jamais vu. [han jisung]
han jisung x fem!reader | college!au | best-friends-to-lovers
word count: 6.9K
genre: angsty fluff
warnings: light violence (because of soccer)
summary: Jisung had a bigger problem than college gnawing at his heart; he had to watch his best friend fall in love with someone that wasn’t him. // “jamais vu: the phenomenon of experiencing a situation that one recognizes in some fashion, but nonetheless seems unfamiliar”
i.
Finally finished with his last class of the day (and, really, of the week), Jisung pushed open the double doors of the music building before strutting out. He slowly reached for the headphones around his neck, preparing himself for the long walk to the Math and Science Complex. With a feel-good song pacing his walk, he practically skipped to the red brick building where his best friend, [name] [last name], would be getting out of class.
She was well worth the extra walk.
The campus of SKU wasn’t the most beautiful on the planet, but it felt like it even at three in the afternoon. His surroundings always seemed brighter whenever [name] was involved. Jisung felt his heart swell as he looked around at the trees and the sky. At times, he forgot he was walking. It truly felt like he walking on air.
By the time he had reached the Math and Science Complex, [name] was exiting the building, looking around for who Jisung assumed was him. Jisung was just across the road, grinning to himself. Pulling his headphones down, he was about to call out to her when a guy Jisung could not recognize waved goodbye.
The action was simple and innocent but stopped Jisung in his tracks. He couldn’t stop the look of annoyance that dawned on his countenance as he watched [name] smile softly, her [eye color] eyes lingering on the stranger’s figure as he walked away.
Was she biting her lip?
“[name] [last name]!” Jisung yelled. It sounded more angry than he thought he was, shocking the poor girl and poor by-standers.
[name]’s eyes widened as she ran across the road with every intention to hit him. Jisung knew that, all previous irritation disappearing as [name] devoted her attention to him once more.
“What on earth were you thinking?” [name] hissed, nearly hitting him with her Statistics textbook. That would’ve hurt. “You are so embarrassing.”
“You love me,” Jisung argued, wiggling his eyebrows at her. He found his usual spot on her left side.
She scoffed with a shake of her head, but she couldn’t stop the smile that spread on her cheeks. “Yeah, and you hate me.”
“I do not!” Jisung faked a dramatic gasp, placing his hand over his heart.
The two of them settled into their own pace, ignoring the other college students that passed them by. The walk to their frequent study area, also known as Chan’s apartment. It was on the opposite side of campus, closer to the music building, but Jisung never mentioned the extra walk he took to pick her up. After all, walking with a friend was better than walking alone.
“So, you gonna introduce me to your boyfriend?” Jisung asked. He tried to make his tone light-hearted, but he was genuinely curious--and possibly concerned.
[name] rolled her eyes, but Jisung caught the small smile that she tried to bite back. “Jeno’s not my boyfriend. He’s just someone I sit next to in Stats.”
Jisung hummed in return, clearly unamused. They had come to a road crossing where Jisung paused for less than a second just to make sure [name] wouldn’t get hit. [name] couldn’t care less, crossing the road, daring the cars the to hit her.
“But you’re interested,” Jisung teased with a wiggle of his eyebrows. He really did have a bad habit of digging these kinds of holes for himself.
[name] shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess? I mean, yeah, he’s attractive, but he’s also super popular. He just feels out of my league.”
Jisung scoffed. “With an attitude like that, yeah!”
His outburst at least got a laugh out of her although she probably didn’t believe him. Meanwhile, he tried to ignore the weird constriction around his heart.
It must’ve been allergies or something.
Dozens of conversations passed them by as they walked through the popular pedestrian walk on their way to Chan’s. [name] hugged her Stats book closer to her chest as the next wave of students crashed into the street. She inched closer to Jisung.
Physical touch was something that was fairly normal in their friendship, but, for whatever reason, Jisung found himself paying more attention to how close [name] was. He could actually smell the coconut shampoo she used. He could trace her face like a map, from her [eye color] eyes that reflected the sun to the bridge of her nose and lastly to the shape of her lips that he found himself going back to.
He blamed it on allergies.
Reaching out to grab her free left hand, Jisung playfully started swinging their arms.
“It’s such a beautiful day out today!” he exclaimed. “Let’s study outside today.”
