StephzStuf

Me, my life, chaos, happiness, my sobriety journey, my family, randomness, happiness, and judgement free zone. :)

[mars-242322]

We'll get through this together pt.1

Ian Gallagher x gn Reader

word count: 2,198

WARNINGS: mentions of violence, reader goes through a manic ep, talk of drugs

Summary: Readers work at a bar and one night after a violent customer they go into a manic episode. It's not until their boss says something that they go from manic to depressed but Ian is there to be a supportive Boyfriend.

AN: Hello! This fic was inspired by @kpopchangedmylifesstuff! They requested something where the reader has bipolar 2. In doing research I learned that some people with BP type 2 can go into what's called hypomania. Hypomaia tends to last at least 4 days and is often recognized as the person having an overabundance of energy. As someone who's getting ready to be screened for bipolar learning about the differences between the two types and how they differ from each other was very interesting and helpful for personal reasons. It should also be noted that while this is based on research its also based on my own experiences with these types of symptoms.

Work was rough that night, some guy got really violent and your manager ended up having to call the cops. When the cops got there the guy started freaking out. Saying that your coworker was leading him on that you had poisoned his drink. The cops didn’t feel the need to follow what he was saying due to the fresh needle marks on his arm. The cops figured his lashing out was from the mix of drugs and alcohol. He slammed himself against the bar as he accused you. Getting so close to your side of the bar If he had just reached down he could have easily grabbed himself a beer. Your heart beat did falter even after the cops had left. Your boss told you and your coworkers to close up and head home. Saying that “I think we’ve all experienced enough drunken fighting for one night.” You closed up that bar quickly while getting a few extra cleaning tasks done to milk the clock a bit more before leaving for the night.

Checking the clock as you walked up the stairs the walk had only taken you 15 minutes. You laughed a bit to yourself thinking you set a new record. You opened the door to Deb, Ian and Fran watching T.V. in the living room. All three of them snapped their heads to the door looking shocked. 

“Uncle (Y/n)!” Fran hopped off the couch running to you, jumping up and down for a hug. Pulling away from Fran she ran back to the couch returning to her seat next to Deb so she could keep watching her movie. 

“Why are you home so early?” Ian asked as he looked over the couch at you 

“Trouble at the bar! Cops ended up having to come so we closed early.” Leaning over the back of the couch you kissed Ian softly as you countied your way to the kitchen. 

“Really?! What happened?” Debbie asked surprised 

You grabbed a glass of water from the kitchen as you yelled out to them, 

“Some rando came in already drunk. Told him we weren't going to serve him and he flipped out. Turns out he was shooting up right before he came in” 

“Jesus christ” Debbie said Ian rose from the couch meeting you in the kitchen. His brows were pulled together as he approached you. 

“Are you ok? Why didn’t you call?” Ian reached out cupping your cheeks. A soft chuckle came from you 

“It’s alright Ian. I’m ok.” You smiled up at him. He returned your gaze studying your expression to make sure you were telling him the truth. He looked for even the slightest hint that you were upset. Deciding that you were indeed ok he kissed you again. He pulled away asking 

“You wanna come watch Aladen with us? Fran would probably be happy to get to sit with you.” 

“I would but I’m going to get some clean up done while I have the energy. That night stand we found the other day still smells like an old person's home.” Ian smiled, pulling away from you and headed back out to the living room. Making your way up the stairs where after putting on some music you got to work deep cleaning the whole room. After finishing your room you made your way down to the kitchen where you countied your cleaning spree. Fran came up behind you taping you on the solder. Taking your headphones off she said, 

“Good night uncle (Y/n)” You couldn’t help but smile. 

“Good night sweetie” After a quick hug Fran went up the stairs with Debbie giving you a little wave good night as she followed close behind her daughter. Ian rounded the corner leaning against the fridge as you begin to put away the now clean dishes. 

“Did you get bit by some cleaning bug at work?” 

“No why” You turn to him still drying a dish. Ian let out a laugh as he walked towards you

“Enough cleaning for one night. At this rate I’ll have to start paying you for houes keeping” All you did was roll your eyes as you finished up the dishes putting away the last few bowls. “Com’on let's get to bed” Ian walked up behind you wrapping his arms around your waist. “Maybe we could put some of that energy into something else~” Ian kissed up your neck to your ear taking in your scent. You giggled as you tilted your neck giving him more access. Slowly he pulled you away from the kitchen counter headed towards the stairs. After managing to detangle from Ian you raced up the stairs to your shared bedroom. 

After a few hours sleep was restless. No matter how much you tossed and turned you just couldn’t seem to get comfortable. You gave in at around 4:00 finally crawling out of bed and heading down the stairs to grab a drink and start your day. Waking around 8 Ian was surprised you still weren’t in bed. Normally the two of you would spend a quiet morning like this together. He didn’t notice until after he went to the bathroom but the house was probably the cleanest it's been in over 2 months. Everything was picked up and organized hell the floor was even moped. Ian went down the stairs. He looked to his side to see you working at the bulletin board. Going through the bills and marking down dates on the calendar. As he looked around he saw that the lower part of the house had reserved the same cleaning treatment. Your head flick towards him 

“Hey! Your up!” Throwing down what you were holding and headed to the coffee pot you poured Ian a cup handing it to him. 

