She Is Messy, But She’s Kind

Yes, I do cry over spilled milk

[spilledsecretsofmyheart]

Secret

“Will you make it worth my while?” That’s what you said to me jokingly.

Little do you know how quickly my smile dropped,

how fast mercury filled my veins.

Little do you know that I have heard that phrase more than I would like to admit and coming from Him it was never a joke.

I have a secret

I’m not the innocent girl of your dreams

My heart is pure but my skin is tainted

You do not know the real me

I’ve hid this in fear of rejection

That I would disgust you

Why should I have to pay for what He made me do?

I was never enough for Him but my body spoke his language.

It bought me his time and it made me happy back then...

But,

Now I live in constant fear that my secret will hurt you the way he hurt me

Can we work past this together?

Could you forgive me?

Could you even still love me?

~ 𝓛

[spilledsecretsofmyheart]

Growth

Is a beautiful thing

It’s realizing you have always been loved

It’s understanding you were wrong

It’s forgiving others

Forgiving yourself

Not turning back

It’s igniting a flame that you will always feed

It’s trusting again

Smiling

Laughing

Praying

Growth is patience

Thank you for waiting.

~ 𝓛

[spilledsecretsofmyheart]

Ignorance is bliss

Back to back heart breaks

Fucking suck

Sleep is a distant friend

Impossible scenarios caress and mold into every crevice of my body

Memories pop up like daily reminders that I can’t seem to find the erase button to

Its hard to heal from having your heart ripped apart

Especially when people meddle

When you find out things you you wish you never knew

Ignorance is bliss and I abide by that

When all I want to do is sleep next to you one more time and have you hold me

But the other woman is there

When all I want to do is lay next to her and run my fingers through her hair

I can only live vicariously through my vivid day dreams

Because when my body does succumb to rest all it wants to do is forget

Become numb

Float away

No dreams

No tears

No knots

No more heartache

Just release

[spilledsecretsofmyheart]

Faucet

My love is a faucet that never runs dry

Once you open it, it becomes jammed, never to close again.

Most days you can cup your hands and drink from it

Others, the bad days, it begins to flood

I can’t close it

Please get out while you still can I don’t want you to drown in it

Love,

Can be deadly

When the flood waters subside and you see a path to me again

Please

Come back

And stand underneath my ever flowing faucet

Because It will never close

And I will be ready to shower you whenever you need it.

[spilledsecretsofmyheart]

In the beautiful words of Rihanna

“I have no need for revenge.

I am no longer yours and that is punishment

enough.”

[spilledsecretsofmyheart]

Cycle

I love stripping myself bare to every person who gives me a sliver of their attention

Fool

But they need to see the real me! I couldn’t stand to be fake

Idiot

If I show my soul then they would understand me, maybe this time I won’t get hurt

Pitiful

All my life I’ve walked on eggshells around everyone

“Why would you say that?”

“Stupid”

“Don’t you ever think before you speak?”

Once I get past and pick off the shells from my soles

I see them with their arms outstretched

Just when I think it’s finally over

Agony

Hot coals

“Don’t get too close to me”

“I will never love you the way you want me to”

“Why do you still come closer?”

Please, please, run to me.

Why do they always seem farther the closer I get?

I stop

Ahead of me broken glass

Vases of past insecurities and lovers, shattered

“Life isn’t a fairytale”

“What do you expect to gain from loving me?”

“Now that I have you I don’t want you”

“Don’t try to fix me”

I’ll brave anything for you

So I take a deep breath and slowly step...

Excruciating

“Is it over?”

“Have I proven myself worthy?”

Till this day I’m not sure

I haven’t found the finish line

I just keep ending up back to the familiar whites of eggshells beneath my feet

[spilledsecretsofmyheart]

Crowd

I saw you from a distance

Your mind racing with a to do list

I hesitated on calling your name

Because watching you from a far almost felt like a guilty pleasure.

My heart raced at the thought of being in the same place as you.

