Squiddy

💚🤍🩶 🖤🩶🤍💜 Vulture Bee

[squidclaude]

I’ve been on here too long. Just read a headline as Poisons Master resigns instead of prisons minister

[toskarin]

trying to get the funny medieval peasants to try my future dorito and accidentally stumbling onto the communal fencepost hosting one of many rural german cat-mutilating games that will later be a wedge in relations between the urban and agricultural communities, shocking me into a months-long silence

[rui-cifer]

getting served what can only be described as "mold from a random log of fallen wood floating in a stein of watered-down beer" as a gift in return for the doritos and getting an experience that can only be described as "Protestant Ayahuasca"

[toskarin]

going south to seek some sort of normalcy which I might disrupt, where in the refuge I am served something which dripped from a statue. I ask what it is. it's from the bones inside, I am told, and it leaks forever, and it brings an ecstatic state

[rui-cifer]

drinking this and getting hit with an experience that can only be described as "counter-reformation fentanyl overdose"

[after-fear]

Overly Honest Methods in science.

[saxifraga-x-urbium]

ooh this version has some ones i haven’t seen before, priceless

[wanderingandfound]

  #we chose macrocystis because every other kelp was rotting at that time of year    #we kept the crabs 12 to a sea table because we were sharing the space and couldnt use more    #the crabs were subject to a non-natural light cycle because other researchers kept leaving the lights on overnight (via Dicrocoeliumdendriticum)

[poepower]

Archaeologist. We sometimes choose places to dig because our gut says “this is nice, I’d settle here”. I’ve had field directors say “this has paleo energy” about areas. Often we see big hill in our dig area, we dig on big hill. 

Most recently, I’ve found two sites because I was walking to my next hole and saw some petrified wood I wanted. Started picking up pieces and saw a half buried biface lmao. 

Other site, I was walking and imagined a little native girl running along the ridge. I had a gut feeling to dig like 5m from where the hole was. Found a utilized petrified wood flake. Could’ve written it off as a plow fact, but due to all the pet wood I’d been collecting throughout the area (I’m a greedy little thing who wants pretty rocks), I knew the was it was broken was inconsistent to how the pet wood naturally breaks. 

What sealed the deal for me was cleaning the mud off, and it cut me so, yup, definitely utilized. 

[megalunalexi-aesthetic]

So glad you commented this because I was looking for the term for “people saw a pretty rock and took it with them” forEVER now and couldn’t find it. Fuckin love manuports

[sundayswiththeilluminati]

eternal human urges:

shiny rock!!

throw object in body of water

big hill. climb.

not come in to lab on weekend

[thatdisasterauthor]

We found our T. rex last summer by just walking around and sticking a very long, thin stick in the mud until we hit something hard, then we dug.

[ospreyonthemoon]

@katy-l-wood PLEASE tell us about your t-rex

[thatdisasterauthor]

Here’s the article/press release I wrote about it!

https://www.rmdrc.com/post/25-years-and-thousands-of-miles-walked-to-find-a-t-rex

[taavicleric]

The Dinosaur Resource Center is absolutely amazing. Next best dinosaur exhibit I’ve been to after Actual Literal Dinosaur National Monument. NYC and Denver have great set-ups, too, but both National Monument and the Resource Center feel very current but accessible.

If you’re ever down in Colorado Springs, folks who haven’t been, it is a shortish gorgeous drive, especially if it’s rained recently.

[quill-of-thoth]

Recent archaeological dig tour had me (with permission) going around poking bones going “burnt, burnt, not burnt, burnt, polished” because it turns out I handle bones. Often.

[valtsv]

tired: mermaids are all women

wired: much like elves, merfolk are mistaken by sailors for being all women because they have long hair and are very pretty

[valtsv]

inspired: merfolk actually have very different concepts of gender to humans because they’re an entirely different species with their own unique culture

[valtsv]

marine scientist: what’s your gender?

merperson: what’s a gender

marine scientist: like, are you a man or a woman?

merperson: i’m merfolk

marine scientist: no, like, what’s in your pants?

merperson: i don’t… wear any? i don’t have legs?

[9lunarseas6-deactivated20240914]

It’s a biological fact that fish do indeed change their sex to keep the male/female ratio balanced in their school population. So this fluidity actually makes more sense from a scientific standpoint than the silly idea that merfolk are born with a strictly assigned sex like humans.