“Thanks… how long have you been awake?” 

“Oh… only a few hours. Had a hard time sleeping last night.” You moved back to the cork board to finish sorting through the bills and appointments. Ian took a seat and looked on. 

You went through your day with some extra umph in your step enjoying your usually mediocre day more than usual. At the bar you had a blast dancing and talking with customers. Some guy even tipped you 40 bucks! You took the time that night to wipe down the bar especially well that night getting every nook and cranny. Ensuring that everything got put away and locked up properly. You skipped home excited to see Ian after spending a large part of your day at the bar. As you jumped onto the fist step you checked the time. Hitting the same record you did the night before. “Two day streak” you thought to yourself as you opened the door kicking your shoes off. Having worked a full night everyone was already upstairs in their respective rooms. As you reached the top of the stairs your footsteps fell quiet so as to not disturb the others who may be sleeping. Entering your shared room you jumped onto the bed flopping on top of Ian’s sleeping form. Ian let out an oof before he rolled a bit so he could look at you. “Hey sleeping beauty~” Leaning down your lips touched in a soft kiss. “Missed you today” 

“Missed you to bb” Ian whispered out, still a bit dazed from just being woken up “How was work?” 

“Really good” You sit up pulling the folded money from your back pocket “made almost 80.” 

“Holy shit” He grumbled, moving his hands to your hips. He began to rub small circles into your hip and thigh area. “Get undressed so we can sleep and cuddle” You let out a bit of a giggle 

“You sure cuddling is your only motive to get me undressed?” Ian smiled back looking up at you. 

“Comon hurry up” he says, slapping your ass as you crawl off the bed. After stripping you throw yourself back into bed and curl up with Ian for the night. 

Once again though your night of sleep was only about 4 hours. You snuck out of the bed and began your day close to 5 hours earlier than the others in the house. Your day went through its usual pattern. Your mood never seemed to shift. Everything just seemed so amazing and worthwhile. Moving throughout the world felt like nothing. For the next few days the bliss continued making what you thought to be the best version of yourself. 

“Hey (Y/n) could I talk to you in the back for a second?” your boss’s voice pulled you from your day dream state. 

“Yeah of course!” After wiping off your hands from the glass cleaner you had been using you followed your boss into the back room. The two of you sat at the chairs that people used on they’re break, 

“What can I do for you boss lady” She smiled at the nickname before her brows pulled together softly 

“Are you ok? You’ve been acting off the past few days” A confused look past your features 

“Yeah I feel great. Why?” She looked away for a moment before returning her gaze to you. She seemed almost in pain. 

“Others and myself have noticed your a bit more chiper than usual almost uncharacteristically. Like there's a possibility that you may be taking something to change your behavior” Your heart rate spiked as shock pulled at your face 

“What?” 

“If you’ve started a new depression med or something that's fine but you know I don’t tolerate anyone incapacitated by drugs or alcohol while they serve at the bar.” You felt your heart plummet into your stomach when you finally understood what she was implying. “What you do outside of work is none of my business but I can’t let you bring it in here.” 

“I… I’m not on any drugs. I’ve just been in a really good mood recently!” 

“(Y/n) I’ve known you for almost 4 years and the last time I saw you like this was when your grandmother passed. I didn’t say anything then because I knew you were grieving but I can’t let this slide again. I hope you can understand” Speechless all you could do was move your gaze to the floor and node along with what she said. “I’m gonna send you home for the night. Sleep off whatever you have going on and we’ll have a fresh start on wednesday alright?” Your body felt cold and your mind began to cloud. You nodded once more before heading out of the room. As you grabbed your stuff from your locker you looked at yourself in the mirror. Everything felt so fuzzy both hyper aware of your body but also so numb. You can’t remember the walk home. You knew you did because you opened the door and heard Fran singing to a youtube video play. Her singing dragging you out of the woods enough to recognize what's happening around you. As you went into the kitchen Debbie looked surprised to see you, 

“Hey (Y/n) I thought you had work today?” You could hear the words she was saying clearly but it was hard to comprehend and understand the simple question. 

“Yeah… I did” Slowly you made your way up the stairs feeling every piece of fabric move against you. Making it to your bedroom you kicked off your shoes and threw your bag on the ground along with your jacked. Crawling into the bed still fully clothed before raping yourself with the tierd and worn blanket. You wanted to cry. Hell you had every reason to cry but the tears just wouldn’t come. You could tell you were sad but the feeling felt far away. Like your emotions were running around outside of you. Lucky sleep managed to find you quickly. 

Ian raced up the stairs of the old home accidentally throwing himself at the door a bit from his momentum. As he entered the house he began pulling off his jacket making his way to the stairs. Debbie rushed into the living room looking frazzled. 