[name] smiled at Jisung’s random actions and at the thought of actually enjoying the weather. She wouldn’t mind being outside after being in buildings all day.
“I’m fine with that, but we should probably tell Chan we’re not coming over,” [name] advised with a slow nod as she formulated her thoughts properly. “Wanna go to Felix’s coffee shop?”
“Oh yeah, he’s working today, so we can get a discount!” Jisung cheered. Sensing the look of disappointment on [name]’s countenance, Jisung sheepishly smiled. “I mean, we can give him tips...?”
“You know how I feel about exploiting discounts from friends,” [name] laughed at Jisung’s reaction.
Jisung groaned. Man, he loved her, but she was frustrating sometimes. They were college kids! They should exploit any resources they had! Still, he gave in.
“You’re just saying that because you work in a five-star restaurant,” Jisung grumbled.
The two walked past a clearing, taking a right for Felix’s rather than a left for Chan’s.
“It’s not five-star, but I do know better than a guy who works at a records shop,” [name] chided.
Jisung pouted, but he was still enjoying himself. He supposed that just proved that they were best friends. Everything was fun.
The colorless sidewalk revealed steps up to Felix’s blue cafe. While it did not belong to Felix Lee, it still held the same name of “Coffee and Dessert Felix”. Felix thought it was his destiny. The small outdoor patio had one last empty table, so the two of them put their backpacks down as placeholders while they ordered inside. The inside of the cafe was styled like a house, complete with a stone fire pit, black and white pictures that Jisung could only assume was old New York, and strings of lights lighting up the inside like the starry sky.
Felix greeted the two with a smile as bright as the lights. “Welcome! Usual, or do you two want to try something adventurous today?”
“I’ll have my usual, iced Americano,” Jisung informed Felix. He leaned over the counter, smirking as if he had said something fancy. He could feel [name] roll her eyes.
“Bro, mind the space,” Felix chuckled, taking a step back. He looked at [name]. “For you, [name]?”
“Surprise me,” [name] requested.
Felix shot her a wink before accepting Jisung’s credit card for payment. With a quick hand swipe, their order had been paid for, and Felix went to work on the drinks themselves.
Jisung and [name] waited by the counter, quietly conversing about how their days were, how classes were. Since they largely had different classes, it wasn’t common that the two would see each other except for planned occasions such as their study sessions. Jisung missed his best friend, he understood that they were still close. While he had made new friends as well, he still considered [name] his best friend, and he had faith that she did the same.
Felix placed two cups down on the counter in front of the two. Pushing the blue one closer to Jisung, he explained [name]’s drink to her.
“Okay, so I made an iced mocha with half chocolate and half caramel. If you don’t like it, let me know, and I’ll make you something else.”
[name] giggled, taking the cup from the counter as she and Jisung started walking to the porch. “I’m sure I’ll love it. Thanks, Lix!”
Jisung and [name] walked back to their table, drinks in hand. When they were finally able to sit down, Jisung stretched. He was fully prepared for a nap. So, laying his head down on his one of his notebooks, he was about to until [name] interrupted him.
“We’re still going on our trip, right?” [name] asked, laughing at her friend while she pulled out her own notebooks.
“Of course!” Jisung agreed, perking right up. “It’s the weekend, and that means no responsibilities!”
“More like less responsibilities, but I get what you mean,” [name] countered. “Are Chan and Changbin still coming?”
Jisung shrugged. “As far as I know. What about Lia?”
“She’s all packed up and ready,” [name] answered, tapping her pencil on the table.
Jisung’s face paled as a forced smile naturally came over his face.
“Let me guess,” [name] deadpanned. “You haven’t packed yet.”
Jisung tried to “cute” his way out of the situation, offering her his biggest smile. She wasn’t buying it, and he knew that; they’d been friends for too long for that to work anymore.
“Ji, we leave at six!” [name] scolded him.
“I know! I just... forgot,” Jisung mumbled, a pout coming over as he couldn’t look her in the eyes.
[name] tried to stifle her giggles but to no avail. “I’ll help you pack after I finish rewriting my notes for my Stats class.”
Jisung huffed. “The only woman who’s allowed to touch my drawers is my mother.”
[name] pulled a disgusted face before retorting, “Who said I was going to? Never mind then, you can pack by yourself, but, if you’re not packed by six, we’re leaving you.”
