It’s gay’oclock somewhere

🌊

[oldbutchdanielmolloy]

[oldbutchdanielmolloy]

there is no way i just got a genuine Basement Prisoner offer

[jinxproof]

Ajak Dhieu | © Antoine & Charlie

[lumsel]

There's an open pit in the middle of our office plan that drops down into a bunch of very sharp spikes that kill you instantly. This is bad. People keep falling in there and dying. Someone put a sign up, the other day, all bright yellow so you can't miss it, that says "Beware!!! Spikes!!!"

The office immediately split into two factions over it. One says that if anyone falls in the spike pit it's their own fault for being so stupid and not watching where they're walking, so we should remove the sign. The other says that the sign is an insult, there shouldn't be a spike pit in our office at all, and having the sign up like that is just normalising the existence of the spike pit, so we should remove the sign.

We ended up removing the sign. Probably for the better. Still... for a while there it looked like it might have worked...

[unusual-pybro]

[m1dori-eyes]

Nobody has ever been capable of writing a scathingly harsh and well formulated satire about the perils of modern capitalism, that doesn't just get immediately one-upped by some random food service worker talking about their actual week.

[orphetoon]

sometimes on the tumblr app you click on an image to see it fullscreen and it will give you a completely different image it has sourced from the fucking aether. i hope they never fix this because i got flashbanged with an image of scooby doo calling me a ‘raggot’

[arden-in-the-garden]

I had a dream last night that the Decemberists guy put out a new song that was him announcing the band was breaking up, but the song was also his like detailing his future career path, and it was an excruciatingly granular 13.5 minutes of him explaining to us in detail that he was going to become a world renowned marionette maker and like the steps he was going to take to complete this (step 1 was learn to spin flax to make his own cord, step 2 was learn whittling to create his own puppets, step 3 to make his own paints, etc etc. He was going for that vertical slice sort of thing) All the while someone was shouting in the background I DON'T WANNA BREAK UP and WHO'S GOING TO GET MY ACCORDION because apparently there was a custody battle happening for that?? But as it turned out the song was too much of a banger and people wouldn't let them quit and also he had like horrible arthritis in his hands that was preventing him from making the shit so they announced within the week that the band was actually back together and The Marionette Maker's Heart's Desire was like their new #1 hit

[delinquentbookworm]

one time I went over to a friend's house and their housemate was making paper in the living room, and we saw this big tub full of water they were using to dissolve old scrap paper into a slurry, and everyone was immediately like "oh, you need scrap paper?" and started turning out their jacket pockets and producing expired coupons and bus tickets and crumpled receipts and old shopping lists and whatever else they'd been carrying round with them for no good reason, and passing it all to the paper-making housemate to make sure it was suitable before it got torn up and dropped into the tub, while people took turns stirring the slurry with a big wooden stick. it was strangely ritualistic, like presenting an offering to some kind of temple elder for inspection before placing it in a watery shrine to be devoured and reformed. pulp for the pulp god.

[holy-leapin-splits-batman]

[1dietcokeinacan]

I will know if Andrew Tate is ever within a one mile radius of me bc when it happens a fully loaded gun will materialize in my hand and I’ll suddenly and inexplicably gain the ability to fire it with sharpshooter level accuracy and will also be imbued w an in depth understanding of human anatomy vis a vis where to inflict maximum trauma to guarantee mortality but prolong suffering. And before I can even register what is happening I will take off running full speed in the exact direction of his location

[anglaised]

i hope every straight woman on the planet realizes she doesnt have to date shitty guys or guys at all for that matter seriously being single is better than whatever this is

[rabbits-of-negative-euphoria]

if they're gonna remake The Princess Bride, it should open with a kid sick in bed scrolling on his phone. his grandpa arrives with a gift--it's a DVD player with a disc already inside. grandpa hooks it up to the TV and presses play. and we all just watch the original 1987 film again.

[punished-venom-solitair-e]

everyone post your biggest hear me outs my friend just showed me two conventionally attractive white men in a row i need to teach him what a real hear me out is

[gardenofeden5457]

.world's largest excavator- nay, world's largest vehicle- the bagger 288

.also, scale reference! just the wheel is 70 feet in diameter

[ceruinus]

'here's a real hear me out' >>posts world's most conventionally attractive piece of machinery

[loveridden1999]

rich people should not be allowed to access, collect, modify or wear ancient artifacts as fashion statements. they're historical pieces that belong in public domains & should remain accessible to everyone. this especially applies to colonial artifacts & jewellery. end of discussion.

[sailermoon]

this is how new yorkers @ mamdani

[sailermoon]

[hotvampireadjacent]

[itsmisstutu]

The 8hr work day / 40hr work week is an infringement on our right to be human on earth

[hychlorions]

generally you shouldn't write run-on sentences because they get confusing and it doesn't give the reader a break. that doesn't apply to me though my run-on sentences are fun and understandable and they have a rhythm to it that makes you want to keep reading

[mildmayfoxe]

1) any stretching is better than no stretching

2) any vegetable is better than no vegetable

3) statistically you will never be the worst person at anything, there is always someone in the world who is worse at stuff than you are

[headspace-hotel]

4) if you actually are the worst person in the entire world, the scientific curiosity of this fact alone would make it worthwhile to continue

[uncertainlys]

MY FINGERS BARELY EVEN TOUCHED YOUR STUPID FUCKING AD STOP REDIRECTING ME TO THE APP STORE