Fill With Fire. Exhale Desire.

31.

[spacecadet49]

I remember...

I remember everytime I've been called fat or something has been said about my weight.

I remember everytime I was told I wasn't good enough.

I remember every time you told me I was a disappointment.

I remember getting made fun of for the clothes I wear.

I remember every little bad thing that has ever happened.

I remember.

I fucking remember every little bit of it.

29 fucking years worth of shit.

And when I can't sleep it plays in my brain on a fucking loop and I lay in bed and just cry til I pass out.

Sometimes I wish I was unalive.

[spacecadet49]

From now on if you want to message me how about you pay me first.

Real annoyed with people on here.

Cashapp: $SpaceCadet49

[spacecadet49]

Would anyone like to donate to my moving fund so my daughter and I have a safe place to live??

Cash app: SpaceCadet49

I'm only short a little. Any help would be appreciated!

[spacecadet49]

This pregnancy and being in Louisville is really getting to me. I feel so fucking alone. I hate inviting people over, or attempting to get out of the house or anything because it always ends the same, me alone in my room. I hate messaging anyone first at this point cause I just feel like I'm bothering everyone. I feel like I'm annoying because I complain about the same ol shit all the time because it's literally always the same shit different day. I wish I had atleast 1 day off with my husband so maybe we could, I don't know actually feel married and go out on a date. I also wish I was closer to my family because i just want my mom, dad and sister, I hate that I cant just drive there when I feel like this. I don't feel very pretty anymore, nothing fits and it all looks stupid af. I just wish things were a little different right now. I just want a break, I wanna be able to take it easy, but I literally can't. I'm just stuck in my head and I wanted to vent it out because I can't afford a therapist.

[spacecadet49]

I just need a strictly platonic sugar daddy. Ya girl just wants Lush and basic necessities.

[spacecadet49]

At what point is it acceptable to just lie down and accept defeat?

I am done fighting and trying to prove myself.

I just want everything to end.

[spacecadet49]

Update.

I'm 21 weeks.

19 weeks to go.

[spacecadet49]

My baby crossed over the rainbow bridge on the first day of fall. I will miss my sweet baby Indigo. I am currently trying to raise money to pay off the vet and to get her ashes.

https://www.facebook.com/donate/2914348408593052/?fundraiser_source=external_url

Please share. Any help counts.

[spacecadet49]

💜 It's a Girl 💜

[spacecadet49]

Today has just been a roller coaster of emotions. If you personally know me, you may know I've had infertility problems. I am diagnosed with PCOS and endometriosis, things that make it super difficult to have a baby. I did testing a few months ago and found out my body wasn't producing certain hormones, so I was put on Clomid to help me ovulate and try to get pregnant. Months of this treatment passed and nothing happened so my doctor stopped the treatment and told me something I never wanted to hear which was I possibly may not be able to have children. So Brody and I talked about things and came to terms and we were going to see an infertility specialist at the end of the year to get a second opinion and try again. July 4, 2019 I got the surprise of my life. I thought my period was late per usual, a typical thing for me. I've used countless pregnancy tests and they have been negative the past 9 years for me. I took one for shits and giggles knowing for sure it would be negative. WRONG. SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA! I got a positive. I was so shook I think I took an additional 6 tests to make sure I wasn't being punked. Brody and I at that point are completely shook and shocked. Today I went to my first appointment, and I heard a sound that I never in a million years thought I would hear. A baby's heartbeat, OUR baby's heartbeart. I've been crying about it almost all day. Super happy tears of course. Brody and I are having a baby. I'm exactly 9 weeks today and I have a due date of March 6, 2020. Brody and I are so fucking happy and excited. I can't wait.

[tackled]

[666slf]

[spacecadet49]

I have this awesome basket so it doesnt have to be weird or awkward if you have a period at my house. Everything you may possibly need for any type of flow is at your finger tips.

I love my friends that have periods, even tho almost no one ever comes to my place, but just in case ya know.

[illinicoise]

“But if you forget to reblog Madame Zeroni, you and your family will be cursed for always and eternity.”

[spn-fandom-breathing-heavily]

not even risking that shit

[codyslipring-deactivated2015060]

scrolled past this, re-evaluated my life, then SCROOOLLLED back up and hit the damn reblog button. 

[isamaegreenleaf]

Last comment same thing. Sorry to the next person who sees this. I just can’t risk it. I have things I need to do before my life becomes hell. Lol

[nnfirnid]

man i fucking hate yall who tf put this up knowing damn well we all gonna reblog it im heated im really sick af bout this 

[modelinterrupted]

I don’t play that shit lol sorry

[latenightsugar]

WHyyyy

[badgyal-k-deactivated20190901]

Sorry everyone

[just-jay25]

If only if only the woodpecker sighs the bark on the tree was as soft as the sky why the wolf waits below hungry and lonely he cries to the moon if only if only

[kixgbear]

Shiddd

[angiebkxo-deactivated20180626]

this post followed me to Facebook and im sooo annoyed!

[manynamedshe]

It’s been a MINUTE since I’ve seen Madame Zeroni, fr fr

[glamhoeour-deactivated20251207]

I HATE TUMBLR FKKKK SAKES

LMAOOOO

[venusians]

Not tryna fuck up any of my planetary Returns~

[andro-djinni-of-the-lamp]

I reblogged this yesterday but idc, I ain’t playing games with Madame Zeroni or Mama Kitt

[chocolatefantasy13-deactivated2]

😂😂

[honeybeeluck-deactivated2018101]

Madame Zeroni ain’t for play play

[imjustjason]

Fuck it, hope she bless me

[30thchamber-deactivated20190424]

But what if a nigga don’t reblog this and they great great great grand kid finds a treasure chest?🤔

[writefroot-deactivated20181124]

What year did this start? I’m always feels my like I have to reboot this

[groovychick-s]

not risking shitttt

[littlescorpion6]

The fuck, guys? I don’t even know who she is bur damn I’ve been cursed before so I ain’t risking

[happydaysandersen]

The fuck you mean you don’t know who she is?!

[siriuslycollins-blog]

she gets re-blogged on my dashboard at least once a week?

[royallyprincesslilly]

I live in fear of this post.

[esoteric-law89-deactivated20241]

Not tonight dammit!

[spacecadet49]

Yep.

Can't even do the one thing my body is made to do.

I wish people would stop asking me if im ever having kids.

Fuck right off, Susan.

[spacecadet49]

You're very beautiful 💚

Thank you!

[geneva-pnw]

Reblog if you dont shave your legs everyday.

I just want everyone to see how unrealistic some expectations are.