JADE THIRLWALL PEOPLE Magazine (2026)
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JADE THIRLWALL PEOPLE Magazine (2026)
“make friends” who am i doctor franking stein
on my slides for my class about Frankenstein today
JADE THIRLWALL Photographed by Damian Foxe for PEOPLE Magazine (April 2026)
JADE for People Magazine (World’s Most Beautiful Issue)
so funny when 20yo women belittle women in their late 20s, girl that is gonna be you in a time span that’s gonna feel like 3 seconds
“pushing 30 and [having a hobby]” well yes
that one unemployed friend at 2 am
You ever think about how weird hippos are ecologically speaking?
There's literally no other megafauna on earth that spends the entire day lounging around in water, mostly just socializing, only to come onto land to feed at night.
I remember when I used to do education programs on hippos, most people assumed they ate aquatic plants, and that that's the whole reason they were in water. Meanwhile, hippos are basically just giant nocturnal cows that eat only grass.
most animals that start adapting to live more of their lives in water:
"i must grow my bones lighter and less dense so that i don't get trapped on the bottom and may float easier in this new environment"
hippos: "denser. heavier bones. MOAR dense. Make sink the most."
mother nature: but how will you get off the bottom when you sink?
hippos: Make muscles more too, give all muscle.
mother nature: and to stay warm in the water? a big layer of fat?
hippos: no! no fat only muscle.
mother nature: o....kay. And, you eat aquatic plants, that's why you spend so much time in the water?
hippos: lol no. eat land grass, like cow.
mother nature: i see. right. You eat mostly grass, so, flat grinding teeth?
hippos: hell no. big spike teeth. sharp big teeth. Biggest
mother nature: what, like lions? 3 inch fangs?
hippos: course not. giant fuck-off teeth, 18 inches. Also, not just one pair, three pairs of giant sharp teeth. give
mother nature: but you eat... grass?
hippos: yeah. lol. Sometimes eat a zebra tho. Or a antelope. Maybe eat a crocodile, you don't know. Give all teeth, giant fuck-off teeth. Most bone! most muscle! most teeth! Me.
mother nature: y'know what? fuck it, sure, here you go
hippo: ...
hippo: i'm very angry now
there is absolutely nothing on this goddamn planet that makes sense
we are a fantasy writer's workshop
we are an idea morgue of first drafts
saddest thing that can happen is a cat so delicately and cozy putting their small apple head on your leg like a pillow to sleep while fully unaware that in like five minutes you're going to get up to go eat because they don't know human language or how time works
good evening. are u avoiding pain or seeking joy
Remember when they made Michael Phelps apologize to the world for smoking weed that time and there were discussions about taking away his medals
the chat not remembering this ooooo am I the cryptkeeper