simply vibing @somethingelse-inaflash - Tumblr Blog

quite literally the least important element of shane's relationship with food and i understand that, but macrobiotic diet as a pro athlete is a WILD choice.

low oil/low meat/focus on vegetables and whole grains/no nuts and seeds??

the quantity of food this man has to be consuming to meet his caloric needs has to be WILD. and it's whole grain and veggie focused, so my GOD the chewing. my jaw aches FOR him.

ferrific

My personal theory is that he never actually had a macrobiotic diet. It most definitely would not be Optimal and we know Shane is all about Performance. Plus we see him eat cheeseburgers. I do think he tracks his macros and eats microwaved nutritionist-prepared food for every meal during the season.

However, when socially awkward Shane was confronted with an extrovert extending friendship (Hayden inviting him to dinner) he panicked and thought of the first excuse he could think of without seeming rude: that he followed a macrobiotic diet. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), Hayden did not let this deter him and Jackie had like one hour to learn what a macrobiotic diet was and make something suitable.

His bluff having been called, Shane is forced to endure “rabbit food” every time he goes to the Pike house. Jackie is really proud of her recipes. Shane can never tell.

penandinkprincess

the reason shane takes this fucking MICROSCOPIC bite of food during the dinner scene being because he bluffed his way into this meal he does NOT like and couldn't bluff his way back out is SO fucking funny to me

twirlingfreckles

So if EYE had written The Long Game, the book in which a huge portion of the conflict is centered on/fueled by Ilya’s mental health…

Shane gets these messages from Ilya as he’s leaving the game, but with no other context. Ilya hasn’t landed safely (he will, but he hasn’t yet) and news about the plane hasn’t broken yet. Shane gets these messages with no other context. And Shane’s been kind of vaguely worried about Ilya for a while… he kind of suspects that Ilya’s mental health is worse than he’s letting on, but he also doesn’t know how much he should be pushing the subject, and like obviously he has his own stuff to worry about. But still. That little thought in the back of his mind that maybe Ilya is actually doing a lot worse than Shane realizes… He tries really hard not to think about it, most of the time. But he just finished a game and he sees these messages, and he feels sick. He remembers Ilya saying that his mother is “safe in his heart.” There’s really only one way Shane can interpret those words, and that’s “goodbye.” He calls Ilya, obviously, over and over, but there’s no response.

In a few minutes, JJ will announce to the room that the Centaurs survived a plane crash. But until then, Shane is listening to the same recorded message over and over. “This is Ilya Rozanov. I will never listen to your voicemail.”

draizetrain

i think when u clean your house it should stay clean forever. what do u mean i have to do it again

darlingofdots

okay but Shane takes a hit late in the game and doesn't return so in the post-game presser somebody (they're new, they don't know any better, they will never make this mistake again) asks Ilya "how's Hollander's head" and Ilya experiences every emotion at once as he wrestles with the lingering terror of seeing the love of his life take five seconds too long to get up (he's fine) and also the sheer delight at being offered this perfect, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity on a silver platter

darlingofdots

and with absolutely heroic effort, ilya says something entirely boring and appropriate about concussions, can't be too careful but thankfully nothing to worry about this time, Hollander will be back in time to crush the Pamphlets, yada yada, because he is a good husband and respects Shane's boundaries, and then they're walking to the car to finally go home and Shane is holding an icepack and there are still a couple reporters milling about and some asshole yells "hey Hollander, you sure your head's okay?"

and Shane looks directly into their phone camera and says, "I don’t know, you'll have to ask my husband"

breathbanana

ilya's full 15 second mental struggle at the question becomes a meme. shanes' response breaks into queer circles and baby gays think that he invented that joke.

upset-to-dead

Obsessed with Ilya struggling to straddle Shane for a second bc Shane's first instinct after being pushed onto a bed is to spread his legs

charlielovesbuffy

I fully believe, to the depths of my soul, that if one of the Metros said “I bet Rozanov has a tiny dick”, Shane “maybe he’s sick” “he’s not” Hollander would instantly say “he doesn’t” and then walk into the ocean

lillapillas

Neil hadn’t been kissed in four years

gingerpolyglot

Give me Shane awkwardly trying "queer culture" things that Ilya and Harris try to introduce him to and hating it.

Give me Shane "hates clubbing and bars" Hollander not minding Kingfisher in the afternoon but refusing to go at night. Give me Shane never understanding the slang (he's never online) and being overstimulated by drag brunch (it's so LOUD and nothing fits his diet even once he loosens it a little and brunch as a concept throws off his entire routine) and utterly bored by any TV show that isn't the latest game replay (is this reality TV? Is it a drama? He can't remember and he can't tell the difference but honestly he'd rather be watching hockey) and unable to remember the difference between Lady Gaga and Cher (he never listens to music anyway) and completely disinterested in changing his wardrobe (for fancy events he wears whatever his stylist tells him to but not anything adventurous, because he just wants to look acceptable not make a statement).

Give me Shane feeling alienated from gay culture the way he sometimes feels alienated from Japanese culture and being so frustrated that being himself, exactly as he is, still isn't good enough for anyone.

Give me a Shane Hollander who doesn't want to be "the gay hockey player" the same way he doesn't want to be "the Asian hockey player" but he'll suck it up because he's such an inspiration, don't you know how many kids look up to you? Don't you know how much it matters to them to see you out there loud and proud?

Give me Shane finally snapping at Ilya that clearly he's not "super gay" if he's so bad at it, because he's sick and tired of everyone being disappointed that he's not up on whatever the latest queer culture trend is and he does not want to be a "gay icon," he just wants to play hockey and love his husband, and he's not magically a different person now that everyone knows he's gay.

Give me Ilya reckoning with how coming out has only put more expectations on Shane's shoulders and noticing the roles Shane is always forced into - the Asian player, the gay player - and understanding a bit more why privacy seemed like a better guarantee of freedom to Shane than openness.

Give me Ilya promising Shane that he loves him exactly as he is, jocky and offline and dedicated to hockey, that he never has to change anything about himself to seem more palatable to anyone, and fuck anyone who thinks Shane isn't *anything* enough, because he's always been perfect for Ilya.