fuck

@stopmysinninghand

this is my 13th blog and it's just for dnd

51 posts

nottyouraveragegoblin

You know, I see a lot of posts out there about dumb shit that players do and while all of those posts are incredibly valid, I feel like this is dumbass DM erasure. I dearly love every story about bards who seduce the final boss and warlocks with sugar daddies and all that BUT I think DMs are greatly misunderstood to all be these serious controlling entities who just want their players to follow through with their perfectly planned scenerios. Here’s to all the dumbass DMs out there who:

- forget their NPC names and constantly make up new names for unimportant recurring NPCs when the players see them in hopes that they wont remember

- plan a whole dungeon around one (1) spongebob reference that they really wanted to fit in

- accidentally give two NPCs the same name bc you just pull from a list and you forgot to cross it off

- choose to homebrew everything bc they have an Artistic Vision but the vision is just that you want there to be three gnomes in a trench coat selling sketchy magical items somewhere in the setting

- use the same dumbass voice for every NPC but with different 90s surfer slang for different characters

- make just awful items and make their players buy them (I’m currently working on the “Ross From Friends” tramp stamp of +1 AC)

- realize they only have 28 minutes before the next session to plan and instead make text posts on tumblr.com

Anyway if any DMs want to add onto this with some dumbass shit they’ve subjected their players to feel free

I made an adventure where my players had to defeat numerous exceptionally large, dangerous, flightless South American birds on an isolated strip of land in the middle of a bay.

Dire Rhea Island.

???????

The wizard that made this knew exactly what they wanted

fine: the dm telling you ‘make a will save’ out loud at the table WIRED: getting a text from the dm saying ‘make a will save’ without alerting any of the other players

Rogues & The Many Ways to Gain Advantage...

For a Blog called CreativeRogues, I don’t seem to get enough time talk about one of my favorite Class: The Rogue!

Now we all know the Rogue is famous for sneaking around with their +17 to Stealth, but their also famous for the lovable Class Feature: Sneak Attack!

Now for those who are playing a Rogue right now, or are interested in playing a Rogue, Sneak Attack reads like this:

Once per turn, you can deal extra damage to one creature you hit with an attack if you have advantage on the attack roll.

The attack must use a finesse or a ranged weapon.

You don’t need advantage on the attack roll if another enemy of the target is within 5 feet of it, that enemy isn’t incapacitated, and you don’t have disadvantage on the attack roll.

And straight from the first line, it reads “You can deal extra damage to one creature you hit with an attack if you have advantage on the attack roll.”

So of course, like every Rogue, you’ll want to have Advantage on your Attack Rolls as often as possible…

So to help new Players and old Players alike, I’ve typed up every possible way I can think of for a Rogue to gain Advantage on their Attack Rolls…

You gain Advantage on your Attack Roll (And therefore can use Sneak Attack):

If the Target is Blinded.

If the Target is Paralyzed.

If the Target is Restrained.

If the Target is Petrified.

If the Target is Stunned.

If the Target is Unconscious.

If you are Invisible.

If the Target is Prone, and you are within 5 feet of the Target.

If an Ally uses the Help Action to grant you Advantage on your next Attack Roll against a Target within 5 feet of you.

If you attack the Target while Hidden (If they don’t detect you approaching) or you are otherwise Unseen.

If another Player grants you Advantage on an Attack Roll through the use of a Spell or Class Feature.

If a Rogue Subclass Feature (Such as Assassinate, Insightful Fighting, Rakish Audacity and Etc.) give specific conditions that can grant you Sneak Attack.

If the Area is Heavily Obscured.

If the Area is shrouded in Natural Darkness, making it Heavily Obscured.

If you are Flanking the Target. (Optional Rule: Flanking)

Keep reading

Random DnD Worldbuilding

Male tieflings wearing skirts because having custom pants tailored to accommodate their tails is too much of a hassle

Firefighter clerics, wizards, and druids

(and the apologetic sorcerer that probably started the fire by mistake)

Young, forty-something dwarves joining druid circles and protesting the damage their clan mining does on the environment

Everyone gives up trying to categorize sexuality when a half-elf can bring their cute dragonborn boyfriend home to meet their family

Human kids having an awesome bearded dwarf vodka-aunt that adventured with a great-grandparent decades ago and gives the best presents

Ok but there are several disciplines of magic that let you bring people back from the dead wtf

Young punk elves barely in their 80s but yelling at humans “Check yourself knave I made out with your grandma before she even had your Da.”

Wizards for Familiar Rights

Spellcasters using ‘alter self’ and switch genders at will

A giant half-Orc mom adopting street kids and giving them shoulder rides

A normal human whose sibling was born a tiefling beating up village kids who mistreat them

Integrated cities made to accommodate smaller folk like halflings and gnomes

Would alchemists be the ones to concoct magic medications for psych disorders? Are divination clerics and wizards psychologists?

