♡Alissi Diamandis♡ @stanmarina - Tumblr Blog

MARINA photographed for Princess of Power

Yeah sorry I can't come into work today. I accidentally heard Primadonna by Marina formerly of and the Diamonds. So I need the day to be a primadonna girl. Yeah it's going to be the whole day.

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@alissi-p

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Marina Diamandis and Charli xcx during London fashion week 2013 ♡

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LAUREN MAYBERRY Photographed by Dave Benett attending the Susan Fang Show at London Fashion Week on February 19th 2024

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Jvmpscare. CHV 5 in progress.

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When I was young I was scared almost all of the time. I grew up in a shitty and abusive home and it is hard to explain how it is to live with an undercurrent of fear at almost all times. This didn't mean I didn't have fun or enjoy things but I was always primed to jump at a moment's notice. My social life was limited to spending time with friends just one day a week and it meant I retreated to my room most of the rest of the time because the best way to protect myself was to be as inconspicuous as possible. Unseen and potentially unthought of. I mainly would read in there but it was never relaxing. When I would hear the stairs creak with someone walking up them my entire body would tense up until my back got sore because I never knew if those footsteps were for me and sometimes they were. If someone was having a bad day it could just become my day as they would enter my room screaming and there would be something I did wrong, often how can I sit there like a lazy asshole just reading a book when they have had such a bad day and no one appreciates everything they do. I eventually developed a nerve twitch in my cheek that when I got scared it would visible twitch and that would get me more punished because I would be told to stop it but of course I had no control over it and being told I was going to be punished for it just made it worse. Eventually I got away but the legacy of that abuse stayed with me for years. I had very regular nightmares into my 30's where I was back there but as an adult. There would be yelling and I would be the same sort of helpless as I was unable to do anything but cower in fear. But I was free of them, I had an out. I moved out and it was hard but I had my own life and could just avoid all of that.

I don't bring this up for sympathy but because I think about it a lot. I do still remember in my bones what it is to be the kind of scared that means you can't ever truly relax. At the back of your mind at all times is a creeping dread and it's life ruining. I am an American and all I can think about is the awful things were are doing to people right now. If someone is trans I can only imagine the way every day seems to be directed at making you feel unsafe and unloved and unwelcome. I had adulthood to look forward to, there was a light at the end of the tunnel and while it still haunted me in adulthood the danger was gone. I cannot imagine being an adult and being forced into that again. It's wrong. If you are trans and you are going through this it is wrong and I am so sorry. I think a lot about what we can do. We can all donate to trusted groups that will help. If you can attend protests do so. I cannot as the terms of my employment though I do donated to various groups I hope will help us through this. The only other thing I can think of right now is that we need to be vocal about what we feel. I will be vocal. I am. I will continue to bed. Trans rights are human rights and if you are trans I want you to know I will always support you and I will not be quiet. It's not much but I know how isolating it can be to live in fear and I want you to know I swear I will go down fighting. Know that you are loved and you are valued. It's not much but it's what I can do. And if you are one of the TERFS here on tumblr, since you are out there while the other hate groups aren't, you should rethink why you are doing what you are doing. Really do some introspection. Look at who you have allied with and ask yourself if this is really feminism. You aren't helping anyone, you're just trying to hurt something you hate. You can do better, there is always time to make a change but know if you come in my inbox or in my notes with your hateful shit I will not be kind.

I am posting Lauren Mayberry because she wore a shirt a while back that made me think of this. It's a small thing I know but at the very least we can all make sure everyone knows where we stand. Never let bigots feel like they have won, never let bigots feel like they have the room and the silent majority. The thing I learned about bigotry years ago is they think everyone secretly agrees with them so if you don't speak up they assume it's because you agree but only they are brave enough to voice their hate. It's going to be a hard four years and there is no magic bullet but we can take small steps. I know aphorisms and slogans on t-shirts aren't a lot and it's not much of a salve if you are suffering. My asks are open if any of you really need someone to vent to. I'll listen. We can love one another because each other is all we have. I wish I could do more but this is what I have in this moment, this morning. I hope you all are ok. Today I want to fuck Lauren Mayberry.