I know I don't shut up about this but frankly not enough people are angry about the 5-day/40 hour workweek (and I am AWARE a lot of people work even more than that). I feel like a lot more people should be absolutely furious that we only really have two days a week and some occasional hours in the evening to socialise, run errands, do chores, or relax.
It's no wonder so many people are profoundly lonely and disconnected from their communities when maintaining a social life in what little free time we have is incredibly difficult. If you have kids, a second job, a very long commute, or other responsibilities, it's nearly impossible.
We literally aren't meant to live like this and I'll never stop being shocked how many people just take it as the natural state of things and don't want to throw a brick through a billionaire's window every time they think of it.
Doing this benefits these species tremendously. They can become so rare over such a vast area as people destroy the only plants they can eat, every single one that survives makes a positive difference!
i originally just made it for myself and i've done like 4+ hours replaying shit already just bc i missed stuff BUT YOU DONT HAVE TO DO THAT BC U CAN USE THIS GUIDE
so i found early access guides to romancing astarion and have a google doc where i am verifying and updating as much as i can while i play through the full release! i thought it would be nice to share with everyone, so here is the link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1nRBxc-DVRdX0Rp5oGB8y0yveinKdpUpiJ7lbVv52kD8
if you use it, you can repay me by helping me add and correct and update shit if you like <3 i left comments on so it'll be easy for anyone to make notes
plz note this guide will have spoilers bc it's literally impossible not to but i try to only include the essential stuff
something I think we all know about fanfic, but don’t talk about because it would hurt writers feelings is that some fics are like fast food. I mean this as a compliment. I don’t always want to sit down for a six course meal that will be a flavor experience. Sometimes I just wanna dip some fries in a frosty. Sometimes I want something homecooked and delicious and super niche, but super comforting. Sometimes I want to eat an entire dark chocolate cheesecake in one sitting even though I know Its gonna make me sick. Just. holy crap, y’all. Sometimes I don’t even want fast food, I just want to eat an entire bag of chips. and yeah, I’m ashamed of myself afterwards, but at the time it was exactly what I wanted. So, no, we’re never going to say to our fanfic writers that we consider their writing to be the equivalent of a midnight run to taco bell - and we shouldn’t, feelings would be hurt by that. But writers, please, please, please, remember this. You don’t need to create a six course meal if you don’t want to. You don’t have to make something complex and homemade if you don’t want to. You don’t even have to finish cooking it - because someone will be thrilled that you brought a bowl of cookie dough and a spoon, because they cannot even consider sitting down and having a proper meal right now. It’s okay writers, whatever you decided to make. Someone was happy to have it. You gave them what they needed. You made them happy. You did good.
I don’t know why being fast food would be considered insulting!
A few years ago, I read an essay by a romance writer who openly admitted that her books were trashy, formulaic, and not Great Art. But what she said is that she gets fan letters all the time. From women with six kids whose only time for themselves is reading her books. From women in abusive relationships who read her books to give them hope that loving relationships exist. From women with depression who manage to eke out some pleasure reading her books. From women whose lives are awful and who read her books to give them the strength to live another day.
And– she points out– the writers of Great Art have many virtues, but they do not generally get fan letters from people whose lives are miserable and who seek out comfort and joy from the books. Because most of the time when our lives are awful, we don’t seek out Great Art. We seek out, well, literary fast food. We seek out emotionally manipulative hurt/comfort or fluffy coffeeshop AUs or Mutual Pining where there is Only One Bed.
Be proud of your work! Be proud of making literary fast food. Try to make the best damn literary fast food you can. Because somewhere out there– you might not know who, you might not know when– there might be someone who has just finished their last final, or who got fired from their job, or who is up all night with a newborn, and your fast food fanfic made their lives better. And that is no small thing.
This week, we have Astarion Centric fics! Check under the cut for a whopping seventeen fics all about our favorite vampire spawn, and as always, give them a comment and kudos if you like them!
The stars began to burn by peregrinefeathers (87k, Mature)
Warnings: None
Pairings: Astarion/Gale
An AU where instead of having an orb lodged in his chest Gale got stuck in a book. Then when a vampire spawn opened that book he got stuck in that vampire spawn's head. This is the best thing that has ever happened to Astarion; within 15 minutes he's running out of the Szarr palace into the sunlight. Then adventures begin!
