The Talk
Rangiku asks Izuru to give Shuuhei the Talk. Yes, it’s exactly what you think it is.
When Shuuhei heard someone approaching to sit across from him at his table, he wasn’t exactly expecting to see Izuru. After all, from what he’s noticed at least, the blond prefers to do his drinking at home and alone, where he can mope and cry about Ichimaru in peace. But he’ll appreciate the company to drink this time around regardless. It’s good to see Izuru out and about, as the blond really hadn’t been out nearly as much since… Well, that.
Upon seeing the frown upon Izuru’s face, however, Shuuhei himself feels a bit concerned. After all, it’s rare to see his friend look angry. He absently wonders just who had managed to draw the blond’s ire upon themselves, and how they managed it. After all, Izuru’s control over his temper is legendary across the Seireitei.
Once he’s settled into his seat, and having ordered only a glass of water from the waitress, Izuru finally turns his attention to Shuuhei. The frown remains. Shuuhei was about to offer him a drink from his own sake when Izuru finally speaks.
“Hisagi-san, just…” Izuru pauses, likely contemplating the best way to say whatever it was that was on his mind. Shuuhei watches as he puzzles over it for another minute, the water being delivered wordlessly, before he begins again. “Do you know how babies are made, Hisagi-san?”
Well, that wasn’t what he was expecting. Shuuhei can’t help but grin though, as he’s sure this is something he’s an expert in. He’d never expected Izuru-been-in-the-Fourth-Division-Kira to be the sort who’d come and ask him this sort of thing, but even so… This senpai is more than ready to provide advice! So he takes a long drink from his sake, and replies.
“Well, sure. Once the mom and dad decide that they want to have kids, the mom goes and fills out a form or something. Nine months later, a stork delivers the baby into wherever was set up for it to sleep, while the parents are either asleep or out for an hour or two. Why? Did a girl finally catch your attention?”
Upon hearing Shuuhei’s explanation, Izuru doesn’t seem to know how to respond at first. He starts by gaping, then frowning, and then letting out a frustrated sigh. He mumbles something that sounds suspiciously like “Matsumoto-san” and “drinks” and “owes me a lot more”, but it was said too quietly for Shuuhei to really make out. But from all of that, Shuuhei has a sinking feeling that he just got things very wrong. Very, very wrong.
Izuru decides to try again. “Hisagi-san, do you… At least know how sex works? Between a man and a woman, that is.”
Shuuhei takes another drink, this time for courage rather than just to wet his throat, before he answers. He hopes and prays that this time, he’ll get it right. “Uh, yeah. Us, that is, the guys… We, um… We get it up, right? And we have to get the girl wet between her legs. Then we stick it in, flop around a bit, and then both parties end up feeling really good… Right?”
Izuru looks slightly relieved at that, taking a sip of his water. “Yes, Hisagi-san. However, that right there… That is how babies are made. Not… Forms and storks.”
That causes Shuuhei to gape and stare. “What?! But… How?!”
Izuru flushes and looks down. “H-Hisagi-san, have you ever…?” He makes a crude gesture with his hand, near his groin. It’s enough to give Shuuhei the message, and he nods, wondering where the blond is going with this.
“The white stuff that comes out when you do that… If it goes inside the woman, when you put yourself inside of her… That is what makes the baby. The mother carries it inside of her for nine months, before giving birth. It is a very long and painful process, and not without its risks,” Izuru explains.
Shuuhei sits back in his chair again, thoughtful. “Huh. So that’s what that stuff was. I always wondered.”
“Yes, well… Now that that has all been cleared up, I’ll be taking my leave,” Izuru murmurs. Shuuhei waves him off, already prepared to go back to his sake, only to pause when he hears Izuru again. “Oh, and Hisagi-san? Please ensure that I never have to talk to you about this sort of thing again.”
Shuuuhei makes some sort of sound of agreement as he watches Izuru leave. Much to his surprise, he sees Rangiku leaning against the doorway of the bar, holding two giant bottles of sake. She hands one to Izuru when he reaches her, which the blond opens and chugs from. When that one is empty, he places it into the conveniently placed garbage can, and is handed the other one. This bottle he sips from, saying a few words to Rangiku, before leaving the building. Presumably, Shuuhei figures, to go home and drink more.
He then watches as Rangiku comes over to him and uses one finger to draw his chin up to look at her, an amused smirk dancing across her lips.
“So, Shuuhei, now that you know how babies are made… Are you really sure that you want some?”
