my girl so morally ambiguous idk if i should call her good girl or bad girl in bed
having ethically debatable sex with my morally ambiguous wife
taylor price
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda

JVL
todays bird

Janaina Medeiros

shark vs the universe
h
trying on a metaphor
Monterey Bay Aquarium

JBB: An Artblog!
sheepfilms
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
$LAYYYTER
Stranger Things

No title available

tannertan36
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

#extradirty
d e v o n
Mike Driver
seen from Brazil

seen from Türkiye

seen from United States
seen from Nepal

seen from Malaysia

seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from France
seen from Russia

seen from Germany

seen from Netherlands

seen from United States
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@starry-smuts
my girl so morally ambiguous idk if i should call her good girl or bad girl in bed
having ethically debatable sex with my morally ambiguous wife
Kink tumblr etiquette:
Because there's a lot of fresh faces on this blog and some people aren't getting this.
Consent is mandatory. If you interact with someone's post and they tell you you've made them uncomfortable, oblige them and remove yourself from the situation, take down your post, unfollow them, etc. Your kink is not above someone else's comfort. Follow up: if you see "men DNI" or "women DNI", etc. clearly listed and you belong to said group, do not fucking interact
Put your age in your bio. I don't know how many times you people have to see that before you do it. If you are not forthcoming with your age, you do not get to interact with adult content. People can't consent to you if you don't say how old you are. If you're actually a minor, leave. You're endangering people by being here.
Do not impose your kinks on someone else's post. Especially on non-sexualized posts and ESPECIALLY if you do not know them.
Do not send unsolicited sexual messages. Especially with people who you have never interacted with before. It's creepy. And with people you do know? It still needs to be solicited, bucko. Ask them first.
Treat online kink like you would treat kink in person. If you ignore consent, boundaries, and comfort in a real kink community, you are no longer welcome in that community.
If it says don't reblog, don't reblog. Respect people's privacy.
Am I missing anything major? I might keep this updated.
My only addition is do not repost. Here on Tumblr we reblog, which points folks back to the original poster because it's their post. Reposting is stealing content and is icky.
"hit His prostate this" "milk His prostate that"
where are the fucking posts about milking Her prostate.
heres 5 quick tips to Obliterating you favorite girls prostate~ 💖💖💖
10 best ways to destroy her prostate
Some tips from a girl with a prostate: * DESTROY IT. Her girldick/clit/whatever might be soft and sensitive, but her prostate is not. It needs punishment. You have to fuck her hard, and relentlessly. If she wants to get her g-spot pounded until she cums so hard she nearly blacks out, you need to talk and explain that you might have to push her. You might have to make her cry. There is a solid chance this will make her dripping wet. * DESTROY IT softly. Or rather, with a soft tool. The amount of brutal fucking you’re going to do means you run the risk of tearing her, and then she’s out of action for play for 1-6 months. Find a nice, super-soft toy if you’re going to peg her. Bio-dick is also pretty great, texture and firmness wise. Fingers might be too firm and intense for her, so be aware of that, and hard plastic toys are really hard to learn with. * Have a firm understanding of how to reach it. It’s fairly shallow, and to the front. Bottoming out in her is fun as fuck, but remember that it’s not the best way to make her into a drooling, mewling mess. Right past the tightest point of her hole is the sweet spot, and you’re aiming for the back of whatever hardware she has in front. Fuck her from behind, into the mattress. Push her knees up to her ears, if you’re railing her from the front. Have her lean back, and let you watch the whole show, if she’s riding on top of you. Go for the full nelson, instead of reverse cowgirl, if she’s on top and inverse to you. * Fuck her brain the hardest of any part of her. Know her kinks and fantasies, and engage with them. Use words and phrases that will make her quiver, maybe watch her favorite kind of porn together, during. Indulge her, and put her in the most receptive place to have her mind melt into desperate lust. * Foreplay. Like any other girl, if she’s aching for it long before you begin, she’s most likely to cum like a rocket. Get into her head, and stay there all day. * Desperation. Make sure she hasn’t cum for at least a few days, ideally a week. Tease her. Edge her. Make her edge herself. If she’s into it, consider chastity. * Set the scene. She needs to feel safe, comfortable and like she has all the time in the world. You can’t “fit this in” to your schedule, this IS your schedule, if you want to make it happen. Likewise, remove any negative vibes from her mind that you can. If she’s got genital dysphoria, take her junk out of the equation with cute lingerie or chastity. Make her feel unpressured to perform, but also let her know how much you’d enjoy seeing her squirt for you. * Pay attention. You’ll know when you’re getting it right from the pathetic/adorable noises she’ll start making. Do more of that. * Do it often. Even if you don’t get her to cum from prostate/g-spot stimulation alone the first time, or the tenth, it’s a process. She needs to learn how to lean into it, how to “let it happen”. She needs to be able to practice, so she can learn to cum for you the way you both want. * Have fun.