“Do you know what's going on?!” She stood at the bottom of the stairs desperate to get some type of answer. Ian countied his way up the stairs 

“I only know what you told me Deb” Ian rushed into his room coming to a pause as he looked at the bed. Your breath being the only moment of your body. He sat on the side of the bed putting a hand on your arm rubbing softly. Even sleeping you looked exhausted. His original intention coming up here was to wake you up but now he thinks it's probably best to let you sleep. Leaning down he unties his shoes and lays down next to you. Pulling you lightly towards him. Unlike you, sleep didn’t come to him easily instead worry slipped into its place. Every thought seemed to be driving a race car. Trying to grab onto one to think through was impossible. His thoughts raced until it felt like he was thinking of nothing at all. The only concrete thought he could think and understand was that you weren't ok.

[stephzstuf]

Once a Black Sheep; Always the Black Sheep

When you're at your wits end with everything and absolutely exhausted it seems like the few you were there for are never there for you. You are just left empty handed and used as a pawn with an endless thirst for some bullshit childhood acceptance you'll never get or be worthy of. Why do I still want this or even care about it at this point? I feel so completely and utterly alone yet I smile outside. I know of my blessings, and feel selfish even writing of this, but it seems anyone I can vent to shuts down and just sees me as a wimp and should just "get over it." Well forget it world, because Steph is going to stay strong, and keep this fake face on that will eventually turn into a real smile.

One day I won't just be the black sheep, but the multi-colored psychedelic sheep passing out daisies to everyone giving hugs and wishing blessings.

[stephzstuf]

[stephzstuf]

Hope all is well!

HI ALL! I hope all is well, me and my boyfriend just set up my home office. We're doing really good, other than him getting hit head on by another vehicle while he was on the way home from work. It was the other drivers fault, but they fled the scene. Pretty scary shit. :(

I'm on day 16 of sobriety and feeling great. I still struggle with anxiety or worry times; however I think it's normal considering the amount of stress I have. I have been to AA some, have to make sure I make it this week. I miss it. Anyways, hope all is well! Happy blogging!

[runby2]

something i don't really like about the internet nowadays is the "neurotypical" vs neurodivergent divide.

The label neurotypical is the label most people have come to think of as "Without mental illness" - and while that's true - they may not be mentally ill,

that does not mean they do not experience what most mentally ill people do. You can be traumatized without meeting the criteria for PTSD or even register how the trauma effected you. You may not even notice it was trauma.

You may have severe depression spells and not meet the criteria for depression.

One big thing people online i think miss about psychology in general is that mental illness or diagnoses do not... define you. the criteria is just there to aid your specific version of getting help. Mental illnesses don't really... exist? in a box that is. it's just certain criteria that is labeled or an effect of your environment and experience. even depression was revealed to not be a chemical imbalance. It's just how the brain works because of life, and sometimes the brain needs extra help. The human race just put labels on it... to help.

All humans have mental struggles but some just do not meet the diagnostic criteria, and they may not struggle the same ways others do with it. Neurotypical people are not people without mental struggles or people without need of help, they are people who were are not meeting the criteria of a mental illness because they are able to handle their struggles.

But, the mental struggles kind of come with being alive. I don't like separating myself completely from "neurotypical" people or deciding they'll never understand me. They do understand me. They're capable of compassion and maybe they've even dealt with exactly what i'm dealing with, but just not for my extended period of time.

Trust people around you are like you.

[stephzstuf]

[stephzstuf]

[stephzstuf]

[stephzstuf]

[stephzstuf]

[quotemadness]

“You’re not a kid anymore. You have the right to choose your own life. You can start again. If you want a cat, all you have to do is choose a life in which you can have a cat. It’s simple. It’s your right.”

— Haruki Murakami

[thoughtkick]

“When you have lost hope, you have lost everything. And when you think all is lost, when all is dire and bleak, there is always hope.”

— Pittacus Lore, I Am Number Four

[nolongeronlineanymore39393-deac]

The most punk, anarchist, radical thing you can do as a trans person is love yourself and love however you want to transition.

[stephzstuf]

Well, um for 15 days now I’ve been healthier; subconsciously????! I’ve been doing yoga like a fairy one fire. One with my soul. I’ve been eating amazing; salads vegetables and no red meats. No full calorie soda or energy drinks. One cup of black coffee in the morning. Battling mental health with all my might! Listening to classical music. Reading Vert Tas. Writing like neuropathy doesn’t exist. Tumblr .. tell me. Are the signs aligned or are they of. Edit—- fuck oh and don’t forget the ginger green tea. Shit and don’t forget the the drinking water . Shit! The water!

Edit

Are the signs aligned or are they off? Insert comedy ba da tsss (idk try sounding it out you get it)

[recovery-journey2021]

[stephzstuf]

Where are the lights ?

It’s been a while. All I can say is this

;

I’m still here world. I love you tumblr. You love me back .

Out of the ward and doing yoga and stick and poke tattoos. Ugh and yay? Hmph.

[quotemadness]

“You never fail until you stop trying.”

— Albert Einstein