“I apologize for my impertinence, my queen.” Jisung quickly begged, “Please help my unworthy self pack my necessities.”
[name] shook her head, the smile tugging at her lips. “You’re so dramatic. Just let me finish first.”
Jisung was pleased with himself. One of the favorite parts of his day was being able to make her laugh. Laying his head as comfortably as he could back on his notebook, he tried to fall asleep to the soft jazz music that Felix always played. He couldn’t fall asleep though. Jisung blamed it on the caffeine now in his system, but he kept staring at the way that [name] was so focused on her notes, her skin glowing like glow under the bright sun.
ii.
Jisung knew he was pushing Chan’s buttons when he kept asking how much further the older boy had to drive, but he never anticipated that his punishment would be gathering all of the wood for their bonfire by himself. With a huff, he walked back to their campsite for the fifth time with his newest bundle of sticks.
“Is this enough?” Jisung growled, throwing the sticks down in front of Chan.
The older boy was sitting on a log, drinking a water bottle, as Changbin, Lia, and [name] finished setting up the second tent. Chan clicked his tongue. “You know, Jisung, I think you need like five more.”
Jisung glared at Chan which only caused him to laugh.
“Relax, Jisung, this is great,” Chan promised. “In fact, we might have too many.”
Jisung flipped a switch somewhere inside of him. Taking a seat next to Chan, he gloated, “Yeah, well, never underestimate us Han’s stick gathering skills.”
“Wow, you’re really scrapping the bottom of the barrel,” Changbin snorted, walking over with the two girls of their group. “With that kind of ego, I’ms surprised he hasn’t suffocated us all.”
“Don’t be mean,” Lia warned although she was laughing. “He’s just serving his punishment.”
“You guys are cruel!” Jisung cried out. “Can we just make s’mores now?”
“Do you know how to make a fire, Ji?” [name] taunted, crossing her arms over her chest.
Jisung pouted. “It can’t be that hard.”
Chan sighed, rising from his seat on the wooden log. “You guys can go explore. I’ll start the fire and start dinner too.”
Jisung immediately cheered, jumping up to grab [name] by her hand and running into the woods. He didn’t care about the fact that they had left Lia and Woojin; he didn’t care about the fact that he had to dodge the branches that blocked his route. He had one goal, and that was to go back to the same river that they visited on their annual camping trip.
Coming to a stop at the clearing, the two arrived side-by-side, fingers locked in a bond that could never be broken. The rock that they stood upon stood feet above a deep crevice in the river. The deep blue of the waters called out to them, the same rope they used to jump in hanging from a tree.
“We’re back!” Jisung shouted into the open air, earning a laugh from the girl beside him.
“Well, let’s go,” [name] urged. With a jump, she latched onto the rope and released herself into the river like a cannonball.
Jisung released a low whistle. With a shake of his head, he smirked before following her example. The old rope groaned under the weight but faithfully stayed intact while Jisung threw himself. He could hear [name]’s cheering as he plunged into the waters. The shock of the cold hit him, and he desperately swam upwards. When he resurfaced, [name] was laughing. He shook his hair out, splashing droplets of water everywhere around him.
[name] was swimming around in the water, checking over her shoulder to see where Jisung was. The boy let out a hearty yell.
“Could’ve told me it was cold,” Jisung laughed.
He could hear [name]’s giggles as she reached the shore closest to her. Jisung followed shortly after. When Jisung arrived at the small plateau [name] was sitting on, she took the opportunity to splash his face with water. Jisung retaliated with a shake of his head, earning a squeal from the girl. Hoisting himself up, he positioned himself on [name]’s left. He could feel almost feel her shivering. Their feet and knees dangled in the cold water.
The girl let out a soft scoff. “You think Changbin and Lia are going to be bitter that we left them?”
Jisung pondered for a moment before ultimately shaking his head. “Nah, they’ll be fine.” He nudged her left shoulder with his right, his countenance donning a playful smirk. “Besides, we’re best friends. We do stuff like this all the time.”
[name] returned the smile and the nudge. “You’re right. Which is rare.”
“Hey!”
While their laughter died out in the spacious woods, they sat comfortably in the silence that followed. Jisung kicked his legs under the water lightly until [name] gently rested her head on his available shoulder.
