[holyshitholyfuckingshit]

since the original video is now unlisted on both of the original accounts on YouTube:

[thebootydiaries]

Parents: why you wanna move so bad

Me: independence

Me in head: gettin a lizard

[what-you-eggs]

I too suffer from melancholia and require a hot older woman to walk the shoreline and do gay stuff with me

[girlsuggestion]

i applaud people who have been through hell but are still kind & loving towards other humans. i hope the universe will soon reward you with happiness.

[spankerella]

[sirkrabs]

[chonkyfroggy]

*hits button violently*

[toastheaven]

[baenling]

[moveslikekeithrichards]

can u believe some people can see a cat & not immediately be filled with absolute unconditional love for that animal. they dont even get the urge to kiss them right on their little baby cat head. thats incomprehensible to me

[all-a-mort]

one of the things to look forward to in the show is how different Sam will be as Cap

I mean

Steve as Captain America

Sam as Captain America (perhaps)

civil war would have gone very differently

[a-gnosis]

Going through my heaps of paper reveals more forgotten sketches: Zeus and Hera from that scene in the Iliad when Hera seduces Zeus with the help of Aphrodite’s magical belt.

It’s one of my favorite scenes from the Iliad. Plato condemned it because he thought it set a bad example for young people.

[wtfzeus]

…out of all the shit in Greek mythology… a woman making an effort to try and inject some spice into her sex life with her partner… SETS A BAD EXAMPLE FOR YOUNG PEOPLE?!!?!?!

[teashoesandhair]

A sitcom about the modern Greek gods where everyone is wildly miscast

Zeus is played by Michael Cera

[dasfeministmermaid]

😂😂😂😂 Hephaestus is Nikolaj Coster-Waldau

[teashoesandhair]

@seerofbirds has cast Danny DeVito as Aphrodite and @qrowxiii has cast Eddie Murphy as Ares, so this is shaping up to be a pretty great TV pitch and if anyone from Hollywood is reading this, could you also consider casting Dwayne ‘the Rock’ Johnson as Hermes and Christopher Walken as Apollo, thanks.

[teashoesandhair]

Hera is Oscar Isaac because are you really going to cheat on Oscar Isaac, Michael Cera? Really? You’d do that? You’d look at that man’s face and chase tail somewhere else, Michael Cera, you sack of shit?

[angelicfangirl]

I’m dying this is fantastic I NEED THE WHOLE CAST

[teashoesandhair]

Hades is Whoopi Goldberg and Persephone is Jeff Goldblum and Demeter is Julie Andrews. Their interplay makes up 70% of the film and is all improvised.

Athena is played by Amy Schumer (thanks anon!) and she defeats her enemies by being incredibly loud and annoying and plagiarising all their tactics and eventually they just give up in irritation. She only has 3 minutes of screen time and no dialogue. Thank fuck.

Heracles is played by Jesse Eisenberg because Michael Cera got to be Zeus. Sometimes they swap roles. No-one notices.

Poseidon is played by Daniel Craig but his only scene is when he reenacts the famous Bond scene with speedos.

[teashoesandhair]

Artemis is played by Robert Pattinson and all his lines are just slightly amended from Twilight. Dionysus is played by Helen Mirren. It is perhaps the only apt casting in the film.

[teashoesandhair]

To clarify, Hestia is absolutely played by Charles Dance, whose costume includes an apron which gets progressively dirtier throughout the series.

In the sitcom, which precedes the feature film and which focuses on certain myths every episode, Narcissus is played by John Goodman. Echo is played by Billy Crystal. 

Other episodes include the story of Eros and Psyche, played respectively by Jane Fonda and Shirley MacLaine, the story of Daedalus and Icarus, played respectively by Reese Witherspoon and Laura Dern, and the story of Zeus overthrowing Cronus, in which Michael Cera as Zeus must defeat Cronus, as played by John Cena, in a battle of wits and muscle. Astonishingly, he wins.

[i-can-do-tricks]

this is all very good gud

but who is perseus and medusa? jason , Midas, circe, media, please I NEED TO KNOW

[teashoesandhair]

These are very important questions and I will answer them immediately.

Perseus and Medusa are played by Andy Samberg and Glenn Howerton. All their scenes together are just them one upping each other with improvised insults.

Jason and Medea are played by John Boyega and Meryl Streep, and all their scenes are so beautifully acted that they both get nominated for Oscars, despite the fact that one of Jason’s lines is “are you trying to fleece me out of the golden fleece?”, to which Medea replies “me, fleece you? Oh no, me dear.”

