an outsider’s guide to the Vulcan Marriage Ceremony
So you've been invited to a Vulcan wedding. Despite what is commonly thought, Vulcans are very passionate people. Like most unions, a Vulcan wedding is an occasion of great emotion. Unlike most weddings, this strong emotion is very rarely the classic sweet and romantic love.
At its most civilized, a Vulcan wedding is the completion of a contract: the arranged marriage a couple was chosen for in childhood. At their most primal, a Vulcan wedding is brutal and even deadly.
If you have the opportunity to attend, you're witnessing their most sacred ceremony; Nearly unchanged for tens of thousands of years.
Vulcans do not typically rent out venues for their marriages but rather have dedicated locations for special ceremonies (such as this one).
These are usually owned by a clan or even one specific family line. This venue may even be in a home yard.
In the inner circle there will be a raised platform. On this is the gong, held up by a stand.
Several paces in front will be the fire pit. This will be lit and blazing before the ceremony even starts. Some weddings simply have a bowl of coals and some have special superheated rocks that spit plumes of smoke. Other decorations are sparse and include the typical arrangement of torches and hanging items.
The man that is getting married. Traditionally, he will often be the first or among the first to arrive. If he is late, the others will wait for him to arrive; the wedding cannot officially start without him. He will be dressed in his nicest robes or suit. Often these will be decorated with clan colors, mating colors, traditional calligraphy, and/or clan iconography.
The woman that is getting married. Vulcan women prefer to wear dresses custom tailored for their wedding. She wants to look her most attractive for her prospective mate. She is not limited to white or silver and can choose any color that suits her best, but likely she will want to wear traditional mating colors, clan colors and/or clan iconography.
An esteemed elder that leads the proceedings. This is often a clan matriarch but it doesn't have to be. Regardless, they must be licensed and extremely well versed in the traditions. If the officiator is someone very important they may choose to enter in style carried by servants on a litter. They will also carry with them a ceremonial staff.
BRIDESMAIDS AND GROOMSMEN
Both bride and groom are permitted a small selection of companions for emotional and moral support. If their robes are long or the bride has a train, their crew must ensure the fabric is unintrusive. If the bride chooses to challenge, her champion may be among this retinue. This cohort will also be dressed nicely. It is not required they be in uniform but traditionally their garb and colors complement the party member to whom they are associated.
This individuals presence ensures to enforce order. They are directed by the officiator. When an attendee present displays an act of cowardice, they will use a shirpa (type of ceremonial axe) to cut off their head. For the most part this is not necessary and simply holding the shirpa threateningly close is enough. They will also prevent members from interfering with the rituals excepting those that the officiator approves.
These two individuals carry the marriage bells which will tring lightly throughout the ceremony. Displaying the Vulcan flair for dramatics, the handlers purpose is to shake the bells at the right times. This serves as an indicator that the ceremony is progressing to the next step of the process.
These two individuals’ purpose is to carry the weapons (2 lirpas and 2 ahn'woons) for the challenge. Their presence is required even if it is not expected that the bride will challenge.
Other family members, associates and community invited to attend and bear witness. If you are a guest yourself, you have no role besides standing among the other guests and observing unintrusively. You should be neatly groomed and appropriately well-dressed. If the groom is expected to be in pon farr during the wedding, no one is permitted to attend besides the marriage party.
NOTE❕: Some are under the mistaken impression that Vulcan couples can only get married in the midst of pon farr. This is not true. They can get married whenever they feel they're ready. However there are a few reasons why they might choose to combine the two events. A. In many clans, both are significant life milestones so it makes logical sense to combine them. B. Some individuals may view it as a natural progression of events; The fever comes with a sudden magnified desire to be as close as possible to the other person, otherwise hastening the timeline.
Before the groom even arrives, the marriage party must be prepared and on their way. Any guests will usually arrive early as well, adhering strictly to the time they were invited.
When the groom arrives he must strike the gong, continuing in several minute intervals until everyone required is present. This not only signifies the start of the event but also is used to summon the bride to the arena.
They enter the premises in this order: Bell Handlers leading, The Officiant and their servants (if applicable), The Bride and her crew, The Executioner, and lastly the Weapon Bearers. They will take their places around the outer rim of the arena.
Once all party members are accounted for, the groom must greet the officiant and bow before them. They will engage in a meld and appraise his mental state.
Once the officiant is satisfied the groom is ready, they will shout "kal-if-farr" and the ceremony has officially begun. The bell handlers will follow the groom to the gong and take their places in front of the platform, facing each other.