When I finally revealed myself your face lit up and you smiled

it felt like time slowed

My God how fucking corny but time literally slowed

I could recognize you in a crowd of hundreds

Even from across the vast sea of people it felt as if you were standing right next to me

You are so radiant

If only you knew how much better my life is with you in it

How much I completely and utterly adore you

If only you knew that the crowd that is my mind, parts when I finally find you

And when you smile

Time slows

[spilledsecretsofmyheart]

Untitled

I haven’t been clicking with anyone lately

I feel so distant from the ones I love most

I’m sitting right in front of them and I feel like I’m not even in the same existence

[spilledsecretsofmyheart]

Photos

I did a bad thing

I opened up a folder of my heart that I hid from myself

It was only a matter of time before I went through it

I went through our old photographs

Having every feeling you’ve ever given me hit me at once

Seeing your smile again knowing I will probably never see it in person anymore

Seeing the person you were before you let your true self take over

Has driven me to tears

I want to lay in bed and read over every sweet paragraph you wrote and every song lyric you ever sent

Some days I want you back, the old you, the one that knew me inside and out.

The you that wasn’t afraid to cry in front of me The you that just needed a hug to feel whole again The you that held me together when all I wanted to do was fall apart.

But

You found yourself in another, someone who could relate to you on another level Because, sadly, I was too far behind to catch up

Despite all of this

I forgive you

[spilledsecretsofmyheart]

Even when she talks she sings.

[spilledsecretsofmyheart]

Moon & Sun

Polar opposites

Though this is their obstacle one cannot bring life to something without the other

The Moon and Sun are destructive on their own

Nothing will grow, nothing will thrive

But together they create life like none other

They both take care of each other

In their similarities they bring light

Though the Moon may sometimes hide her face and sometimes may even disappear

She awaits knowing the sun will come to shine

The Sun reassures the Moon, “Don’t worry, Come back when you are stronger, I’ll be okay.”

The Moon is quite slow, she takes her time to rebuild because she wants her light to be just right.

Day after day the Sun shines brighter than ever

Proud of the Moon for coming out of the dark

Until the day comes when it’s time for the Moon to reassure the Sun, “Rest now beloved, thank you for shining on me when I needed you most.”

The sun descends, heart full of joy

painting glimpses of Heaven in the sky

For the Sun loves the Moon more than she will ever know.

[spilledsecretsofmyheart]

Endlessly

And i will love you again

And again

And again

Through the fire of my racing thoughts

Through the tears of my self doubt

In my highest of highs

In my lowest of lows

When you can’t bring yourself to love me

I will

Endlessly

Endlessly

[spilledsecretsofmyheart]

Song

Most days when you’re on my mind I try my best to play it off.

When night arrives everything magnifies

While I lie in bed my heart sings our special song that only you can hear.

But you have yet to sing back

Are you too busy learning another song?

I pray one day you tune in deep and feel that my heart still beats to your rhythm

That my song still echos in the chambers of that empty vessel

That one day you do sing back before I forget the melody

[spilledsecretsofmyheart]

Love Mark

I’ve never been a fan of them

They look trashy and a distasteful amount of flashy

But with you...

Damn...

I have never worn something with so much pride

I want to show every passing stranger that I received the mark of Aphrodite

But no no

I keep my treasure hidden

For I want you to find it when the time comes again

Our beautiful secrets, held beneath each other’s skin

Your lips leave such a beautiful signature

How was I so blessed to be your canvas?

[spilledsecretsofmyheart]

Thaw

My heart is made of ice

past lovers left me out on the door step on a cold December night

You thaw me out

wrap me in blankets of words and place your furnace hot lips to my chest

Slowly the ice starts to melt, the water pooling into my cupped hands

Do I dare drink from it....

[spilledsecretsofmyheart]

Intimacy

Forgive me my dear for my heads favorite place is the gutter

I can’t help but want to sink my teeth into you every waking moment

Do you feel it?

Do you feel me quiver?

Oh, how my tongue swells and my lips plump

I thirst for a drink from your well

Come, my love, my throat is parched

You my sun and I your flower

I will follow you across the sky

And at night I will wait, impatiently, for your return

I beg for you to open up my petals and slowly pick them off one by one

Leave me bare

~ 𝓛𝓲𝓵𝓵𝔂

[spilledsecretsofmyheart]

Seen

Go ahead and watch

Watch me place my chin on her shoulder

Watch me kiss her cheek

Watch me slip my hand across her waist as we walk down the street

What a privilege it is to be seen with someone as special as you next to someone like me

Walking with you is a middle finger to prying eyes

So go ahead and watch

~ 𝓛𝓲𝓵𝓵𝔂