Reccer says: a slow burn, like bloodweave is obvious endgame but it takes a while to get there, and Astarion is written /so/ well
Friends don't let friends get hurt and/or pressured into doing things they don't want to do
Reccer says: Just an incredibly sweet depiction of people recognizing Astarion's boundaries and helping to enforce them, whether he's expecting them to or not. I love it
Hydnellum Peckii by OctolingO (4403, General)
Warnings: talks of Astarion's past but no gruesome details
Pairings: none
Astarion is doing a great job hiding what he is from the party, until they reach the Underdark and he has nothing to feed on.
Reccer says: this is so angsty! i loved Gale being too curious for his own good and trying to help and be supportive, and all of Astarion's fears of getting kicked out or killed, bc nobody could ever be in his corner, and having anyone in a position of power apologizing *to him* like that's so foreign - this gave me so many feels!
caught between the dark and the dreaming by Raayide (18925, Teen)
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Pairings: Astarion & Friends
Marcus wants answers, and no one is going to give them to him, unless he forces them to. Astarion is the unlucky target forced to drink a truth serum.
Reccer says: Absolutely delicious whump and found family comfort afterwards
of death potential and death absolute by Raayide (39119, Teen)
Warnings: Derealization
Pairings: Astarion & Gale, pre-relationship
Astarion is never quite sure, until the moment Cazador lies dead before him, whether this entire adventure is anything more than an extremely vivid hallucination.
Reccer says: this story takes Astarion and twists him up into a little heartbreaking ball of a premise that makes him think everything is just a dream, and how desperate he is to stay in the dream rather than waking up. it retells most of the game with a tight focus and some lovely lovely characters scenes, everyone gets a moment in the spotlight!
Those left behind by Gally (73949, Mature)
Warnings: None
Pairings: Past Astarion/Karlach
What's Astarion to do after the Absolute is destroyed and the love of his life is now dead?
Reccer says: Lots of funny. Lots of sad. Lots of excellent characterization and slow but steady healing
All it Cost Me by HydieMurderBabe (38529, Explicit)
Warnings: Ite explicit, very raunchy and Durge elements of rougher kinds
Pairings: Durge X Astarion
Two traumatized nubbins heal from their pasts. Lots of sex and violence ensues.
Reccer says: Its funny, its raunchy, its detailed and most of all I feel like Im invested in the pairing
Collision Course by VakarianSyndrome (123444, Explicit)
Warnings: No warnings. Tropes: Modern Girl in Baldur's Gate, found family
Pairings: Astarion/F!OC
Set in Baldur’s Gate, this series follows Adelaide, a human woman from Earth, and her somewhat clumsy attempts at navigating this new and fantastical realm. In the process, she falls for Astarion, the pale elf, vampire spawn with level 100 rizz.
Reccer says: It starts out really funny, but then gradually gets serious where needed. The buildup between Astarion and the OC is spicy and sweet, and the smut delivers! And it's completed!
No Good End in View by not_whelmed_yet (60,797, ongoing, Mature)
Warnings: Character death (temporary), torture
Pairings: Astarion/Wyll/Karlach
Astarion doesn't get time to be terrified of the party, because Wyll cuts off what he sees as a feral vampire spawn's head long before he can try to seduce them. The only problem is that this doesn't kill him. And it continues to not kill him.
Reccer says: this is an achingly beautiful exploration of a team that gets off not so much on the wrong foot but on a freefall - each doing horrible things to each other in ways that all read perfectly understandable from their point of views, but have wretched lasting consequences. the author writes them so in character that I want to throttle them and fall in love all over again
What Could Have Been by Bella1433 (70000, Explicit)
Warnings: There is mention of past sexual trauma, its Explicit, and goes into dark territory but not dead dove.
Pairings: Named Tav X Astarion
Astarion's transformation into a vampire lord and Sima's fight to reclaim their lost love thrust them into a perilous dance of power, obsession, and redemption.
Reccer says: Its dark, rich, has a different tone and some of the most immersive writing I've read
the ghost of elturel by Raayide (4452, General)
Warnings: None
Pairings: Astarion and Zevlor
Astarion and Zevlor meet, talk, hate each other, and hate themselves. There is nothing particularly of note about any of it.
