U+1F929

very cool

[velocitations]

dont let my unintelligibility distract from my message

[bruzum]

[spooky-bird]

@ratbastard3

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

always some new bullshit in the ocean

[local-demon-in-your-area]

Why is it always orcas or dolphins

Why can't a salmon do some bullshit for once

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

worry not ☝️ they're doing coke

[edenogenesis]

[nyctosaurid]

barnyard the original party animals is the uncontested lord of bad implications in childrens movies

[nyctosaurid]

ok so like “the secret life of x” movies tend to not strongly explore the actual reasons why, exactly, their life has to be secret… they don’t really focus on it within the narrative. They do usually have some small justification for why animals or video games or toys or whatever have never just revealed themselves:

There’s no stated reason. They just pretend to not be alive. We usually can suspend our suspension of disbelief here because when it’s something like a video game or an emoji because any odd occurrences is perceived as a glitch or something similar but the actual reason why they aren’t too hung up on this kinda shitty lot in life isn’t said

They get something out of their current relationship with humans (like in toy story)

They have some specific reason to hide that they’re alive, like they die if they’re seen (like in the christmas toy)

They perceive themselves as sentient, talking creatures, but humans can’t understand them. They just see a squeaking mouse or an inanimate hot dog or whatever. 

and the last one is what most animal movies do, and it’s like, not devoid of weird implications but you can see where it mostly works.

but barnyard is the outlier here: it goes with tier one: the animals can talk and walk on two legs but just pretend that they can’t for unstated reasons. 

in the history of the barnyard world non human animals, at some point, decided to just pretend to be unable to speak. a “cow” or a “coyote” or a “hen” do not exist as we know it in the barnyard universe. the baa of the sheep is false; the ewe doesn’t understand it either. they only made up that noise to hide the fact that they speak human languages. a dog barking and running on all fours is a facade. animals naturally walk on their hind legs and made up whole postures just to appear non sentient.

and for what? what do they gain from this? they have no rights and no voice by their own choice. at one point a donkey claims the farmer is a good person because he’s vegan and a pig mentions bacon - this is not a fantasy universe devoid of death and misery and meat. do animals, in hushed whispers, remind their children not to sob in their real voice as they’re taken away? do the dogs not beg for kindness when they’re tied up and hit? do cows and chickens not cry for their life in the slaughterhouses? does a rat not scream a human scream when the trap misses their neck and only breaks their spine? Why? what is the point? They loose so much and have everything to gain.

anyways does everyone remember this really awful cat. it only appears in one scene but i can just sense the porn of it that would pop up if i googled it’s name

[inkthecryptid]

This post is like being tied to a chair as a a joker-style villain monologues and presses a gun closer and closer to my head as he reaches the climax of his rehearsed piece on the flaws of society and when he finally pulls the trigger it’s a little flag that says “bang!”

[seinfeldr]

[psykocharm]

would you guys like to see a real illustration from an actual published scientific paper? of course you would

link to the paper

[zordonmlw7]

Hey op kinda buried the lead. This isn't just some illustration. ITS THE ABSTRACT.

[stellanix]

my mushoomb,, :D

[chemkitt]

one musruum..

[dogpuppy]

[mandywondering]

I mean, in some very interesting Technically Correct ways, they didn't actually die? Now, they're very much no longer alive. But the forces involved are such that they didn't get any of the usual cellular processes of death, they simply went from biology to physics in less time than it takes a signal to travel down your optic nerve.

[dietspam16]

if you go from biology to physics without dying first you don’t go to heaven the uber driver went over this already

[orcposts]

hey man. i didn't see you at the ambient red lighting and horse store. you ok man?

[deez-no-relation]

This is the kind of post that is baffling until you see the next post and it’s a store with a horse in it but everything’s red. except. there is no second post

[wizard0rb]

how life feels when you want video essays that aren’t just plot/wikipedia summaries and are made by people who have read at least one book in the last decade

[wizard0rb]

this was just an excuse to post

tumblr user wizard0rb's video essay choice awards:

(note: i'm using the term "video essay" to broadly refer to long form videos on youtube. not all of these are essays)

The Other Half of the West (A Travelogue) - Noah Caldwell-Gervais

This one goes at the top of the list in the hopes that you read it first, it sticks in your mind the most, and you watch it in full. Genuine contender for greatest piece of long form content on Youtube. Noah makes videos about games as well, but this is his best work imo.