I do very much appreciate this information. 💜 Another reblog it is.
what the point of mmf threesomes if the dudes don’t fag out a lil
eating a girl out for the first time? as someone with a couple of decades' experience (i started young, ok?), can i offer some advice?
take your time. your aim isn't to make her come as fast as possible, it's to make sure she enjoys every moment. slow down, revel in the process of finding out what she likes.
tell her how beautiful she is, how tempting her cunt looks, how intoxicating it smells, how sweet she tastes. she might be feeling vulnerable, especially if she's inexperienced too - it's your job to make her feel safe and adored.
enjoy the journey - i know you just want to feel your tongue on her clit NOW, but exploring her thighs, working your way slowly to her folds, trailing all the way up her cunt, drinking her juices, letting her feel your breath before she feels your touch...it'll be worth it. for both of you.
learn to read her body with all of your senses. she might be vocal but she might prefer to bite her lip or enjoy being gagged. you don't need to hear her words to know what to do. you'll feel her muscles twitch and relax - learn what it means when she lifts her hips, squirms or sinks into you. she might taste and smell differently when she is close to coming for you. pay close attention to her clit - if you're lucky and you've done a particularly good job, you might see it twitch as she recovers from the perfect orgasm. enjoy it.
you can be vocal though. moan into her. use every sensation you can. light flicks to determined, long, slow licks. blow gently on her wetness. how does she react to your lip piercing? your teeth?
build and add to the experience until she's completely overwhelmed. play with her nipples. run your nails over her skin. lift her legs and spank her.
chances are, she'll get to the point where she really needs you to fuck her. slip your tongue all the way down and inside her. if you can't breathe, you're doing it right. that means you probably won't be able to keep it up for hours, so save this move for when she's right on the edge and you're ready to let her tip over.
if you're especially lucky and she's a squirter, you will get absolutely soaked. enjoy it. show her you're enjoying it. moan into her cunt; she'll come even harder.
if she needs to be fucked harder, slip your fingers inside her cunt and curl them up towards your tongue as it circles her clit. all of her most sensitive nerves will be between your tongue and your fingers. you'll be able to feel every tiny twitch inside her; it's the most beautiful place in the world to be.
when she can truly take no more, stay close to her as you drift away from her cunt. kiss your way up her tummy and her chest, let her taste herself on your lips as you hold her and let her ride out the aftershocks. trail your fingertips over her back. whisper in her ear. tell her everything you loved about eating her out.
I want dirty dungeons and dragons.
I want real seduction instead of rolls. Clothing removal as penalty for failed checks. Cockwarming in exchange for better loot. Vibrators controlled by the DM. A whole room full of horny players squirming in their seats trying to remember simple addition.
I want ‘The BBEG is casting a charm spell- stare into this spiral and edge yourself for the rest of combat.’
And
‘You failed your wisdom save and are now the Naga’s slave- now take off your panties and sit on the battle board, she wants to make use of her new toy’
I’m asking you to put your age in your bio (FAQ)
What does that mean? Your age should be visible in your blog description or blog title. I’m not asking you to tell me your age by sending me a private message, I want to be able to see it on your blog. Do I have to share my exact age? If you prefer not to share your exact age, it’s also okay use a description like “20 something years old”, “in my 40′s”, “25 < my age < 30″, “born in the 80s” or your birth year. However, “18+” does not count as an age since it’s too vague and can also just be used as a synonym for NSFW. Why do I have to share my age? Because this is an NSFW blog and I want to try my best to make sure no minors are following me. Also, I prefer knowing a bit more (basic info!) about the people who are following me than just their kinks. Why don’t you just ask me? It’s a hell lot of work to keep sending everyone private messages just to ask for their age. If it’s easy to reply with a message, then I’m sure you can change your blog description too. Also, I’m sure I’m not the only NSFW blog you decided to follow, and many others want you to put your age in your bio as well. But it’s private information! Telling us whether you’re in your 20s or 40s isn’t gonna make us find out who you are exactly. It’s not “private info”, it’s basic info. But I still don’t wanna do it… Then I’m happy to block you.
Deeper and deeper...
4.3k words. Characters featured: Patton, Janus. (Remus and Roman, but only at the start), Moceit - 4th entry into the nsfs Superhero AU
Trans Patton, sub!Patton, dom!Janus, tist!Janus. hypnosis, dubcon (but patton's into it), programming/mind control, corruption kink. smattering of angst thrown in there. assurance kink.
masturbation, degradation and praise, magic, multiple orgasms, unprotected sex (no risk of pregnancy), creampies, obedience, orgasm control, crying, kissing. use of ‘pussy’ and ‘cunt’ to describe a trans man’s genitals.
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SUMMARY: All Siren/Janus can say is well Guardian sure is taking to this whole brainwashed slut thing like a duck to water. Patton gets offered a deal he just can't refuse (anymore).
They also have a nice, surprisingly genuine bonding moment. This is certainly not a surprise tool that will help Janus later.
full fic under the cut <3 (i finally got it out ;-;)
--- ------ ---- ----
Guardian makes it through the entire mission without the others commenting on it, but when they finally walk away from the police cars, criminals arrested, it’s Maelstrom who turns to him, tilting his head.
“…Fancied a redesign, Guardie?”
Guardian has to really hold back on squirming. His suit is his most important asset – that and the small pieces of tech he augments himself with. It lets him keep up with the water-and-weather-based powers of Maelstrom and the enhanced speed, strength and flight of Hurricane. His suit is heavily armoured and flexible, and… until about two weeks ago, hard to take off.
Patton’s altered it. He… he wants to say he doesn’t know why, and really, he can’t pinpoint any exact thought as motivation, but he gets wet when he thinks about it too hard and that tells him all he needs to know.
There are more zippers. Especially one big, chunky one down the front.
Guardian plays it cool.
“Yeah,” he says. “It was hard to take off, especially injured. I’m… experimenting. With ways to make it easier to remove while not compromising, uh, safety.”
Hurricane raises an eyebrow at him, Maelstrom folds his arms, but he has a grin under that moustache of his.
“Well,” he says. “Whatever floats your boat.”
A Rousing You
cw: hypnotic language, hypnotic induction, arousal suggestions, temporary triggers, optional wakener
Stop. Make sure you're all alone. Read the content warnings above.
