it because it’s insidious and you will be blindsided when it comes for you. You might find yourself emotionally prepared for the snide looks from frat dudes when you don’t shave your legs, or able to brace yourself for everyday fatphobia,  laugh at the caveman who thinks women’s natural faces are ugly. But you might get poorly prepared for, for example, the kind of backlash that Alicia Keys got for going bare-faced: accusing her of flaunting her wealth and natural beauty (only rich women can afford to go without make-up) or of “making a statement” that shames women who do wear make-up.  You may have to deal with the idea that, in fact, you, by violating a gendered norm, are the bad feminist who hates women.

[bricksandmortarandchewinggum]

Thank you for this very hot take. God forbid anyone post a few Queen Elizabeth v. Donald Trump memes on the internet, that would surely be forgotten about within 24 hours, without a disclaimer explaining the historical background of the Windsor family. That’s definitely something worth getting agitated about right now since there’s exactly zero to concern ourselves with otherwise. 

[soaskmeaskmeaskme]

#I love how the left has to constantly re-affirm their opposition to monarchy like yes we get it#we know #we knowwwwwwwwww

[larkandkatydid]

As an Aquarius intj who has to communicate with 1)non-profit staff, 2)people who live in the Bay Area and 3) 22 year old Bernie bros, I’m trying to figure out a genial way to communicate the following concept: “Please just fucking ask me to do the thing you are clearly about to spend 10 minutes of small talk and ~emotional labor~ getting around to asking me to do. I promise I can take it and won’t be offended if this conversation is strictly goal oriented.

[eireneofathens]

the finer things in life; according to Pauline requested by @afinpassing

[one-mississippi-fan]

Magic in the air.

[rominatrix]

Benedict about fan expectations for Radio Times (transcript)

[soaskmeaskmeaskme]

Ok sorry but this made me like blonkidonk cucumber

[soaskmeaskmeaskme]

So some brief thoughts on watching God’s own country for the 3rd time:

Everyone’s posting about this film now, which I love. 

This film really holds up well. Every character trait, piece of dialogue, acting choice is so well thought out. Supporting characters too. I read that the director had a highly specific vision for how everything would be played (I wonder whether that was frustrating for the established actors in the cast). Still, it was so good the third time around and it’s a film which is very dialogue light – maybe that’s a strength – it’s so visual and sensual - so the approach worked.

The character of Johnny Saxby, in particular, is a heartbreaker. Just a brilliant performance from josh o connor and a fully realised character, in terms of his attitude to the farm, to sex, to food, to love, the animals, to family, to his dad, everything. 

There’s one scene where Ian Hart is in the hospital, asleep/unconscious and johnny takes his hand (sob) and then QUICKLY LETS GO when his nan comes into the room. This family does not express emotions well. I think someone, @stagecrush maybe, pointed out that the director never goes too far, he always knows when to hold back and so the final scene between johnny and his dad is just about right in terms of emotional expression.

I thought this the second time I watched it, but I just love how Gheorghe likes to make everything *nice*. Changing the bulb in the caravan, salting the pot noodles. It’s the polar opposite to johnny, and his family. They say ‘getting on w’it’ about a dozen points in this film. Don’t complain, deal with your lot. 

‘It’s someone’s job to wash them sheets’ I love nan and I love that she is given an inner life too.

[edosianorchid-deactivated201906]

I’ve been thinking a lot about radfem tumblr and this weird aversion to any type of kink whatsoever and how even the most innocuous thing is seen as evil and bad.

A mutual once posted something about this character tying another characters skates like “yeah service sub victor!” and she got the most ridiculous ask like “BDSM IS EVIL” or s/t.

And then there was the time someone was like “any woman who says they enjoy anal sex is lying” like what the fuck??? Mind your own asshole.

I’m not saying all kink is above criticism or that sex positive culture isn’t a clusterfuck—but I’m also tired of these, frankly, pearl clutching individuals who think it’s okay to make others feel guilty for having any kind of dirty thought that isn’t about yonic auras or some shit. Like there must be something in the middle of these two extremes.

[fatallyblonde]

there is no heterosexual explanation for this.

[spicyh0tramen]

I just read “Hufflepuff isn’t a house where you can stick people who don’t fit in the other houses”

But the thing is? It literally it is, Helga Hufflepuff said she would take the rest.

She preferred the loyal and hardworking for her house, but felt that everyone should have a chance. Not a Gryffindor, a Slytherin, or a Ravenclaw? Not a loyal, hardworking Hufflepuff either?

Well that’s okay. Helga Hufflepuff founded her house believing anyone should be given a chance at Hogwarts. Those four archetypes aren’t all that matter, and if you don’t fit any of them Hufflepuff will still welcome you. 

Godric/Rowena/Salazar were perfectly happy to say “You don’t fit into our houses, you can’t come to Hogwarts” and it was only Helga who was willing to say “You might not fit my ideals of a student, but you can still be in my house”

Like. I think that’s super cool. I don’t like it when people shoehorn Hufflepuff into being one and the same like the rest of the houses, sure, loyalty, hardworking, kindness.. that’s the priority.. but it’s truly a place for everyone. And that’s where Hufflepuff’s kindness shines the most.

‘I’ll teach the lot And treat them just the same.’

‘Good Hufflepuff, she took the rest and taught them all she knew’

Hufflepuff’s pride as a house comes not only from loyalty, hardworking, toil, and kindness, but from diversity. Something the other founders did not realize the importance of.

[societyofbadgers]

I never really thought about this- but you are 100% right.

[glove23]

@nooowestayandgetcaught

[teamfreewillwins]

I’ve been saying this for years, but too many people take things at face value.

Hufflepuffs can truly be all types of people - a mix of all house traits, or of none! Maybe you fit Helga’s ideals, maybe you didn’t. The point was, and always has been, that everyone deserves to be taught and treated fairly, and that’s exactly what Helga Hufflepuff set out to do!