[witchcraft-in-wonderland]

Merfolk are all canonically genderfluid and we love them for that

[anonymous-lizard]

Human: (invites merfolk friend to a boat party with their friends)

Merfolk: oh man, there are a lot of women here. Haha don’t worry guys, I got this :) *changes into a man to keep a balance because that’s culturally polite for merfolk*

Human: (spits drink) what the FUCK

[sexy-necromancing-bird]

OH MY GOD

[kingfisher-colours]

So in the presence of a ship with an entirely or mostly male crew, nearby mermaids would become female to keep the balance.

[ace-aussie-asshole]

That’s it. We figured out why everyone thinks merfolk are all women. Get a boat of fems out there and let’s see what they report.

[wondersmith-and-sons]

Which of the following moments in British politics was funniest?

David Cameron allegedly fucking a pig (2015)

Theresa May Brexit deal sees worst parliamentary defeat of any British PM (2019)

Dominic Cummings' social distancing scandal is named #Cumgate (2021)

Matt "Eat Out to Help Out" Hancock caught having affair with his aide (2021)

MP resignations reach critical mass under Boris Johnson (2022)

The Queen dies 2 days after meeting Liz Truss (2022)

Liz Truss who doesn't outlast head of lettuce (2022)

Nigel Farage has to run in by-election against Count Binhead (2026)

I'm American and I never read news from outside of my country

Something else entirely (I'll tell you in the tags)

Voting ended onJul 19

Note: don't let your recency bias decide this, actually think back to what was the objectively funniest time on the internet.

[squidclaude]

It’s cool enough to crochet!

[fuckyeahchinesefashion]

OP: The most horrendous sight at 2026 WAIC has surfaced… (cr请你喝杯柠檬茶)

(FYI that head is Doubao’s official avatar. Developed by ByteDance, Doubao is one of China’s top mainstream AIs, similar to ChatGPT. The name Doubao literally translates to red bean bun, a classic staple Chinese pastry filled with sweet red bean paste.)

[squidclaude]

@elodieunderglass horrible thing with legs

[attilathehuntsman]

The reason autistic people don't make eye contact is because we don't want to threaten you with our extremely deadly laser eyes that we all have

[leshermes]

i litteraly thought this post had 10k likes before i looked at the actual like count. Wth this is a rare gem

[emeraldspiral]

[stiickleback]

does anyone have that one drawing of a greyhound from like the 1920s or whatever please please please i need it the one where it looks like a single piece of forlorn wire i need it

[plaguedocboi]

Is this your boy

[caspercryptid]

I feel like not enough people realize that people under enormous strain act really really fucking Weird

[squidclaude]

My heart rate: I see you had me investigated for being too fast you judgmental bitch. I’m going bide my time for a few months and then set off the slow heart rate alarm on your Fitbit because fuck you

Uterus & co: we held off for 16 days so you’d have a melt down and convince yourself you’re going to be fired for an extremely minor error

Skeleton: new trick we’re going to hurt just under your titty so you think the lump that was tested is hurting

Oh well, at least I have the Magnus protocol to look forward to

[hometoursandotherstuff]

[asteroidtroglodyte]

It’s a Tree. There was a tree there. Folks cut down a tree, they usually don’t pull the roots, it’s like a Whalefall for fungus and burrowing invertebrates. They feast for decades.

It’s tree roots. I know that’s not cool and adventurous but I promise you it’s tree roots.

[wecanthavethat]

No, that's where they dumped the body of my good friend, Mr. Five by Five. We called him that because he was five feet tall and five feet wide. Perfectly spherical.

[secularbakedgoods]

it never stops being funny that BBC Sherlock blew so much of its astronomical budget on overproduced filmmaking gimmicks and meanwhile Leverage managed to look easily 10x more interesting and dynamic with a budget of $7 and one steadicam operator named Gary

[francesderwent]

I’ve been thinking a LOT lately about what a weird and stressful experience it is to care a lot about a story when you don’t trust the storyteller.

[faithful-grigori]

”#oh absolutely, #the quiet agony of knowing there is a very good chance they won’t stick the landing, #when you don’t have proof it’s going somewhere bad yet but the warning signs are there, #but you can’t just back out because you really want it to be good”

[missandryifyourenasty]

I often think about that post that was a fake dating profile for a cat that was all about chickens, like wanting someone with posable thumbs for opening chickens.

[notogdenjesse]

This is one my favourite things the internet has ever made.

[missandryifyourenasty]

!!!!!!

[bioluminescently-unfolding]

This remains one of the great art objects of modern times and nobody will convince me otherwise.

[quotation--marks]

David often lectured Tom upon the responsibilities of parenthood which annoyed Tom who considered himself to be a quite exemplary fairy parent. He provided generously for his children and grandchildren and only in exceptional circumstances had any of them put to death.

Susanna Clarke, Tom Brightwind, or, How the Fairy Bridge Was Built at Thoresby