Locked together as hungry beasts @spirit-burner - Tumblr Blog

I love confident smart competent Svetlana, but I do also need her to be a little bit pathetic and for a big part of her friendship with Ilya to be them lamenting how shit they are at relationships

Svetlana: RED ALERT

Svetlana: GENERATIONAL FUMBLE

Ilya: You asked about their favorite hockey team and then spent fifteen minutes roasting it didn’t you

Svetlana: I thought it was friendly banter and then he went to the bathroom and didn’t come back

Ilya: It’s not banter if you’re the only one talking and he’s sitting there silently weeping into his Bud Light

Svetlana: Remember when you told Jane how much you liked fucking me while trying to lock it down?

Ilya: 🖕😘

Svetlana: 🖕😘

smugrobotics

I think the first threesome shane and ilya ever have is with the cup

smugrobotics

to clarify, I do not mean that they have a threesome in the presence of the cup, I mean the cup is their third

smugrobotics

now, I know you're wondering about logistics. I did, too, but I think the most likely answer is that they took the cup to Paris, right down to the champs du mars.

"but shane is a strict bottom"

yes, I know, and believe me, I'm sure he was understandably upset he couldn't get railed by the physical manifestation of hockey superiority, but one must play the cards they are dealt

smugrobotics

although...

what if the cup had a strap?

smugrobotics

#Ilya then posts an “after sex” selfie with a cap with the “now the cup is gay” caption #heated rivalry #hr

One day a Russian rookie addresses Ilya as "Ilya Grigorievich" and it divides his life into "before" and "after"

#i dont think you ever forget the first time someone addresses you with your name and patronim #it forces you to recontextualise yourself #as a real adult #ilya rozanov #heated rivalry #hr

I'm probably gonna say something pretty controversial, but I think that both Svetlana and Ilya treat each other as a little bit of a plan B. Like, that if their plans for life as they are fail, than at least they have the option of the other. I can easily believe that at some point they could have had a "if we don't find anyone by forty, let's get married" conversation.

I also think that Sveta treats this as a lot more real possibility/life decision than Ilya, specifically because all of Ilya’s plans for when he is older are extremely vague and not feel real for him, because he genuinely doesn’t expect to live that far so no point of thinking of these things seriously.

#i see sveta being very “well if this doesn't work out at least i always have this guy its not like he has anything else planned”#and ilya being “yeah why not it's not like i have anything else planned or plan to have anything planned”#i dont know would they really followed this through in different circumstances without anything drastic happening #but i see their general attitude towards this topic like this #heated rivalry #hr #ilya rozanov #svetlana vetrova

ellisonwongparty

here's some instances in which ilya has to drop everything and bail svetlana out:

when she loses her passport in prague

any sort of visa or international travel related question

when she gets too high and gets Scared

when she gets arrested.

when her mom is being annoying and she has to attend another one of her galas where it's all only models or rich VCs and her mom won't stop getting on svetlana's case about finding a long term boyfriend so she and ilya have to arrive together and pretend to consider marriage. this stops being an option when ilya starts dating shane.

when she gets into a fight with best friend #3497 because she slept with her dad or her mom or her brother or her boyfriend or -- anyway and because of that she gets stranded on whatever international vacation she got taken on because svetlana only likes being friends with rich people or celebrities

whenever she has a phone call with her mom for longer than 30 minutes.

when she doesn't get into grad school the first time and goes on a bender and gets arrested

when she makes ilya edit her grad school application one year later because ilya's surprisingly good at grammar

persimmony-snicket

@artemissa97 your tags are so true and correct to me

spirit-burner

#yes to all of this #messy Sveta is so important to me #she isnt ilya's “voice of reason” or some other bullshit like “the only sane person in his life”#she isnt getting anyone out of messy situations #she is actually the reason they get into this situations like 60 percent of the time #other forty is Ilya’s doing but she is actively encouraging them as well #heated rivalry

Guys, Ilya is Russian, he has no fucking idea how long nine inches actually are, he actually just googled "big dick size in inches" and remembered the first result, at best, he then roughly multiplied nine by two and called it a day

#he once years into living in the states for some reason gets a ruler in inches where he actually sees how long nine inches is and is like #“damn”#heated rivalry #hr #ilya rozanov

One thing Ilya would never spend his money on is subscriptions. Just no. He finds the sole idea of subscriptions disgusting, even though he could absolutely afford every single one of them without even noticing. This is a matter of principle for him.

He watches YouTube with ads, he downloads music from some sketchy websites. He watches movies on some weird pages with casino ads every ten minutes and "desperate sluts in your area" pop-ups.

The only way Ilya accepts engaging with the subscriptions is by being a parasite on Shane’s accounts

#AU where Sveta figures out Shane and Ilya because Ilya suddenly watches netflix shows with a subscription #heated rivalry #hr #ilya rozanov #shane hollander

I don't know how to explain, but for me Ilya is a service top but in extremely egotistical way

#like #yeah #i truly believe that for him his partner's pleasure during sex is more important than his own #but not because them having a great time is that important to him #but because his ability to bring them pleasure is something a lot more important for him than his own ability to take pleasure #like yeah #his partner will have a great time but not really because he really cares about their feelings #does this make sense?#heated rivalry #hr #ilya rozanov

clytemnestraaa

ok what made me go ouagh is part of the shane hollander cnc tapestry clicking into place which is that shane at least up til the end of tlg reeeeeally doesn’t want to be gay. and so wouldn’t it be great if there was a way for shane to have it without having to want it. wouldn’t it be great if shane just didn’t have a choice in taking part of this thing that ashames him. and that is gonna be the thing fucking ilya up because it’s not really playing pretend. the shame is real. shane really does feel that way. and ilya is already like “i am toxic slutch of course nobody would want me if they could help it”

Amused by the idea that ever since Hollanov outing and the reveal of the reason behind Ilya's move to Ottawa, every unexpected move or trade in the MHL sparks discussion on who exactly of the new team this traded player is moving to fuck

#yes i know that trades players have no control over #internet still treats them as such #multiple players have to post a statement that they are not in fact moving to fuck their rival or teammate #heated rivalry #hr #hollanov

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Locked together as hungry beasts