When did Sam and Dean switch places?
I was a really big fan of Supernatural through middle school and high school. The fandom has always favored Dean, which kind of makes sense because the narrative/writers seemed to favor him as well. While Sam began as the main character, he was eventually abandoned by the narrative, where his autonomy and character design fell flat and almost moot.
What’s more concerning (to me) is that there are these strange myths that float around the fandom about the two brothers and specifically their upbringing. It’s fairly obvious that Dean was parentified by John and that he was the more respectful son. Sam, on the other hand, picked fights and (canonically) was the one that John yelled at/belittled. That part isn’t really something I’m willing to debate because it is very plainly stated in season one. This being said, I’m utterly fascinated by the agreement within the fandom that Sam was the golden child and Dean took the brunt of abuse in order to spare Sam.
In many toxic family dynamics, the “scapegoat” is someone who is “unfairly blamed for the family’s problems, serving as a distraction from unresolved issues as a way to maintain fragile family balance”. Sam was the one who is open about hating hunting, who was constantly either fighting with John or being yelled at by him. In fact, when Sam frustratingly tells Dean, “it’s like you never even question him”, Dean bitterly replies “yeah, it’s called being a good son” (those are direct quotes from the Scarecrow episode). Here, we see Sam being blamed for being combative and disrupting the family dynamic, despite the fact that it is John who made it toxic. Throughout the entire season, every time Sam alludes to being even slightly mistreated by John, Dean shuts it down by blaming him. (Note that he doesn’t deny the accusations, he only shifts the blame onto Sam). There’s no part of this dynamic that could even slightly imply Sam was the coveted “golden child”.
Dean did attempt to protect Sam from John, but he did so in his own way, in hopes to spare himself from being the target. This is a completely natural and normal response, and Dean even apologizes to Sam for it later on. He also admits that his methods of “de-escalation” were to take John’s side during arguments. To say that Dean would have stepped into the line of John’s fire is such a fundamental and egregious misunderstanding of his character. If it were a demon, a ghost, a vampire, or ANYTHING else, Dean would have no problem putting himself in danger if it meant keeping Sam safe. But with John, he can’t bring himself to do it. That’s such a fundamental, core part of his character that without it, Dean’s dynamic in the family loses his what makes it compelling. What canon shows us is much, MUCH more interesting than fanon myths about Dean. Dean was parentified by John. He was the child that John could trust with family secrets, who had to protect his brother, who is also likely a victim of enmeshment abuse. John put all of his emotional baggage onto Dean and in return, Dean was rewarded with praise and validation. Sam refused this responsibility and was punished with rejection and abuse.
BOTH experienced horrible, unbelievable manners of abuse from John, but just in different ways. It gets more interesting when you directly compare them. I’ve seen some people bring up the fact that because Dean seems more scared of John, he must’ve been abused more heavily. This is a pretty bold claim to make that isn’t really supported by canon or actually anything else. Everyone deals with abuse differently, especially when they are being abused in slightly different but essential ways. Sam picked fights with John because yes, he wasn’t as scared of him as Dean seems to be. But, this is more likely because Sam is used to experiencing aggression and pushback (which we know he experienced a lot of us he tells Dean, “he was never like that with *you*”.) Dean respected John so much and was so desperate for his praise that he made a conscious, dire effort to be perfect. Think of the dynamic as like when your favorite teacher yells at you— it hurts worse than when your least favorite does because you care about their opinion more. This isn’t to say that I don’t think Dean ever got yelled at, or that Sam didn’t care about John’s opinion at all, but as mentioned before; it’s all slightly different, yet essential.
I think that Dean unintentionally continues this cycle onto Sam. He’s emotionally dependent upon him, but also belittles and gaslights him at times. Sound familiar? I think a pretty decent parallel to the whole family dynamic is actually season two’s ending. When John tells Dean that he might have to kill Sam, he “others” Sam. Not only does it become John and Dean against Sam, but it’s also a horrific thing to do to him emotionally. As for Dean, John is putting him in an unbelievably difficult and frustrating situation. Then, John makes a deal to spare Dean’s life. Again, Dean is emotionally abandoned and put into a situation that nobody should ever have to be in. He rages over this and wallows in how horrible it is, but then he does the same exact thing to Sam immediately after! This goes unnoticed because the writers don’t actually really let us see Sam go through the same range of emotions that we get to see on Dean.
I see the parallel as John and Sam fighting over something and Dean being forced to step in and take John’s side, therefore contributing to othering Sam. When John puts emotional baggage onto Dean, Dean does so onto Sam, therefore perpetuating the cycle.
I also think it’s very likely that John compared the two growing up a lot, which made their dynamic even more tense and hostile.
Anyway, boiling down all of these insanely nuanced and intense dynamics to “Sammy was golden child that Dean had to protect 🥺” is genuinely criminal and we should explore canon more often!
(lmk if u agree or disagree honestly im very open to debating/discussing this w whoever !)
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