Convoluted age laws because a half-orc is an adult at 15 but an elf isn’t considered of-age until their first century.

Maybe democracies aren’t a thing in Faerûn because all you’d need is a few necromancers to literally have dead people voting

Bard rock bands

dungeons-and-danis

very neat idea for anyone who enjoys puzzle making!

mihri-the-sasscatte

Size comparison of Y’gathok, the Ceaseless Hunger and Bjorn, our level 20 Goliath Barbarian.

professorsparklepants

Hey quick question: why the FUCK do you have that

Imagine, from out of nowhere, your dm casually slapping this thing down on the table like any other encounter.

mooretimetoplay

“Yeah, the fight will start in a sec, uh…I’ll give inspiration to whomever helps me get this fucking box out of my car.”

https://www.reddit.com/r/DnD/comments/7asxci/oc_ygathok_the_ceaseless_hunger_final_boss_of_our/ This is the reveal of this ridiculousness during their game

jelloapocalypse

Please watch this reveal video it’s kickass

creepsandcrawlers

FUCK ME the reveal video

“CHRIS??????”

“Um, I don’t think our plan is gonna work.”

island-delver-go

Always reblog Y'gathok

DM:*Pulls out Y’gothok* *Turns on “Open Your Heart” by Crush 40*

Level 20 DM!

One of my fave DnD posts

thedrunkhermit-deactivated20180

God damn, I can only dream of attaining such levels of DnD awesomeness.

A concept: An adventuring party made entirely of people of one race disguised as people of another. The disguises are really bad, like the “dwarf” is just a halfling with a fake beard, the “orc” is an elf with body paint and novelty teeth, and the dragonborn is just three goblins in a trenchcoat- but none of them have any experience with any of the races in question and are trying not to draw attention to their own disguises, so all of them are fully prepared to accept any oddity on the part of their party members.

The halfling, having just been caught taking off their beard in private so they can breathe: ….this is normal for dwarves The goblins, who were looking for somewhere private that they can crawl out of the trenchcoat: Acceptable, have a nice day

Halfling: Friend orc, I don’t mean to alarm you, but the green appears to be coming off of your skin. Onto my hand. Elf: I. Have a skin condition. Halfling, discreetly adjusting their beard: Acceptable, have a nice day

drawing-prompt-s

A creature that is to horses as orcs are to humans

bison - orc horses

deer - elf horses

shetland pony - dwarf horses

donkey - halfling horses

pronghorn - gnome horses

thehowlingowl-deactivated202309

all my bear owl (or owlley cats) gifs in one post! all inspired by the same creature in the croods, just with different owls

sometimes a descriptor is just that, guys: a descriptor

themoonwillsing-deactivated2020

oh, goat?

PLEASE give me context for that

themoonwillsing-deactivated2020

so, our party was traveling in a mountainous area and the DM mentioned there was a goat a little ways away, just a little scenery building. the party immediately spent the next (real-life) 20 minutes insight checking the goat, detecting magic on the goat, questioning the goat, ect. eventually the sorcerer ended up killing and eating the goat. DM was very exasperated.

oh my GOD

jumpingjacktrash

i have the solution for this, my darlings: describe everything.

players do this when you’re usually sparse on description; they’ll fixate on the things you do describe, because whether consciously or not, you’ve trained them to think that you only describe important things. if you say, “it’s a 20x20 room with pillars along the walls, and at the end there’s a throne with a red brocade cushion on it,” they will fixate on the cushion. because it’s the only movable object in the whole scene! it’s the only thing with a color or texture!

so instead, you say, “this is clearly where he held court before he became a lich. it’s a pillared arcade of honey-colored marble [a nature check will reveal it was imported from a thousand miles away, very ostentatious] with square pillars in the southern style. a dusty carpet runs the length of it; where your footsteps stir up the dust, you can see the carpet was purple once. between the pillars are carved wooden chairs, some of the gilding still intact, where courtiers and functionaries could’ve waited for an audience. at the far end, beneath the rags of a moth-eaten banner, is a throne of age-blackened wood. unlike the other chairs, it was never gilded, but its brocade cushions are still there and still red on the underside where the light hasn’t bleached them.”

now you not only have plenty of things for them to investigate, most of them more informative to their goal, you’ve immersed them in ATMOSPHERE, which is what turns a game from a mere exercise in dice-rolling to a cooperative storytelling experience. your lich king is now more than just a dungeon boss, he’s the sad but frightening remnant of a once-great civilization, clinging to the shadow of its dust-smothered glory.

that’s the kind of thing that raises your ‘adventure zone’ and ‘critical role’ type adventures above the bored number-crunching of freshman weekends. and also avoids the frustration of a zillion pointless digressions.