The action wasn’t anything new; they’d fallen asleep in that position multiple times. It was comfortable. It was home. Still, Jisung couldn’t help but acknowledge that it felt different this time. He was scared by the sudden thump in his chest, one so hard that he thought he was having a heart attack, but he was more scared that she had heard it.
It didn’t seem like she did.
“Jisung,” she started softly, her voice barely above a whisper.
He hummed in response, resting his head against hers.
“You know I want to tell you everything, right?” She left the question hanging in the air.
He didn’t like where this was going. “Yeah, of course. I want to tell you everything too... but I also understand that there are some things even best friends can’t talk about.”
He could picture her smile as she adjusted her head ever so slightly. “I’m glad you understand.” She let out a laugh, burying her face further into Jisung’s neck. Her hair tickled him. “We really just jumped into the lake with all of our clothes on.”
Jisung could feel his body shake with laughter (or was that the hypothermia setting in?). “Yeah, we did. We should probably go back and warm up before we die.”
[name] hummed. “In just a minute. We just got here. We might as well enjoy the view for a little while longer.”
Jisung made no movement to get up. If he was being honest, he was freezing, but the slight sun that peaked through the trees and [name]’s faint body heat were enough for him. As long as he was able to stay in that time in that place with her, he’d suffer anything.
When the drowsiness started settling in, Jisung knew it was time to go. Gently stirring a half-asleep [name] awake, Jisung rose to his feet. As [name] was still adjusting to being awake once more, Jisung slowly led her back to the campsite. She took slow steps behind him, loosely holding onto the back of his shirt while Jisung led the way.
By the time they had returned from the woods to the campsite, Chan, Changbin, and Lia had already made dinner. Jisung was excited to say the least. [name] even perked up at the smell of food.
As they all sat down around around their campfire together, Jisung felt the warmth and comfort that he could only feel with his friends. Seeing all of their smiles together made the stars above them look insignificant. He wished the nights like these would continue.
“He did?!” Lia’s shrill shriek of delight cut into Jisung’s nostalgic episode. His attention was now completely captured by Lia’s joyful giggles and [name]’s failed attempts to quiet her.
“Lia!” [name] whispered harshly. She offered the three boys a sheepish smile before turning her attention back to her friend.
“Oh my gosh, this is amazing,” Lia gushed, clapping her hands together excitedly. “So, did you say yes?”
“Lia, we’ll talk about this later,” [name] answered, eyeing the boys one last time.
“I’m guessing we’re not allowed to know about this?” Chan chuckled, motioning to Changbin and Jisung.
Lia clicked her tongue, wagging her index finger at them. “This is top secret girl talk!” The smirk never left her face as she turned back to face [name] next to her. “I’m getting every single detail.”
“Alright, alright,” [name] sighed. She glanced around, anywhere other than the boys’ faces. Her eyes lit up; she must’ve thought of an idea that would change the subject. “S’mores?”
It worked for Chan and Changbin who immediately erupted in cheers. Lia was still giggling to herself as the four started unpacking the marshmallows, chocolate, and graham crackers.
“Oh, the roasting sticks are still in the car,” Chan recalled. “Rock, paper, scissors?”
“I’ll just get them,” Jisung volunteered.
He wasn’t planning on taking no for an answer, having already risen from his seat to grab Chan’s keys and walk over. He could feel his feet and his heart dragging with every step that he took further away from his friends.
For the second time that day, he felt disconnected from [name]. The thought alone pulled at his heart. He felt a lump in his throat, thinking about Lia’s comments. If his suspicions were correct...
This would be the first time in Jisung’s life where he wouldn’t be a part of [name]’s.
iii.
“Guys, did you hear? Someone’s dating Jeno!”
“Who managed to get Jeno’s attention?”
“Is Jeno the soccer player? He’s cute.”
No matter where he went on campus, Jisung could hear that stupid name. Over and over again, girls gushed over him like a broken record. It was possibly the most irritating thing he had ever encountered.
Especially because of the girl dating Jeno.
Jisung was making his Friday walk to the Math and Science Complex to pick [name] up when he heard the campus’s gossip even through his headphones. In fact, he had been listening to it for the past week. It was the most excruciating week of his college career.
When he reached the Math and Science Complex, he didn’t see [name] at first. Genuinely taken aback, his mind immediately went to the worst case scenario. What if she had gotten kidnapped? She would be so scared--
Nope, apparently, that was the second worst scenario. The first one was happening in front of him.