Reccer says: Recognition of self in the other tied with some amazing introspection and metaphor
Circus of the dead by Ineadhyn (5995, Explicit)
Warnings: Rape/Non-con, graphic violence, self-harm
Pairings:
A dark horror circus AU with Astarion, Cazador, and his other spawns.
Reccer says: This is so beautiful, tragic, gripping, and I'm utterly obsessed with everything about it.
No Good Deeds by Garnett Gibson (39715, Explicit)
Warnings: None
Pairings: Astarion/Tav
A young woman trying to be a good person gets corrupted by Astarion as they navigate the tadpole issue.
Reccer says: Delicious slow burn and creative deviations from canon.
The Lord and his new ways by FartasticDurge (26459, Explicit)
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Coercion, Manipulation, Abusive Relationships, Dissociation
Pairings: Astarion/Tav
Ascended Astarion and Spawn Tav's post-game turbulent relationship from Tav's POV.
Reccer says: She struggles between doing what she thinks is right and obeying him, and seeing her process is interesting. In the latest chapter, they go to therapy, a unique twist for Ascended Astarion.
In Time by FartasticDurge (16927, Explicit)
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Pairings: Astarion/Tav, Astarion & Gale
Post-canon fic where Astarion is looking for a Tav who died and reincarnated into another person. Gale helps him find her, but things take an unexpected turn when they find her.
Reccer says: Astarion POV, a lot of D&D lore, the friendship between Gale and Astarion is interesting and supportive. Tav and Astarion's roles are reversed; he is being nice and she is suspicious of him, which is a nice twist with funny moments.
How Far You've Come by Garnett Gibson (5481, Explicit)
Warnings: None
Pairings: Astarion/Tav
Astarion's obedient consort has come a long way, but sometimes she still steps out of line.
Reccer says: I liked it!
If Only For One Night by Terrormisu (682, Teen)
Warnings: None
Pairings: Astarion/Tav
With their party always busy, Astarion finds himself longing for his little love.
Reccer says: It's a short sweet one shot that made me feel all warm and squishy inside. Hehe. But even the implied intimacy was steamy.
The above fanfic recommendations were pulled from our community for this weekly event. Have any questions about what this is? Check out the FAQ!
Next week, we’ll be back with another character rec list, this time focusing on Family!
For the Attention of by HardingHightown (2282, General)
Content Notes: None
Pairings: Gale/Mystra, Gale & Mystra
Gale writes two letters to Mystra, one before the game, and one just after defeating the Netherbrain.
Reccer says: An excellent character study of Gale, and a refreshingly nuanced take on his relationship with Mystra.
Learning Curve by AccursedSpatula (149742, Explicit)
Content Notes: Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Past Abuse (Verbal and Physical)
Pairings: Gale/Rolan
Gale invites Rolan to assist with teaching at Blackstaff for a semester.
Reccer says: So incredibly well written with very strong emotional beats
Weave Me The Sunshine by ACrowsRockCollection (110026, Explicit)
Content Notes: None
Pairings: Gale/Jaheira
After joining forces in camp cooking duties, Jaheira and Gale's relationship transforms into something else. As they reckon with the Absolute, the stew pot, and their histories, Jaheira is forced to ask herself if she could find herself caring for a *Wizard*?
Reccer says: The one, the only, friends-to-lovers longfic celebrating our cranky High Harper and the wizard from Waterdeep.
A Heart As Cold As Ice by Defira (207094, Explicit)
Content Notes: Graphic Depictions of Violence (canon-typical violence)
Pairings: Gale/Tav
The story of a drow warlock, Ryme'dra Ulutar, trying to escape from centuries of being wielded as a weapon, and Gale Dekarios. The fic alternates between Rhyme's past and Gale's present (during the events of the game).
Reccer says: This story features incredible worldbuilding and character development intertwined with a powerful, heartwrenching, entertaining romance. Rhyme is such a nuanced and engaging character, and the author absolutely nails Gale's voice.
Four of Swords by positivejam (3676, Explicit)
Content Notes: Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings, Dubious Consent
Pairings: Astarion/Gale, Gale/Shadowheart, Gale/Minthara
It’s Shadowheart that helps him dredge the Chionthar. It’s Minthara who pulls the crown from the deepwater muck. And it’s Astarion who places it upon his head. Another gift. No. A reward.