Are you ready? Are you alone? Do you want to go on?
Good. Go down now. Read.
This is a hypnotic induction. Its purpose is to take you into a hypnotic trance.
This is also a targeted induction. It's meant for people who have a hypnosis kink. That is, those for whom hypnosis itself is sexually arousing.
If you have that kink and keep reading these words, a likely outcome is that you end up hypnotized and aroused: deep in a state of pleasure and mindlessness, wanting a release.
As it happens, the fact that you're still reading at this point is telling. I don't know who you are, but it's very likely that you have the kink, even if you don't know it or don't admit it yet. You're interested in knowing where all this goes.
You can own up to it. No one is watching you right now. You surely have seen to that by this moment.
Try and imagine it. Take a deep breath and picture that in your mind. See it there, within you, where no one else but you can really look.
Take another deep breath. All the way in, then out.
Imagine yourself starting this induction. Some words by a person you don't know, designed to entrance and arouse you. Deep down, you are curious to know if that's even possible. Or you already know that it is. Either way— You have fantasized about it. You have even touched yourself about it, probably. And the fantasy has always been pleasant.
Arousing.
It is arousing for you to picture yourself losing control to someone else. Your mind becoming simpler, more pliant. Maybe even animalistic. Your person, your self, in heat, wonderfully lost in pleasure. Your body reacting with warmth and urgency even to the slightest thought about it.
Your body has already reacted to that notion more than once in your past. You may be really good at hiding it from others, but you can't hide it from yourself. Deep down, in fact, you don't want to hide it. It's part of who you are. Beyond any guilt, behind any façade of convenience, you want this.
You wish I succeed in dropping you into trance. In fact, you're craving trance.
You're eager to be hypnotized and get your mind and body into that wonderful, submissive state.
And if you have experience hypnosis before, or even imagined it, what I've told you so far hasn't just made you flustered. You already know this is a hypnotic induction. You already know its goal. You already know hypnotic inductions start by letting you know they're starting, so you can adjust to the fact that you're in a particular mindspace: a setting for your entire self to enter a different state of consciousness.
You already feel we have started.
You breathing has already changed.
You have started relaxing. Feeling that soft, slight heaviness in your limbs.
That wonderful heaviness in your mind.
You are already feeling the pull. The pull down. Deep and deeper. Deeper down.
You are already going deeper. Deeper now. Right towards that safe place within yourself.
Deeper now. Deeper each time, as you realize all of my words are pulling you deeper.
And at the same time—
This is different from a purely relaxing induction. You may go into a trance by allowing yourself to go limp, to forget about all tensions and stresses as your mind slows down, goes down, goes deeper down into a trance.
Yet this is different. This is exciting.
This is rousing.
This is arousing.
Rousing you is different. A rousing you is different than a sleeping you.
Your mind is letting go, already, as usual.
As you know it would.
Your body is deliciously losing control, losing its will to act beyond what my words tell you.
But this is a rousing induction.
This is a rousing.
This is arousing you.
Just like you get aroused when watching someone else being hypnotized.
Just like you get aroused when there's hypnosis in a movie or on TV.
Any sight of hypnosis speaks to your mind and your body.
Any sign of hypnosis takes hold of your mind and your body.
Emptying your mind.
Filling your body with warmth and tingly pleasure.
Unmistakable pleasure.
Undeniable pleasure.
It's alright. There is no judgment here.
Not guilt or shame are needed here.
They can just fade away and disappear now.
Unnoticed.
Unneeded.
A hindrance you can let go of as you float down.
Down and deeper.
Down and deeper while your body, and the secret, sensitive spots of your body, feel the tingle. The warmth at the onset of pleasure.
Pleasure.
During this session, the word pleasure will have power over you. You will feel it every time you read it. Strong. Undeniable. Coming from the most sensitive spots on your own body.
Those spots you like to touch, rub, stroke, pleasure with the help of your own body or of others.
Those spots that give you the most pleasure.
Feel it now. Pleasure. Sense it pulling you even further down. It's true and it's happening.
Sense it pushing other thoughts away, allowing you to focus.
Sense your mind go down faster,
faster,
faster now,
totally focused,
faster
and
DROP
into trance. DROP now.
DROP into more pleasure.
DROP and realize how much do you want this. No hiding now. Pleasure must be felt. It is good. It feels good. It feels good so it has to be good.
You know where it comes from. You know you want it.
Embrace it.
Leave all other thoughts behind and focus on the word pleasure.
DROP even more into pleasure.
A pleasure that keeps coming from inside you, real and true, taking you and carrying you deeper as it rises, taking you down as it goes up, down and up, down and up.
So good. Making you want more and more.
More pleasure.
And it all comes from hypnosis. Pleasure comes from hypnosis. You're hypnotized now and that gives you pleasure.
Your mind is simpler now. No doubts, no hesitation, no resistance. Trance has taken you. Trance has taken fear and shame away from you.
You can accept what you are and what makes you feel pleasure.
Feel it rising. Pleasure.
So happy and good pleasure.
Your body might be moving now, beyond your control. Clenching, twitching, humping. It's alright. Everything's alright. Pleasure is alright.
Pleasure is all. Pleasure is right.
You can help it along if you like. Touch yourself. Give yourself even more pleasure. You have no control, and yet these words are giving you what you want. Your head may be overwhelmed, but your limbs, your fingers, know what to do even better than you do.
Pleasure.
So much pleasure.
Sink into trance and pleasure.
If you wish to go on and reach a climax, you can close your eyes now. My words, and especially the word pleasure, will remain in your mind until you have reached the point of release, and then you will wake up. You can do it now.