Metal Gear Solid 4 was a Mistake - Steak Bentley

The definitive take on an absolutely insane piece of fiction. Funny enough that you can enjoy it even if you don't know anything about MGS. Steak Bentley is genuinely one of the best to ever do it.

THE PISS SAGA | Short Documentary - Derek Milton

A brief investigative documentary concerning the bottles of human piss that keep mysteriously appearing on an electrical box in California.

who firebombed friendlyjordies? - friendlyjordies

0% clickbait- someone firebombed Australian Youtuber friendlyjordies' house, and this is the video he made trying to figure out who did it.

The Tyler Perry Video - F.D Signifier

I was struggling to pick a single FD video for this list (because they're all so good), so I went with his most recent one. Go watch this video and then go watch all his other videos.

a normal creepypasta retrospective - hazel

An exceptionally good retrospective on some interesting creepypastas like The Peeker, Gabbit Rabbits, ShareThis, etc.

The Unreality of Pro Wrestling: FINISH THE STORY - Super Eyepatch Wolf

I wasn't originally going to put an Eyepatch Wolf video on here, for the same reason there's no hbomberguy or Defunctland- I feel like most people are already familiar with his stuff. But this video made me go from not giving a fuck about pro wrestling at all, to being deeply invested in a fight between 2 dudes I had previously never heard of, so it makes the list.

NEED FOR SPEED - A Brief History - Noodle

I want you to close your eyes and enter the Theatre of the Mind with me. Imagine, if you will, a reality in which Sequelitis was extremely good, and also made by someone else. Now open your eyes. You were so powerful that you brought that vision back with you into the material world.

The search for the saddest punt in the world | Chart Party - Secret Base

Jon Bois of 17776 fame once again making compelling football media that is accessible to the layman.

Art in the Pre-Apocalypse - Jacob Geller

My favorite video from a channel that pretty much never makes bad videos, Jacob Geller talks about living at the cusp of the end of the world. And also Final Fantasy

BONUS SINCE I'M HERE: OTHER NOTABLE YOUTUBE VIDEOS I ENJOY

these are just some youtube videos i like. no description because i think you should experience them without pretense

Badass swords AND grim reapers.

how to make pickle pepsi at home for free

Homemade dinosaur documentary

When the lights go out at night #shorts #viral

Drinking Orange Crush

Hermeto Pascoal - Música da Lagoa (Sinfonia do Alto Ribeira, 1985)

Center Core Never More

Lil’ Slimer - Online Video

My Movie

Japanese toilet experience 1

When you play games in your dreams, you don't use a controller, do you?

Cocaine & Crack

Give it All You've Got

may you never have a youtubeless dinner

[headspace-hotel]

video essays are unfriendly with my brain but jacob geller's videos are pretty much all fantastic

[miragefannumber3]

JACOB GELLERS REALLY GREAT!!!! all his videos are freaking awesome and i WILL be saving to buy his book

ALSO whoever sees this i also HEAVILY recommend sarah davis baker and lily alexandre!!!!!

[podcastwizard]

LIKES TO CHARGE REBLOGS TO CAST

[the-goddess-of-annoying]

you people aren't CASTING

[the-goddess-of-annoying]

NO

[cyanocittae]

my friend keeps sending the groupchat voice notes of her eating bussy and calling it "asmr"..... bro go study for your physics exam 😭

[cyanocittae]

hi sorry uh. incredible miscommunication on my part lmfao.

my bad yall

[mangonetics]

I thought we were good as gravy, but you just wanted to get your pey wet

[cottoncandylesbo]

kid at work threw a huge temper tantrum flailing on the floor then stood up and immediately sang crank that by soulja boy perfectly

[spooky-bird]

@ratbastard3

[themysteriousmurasamecastle]

[mentally-homeless]

[the-spoopy-ghost-of-raejin99]

Obligatory

[parkchanwoohoo]

Sobbing ofnfjfkfklg

[spooky-bird]

@ratbastard3