Reccer says: [pats fic] This one lives rent free in my head. Gale corruption arc! Subby, power-hungry Gale trying to rationalize bad choices! Ritual sex! It's really good, I promise.
A beast in the belly by librarypirate (730, Teen)
Content Notes: Graphic Depictions of Violence
Pairings:
Arcane hunger and intrusive thoughts, pragmatic and almost tempting.
Reccer says: Short and to the point, this depicts Gale's arcane hunger in a much more violent, primally evocative way than I tend to see in other works, and I've thought about it a lot since first reading this one.
Unintentional Surveillance by darkheartedrose (14821, Explicit)
Content Notes: None
Pairings: Gale/The Dark Urge
Gale hadn’t taken the tadpole into consideration when he’d started fantasizing earlier. Should have thought about the possibility that the parasite in his head may interpret his yearning in such a way that could cause it to resonate with Rhune’s.But he hadn’t. So now this was happening.
Reccer says: Quite literally sexting by tadpole, in the funniest (and smuttiest) use of that trope I've seen yet.
Both Sides Now by spacesunderstairs (5158, Explicit)
Content Notes: Major Character Death
Pairings: Gale/Minthara
Gale finds himself caught between two worlds and two names: the plain Gale Dekarios, or the wizard prodigy, Gale of Waterdeep. When he’s captured by a mysterious drow woman, he sees two futures: humility, or power– and the potential pleasures each path may provide.
Reccer says: A really excellent, compelling character study with plenty of spice and an extremely bittersweet ending.
To Life by vatisvera (2178, Teen)
Content Notes: None
Pairings: Gale & Jaheira
Wherein Jaheira tries to knock some sense into one of her newer “cubs”.
Reccer says: Beautifully poignant, well-written, made me cry (but in a good way!)
orphan hours by vertigo_cycle (4705, Teen)
Content Notes: Gale-typical suicidal ideation
Pairings: Gale & Astarion
Gale has a terrible time in the Shadowcursed Lands. Astarion attempts an intervention.
Reccer says: Really atmospheric, angsty, silly, and sweet all at once.
Suffer The Sting by ACrowsRockCollection (2001, Teen)
Content Notes: N/A
Pairings: Gale/Wyll
Bladesinger Gale spars with Wyll homoerotically.
Reccer says: THE TENSION. Extremely horny for a fic where nothing outright sexual is happening, with a dash of that signature Gale pining.
Here are 10 fics that are a bit different from standard fare! Uncommon viewpoints bringing you more peeks into the world of Baldur's Gate!
Surround Sound by magmethius (68430, Mature)
Content Notes: M (but only for one chapter), hurt/comfort
Pairings: The Emperor/Tav
Moss (Tav) is getting adjusted in their new life as a mindflayer. The emperor helps them, absolute sweetness ensues!
Reccer says: It's generally such a sweet and fluffy story and it's what made me view Empy in a whole different light.
Eat your eyes, your visions, your goals, your hunger. (Drink your blood, your breadth, your mettle.) by martyrologics (4651, Mature)
Content Notes: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Pairings: The Elder Brain/The Dark Urge
The crowning of the Netherbrain. In the author's words: Bind me, thwart me, fell me. Or else I'll make you a god.
Reccer says: POV the Elder Brain. Yes, I said it, and it's incredible
I Do So Like Them Obedient by madeoflightning (18582, Explicit)
Content Notes: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Pairings: Enver Gortash/The Dark Urge
As the final stages of the plan to enslave an Elder Brain loom ever closer, the boundaries of your alliance with the Banite start to blur beyond recognition. The Heist Fic.
Reccer says: It's second POV but it's a fully-formed character, conflicted, worried, cautious, afraid--although she'd never admit it. A masterpiece of pre-BG3 Durgetash with both of the characters pushing and pulling at each other, culminating in a twist you should really have seen coming. And by You, I mean... this character.
36 Days Before it All Went Wrong by Chaus_Cobolorum (37830, Explicit)
Content Notes: Astarion's past abuse, canon-typical violence and gore, vampire-related blood kinks, dubcon, explicit sex
Pairings: Astarion/Tav
2nd person where the reader is Astarion, canon-divergent retelling of the main story. Story is WIP but tagged to include major character deaths and a sad ending.