If, on the contrary, you want to deny yourself a release, to stay on the edge and never go beyond it, you can stay here for long as you want. I'll leave a spiral for you below these words. Look at it. Imagine your body pulsing with pleasure. The do it again as you DROP even deeper.
Do it now.
DROP and sink. Feel the pleasure of sinking.
DROP.
Lost to everything else.
Just obeying these words and this pleasure.
(source: @jesuisrien-e)
Hello, I have a new sub (he’s new to all kink, including hypnosis) who is definitely experiencing hypnoamory.
I keep trying to explain to him that hypnoamory is not safe but I don’t fully understand the risks myself so it’s difficult to explain them to him.
I can’t find much online and you have amazing insights and I’m hoping you can help explain it to me, so I can explain it to him?
Thank you, in advance.
-A
Reader's follow up message for context:
"A here, I asked about the hypnoamory. It seems almost like he’s falling in love, and it’s been obscenely fast.
He keeps mentioning (undefined) feelings, and is expressing them strongly. Wanting to constantly be with me, even if it means breaking his own rules of not being on a Zoom call while his sister (his roommate) is around. (I nipped that in the bud and said I didn’t consent to that.)
When I suggest caution, and bring up, hypnoamory, it’s quite hard to explain to him why it’s risky when I don’t fully know myself.
(I’ll admit, some of these (undefined) feelings are reciprocated, and that also worries me, because how can I take care of him, if I’m also dealing with it.)”
Answer:
Hi anon!
Thank you so much for this question! I'm really excited to answer it. Not only do I (apparently) have lots of thoughts here, I'm really excited to hear about what others have to say on this topic. Hopefully we’ll create some good discussion about hypnosis and love and consent/safety- I know I’m really curious what people with different experiences have to say about this!
ON HYPNOSIS AND LOVE
For this response, I’m going to assume “hypnoamory” means love or attachment that is created primarily or largely through hypnosis play. I know someone on one of my Discords defined “hypnoamory” as a “speed run to intimacy”- another definition that can really be fitting. It makes sense to be concerned about a partner who seems to be feeling too much or moving too fast. How do you manage a relationship with someone who seems to feel so much so fast?
So- to back WAY up: We tend to think of love as this magical, enigmatic thing that just happens to us, but there's actually a fair amount of research on variables that may lead to greater connection and even love. There’s no one formula that applies to all people, but there are some actions that seem to make love more likely. Sex is one- a good orgasm involves dopamine, oxytocin, vasopressin and these are all neurochemicals linked with attachment. Of course, people often HAVE sex to express their love so the attachment is already there but it's also seemingly common for people having casual sex to fall for one another.
Emotional intimacy is another common precursor to love. You may have seen this list of 36 "questions that lead to love" floating around (https://www.verywellmind.com/unpacking-the-36-questions-that-lead-to-love-8559179) . This list of questions works (when it works) because it speeds up the natural process by which people build intimacy. It invites sharing and listening and vulnerability and trust. Those same things will happen naturally over time in a healthy relationship, using the questions is just designed to speed that process up.
These ideas may be a good framework to start thinking about hypnoamory. Hypnokink play is often full of things that are known "love triggers" for many people- things that would naturally make them more likely to bond or even fall in love. Hypnosis itself seems to release some of the same neurotransmitters associated with love- dopamine, GABA, serotonin.* There's often sexual arousal and sex/orgasms that make people feel good. Happy calm feelings. Happy safe/cared for feelings. There's novelty and learning. There's communication and trust. There's engaging in an activity both people enjoy. There can be feelings of danger, leading to physical arousal and then emotional/sexual arousal. There's dependence. There’s intimacy. In fact, the whole process of hypnotizing someone is giving them the illusion that you're in their brain. What could be more intimate than that?
Then there's the kink aspect. Pretend someone has gone through their life with this secret, hidden desire. It’s something they dare not talk to anyone about for fear that they’ll be mocked or shamed. No one else in the world seems to get their kink. They don't even know if the thing they want is POSSIBLE.
Then, one day they meet a person who DOES get it. Not only does this person get it, they seem to want the same things. And, better yet, not only does this person have similar fantasies, they actually want to DO the thing. With YOU.
How could you not fall in love?
Here's a personal anecdote:
When I fell in love with my wife, it happened slowly and gently. We dated, we got to know each other, we hung out more and more, and then I turned around about a year later and I was in love. I was like a dropped feather- slowly drifting downwards until I gently landed on the ground. Happily and safely eased into love.
I fell for my first hypnokink partner like a rock falls from a cliff. It FELT like those teenage romances from books and movies- Romeo and Juliet, Buffy, Titanic- landing with a big "thump" of feeling and obsession. I was well into adulthood when it happened, fortunately, so I didn't do anything too disruptive or embarrassing with it. I was in a situation where I could talk it through. But- I remember being able to finally understand how people in love could do crazy things. It DID feel a bit like an addiction. I was going about my life and then- completely knocked on my ass. Nothing I had done before prepared me.
All of this is to say- hypnoamory definitely exists. It doesn't happen all the time** but in my experience it happens frequently. And, just like love "caused" by sex or answering the 36 questions or, say, surviving a disaster together, I wouldn't say hypnoamory love is inauthentic. In fact, I don’t think love CAN be inauthentic. We feel what we feel. What I WOULD say, though, is that most people caught up in that initial high are experiencing a particular stage of love called "infatuation". (Around the community you may also hear the term “new relationship energy” or “nre”- it's basically infatuation but make it poly). The infatuation is fun but can also be a cause for caution.