[name] walked out of the doors of the Math and Science Complex hand-in-hand with Jeno, star soccer player and one of the most wanted men on campus. She was smiling at some joke Jeno had probably said, not even paying attention to the stares the two of them earned. What hurt the most was the look that Jeno was giving her because it was the most conflicting thing Jisung had ever seen. Jeno looked at [name] as if she was the most precious person in his world, like he really cared about her.
As [name]’s best friend, Jisung was supposed to be happy that someone loved his best friend almost as much as he did. Yet his heart was a mix of pain, rage, and misery.
Was this jealousy?
“Han Jisung!”
[name]’s voice was the only thing capable of snapping him out of his thoughts that quickly. Immediately finding her, Jisung felt his heart swell. He could feel his lips naturally curl into a smile as she waved at him from across the road, but it slowly left as she started walking to him with Jeno.
They ran across the road, [name] tugging a laughing Jeno along. She came to a stop in front of Jisung, giggling with Jeno. It stung even worse when Jeno put his arm around [name]’s shoulder.
“Jisung, this is Jeno,” [name] introduced. “Jeno, Jisung is my best friend.”
“Hey, man! Nice to meet you.” Dammit, he had good manners, but Jisung would rather die than admit that he thought Jeno had a pretty smile.
“Nice to meet you too,” Jisung forced out through his grinding teeth. He turned his attention to [name]. “You ready?”
Jeno looked at [name]. “Are you guys heading out somewhere?”
[name] laughed. “Oh, Jisung and I always study together on Fridays.”
“Sounds like fun,” Jeno chuckled, turning his gaze from [name] to Jisung.
Jisung couldn’t detect sort of malignant intentions which only irritated him more. He felt his heart drop to the bottom of his stomach and his skin crawled.
Jeno placed a soft kiss on [name]’s forehead. “I’ll see you after practice.”
[name] agreed, watching Jeno run off after the people whom Jisung assumed were his teammates. With a content sigh, she turned back in Jisung’s direction and started walking. She didn’t even check to see if Jisung was following her, what a terrible friend.
Jisung was most definitely pouting as much as he tried to deny it.
“Going on a date?” Jisung pondered, unable to look in her direction.
“Yep,” [name] informed him, “we’re going to get dinner and go bowling. Doesn’t it sound fun?”
Jisung scoffed, “Not if he’s sweaty and gross. You sure you want to go out with that?”
[name] lightly smacked his right arm. “He’s gonna take a shower, dumb-dumb.”
Jisung puffed his lips forward. Unfortunately, he was still walking loyally at her left side as there wasn’t a knife in his heart.
“Speaking of which...” [name] trailed off, holding her arms behind her back. She slowly looked into Jisung’s eyes. “Could you help me get ready?”
He was torn between pride and disappointment, but he wasn’t about to show the latter (more than he already had).
“You value my opinion that much? I’m honored,” Jisung returned with a grand bow.
At the very least, she laughed. “Lia’s busy. But, yes, I do value your opinion too.” She playfully bumped his side with her own. “They say the second date is just as important as the first, if not more.”
Jisung watched as her smile slowly disappeared from her face. He could only sigh as he realized his status. “Nervous?”
“More than I’d like to admit,” [name] confessed.
Jisung swallowed his jealousy only because she needed him. He wanted nothing more than to wipe that sad expression off of her face and replace with a smile.
“My little baby’s all grown up,” Jisung cried dramatically, wiping away fake tears with the sleeve of his shirt. His actions earned a smack from the girl, but it also rewarded him with a smile. “Don’t worry about it. He definitely likes you.”
“How can you tell? You met him five minutes ago,” [name] argued, kicking her feet against the gravel they were walking on.
“Guys can tell,” Jisung replied with a cheeky grin. “We can tell because of the way we look at someone we love. And I saw the way he looked at you. I’m not saying he loves you, but he definitely likes you. So, don’t worry, and just be your usual sunflower self.”
She thanked him quietly, and, for a while, they walked in silence. This time, they walked back to [name]’s dorm in order for her to get ready for her date. But during the time that they were walking, Jisung realized that he was actually the sunflower and that his sun was slowly leaving him.
