hey past ayem-- you got it. not only did you get it, but your co-phds have told you how overjoyed your supervisor was that you got the position, because you were so overqualified. you joined in on the fieldwork over the summer, you went to a place you'd dreamed of going to since you were twelve. you had a truly incredible time there. you met some wonderful people, you did some incredible things, and, hey, it turns out, you really know your shit-- you impressed a lot of people out there.
hey ayem of december 2022, i know things suck right now, but, if you hear this somehow, if this message is embedded in whatever spark kept you going-- i just want to let you know that it all works out pretty well. you survive. you do! you survive! less than a year from now you'll struggle to acknowledge that the way you live now didn't happen several years in the past, it will be so distant. you'll be living in a different country, and in the meantime you'll get to return to the desert you so love. you'll have so many wonderful experiences so soon
and ayem of the past, please know you aren't alone. know that at the point you lay on a mattress sobbing and so miserable you couldn't move your body, i from the future was lying across from you, stroking your hair and dabbing your tears. you are never alone, because i from the future am always with you, praising your successes and acknowledging your pain. i love you so much, and i hope you, several months back, felt that love somehow. what else kept you going?
i love you. i know the shit you've gone through and i'm proud of you. you're never alone with any of it. tomorrow i'm going to go into the lab and slice open stalagmites we collected from a cave in mongolia, and tomorrow you'll drag yourself to a job you hate and pray for death, and maybe we, only ten months apart, maybe the veil will thin and we can touch each other. you'll get the strength to carry on, i'll curl up and feel that pain you're not feeling. there is pain, but you don't have to bear it now, that's what i'm here for. that's the one thing i can do for you now. we'll share that pain. we'll share too the joy and freedom i feel now.
above all, congrats to you-- you fucking got it. you're doing this phd! you're really good at it! i'm so proud of you.
all the love in the world,
future you
gummygunk
vaporwave
turnnoffyourmind
andulkaphoto
blakekathryn
izzy806
stormborns
theartofmadeline