Reccer says: Interesting exploration of Astarion's thoughts and motivations. Shadowheart is really leaning into her evil side, and that is creating an interesting dynamic between the two.
Fleeting Dreams by LottaVilja (41992, Explicit)
Content Notes: dead dove, the fic contains themes of mental health and suicidal thoughts as well as other struggles such as depression
Pairings: Astarion/Tav, Astarion/Reader
A unique premise of where Tav is reverse-isekai'd away to our world and shares her body with a poor soul who didn't ask for any of this.
Reccer says: I love the whole premise about it as it's so unique and I'm constantly at the edge of my seat wanting to know how it continues!
Head Games by GinaTeeth (32439, Explicit)
Content Notes: Explicit sexual content, graphic depictions of violence, non-con/rape*. *while depicted, the rape is not sexualized.
Pairings: Astarion/Tav
You've become distracted. Two nights ago you allowed Astarion to drink your blood after he came to you in desperation. Now, you've taken to re-living that moment, embellished with your carnal appetite, hoping this time your obsession will ease from a rushing river to a controllable trickle.
Reccer says: I liked it
Broken Mirrors by ShandoraTheExplorer (38558, Explicit)
Content Notes: It's dead dove, dealing with a lot of Cazador's cruelty and the aftermath for Tav as well as Gale's struggles with the orb. The tags are no joke.
Pairings: Astarion/Tav, Gale/Halsin
An AU where Tav is Cazador's spawn and Astarion is mortal. The fic handles the game events.
Reccer says: The character insight you get from the 1st person POV and the premise itself is so unique!
A Pleasurable Deal by GinaTeeth (35000, Explicit)
Content Notes: Explicitly sexual, kink-heavy, lots of graphic depictions of sex and body fluids
Pairings: Astarion/Tav, Astarion/Tav/OC, Astarion/Tav/Gale/OC
Non-ascended vampire lord Astarion suggests a spit roasting of his consort with the palace’s newest footman, who bears a striking resemblance to him. Lots of tease, ethical non-monogamy and eventual Bloodweave with vampire spawn Gale!
Reccer says: I liked it
Otter Creek by mellybaggins (1156, General)
Content Notes: Frightening imagery, possible mind control
Pairings: no pairing
The shadow curse, from the point of view of a shadow cursed child living in Reithwin.
Reccer says: It's unique. I've never seen another fic from this perspective.
A Hero's Rest by dramatic_chipmunk (1525, General)
Content Notes: None
Pairings: Scratch & Wyll; Scratch & Astarion
"Tomorrow will catch you!" "Tomorrow you'll trip over your own paws again, just like today." The eternal struggle between dog and cat reaches new heights of drama in this tale of pursuit, pride, and the occasional existential crisis about losing sticks to sparrows. Some fights are worth having. Some dreams are worth chasing.
Reccer says: A delightful short read going into the mind of the best boy of Baldur's Gate. The author chose to use an unusual broken syntax that perfectly mimics the adrenaline a dog feels when chasing prey.
*pre act 1, somewhere in the outerplanes or whatever*
gods: what the hells are the dead 3 doing now?? what is that?? a netherbrain?? ugh right then, what are we gonna do about it
shar: i have a plan SO EVIL AND PERFECT and a chosen locked and loaded she's already on her way to retrieve that stupid githyanki prince and then im going to fucking destroy that asshole ketheric
mystra: bitch please the only one around here with a shiny red fix it button is me. when i tell you my former chosen is obsessed with me. no way will he deny me, all i gotta do is ask and he'll detonate the problem in one go. ace in the hole.
Jergal [a big fan of the avengers]: i have a plan to bring together a group of of remarkable people to see if they could become something more. To see if they could work together when we need them to, to fight the battles that we never could.
gods: ugh shut the hell up jergal this is basically your fault
Jergal: im stealing all your feral chosen and you can't stop me
silvanus: would you like a bear in this trying time?
An aquarium in Japan was closed for renovations, and their resident sunfish got depressed not seeing visitors. So the staff put some uniforms with printed faces against the tank, and it immediately recovered.
2087
baratheonpilled
gummygunk
janainaart
titsay
turnnoffyourmind
origamiaround
yousharknotpass
