🌸💀Alix💀🌸

Hi I'm Alix, I’m 25 and I never learned how to be a functioning member of society

[mawofthemagnetar]

The problem with being low support needs is that people mentally autocorrect that to “no support needs” and then proceed to give you absolutely nothing and then get surprised when you implode after six months.

[anglaised]

i love seeing videos of ppl calling for mamdani like hes batman like “mr mamadani we need ac in the subway mr mamdani help us” and its extra funny bc so far hes been filling every request so its actually working …he got his own bat signal 😭

[komaedalovemail]

i fucking hated your shoelaces this entire time

[butterfirefly]

for the uninitiated

[segamascott]

erika kirk being handed the golden opportunity to be the face of conservatives for the rest of her life and then fumbling it instantly by being genuinely unlikable and off-putting will always be funny to me almost as funny as remembering that charlie kirk got shot in the neck and died

[echointhewindwind]

Being an Eridian scientist has to be so funny. You train your entire life as a biologist, becoming specialized in your field, probably giving lectures or educational speeches to other Eridians, and then the star savior Rocky comes home with his weird pet dog. Your job is now to cultivate food so the weird dog who is the age of average baby doesn’t die. The dog also saved the stars. Your job is making dog food out of the dog. You also learn that you and the dog have the same job. You are the happiest scientist on Erid.

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

The dog knows more about how the universe works than anybody else on your planet. The dog understands how relativity works and how the universe began. The dog has access to complex machines that can store and process massive amounts of information, launching your society into a new age of scientific and technological advancement.

You later find out that these machines were originally invented because the dog's species has a memory like a sieve and struggles with primary school level maths.

[catchymemes]

[aberrantemotion]

Always funny to me when indie devs who already sell games for dirt cheap participate in steam sales with like 90 percent off. Like. "Yeah this game is three dollars but you can have it for one right now." Like your game costs as much as a pack of m&ms and youre selling it for the cost of a pack of m&ms in the 1950s now? Okay

[depsidase]

[thickness-protection-program]

According to fox entertainment this is who we should be afraid of. I didn't know who Francesca Hong was 10 minutes ago but thankfully now I'm aware of this monster and her monsterous policies

[disgruntled-neighborhood-wife]

People who think sheep are killed for their wool are so hilarious to me. Does your barber slit your throat whenever you get a haircut?? Are you a returning customer to Sweeney Todd? Lmao it grows back, fools.

[squareallworthy]

This is completely ignoring the fact that the sheep's soul is stored in its wool. So sure, the body remains, but the spirit, the essence of the sheep, that's gone forever, and then as the wool regrows a new soul moves in.

[storm-of-feathers]

What

[shadow-banned-the-hedgehog]

Same for me, I get a new soul with every haircut. That's why my personality changes so much.

[ovenroastedtwerkey]

Tumblr citizenship means being completely unsure if the person posting about sheep souls is being 100% serious or is just taking the piss.

[yoinky-sploinky]

THEY TAKE THEIR PISS TOO?!?!?

[ovenroastedtwerkey]

Yup, stockpiling it in giant buckets to pour on the poor

[unyieldingsilence]

‎

[luckyladylily]

So the thing is boobs really do be jiggling. If having breasts has taught me anything it is that the ladies frolic. I don't even have that large of boobs but every time I go down some stairs all I can think about is that stupid quote about boobing breastily down the stairs or whatever it is because God Damn.

But anime and video game boob jiggling is like. The most uncanny valley shit I've ever seen nine times out of ten. You would think people this horny about tits would have actually looked at some but I guess not.

What we really need is some pervert to compile the ultimate visual guide to boob bouncing physics that's just like 500 hours of meticulously organized videos of breasts of different size and shape and under different fabrics bouncing around from a wide variety of physical movements so horny game devs can finally get it right and I don't have to be creeped out by women who appear to have surgically implanted softballs in their chest under skin made of rubber bands.

[throo]

Wh-what do you mean it’s from a birthday cake

[throo]

We could have been eating him

[byjove]

the justification when law enforcement kills someone for no particular reason always boils down to “we got really really scared, you should feel bad for us because we were sososo scared” ok. piss yourself or scream or something. why is killing someone the only option

[leo-fie]

American cops are very badly programmed. Gun is the only interaction they have.

[byjove]

You forgot texting their buddies pictures of decomposing murder victims, saying heinously racist and/or misogynistic stuff and ‘accidentally’ turning off their body cameras.

[butterfly-sapphic]

Sorry whats this about texting pictures of murder victims???

[byjove]

I went to look up the case I remembered and it turns out it has happened multiple times in several countries. Cops keep getting caught sending extremely graphic photos of corpses and crime scenes to their buddies in group chats, often accompanied by racist and misogynistic slurs aimed at the victim. They often blame the press for ‘leaking’ graphic pictures of murder victims when it was usually a cop who responded to the scene snapping a pic on his personal phone to gross his friends out or be a perv.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Whole wheat toast with butter and honey is where inner peace is stored I think

[charmac]

[frightfullytreeish]

[redstonedust]

i understand (on paper) why companies are anti-piracy but its funny when random individuals are also strongly anti-piracy. like how does it negatively affect your life if someone you know downloads a cracked torrent of sims 4. you dont work for EA. EA isnt gonna pay you for this. you lose nothing. its fine. chill out.

[byjove]

LINDSEY GRAHAM GONE!!!!!!!!

[byjove]

HE’S DEAD DEAD DEAD

[byjove]

rest in piss to my least favorite gay and homophobic Southern Baptist South Carolina closet case

[byjove]

the illness he died of? sick of himself

[byjove]

I was kind of right, his aorta imploding was like nature’s self-destruct feature