D&D adventure concept: it turns out that the Fairy Queen doesn’t actually do anything with the sparkles-in-your-eyes and memories-of-a-summer’s-day and other sundry intangibles and abstractions she’s been scamming mortals out of for the last few centuries.

Whatever she had planned for them didn’t pan out, but she never ordered her minions to stop collecting them; by the time it became clear that the project was a no-go, expectations had already been set, and when you’re the Queen of the Fairies you can’t very well admit to having a bad idea.

She’s just been discretely dumping them down a disused well for hundreds of years, and the resulting effluvium of spoiled virtue and rotten whimsy has begun to contaminate the drinking water of a human village downstream - which is where the player characters come in.

It probably doesn’t help that half the Fae economy is now built around buying the stuff- every goblin market accepts your happiest childhood moment as legal tender for their dubious merchandise, and since the queen’s made it fashionable, there are fairy nobles who specialize in certain ephemera.

(Everyone’s a little worried about the Baron of Autumn, who specializes in bespoke Orphan’s Tears.)

But no one’s gonna admit that they don’t know what all this collecting is for, they just know that it’s valuable to the Queen.

Oh, god, imagine if the faerie realm catches on that the Queen no longer has any use for such things? Imagine the faerie realm undergoing an economic collapse!

I’m not gonna say “player characters start out investigating tainted well, end up being responsible for Fairy Realm’s equivalent of collapse of the gold standard” is specifically where I was going with this, but it’s definitely amongst the several possible outcomes I had in mind.

Since folks in the notes have been wondering about the potential effects of the contaminated water, a few ideas:

Village residents are suddenly compelled to speak in rhyme, but most of them are lousy poets, so in practice they’re just unable to communicate effectively (this one works even if the GM is bad at improvising rhyming dialogue, since the premise takes that into account)

Certain villagers’ personalities are warped into archetypal heroes and villains, without the skills to go with it, so you basically end up with Batman theme villains; e.g., a villainous shoemaker who devises dastardly shoe-related crimes

Domestic animals begin behaving as folkloric guardians and tricksters; e.g., a chicken who won’t let you gather her eggs unless you successfully answer her three riddles, and devours you if you fail

Formerly harmless rituals and superstitions become efficacious, e.g., a rash of seemingly unconnected people all getting hit with the same curse, the common thread being that they all walked under the same ladder at some point

Local tradespeople become supernaturally effective at their trades in awkward or inconvenient ways, e.g., the village piemaker begins unwittingly baking pies that act as magic potions with a variety of exciting and undocumented effects

For bonus points, have each incident be amenable to its own targeted cure or solution that doesn’t obviously point back to the water supply. If you’re running a town-centric campaign (e.g., perhaps using a system like Beyond the Wall and Other Adventures), you could squeeze a whole series of investigative scenarios out of this bullshit before the players figure out what’s going on.

(Feel free to add your own ideas if you’ve got ‘em!)

Dear D&Diary,

Today I had the revelation that my half orc has 30ft speed, but because she’s a monk, her unarmored movement is +10ft at Level 3. Using the ki feature Breath of the Wind, she can dash as a bonus action meaning she can go 80ft in a turn.

If anyone cast Haste on my dear sweet Marfu, she would go 160 in six seconds.

At her most perfect Level 20 self’s unarmored movement of +30, she could go a max 120ft in a turn, or 240ft hasted. With 20 ki points to spend that could mean a solid two minutes of going almost 30 miles per hour and I think that’s beautiful.

jade-empath replied to your post:

don’t forget that you can dash as your standard action as well as your bonus action!

OH GOD YOU’RE RIGHT

Right now at Level 3: max 120 ft. per turn 240 ft. Hasted = 27 MPH

Level 20: 180 ft. per turn 360 ft. Hasted = …

EVERYBODY OUTTA THE GODDAMN WAY THIS ORC LADY COMIN AT YOU AT 40 MILES PER HOUR

vgtgvgs replied to your post:

Grab yourself the mobile feat for that extra 10ft base movement

We’re up to a max of 210/420 (lol) feet per six seconds which is 47 MPH. I feel like we’re crowdsourcing this monk at this point to make her as game-breakingly fast as possible.

BETTER MAKE THAT 94MPH

I quote the 5th Edition rulebook:

Boots of Speed

While you wear these boots, you can use a Bonus Action and click the boots’ heels together. If you do, the boots double your walking speed, and any creature that makes an opportunity attack against you has disadvantage on the Attack roll. If you click your heels together again, you end the effect.

When the boots’ property has been used for a total of ten minutes, the magic ceases to function until you finish a Long Rest.

