“Oh, I think they have a pretty good idea of who I am.” But the question was which version they thought was closest to the truth or the strongest about her. Was she all they had heard she had once been at the Academy? In the Alliance? Or was she nothing more than a traitor, a deserter? That was the eternal question though, wasn’t it? She was all of those things and none of those things all wrapped up into one. Sometimes, even to Ophelia herself, she felt as though there was a dozen versions of herself all bouncing around inside of her waiting to fight it out and decide which one would reign supreme. “Most of them either hate me or don’t trust me. A few I can’t really blame for that. It might even be deserved. At least…Orion and Lilith hate me and I can’t fault them for that.” The blonde cocked her heads lightly to the side, shoulders rising and falling in a gesture that implied there was nothing to be done about that. “We were close once. The three of us. Though…I don’t know how much of Lilith and I being close was because we were close to Orion and how much was just us anymore. And then I left. So, they at least have every right to hate me. It isn’t easy to feel abandoned by someone you cared about, I’d imagine. Even if you believed you were doing what was best for them.” Not that she believed either of them would ever think that was the case. No, she reasoned they would merely hate her forever. And that was their right. She wouldn’t argue otherwise.
“I’m not sure if that’s harder or easier,” the blonde mused, lips momentarily pursing in thought as she contemplated that. “To be considered on neither side. I’ve been on both sides so I know what the grass looks like on either but.. I’d imagine in some ways it must be easier. No one expects you to have loyalties to only one person or group; no one expects you to hate the others without reason. But maybe that isn’t easier at all. What would I know about it?” O fell silent for a few moments before turning her full attention towards Cass. Back on Themis the two spoke as often as the former captain had been able to make time to. But since the ships combined? She couldn’t deny that she had been neglecting much of her interactions with the people she considered her family-a fact Cassandra’s brother so bluntly pointed out. She couldn’t deny there was a pang of guilt for that. “How are you though, Cass?” she questioned finally. “I haven’t been a very good captain- or commander now technically- and I should have asked a long time ago. I’m sorry for that.”
Cass refrained from rolling her eyes at the former captain, shaking her head slightly. “I highly doubt any of them actually know you, since they haven’t had a chance. Hearing stories about you and from people and the way people remember how you were is completely different from who you actually are.” Labels that other people gave Ophelia wouldn’t define her if she didn’t let them, but in order to stop them from sticking to her, she had to make an effort. As to the hatred that her former lover and friend might feel for her, Cass couldn’t speak to that. She wouldn’t blame them, either, but she also didn’t know the whole story from both sides. Just because she couldn’t imagine leaving any of her loved ones behind to think she was dead didn’t mean it wasn’t what Ophelia saw as the best option. Cass trusted the people in her life to take what information she would give them and make smart choices with it, whether it meant following her or not.
“It’s both, I think. It just depends on who you’re trying to blend in with at the time. Believe it or not, no one side is more green than the other, so to speak. Both have their flaws, both have their strengths. Neither one wants to compromise.” Cass shrugged her shoulders. It was just the way things were in life. Not just in the war. When Ophelia asked how Cass was, Cass turned her head slightly to study the captain’s face. Cass wasn’t feeling the effects of the captain’s prolonged disappearance the same way others were. There were a lot of different answers she could have given, as well. Ranging from ‘fine’ because she was able to straddle that social divide, to ‘miserable’ because Owen wouldn't talk to her, to ‘tired’ because she often felt like there was an invisible weight upon her shoulders. She’d settled on, “I’m okay. Ups and downs here and there, but all things considered,” she paused to gesture to the ship as a whole, encompassing not only their new ‘home’ but also the current situation, “things could be worse. And you, Ophelia? How have you been?”