Midas is played by Steve Buscemi, obviously. For no discernible reason, everything he touches does not turn to gold, but copper alloy. This is possibly due to budget cuts. Due to their on screen chemistry, he bizarrely has several buddy cop style scenes with Jeff Goldblum’s Persephone.

Circe does not appear. If she did, she would be played by Audrey Hepburn, using that creepy CGI from the Galaxy adverts, but her estate refuse to give their permission.

[teashoesandhair]

Important updates:

(Anonymous suggests: Kelsey Asbille Chow playing Achilles, Michelle Obama is Thetis, Danny Trejo as Helen, Terry Crewes as Paris, and Adrien Brody as Hector. olvmpos says: Ganymede is played by Arnold Schwarzenegger, and regularly benchpresses Michael Cera.)

[giantsnakesextape]

Hey @teashoesandhair I’m not saying that I felt inspired and sketched Whoopi Goldberg and Jeff Goldblum as Hades and Persephone but that’s exactly what I’m saying

[teashoesandhair]

OH GOD THIS IS PERFECTION. THANK YOU. JUST THANK YOU. PHENOMENAL.

[giantsnakesextape]

YOU’RE WELCOME BUT ALSO PLEASE HELP COS I CAN’T STOP

[teashoesandhair]

THIS IS GOING TO BE THE POSTER FOR THE SERIES, YOU HEAR ME

[teashoesandhair]

I’m mad that people are just reblogging the first post here because YOU’RE MISSING OUT ON THE MOST INCREDIBLE ARTWORK YOU’LL EVER SEE

[morietris]

Okay, I gotta ask, who’s the Hyacinthus to Christopher Walken’s Apollo?

I can already hear Apollo’s relevant lines in Walken’s distinct cadence, but I wanna know who he’s cradling, devastated, while crying out in anguish and also pausing at all the wrong places.

[teashoesandhair]

What a great question, and it brings me absolute joy to reveal to you that it’s Jackie Chan. He does all his own stunts. There is only one stunt, and it’s him collapsing into Christopher Walken’s arms. For some reason, there are explosions.

[that-rascal]

@wtfzeus

[wtfzeus]

Oh my god 🤣

[aristoteliancomplacency]

Hell I just witnessed a murder

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

Ron: (Standing beside a coffin) we are here today to lay to rest this Long Dead Academic

(Muffled screaming from inside the coffin)

Mourner: I think this man is still alive

Ron: THAT’S JUST AIR ESCAPING

[writeroffates]

This is actually really cool and I just read the interview she did for the New York Times. I think anyone interested could give good a read: https://mobile.nytimes.com/2017/11/02/magazine/the-first-woman-to-translate-the-odyssey-into-english.html

[thebuttkingpost-deactivated2021]

Greek mythology: aren’t the god great they only sexually harassed my wife and turned one of my children into a stag beetle this week

Norse mythology: dînghïr œne nüt got his name when he killed a lizard the size of every mountain in the world without Odin’s permission so Odin thought it would be funny to punish him by making him fart so hard one of his nuts flew off

[wtfzeus]

Do you ever wonder… why the hell we all like this stuff so much? Like, given that it’s usually so just… completely fucking bonkers? 

[wtfzeus]

Zeus: Geez, babe, I know that my wife turned you into a monster because of our affair, and that’s tough, so I wanted to make it up to you. Here, have the ability to remove your own eyes.

Lamia: What 

[derezzcartes]

*hears thunder* thor if thats u bitch i love u

[vulvva-deactivated20200910]

This is Zeus erasure

[goldcrescent]

Zeus deserves to be erased

[myrtlewilson]

none of your mythological faves were even remotely straight like welcome 2 the real world jackass hercules had a fuckton of anal sex

[judedeluca]

People believe what they choose to.

[myrtlewilson]

it’s literally not a matter of belief there is literally a vase with a painting of zeus fucking his cupbearer ganymede while ganymede is holding a dildo like u can’t just not believe in thousand year old pottery

[bayoread-deactivated20200607]

[wentworthsbitch]

O H MY GOD

[dilfweed]

HERE FOR THE CUPBEARER GANYMEADE

[doodbog]

Greek Gods, pinup style. 

(Follow-up to the Norse God pinup collection, Dat Ás. Also on DeviantArt and Etsy)