In the two hours that passed, he found himself helping her pick her outfit, fix up her hair, and even doll herself up in makeup. When she told him to wait outside for her, he listened with only a single, drawn-out complaint. Then, she came outside, and everything made sense.
He waited outside her dorm, his back leaning against the wall. He heard the door before anything, and, as she stepped outside, Jisung felt his whole world fall into place. She looked beautiful, the way her shy smile only got bigger as he was at a loss for words. She went to bite her bottom lip, averting her gaze to the ground.
“Does it look okay?” she asked softly.
Jisung couldn’t even speak at first. He wanted to memorize the way she looked and tattoo it on him somewhere. Maybe that was an exaggeration, maybe it wasn’t.
“Pretty...” He hadn’t even used his vocal cords, so, when [name] clearly didn’t hear him, he cleared his throat. “I said--”
“You’re beautiful.”
The unwanted voice destroyed Jisung’s fantasy as he turned to see Jeno walking up to them.
“You think?” [name] asked with a small giggle.
He revealed a bouquet of [favorite flowers] from behind his back, earning a small gasp from [name] and an eye roll from Jisung. If he really liked [name], he would’ve known to get her a stuffed [favorite animal]. Flowers just end up dying anyway; what a way to be dramatic.
“They’re beautiful,” [name] murmured, accepting the flowers into her hands. Looking at Jeno, she smiled. “Thank you.”
“Anything for you,” Jeno replied. He turned to Jisung this time. “I’ll have her back before midnight.”
Jisung merely nodded with a short “see you” to [name] before the two left him behind. He watched as they walked away, their back turned to him, Jeno on [name]’s left side where Jisung used to be. He felt his heart crack when Jeno laced their fingers together and [name] smiled at him.
That should’ve been him.
The thought lingered in his mind until it slowly made its way into his heart. It thumped--one beat, two beat--and he realized the truth, the reason his heart ached.
A lump formed in his throat as he kicked the concrete below his feet, dragging himself all the way back to his dorm. He tried to deny the tears that threatened to spill, but the thought of [name] laughing because of someone that wasn’t him caused a singular tear to drop.
He loved her.
He always had.
He just didn’t know.
And now, she was falling in love with someone else, someone that wasn’t him.
iv.
In the month that followed, Jisung slowly drifted away from [name]. He knew what he was doing, but he needed the time to heal even if that meant hurting the person he cared about the most. Their Friday study sessions were overrun with dates with Jeno, and Jisung had found excuses not to pick her up after her classes. His role was slowly being filled by Jeno anyway.
Chan and Changbin had tried to talk to Jisung about it multiple times, telling Jisung that [name] had asked why he wasn’t responding to her texts. He merely brushed the topic off, returning to the book he had been pretending to read. Lia would walk by with [name], calling his name, but Jisung pretended he couldn’t hear the two with his headphones on.
It was childish if he was being honest, but he needed it. It was time for him to move on.
That was how he ended up going to a mixer with Minho on a Thursday night. If he was being honest, he wasn’t paying attention to what the two girls in front of him were gushing about. His mind was too preoccupied with [name].
She was at one of Jeno’s soccer games, probably wearing his number and cheering him on. He imagined her laughing, shouting, and having fun... without him. She probably looked cute, jumping around excited whenever Jeno had the ball. She probably sat right in the front to get the best kind of view but ended up regretting it because of the die-hard soccer fans sitting behind her.
“Ji.”
The familiar nickname interrupted his train of thought as he looked up with interest for the first time that night. It was the girl in front him. She was definitely pretty, but, to Jisung, not as pretty as [name]--and he didn’t like her saying that nickname.
“I’d prefer if you called me Jisung,” he tried to say as politely as possible.
His expression must have been a little too serious as the girls in front of him slowly leaned back. Minho elbowed Jisung’s left side lightly, causing Jisung to take of a sip of drink.
He had been spacing out all night. He really shouldn’t have been there, but this was the only way for him to move on. The restaurant’s white noise was his only relief.
“Jisung, let’s talk outside for a bit.” Minho wasn’t asking.
Jisung complied, following the older male to the darkening outside. The sun had already set. The game must have almost been over. He wondered if they were winning and she was happy.
“Dude, just go tell her,” Minho told him, leaning against the stone of the restaurant.
“What?”