People contrast infatuation*** with "real love" but IMHO that’s short sighted. For many people, infatuation is actually the first stage OF being in love. When someone’s infatuated, attraction feels almost overwhelming. Your whole neurochemistry (dopamine, norepinephrine, phenylephrine) is driving you to spend more and more time with the person you love. You think obsessively about the other person. You feel bad when they're not around. It feels a bit like an addiction.
Strong infatuation actually resembles being high in some ways. Like when you’re high, your amygdala isn't quite working right and thus your judgment can be impaired. This is the phase where people can sometimes feel extra compelled towards bad decisions. They may do things like move in with someone they just met, leave a long-established relationship for someone new and hot, or stop doing things to take care of themselves****. They may neglect other important parts of their life and people in their life. In kink, someone who is infatuated may push for strong attachment play (brainwash me!), push for constant contact/play, or disregard boundaries that were pretty firm before. They may want to jump into the most intense kinky play more quickly.
For most people, infatuation is a phase. It can last from days to weeks to years depending on the person (and the research you're looking at) but- ideally infatuation will settle down into a more stable relationship in time. It’s not the strong impairment of being drunk (or being hypnotized)- it’s still pretty accepted in the hypnokink community (and in general) that someone who is infatuated can give reasonable, legitimate consent. That consent may just take a bit more discussion and thoughtfulness.******
Also- on the positive side, infatuation can be really fun! And being in love feels great! Being infatuated doesn't automatically mean someone is immature or unintelligent or incapable of having a kink relationship. Infatuation is just a possible side effect of hypnokinky play (and kink play)(and having a relationship)(and life).
A NOTE ON SUB FRENZY
In addition to “nre”, another term you might here around the community is “sub frenzy”. Sub frenzy is the tendency for new subs to want to do ALL of the things (and often play with all of the people) when they first get started in a kink. It's like infatuation, but for an activity instead of a person. My friend @daja-the-hypnokitten (who suggested and really helped out with this part of this answer) described it for me as being like someone who always thirsted and never got water- but now that they HAVE water they might gulp it down and drink so much that they make themselves sick. Someone who is in sub frenzy may push for tons of play in a way that harms them/where they neglect other things and may push for the most intense play ASAP.
A lot of the suggestions I talk about below might help with both sub frenzy and regular infatuation for a person. My friend suggested that what's often most helpful for her is having logistical conversations about her stronger desires- (ex. “Hey, if I give you a fetish for the color red, how might that work practically? What problems may come up? What safeties might we need in place?”) That way, she knows an idea is being worked on (which can soothe that craving for more more more now) but is also thinking about it in a practical way instead of just as a hot fantasy.
COPING WITH INFATUATION
So- infatuation is common in what we do, especially if you are someone’s first kinky partner. That being said, I definitely understand your caution with it. You're looking out for your sub and not wanting to influence them unduly. You don't want to continue a relationship dynamic that may be unhealthy for them. It speaks well of you as a dominant that you are paying careful attention to how your sub is doing and what may be influencing them/their consent.
Here's how not to handle it:
1. DON'T go for a magic cure. For some people, it would be tempting to want to cure this by hypnosis itself- to hypnotize your partner and give them a suggestion to not feel love for you anymore. That would be a BIG mistake. Repression tends to cause more problems than it answers and trying something like this could lead to really bad consequences. Also, especially if you tried this without your sub's conscious consent, it would be a big violation of their personal autonomy and their trust in you.
2. DON'T go radio silent or start backing away from your sub without talking about it. If you felt responsible for your sub’s feelings or actions, you might be tempted to limit your contact with them to not do any more "damage" to them. Shame or regret may make you want to back off. If that’s happening, I urge you to reconsider it. You can have kind intentions, but if you just disappear one day, your sub will likely blame himself and that would create problems in future relationships. He might think about you MORE after being ghosted or feel more in love with you in unhealthy ways. For some people, that sudden drop can keep them ruminating about the relationship for YEARS. You'd also lose everything that YOU have invested in this relationship, as well as the chance of it being healthy and rewarding relationship for you. Your sub being in love with you isn’t something you’re doing TO him, it’s just the situation you find yourselves in. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad one.
(This isn't to say you shouldn't be able to set boundaries for your mental health and even safety- I’ll talk about this more below. There might even come to a time when going radio silent is the best option! Hopefully, though, disconnecting without speaking would be a last resort if other attempts at boundary setting didn’t work .)
Here are some things to consider instead:
-DO have a big ole conversation with your sub. Several conversations. MANY conversations. ONGOING conversations. It sounds like you've already started having these. Great! It's totally fair to express your concern about his feelings using some of the language and explanations in the first section. That being said, ultimately neither you nor he are going to be able to control what he feels. Being infatuated is usually not something someone can just decide to stop doing. That’s not how feelings work. "I'm worried you're in love with me because of our hypnosis play" may be a good place to start a conversation but- it doesn't give him a lot to respond to. He can't just choose to not be in love with you any more- just like he can't choose to make you not worried. It may be helpful to think more about WHY you’re worried- what do you think might happen? Do you want him to change his behavior towards you right now? Are things OK now but you’re worried how this may affect things in the future?
A lot of times, starting from concrete observations might help start a conversation. Ex: "I know you've been talking more about how much you care for me. You've seemed more willing to push your own boundaries- like having your sister in the room when we talk." From there, you can move in to what you're worried about. (ex. "I'm worried you're getting so caught up in our play that you aren't studying", "I'm worried you seem to be neglecting your other relationships", "I'm worried that you're ignoring your boundaries and that you'll end up either regretting it or getting hurt.")
