Howdy @spiiral-system - Tumblr Blog

having unwashed hair will have you believing shit like i can’t be saved

sex is a distraction from your true purpose in life which is to go to the aquarium and look at the fish and go "wooooooaaah.... fishies". cmon guys we all need to lock in.

heavensenthousepet

you learn something new everyday. unless you're a historian. then you learn something old

thedreadpiratecam

microdosing hell by being awake and literate

ang3l1nthesn0w

…I know this isn’t canonically accurate to the actual book but shhhh I had to compromise

baleful-meat-worm

apologies to anyone who followed me for tma. cow studies :) ❤️

loveridden1999

raccoonmilf

Tell people about the critically endangered pygmy raccoon (Procyon pygmaeus) that is found only on the island of Cozumel, Mexico.

It is fun and free to do so. To tell people about the pygmy raccoon. There are less than 120 left in the world. They are a completely separate species from the raccoons found elsewhere.

You should tell people this so they will know (because right now the do not know.) It is fun andfree

meanbuddhist

just identified a behavioral pattern within myself

thevampirecrow

fellatio sounds like a supporting shakespeare character rather than oral sex on a penis to be honest

draconym

The eye doctor is the most fun doctor you can go to. They never steal your blood. They never make you get naked and put on a paper dress. They're just like, "Can you see these letters? It's fine if you can't, we can fix that." And they don't even spell anything.

draconym

bumblebeebats

Why is it that every time I google something like "Are olives poisonous to cats" the top results are always like "Fun fact: Cats are carnivores! This means that they eat meat. There is no reason to include olives in a cat's diet. You should feed your cat cat food, which is dry or wet food especially designed for cats. You can purchase this at a store." like is there a single person alive on the planet who's googled "Are blueberry muffins safe for cats" because they're planning on switching their cat to a muffin-only diet??? No, I'm asking because the little bastard somehow popped open the packet while I was putting away the groceries and dragged one under the couch before I could react and now I need to know if I should call the after-hours vet. "Cats should not eat spaghetti." NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!!!! "Try to keep human food away from cats." i live in a studio apartment with a completely silent and permanently hungry apex predator who has the intelligence of a toddler and the desperate Machiavellian cunning of a creature who spent his formative months on the streets. He can already open doors and he is this 👌 close to learning how to open the microwave. He is stronger than me and covered in knives. So im gonna do my best but for the moment i just need you to tell me whether this yoghurt is going to kill my son y/n

dragon-in-a-fez

does the body ALWAYS have to keep the score? maybe we could just have a friendly game this time. maybe we can just have fun without putting numbers on it

eradacted

It may not be that deep, but I have a shovel and I will make it as deep as I want.

pjharvey

i'm reading the genius of birds by jennifer ackerman (amazing book) and today i learned that the first ever documented case of a bird making a tool to use as a weapon against another bird was a steller's jay breaking off and sharpening a stick to wield like a lance at a crow that was taking too long at a feeding station the jay also wanted to eat at. the jay tried to stab at the crow but narrowly missed, the crow lunged back, the jay dropped the stick, and the crow picked it up with the sharp end pointing towards the jay and pursued it into the trees

pjharvey

imagine the guy in front of you at mcdonald's is taking too long to order and so you fashion a blade on the spot and hold him at knifepoint. and then he steals your knife and points it back at you while chasing you out of the restaurant. and also the guy is twice your size