“Don’t play dumb,” Minho scoffed. “You know I’m talking about [name].”
Jisung swallowed whatever was in his throat. He couldn’t tell if it was anger or fear or both. Whatever the case, the look on Minho’s face was enough for him to tell the truth. There was no point in lying to Minho--he’d pick it out in a second.
“She has a boyfriend,” Jisung answered in a low voice.
“Not that I’m supporting home-wrecking, but, if you like her, you need to tell her. [name] will do what she wants with that information, but it’s literally killing you, man. At the very least, this is for yourself to move on.”
In some sort of twisted way, Jisung could see Minho’s logic. He didn’t want to disturb the happiness [name] had found, but there would be no other way for him to move on. Nothing else was working
“But we’re here right now,” Jisung argued, trying to find some sort of desperate way out of the situation he was finding himself in.
Minho laughed. “Trust me, they won’t miss you.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“I just need to grab my car, and we can head over to the soccer field.”
When they walked back inside, Jisung followed Minho silently. He gave a quick nod to the party they were leaving before climbing into Minho’s car. They weren’t too far from the soccer field, but Jisung felt like time couldn’t move slower.
Was he actually about to confess to his best friend at her boyfriend’s soccer game?
It sounded ridiculous in his thoughts, but it was happening in his reality. He could hear the cheers from the stands as Minho pulled into the parking lot beside the field. He could hear his heart beating out of his chest as he walked up to the stands. He could hear it drop when he saw the middle of the field.
The score was only 1-0 for SKU, but the field had gotten too heated. The other team’s players had started a fight in the middle of the field. Benched teammates started running towards the center where Jeno was being held back by four of his teammates. The other team’s number 11 was also being restrained but not quite as well.
There, in between Jeno and number 11, for whatever bizarre reason she would explain to him later, was [name]. She looked so small among the giant soccer players, desperately trying to calm her boyfriend down.
And that’s when Jisung started running towards her.
Multiple smaller fights had broken out in the circle that had formed, and [name] was at the heart of everything.
Oh, he was definitely going to yell at her for that later, but his priority was to get her safe first before--
“You’re 32′s girl?”
Jisung was just close enough to hear the question but not close enough yet to reach her. Jeno’s number that she had worn so proudly now became a target. The next thing he heard was her scream, and that was all he needed.
He broke through the middle of the crowd where he saw [name] on the ground, terrified with a giant soccer player towering over her. She was flinching as he yelled horrible insults at her, her boyfriend, and her school.
Where was Jeno?
Jisung didn’t really care about the whereabouts of Jeno, but he did care about [name]’s safety. He ran to her, pushing past the guy who was scaring her to help her stand. He was fully prepared to fight the man who had touched his best friend, but the moment she grabbed his shirt, he knew whom he needed to prioritize.
“Ji...!” Her voice was hoarse, and it broke his heart.
He hushed her gently, reassuring her that he was here, helping her rise to her feet. Jisung sent the man one last glare before pushing past him once more. He didn’t pay attention to the shouts of anger as campus security ended up stepping in and calming the situation. The only person he cared about was the girl who was sobbing into his side as he held her close.
He managed to walk her to a quiet, secluded park before she collapsed on a bench. Her quiet sobs turned into wails as she gripped onto his shirt like a lifeline.
Rebuking her would have to come later as angry as he was.
“You’re okay, [name],” Jisung whispered softly. He pulled her closer to him, holding her like the porcelain he knew she was. “I’m here. Everything’s going to be okay.”
He repeated like a mantra until she quieted down. He traced shapes with his fingers along her back as she let out choked hiccups.
“Are you hurt?” he asked, slightly pulling himself away to properly look at her face.
Even under an old lamppost, even with puffy cheeks from crying, even though he couldn’t tell what was snot and what was tears, she was still the most beautiful girl in the world to him. The last one made him chuckle.
“No,” she answered. Her voice was hoarse from crying. “...but I want a tissue.”
Jisung laughed softly. “Here, just use my shirt.”
[name] shook her head. “No, I’m gross.”
“Just let me.”
He gently took his long sleeve (he was so glad he had decided to wear a button down shirt and look somewhat nice for the mixer) and wiped away the combination of liquids on her face. She shut her eyes naturally, reminding Jisung that she really did trust him completely. It also reminded him of how much he had probably hurt her.