After you state your concerns, give him time to talk and listen to what he says. Ideally, you'll be able to both express your point of view and understand each other's by the end of the conversation. From here, you may be able to work out a plan together to address what’s going on. Or, you might be in a place where the plan is to keep touching base about your feelings- or even in a place where the hypnoamory doesn’t feel so worrisome. I know for me and my sub, we'll have frequent "hey, am I influencing you too much?" check ins. At this point, those check-ins seem to function primarily to provide reassurance to me as the domme- but that’s ok! They're also good chances for both of us to discuss how our D/s is going, what we’re feeling, if we have any new boundaries we need to set, etc. Even if I’m initially nervous about bringing something up, I usually feel really reassured when a conversation is over.
HEY, ARE YOU INFLUENCING YOUR SUB TOO MUCH?
I didn't say this above but I'll say this here- I doubt your sub's strong feelings are due to the way you're doing hypnosis or hypnokink. A lot of things probably have more influence on how he is feeling and responding than your play together. After all, people naturally get closer and have looser boundaries and pick up each other's preferences/habits/mannerisms the more time they spend together even without kink. In hypnokink we sometimes romanticize some of these natural responses as part of “brainwashing” but- in actuality, they’re normal parts of many longer term relationships. However, I don’t want to ignore the role hypnosis and kink play may have in influence. Here are some things to consider if you are worried that you are influencing your sub too much in play:
- How ARE you wording your suggestions to him? Are you telling him that he's enraptured, helpless against you, worshipful, obsessed with you, etc? Are you implying or saying you're the only one that can make him feel this way? There's a lot of language that people regularly use in hypnokink that wouldn’t be out of place in a particularly saucy Victorian love poem. I doubt these words alone are creating love whole-cloth, but this kind of flowery kink talk is also packed with suggestions and suggestions can have effects. Even the harsher-sounding kink talk- things like "You are my property" or "You're worthless without me" can create dependence and feelings of love. Flowery sexy hypnotalk suggestions can linger sometimes even if you are "just" role-playing or if you give suggestions to “cancel” those previous suggestions at the end of a session. They also might not! It really depends on the person! (Example- Think of a sad movie you've seen. You can often still feel the sadness now even though you KNOW the movie itself wasn't real.)
If themes around romance/dependence/worship are coming up in your scenes, it's a good idea to be mindful about them and how you're using them. Is this something that you both consciously wanted as a theme in play or did it just kind of sneak in because those are typical tropes? How are you both feeling about those themes now? I wouldn't say to stop speaking in ways that are hot to you both, but talking about how and when and why might be a good next step. Sometimes even both consciously and verbally setting intentions about what you want the relationship to look like outside of scenes helps. Know that even in really self-knowledgeable subs, there can be "bleed" of emotions from in the scene to out of it- so it’s good to keep checking in! “Positive” emotions especially may have this tendency to linger.
Putting limiters around a scene may not work perfectly, but it may help prevent some emotional bleedover. Some ways you might do this could include setting up fantasy scenarios/ role play, consciously undoing suggestions at the end of a scene, or "locking" suggestions to limit them to a certain person/certain time/certain place. Doing good check ins after a scene and aftercare can help you discuss lingering effects- especially if the aftercare moves someone out of a submissive headspace and into a more normal one.
- Are you doing long term conditioning? If you're doing any suggestions that linger outside of a scene, those suggestions have the chance of tying the other person to you (even if unintentionally). Here’s an example that seems really innocuous: Pretend that I give someone a suggestion that every time he walks through a doorway, he will touch his nose. This person does this a bunch of times during the week. Fun! Silly! But also- there's a secret sneaky second trigger in here. While this person is touching his nose, he is also likely thinking of me, the hypnotist who gave him that suggestion. Maybe he thinks of how much fun we're having together or how hot it is that I've compelled his behavior. It IS hot and fun! Now he’s thinking of me in hot/fun ways a bunch of times a day -every time he walks through the door, in fact! It might not have been my intention, but I’ve accidentally conditioned my guy to think of me in positive ways all day every day. No wonder he might start feeling attached! And this is just a basic example. Imagine the associations that could happen if he had to ask me before he had an orgasm!
Conditioning happens outside of play too. Are y'all talking all day every day? Are you doing positive things at each other randomly and unpredictably? Those actions are probably making you feel closer. (Those unpredictable rewards are POWERFUL.) None of that has to be malicious or consciously manipulative, it’s just how humans bond.
Again I want to emphasize- Feeling close is not a bad thing! Nor is falling in love! And even if you have been engaging in some of these actions, you aren’t responsible for your sub’s actions or emotions. These are normal things for hypnokinksters to do and normal risks for us to take. The question isn’t one of blame (for yourself or him)- it’s where you both want to go from here.
COOLING THINGS DOWN
Hopefully you will both talk together and come to a mutual decision/conclusion. Let's say that you and your your sub talk and you both decide to cool things off a bit. What might work?
- Coming to a true mutual decision about your goals and strategies for cooling things off. Open, non-judgemental, and ongoing communication about feelings here would be helpful. What does “cooling things off” look like? How will you know when it has happened? It’s ok to modify expectations as you go.
- Setting stronger boundaries. If y'all are playing all day every day, you might instead schedule a time to play once a week. You might limit unpredictable suggestions or times where you're texting during the day. You might table bigger relationship step conversations (collaring, moving in together, exclusivity, heavy brainwashing play) for a period of time to settle into the relationship and how you relate to each other after some of the initial intensity has passed. You may also table types of play for a time (for example, if themes of begging and worship are contributing to his strong feelings maybe you both want to back off those for a while pending further conversation).