The groom will bang the gong again to summon the bride to the inner circle. This is where she has to make her choice. If she chooses challenge she must prevent him from banging the gong and announce the "kal-if-fee". If she chooses marriage, she allows him to bang the gong. Both bride and groom kneel on the platform opposite from each other and meet fingers in the ozh'esta. The officiator begins their speech.
-> "What we are about to witness comes down from the time of the beginning, without change. This is the Vulcan heart. This is the Vulcan soul. This is our way. Kal-if-farr."
After the officiator is done with their speech, they meld with the bride and groom to complete the bond and tie them together. The bride and groom stand up, still touching and the officiator announces they are united.
-> "[Name], [Name], Thee hast pledged thyselves to each other in the Koon-ut-kal-if-fee. May thee live long and prosper together."
The newlyweds leave the premises together. If the male is in pon farr, they will go to a secluded prepared location (ancient caves, re-dator, or a clan house). If he is not, they will go home to immediately begin their year-long Vulcan-style honeymoon. They may stop to greet their guests at this time before they leave but most do not.
The wedding party will leave in the order in which they arrived and any guests will leave soon after. The person hosting (usually a parent or grandparent) may choose to offer the guests tea and marriage treats (like Tufeen Hushani cake) for a short while before they leave. Hosting a big reception ceremony is disapproved of due to its associations with the illogically flamboyant post-wedding receptions in vulcans pre-reformation days.
If the bride prevents the groom from banging the gong and chooses kal-if-fee, she invokes the ancient ritual as described in the following process.
The officiant asks the bride if she's prepared to become property of the victor. It is unknown what would happen to her if she says no; however in the ancient past, she could potentially be executed for issuing the challenge and then changing her mind.
-> NOTE❕: Outsiders often become alarmed at the use of the word property here. viewing it as equivalent of classical slavery. It is true that the custom is antiquated and harkens to Vulcan's dark past where a wife had few rights. This has been softened in modern times. However it still remains for many reasons. Here are a few primary ones: A. to dissuade a wife from divorcing her husband on a whim, leaving him mateless thus risking his life. B. To provide a husband with the legal right to enact revenge on rival suitors (within acceptable reason) without the fear of significant legal consequences. C. To formalize the battle between two or more Vulcan males intention to claim an unmarried female. Additionally, The Vulcan legal definition of property as applied to mates can also be used by Vulcans to bypass laws of other federation worlds that would normally restrict spouses’ rights in certain situations.
The officiant then asks the groom if he accepts the challenge "according to [our] laws and customs". If he is deep in the plak tow and cannot respond verbally, a simple short nod will do. Although it is likely that his lack of refusal speaks for itself.
The officiant tells the bride to choose her champion. She does so with the ritual words: "As it was in the dawn of our days, as it is today, as it will be for all tomorrows, I make my choice. This one. " She approaches him to make it clear to all whom she has chosen. Then she leaves the arena and takes her place to the side as an observer.
The officiant goes to the gong, bangs it, and announces the challenge has begun. At that, the weapon bearers tie a ceremonial sash around the groom’s waist.
The bell handlers began orbiting the inner circle in opposite directions, shaking their bells as they go. It is currently unknown what purpose this ritual serves, but it seems to somehow prepare the groom for the ensuing fight.
After the officiant announces the conclusion of the bell ritual, the champion must approach the inner circle and decide whether to accept. If he does not, he may be executed due to cowardice.
The officiant introduces the fight by saying: "Here begins the act of combat for possession of the woman, [Her name]. As it was at the time of the beginning, so it is now. Bring forth the lirpa." Then the weapon bearers approach with the two lirpas. They kneel to the floor and present them to the two combatants. The officiant says "If both survive the lirpa, combat will continue with the ahn'woon." The officiant then leaves the arena.
The fighting proceeds until either one combatant is killed or the officiant yells "kroykah" and stops the fight.
If both are still alive, the officiator announces the ahn'woon. The weapon bearers bring both weapons to the combatants. They carry away the lirpas as they return to their place, making sure to collect all pieces if either are broken.
The fighting continues until one of the combatants is killed. The officiant then yells "Kroykah" again to stop the aggression from going further. This concludes the ritual and awards the victor their win and spoils. The weapon bearers collect the ahn'woons and the ritual sash.
The victor may then decide what to do with their newly acquired spouse. If the victor is the groom and still in pon farr, they may resume with the marriage as normal. Or he may choose to refuse her for daring to make the challenge.
If the victor is her champion, they can proceed with the marriage as if it was their own. Or, he may also reject her if he was chosen against his wishes.
The marriage party leaves as normal.
I hope this guide was educational and adequately prepared you for your participation in the vulcan marriage ceremony. Remember to follow all the rules, don't speak out of turn, and you will likely live to tell the tale.