“I needed to wash this shirt anyway,” Jisung explained with a shrug.
[name] sniffled, opening her eyes slowly. She turned to face forward, her arms still shaking from the experience she had just had. Jisung didn’t mention the lack of Jeno in that moment. The pained expression on her face indicated that she had probably already thought about it. In the silence, they sat under the stars. For a while, neither of the two moved until [name] gently laid her head Jisung’s shoulder.
The action, despite its old frequency, surprised Jisung, but he didn’t move. They sat in the comfortable silence, in the other’s company. It felt different than normal, but it felt right.
v.
Despite the new level of intimacy they had experienced the night before, Jisung and [name] still treated each other like strangers the next day. They had only passed by each other once, but they refused to look at the other. Jisung only glanced back at her as she walked between Lia and Jeno to a place where he wasn’t.
At the end of his last class, Jisung turned to go to Chan’s apartment instead of the Math and Science Complex. He walked slower than usual, enjoying the sun on his face. The music from his headphones drummed into his ears as he came to an intersection in the road. He couldn’t quite explain it--he blamed it on his lack of sleep from the night before--but he chose to take the right to Felix’s.
Upon arrival, he was greeted by a confused Felix.
“Where’s [name] at?” the bartista wondered aloud, checking behind Jisung to see if she was just running late.
“She’s got plans with Lia or something,” Jisung lied. “I’ll just take an iced americano.”
“Actually, Lia cancelled on me. I’ll have the Lix specialty.”
He recognized her voice, but he didn’t believe it was her. Jisung turned around to see a smiling but clearly winded [name]. Walking up to the counter, she handed Felix her credit card.
“On me today,” she said to Felix while looking at Jisung.
“You got it,” Felix said before he turned to make their drinks.
[name] cleared her throat, avoiding direct eye contact with Jisung now that her dramatic entrance had lost its effect. “Can we talk?”
Jisung didn’t want to say yes. He could’ve walked out even without his coffee, but he knew he wouldn’t. He really was wrapped around her finger.
“Yeah,” was his reply as Felix place their drinks on the counter in front of them.
The two walked to the table they had sat at weeks earlier, the table still empty and waiting for their return. They sat at the same spots, but instead of [name] working and Jisung sleeping, they faced each other, too scared to say anything.
“Thank you for what you did yesterday,” [name] began. “I don’t think I ever properly thanked you.”
“No problem,” Jisung answered before he brought the straw of his drink to his mouth. Was the taste more bitter than usual?
[name] sipped her own drink. They were both trying to decide what to say until [name] finally just snapped.
“I broke up with Jeno today.”
Jisung nearly choked on his drink. “What?”
“I broke up with Jeno today,” [name] repeated slowly, a nod with every pause.
“Okay, smartypants, why?”
[name] pursed her lips, taking another sip of her drink as an escape. After a moment, she softly mumbled, “Because... he helped me realize something.”
Jisung didn’t need to ask what; he knew she’d get there eventually. Instead, he let the soft cafe music encourage her to continue.
“He’d always had some sort of jealousy because of you, but, today, I realized that he wasn’t jealous because of how close we are,” [name] continued. She wouldn’t look him in the eye; her fingers fiddled with the plastic cup on the table in front of her. “He was jealous because he could tell that I, um... well, I like you.”
In the moment she had said that, Jisung felt like he was going to throw up--but in a good way. All the nerves in his body switched between relaxed and tense, but mostly tense. He could feel heat not only rise to his cheeks but also to every limb in his body. He was sure that, if he hadn’t been sitting, he might’ve fallen to the ground.
Yet everything finally felt right.
“That might be really weird coming from your best friend because I know we have this unspoken rule not to fall in love, but I didn’t realize it either until today when Jeno and I got into a fight,” [name] hurriedly explained, waving her hands around uselessly as some sort of explanation.
The smile on Jisung’s face spread as he leaned over the table to kiss her. It was soft and tasted like the bitter coffee he had just drunk, but it was worth everything that they had been through so far.
He pulled away for a second, revealing a cute [name] with her eyes still closed from the kiss, and he placed another one on her forehead.
“I like you too.”
It was [name]’s turn to be shocked as she slowly parted her lips in some attempt to say something back. She couldn’t think of anything, but the smile that tugged at her cheeks said that all that she needed to.