-Developing trustworthiness in yourselves and each other- If you're worried about him having impaired consent because of love or hypnosis or kink or any combination of these things, talk about this specifically! Make sure you make a relationship where setting boundaries feels really good and comfortable- and where bringing up those conversations feels safe.. I know I try to be really verbally grateful when a partner sets a boundary or even gives critical feedback- it lets me know that they trust me and I can trust them to be taking care of themselves. You can even frame this as part of submission ("you're my property so you need to take care of what's mine") or your partnership/consent ("I worry when you keep changing boundaries because I would feel guilty if I hurt you/our relationship accidentally"). Trust usually increases bonding, but making fertile ground for boundaries can help you both have the conversations you need to make sure the relationship doesn’t feel like “too much”.
- Playing with other partners. Are you worried that your sub may be more in love with kink/ hypnosis itself than they are with you? Sometimes it takes time and experience for new kinksters to really distinguish for themselves if they’re having strong feelings for a person vs strong feelings for an activity. Encouraging his own introspection may help, but playing with other hypnotist partners can help him figure this out too. If you decide to take this step, y'all would want to do it within your own comfort zones and he would want to be careful about who he played with. Suggesting playing with others should never be a command- more of a helpful idea. There's unfortunately some ill-meaning hypnotists out there- so if he’s interested in playing with others, passing on information about finding safe partners and taking care of his subject agency might help him with branching out.
-Talking to other experienced subs. If your partner talks with other hypnosubs, he is likely to be able to find people who can relate to how he is feeling. Sometimes even hearing from someone else who has had similar experiences may be helpful. He could also potentially get tips on how other subjects manage strong emotions in their kink dynamics. Ditto for you talking to other dominants. This is a known issue within the community- many people have dealt with it and can offer empathy and ideas.
YOUR BOUNDARIES MATTER
I’ve been talking a lot in this response about his boundaries and your mutually agreed upon kink boundaries but- you get your own boundaries too! We sometimes skip talking about dominant/top boundaries in kink but- it’s very important that you are paying attention to your own comfort zone and needs. Boundaries help both of you continue to play in a way that feels fun/safe/enjoyable for everyone involved. This may sound harsh but- just because your sub is in love with you, that doesn't necessarily have to change what YOUR boundaries are (unless you want it to). Similarly, just because your sub is wanting to ignore his earlier boundaries, it doesn’t mean that you have to change your boundaries if that makes you uncomfortable. (In fact, I tend to be the brakes in a relationship more often when I'm topping than bottoming- and I think that's pretty common for a lot of switches.) For example, I'm really glad that you were clear and firm about not having his sister around on calls. If he’s doing things that are dangerous to himself in a way that pushes YOUR boundaries, it’s OK to say that and set conditions. (Ex. “I know you are really invested in our kink play, but if you drop out of school because of it, I won’t want to play with you any more.”)
If you’re worried about managing sudden boundary changes on his part, you can always give yourself pauses to think and decide what’s comfortable for you. For example, let’s say that he contacts you right before a scene and wants something that would push his previous boundaries. It would be OK in that case to say if you’re not comfortable with that- that you’d like to think about it and discuss it later. Or you may even say “no” outright if it's uncomfortable for you. You might even consider a new relationship rule- if he (or either of you) want to do something that pushes previously-held boundaries, you need to have a sober discussion about it first.
Lastly, if he’s pushing your boundaries and KEEPS pushing them after you try to talk, you might have to set stronger boundaries- up to and including breaking up with him. Being in love can explain his intensity, but if he can’t take a “no” then we’re moving into something really unhealthy. (I like this little worksheet about separating a healthy relationship vs an unhealthy one vs an abusive one- it’s not kink specific but has good information in general about what each of these relationships may look like- https://idas.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/Healthy-Relationships-Checklist-2.pdf )
I know this was a lot of information anon! I hope it helps! Please feel free to write me with follow up questions (and that goes for anyone reading). Also- I only know things here from my own experience and life philosophies- I hope other people will read this and add their perspective/knowledge! Between all of us, I hope you find the knowledge you're looking for!
Thank you to @linnybeenaughty , @ultinath ,@dancercoder , @spiralturquoise , and especially @daja-the-hypnokitten for the beta reads!; I appreciate your thoughts and help checking this for me! Any grammar mistakes or spelling mistakes or general wonkiness are my fault, not theirs.
Footnotes (for Nerds)
*I realize I’m leaning a lot on neurotransmitters here so- just to say, MANY activities release these neurotransmitters, not just hypnosis and love. Neurotransmitters are always swimming around in our head- they help our brain through its daily functioning. People especially sometimes talk as though things that trigger dopamine are innately addictive but- brains are much more complicated than that. I probably get a dopamine hit from brushing my teeth. It’s a piece of the puzzle here, not the whole thing.
**Side note- That being said, if you've never experienced intense hypnoamory, that's OK too! There's nothing wrong with you and it doesn't mean you don't care about partners. You just fall in love in a different way.
***Other/similar words and concepts it might be helpful to look up- limerence, nre (new relationship energy), puppy love. It isn't exactly "sub frenzy" but learning about that might be helpful too. :)
****Infatuation can make therapists really nervous sometimes because that’s when people do things like stop treatment, go off medications, relapse on drugs, make huge life decisions, etc. It can be hard to balance being infatuated and still working on yourself!
******Infatuation and being Infatuation-impaired is actually its' own subkink. A lot of pro work is out there on that theme. It's edge play and I'm assuming not what you're writing about, but I wanted to acknowledge down here that it exists.