Are you telling me Haste and Boots of Speed STACK?! Oh my god we’ve discovered the real Fast Travel function

Oh shit mom’s home everyone hide the Speed

Matt’s face when Marisha said 37 was priceless

theunwrittenman

What I love about this is that you can see the DM thought process that goes through his head. The initial shock at the high number, the first little eye twitch as he runs the math in his head to see if that’s possible. Then him maintaining his shock as he goes on to the next person because he has no time to let this phase him, he’s the Dungeon Master and he has a god damn game to run.

People say playing D&D is an emotional rollercoaster, but being DM is like riding several rollercoasters all at the same time across parallel dimensions. You are simultaneously audience, arbitrator, improviser, referee, and narrator: I honestly think it’s the best damn workout your greymatter can possess short of being outright possessed.

on the topic of rewriting racist d&d narratives

it takes work, yes!

it’s worth it. for both you and your players, but especially for new players who can see the game in different ways than you

examples I’ve written that you should feel free to use:

-orcs: rather than give in to the weird “tribal savages who fight all the time,” consider connecting orcs and their inate strength/constitution to the earth. in my most recent campaign setting, orcs are descended from a human champion who bested an earth primordial; the primordial, impressed with their strength, blessed them and their descendents with powerful tusks and a greater constitution.

-drow: instead of the entire drow narrative being “they’re dark skinned and bad because they betrayed the fair skinned elves and their gods,” consider playing up their connection to spiders. perhaps they worshiped a spider God who gave them the ability to blend into their darkened surroundings. if you’re married to their current aesthetic appearance, take care to present multiple drow societies that have different outlooks; not a homogenous race of black skinned slavers. consider pigmentless drow, who’ve lost all skin color because they never see the light of day. drow who use echolocation? distancing your drow from the bad connotations carried by the current zeitgeist is a useful endeavor

-include. colored. elves. in. your. game

-drop the ‘tribal’ aesthetic and the connotations that goblins and other monstrous races have. it’s lazy

-focus less on race and more on societies; a society can be evil or good, but a race cannot

-consider that fantasy races have no reason to conform to any gendered structures (especially our current human binary). dwarvish societies who express their varied and fluid genders through beard braiding. elvish societies who reproduce asexually. don’t limit yourself to what you can relate to from a 21st century human perspective

it takes a bit of elbow grease to decolonize your d&d, and the process is never done, but in my own experience, it’s only ever lead to more innovative and engaging experiences!

lostinthesandbox

I’m humming and hawing about keeping Yrking (Orcing) as a thing. Angry uncontrolled teens invading neighbouring lands might not be the best thing currently.

> Headcanon: Baby Khajit are often mistaken for kittens and small cats, so they would accidentally be adopted by loving humans, who soon freak out when the cat fucking talks back.

SO…

‘who ish the cutesht of them all??’

‘I am’

Now that would be a story for the ages.

Fun fact: Every form of feline in the Elder Scrolls series is actually a breed of Khajiit. Apparently what form of Khajiit you’re born as is defined by the cycle of the moons

OMG WHERE DID THIS CHART COME FROM ITS GREAT I LOVE IT

Well, not EVERY feline, there are cats who are genuiely cats. However, some khajiit really do resemble housecats. Other resemble tigers. And others resemble mer (bosmer, more specifically.)

TLDR: I love khajiits.

#what the fuck does this mean like your family can be like furry parents and then you’ve got a catgirl sibling and youre just a fucking tiger (x)

imagine being the oldest child but you’re a fucking housecat

The ones that look like ordinary housecats are naturally incredibly gifted with magic. Like, more powerful than Altmer. There are horror stories from people who tried to invade Elsweyr only to discover fireballs raining down on them from the highest branches of the trees, where even Bosmer can’t climb. Those really big ones meanwhile are referred to as “battlecats” and carry other warriors into combat. Every single one of them has at least human level intelligence.

And yeah which one you’re born as depends on the phases of the moons when you’re born, so a family will usually be a random scattering of types. Kind of like how the birthsigns work, except instead of ‘you run a little faster’ or ‘you have a little more magic’ the result is ‘you grow up to be a fucking tiger’.

There are reasons I really want the next elder scrolls game to be set in Elsweyr.

Zodiac Angels by Peter Mohrbacher

1. Hanael, Angel of Capricorn:

2. Advachiel, Angel of Sagittarius:

3. Ambriel, Angel of Gemini:

4. Muriel, Angel of Cancer:

5. Verchiel, Angel of Leo:

6. Hamaliel, Angel of Virgo:

7. Zuriel, Angel of Libra:

8. Barbiel, Angel of Scorpio:

9. Cambiel, Angel of Aquarius:

10. Barchiel, Angel of Pisces:

11. Malahidael, Angel of Aries:

12. Asmodel, Angel of Taurus:

Just wanna point out that this was a collaborative art and musical project between Xan Griffin and Peter Mohrbacher. You can listen to Xan Griffin’s full Zodiac album on his youtube page. It’s really good music.

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