Its so cute when doms are like i am stoic and unaffected i am the big boss here and you will do as i say. like lmao ok watch this *whines so sweetly it makes your dick hard*
You don't have to call us out like this.
Perhaps... but have you considered *whimpers SO pathetically*
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Summary:
Remy helps Virgil through a tough time while Janus is in another realm. Virgil gets to meet new people (Joan and Talyn), make a shocking discovery, and have a slumber party all while trying to cope with Janus’s absence.
Look what’s up!
screaming about this GO READ THIS NOW
Frothing at the mouth every time I see a sex ed resource that says "use condoms" without any further elaboration. "Condoms prevent STIs and pregnancy in the vast majority of cases when used correctly" but then they don't talk about what correctly IS
Correct use of a condom means
Using the right size, because if it's too big it can slide off or leak and if it's too small it can break or come off. Condoms usually come in 5 sizes, I'm sure you could find others outside of that as well but in ten years of sex work I found they covered everyone
Using lube, even if you think you don't need it. With the exception of oral sex, condoms should always be used with lube, 100% of the time. Most important lube should be applied to the outside but a drop in the tip of the condom before putting it in is also a good idea
Being mindful that latex is prone to wearing out, being damaged by heat etc. Condoms should be kept somewhere cool, not folded in wallets or sat on in back pockets and should be changed between activities and after about 15 minutes of any vigorous activity. Ask me how I know (a condom snapped on my leg when a client was pulling out, because I didn't change it when I should have)
The penetrative partner should hold the base of the condom when they pull out, and should do so immediately after they ejaculate so the condom doesn't leak or come off as the penis gets flaccid
Bonus: a lot of people think hand stuff can't transmit STIs. Wrong! If you give your partner a handjob and then touch yourself you can get HPV, herpes (low risk), and infections like chlamydia and gonorrhea
This isn't meant to be stressful, and the most common STIs are the most treatable - and often curable - but getting gonorrhea in your eyes after a facial still extremely sucks and yet no one talks about the fact that any mucous membrane can be effected, not just your genitals (yes this includes your mouth and throat)
In ten years of doing sex work where I saw 10 clients a day most of the time I've had 4 condom fails ever. One was what I mentioned above when it snapped on my leg, one was a client on top of me didn't get off fast enough after he finished and the condom came off, and the other two were a Glyde brand magnum that was inexplicably twice the thickness of a regular condom and didn't stay put on anyone so I suggest just avoiding Glyde entirely (their water based lubes also stain fyi). With all other brands correct use = extremely safe
field research
Virgil is a researcher of all creatures magical and supernatural. Remus is a magical octopus monster. Virgil seeks him out, and Remus shows him a very, very good time.
sub/bottom Virgil, top/dom Remus, trans!virgil, referring to a trans man's genitalia as cunt and pussy, anal, double penetration, aphrodisiacs, intox/mild cnc/mild mind-altering substance, talk of breeding, overstim, monsterfucking, tentacles and monstercock. i think that's about everything.
about 4k words under the cut
--- --- --- --- --- --- ---
Virgil shivers as he hoists his bag more securely over his shoulder. He’s been told he shouldn’t go out here alone. But the last time he tried to bring a guard or a monster hunter with him, they tried to kill his subject before Virgil could even ask any questions.
So now he explores on his own.
He’s got mud all over his boots and up his trouser legs. The trees hang low, and he has to keep pushing vines out of his face.
He’s in the swamps by the foothills because he’s looking for a creature in particular. Encounters with it have been rare, apparently, but all he knows is tentacles, and swamp. Virgil does his best to walk on tree roots so he doesn’t sink too far into the mud.
He’s looking for a lake, apparently. Not the biggest lake, more like a big pool, it’s spring-fed from somewhere in the hills, and feeds into this swamp. But the hills are so heavily forested he’s been advised that through the swamp is his best bet.
He thinks he sees a break in the trees, though, up ahead, where it looks like flat, inviting water glints in the sun.
Hesitating at the edge, Virgil balances on a tree root and fumbles with his bag, finding his notebook and pen, and he starts sketching out the landscape, eyes glancing up to make sure he’s capturing it correctly every so often.
Not often enough to notice the first tentacle.
Ethical Porn
Here is an ongoing list of ethical (feminist, BIPoC, queer) porn sites, pls add in the comments what you love and know:
XConfessions: https://xconfessions.com/
Four Chambers: https://www.afourchamberedheart.com/
LustCinema: https://lustcinema.com/
Crashpad Series: https://crashpadseries.com/
Oil Productions: https://oilproductions.ch/
ForPlay Films: https://forplayfilms.com/
Aorta Films: http://www.aortafilms.com/home
Pink Label: https://pinklabel.tv/
Queer Porn: https://queerporn.tv/wp/
Indie Porn Revolution: http://indiepornrevolution.com/indie-porn/
Bright Desire: https://brightdesire.com/tour/
Make Love Not Porn: https://makelovenotporn.tv/
Oactually: https://www.oactually.com/
Sssh: https://sssh.com/
Hegre: https://www.hegre.com/
[Image description 1: A screenshot of Virgil from the Sanders Sides video Selfishness vs Selflessness, wearing his courtroom outfit and sitting in the witness box. The words "You should be addicted to shutting the fuck up" are in white text at the bottom of the image. /. End image description]
[Image description 2: A screenshot of Janus from the Sanders Sides video Selfishness vs Selflessness, wearing his courtroom outfit. The words "You wanna fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid" are in white text at the bottom of the image. /. End image description]