The Struggle is Real: A Journey of Resilience đȘïžđȘ
Hey everyone! Just a heads up: this is gonna be a long post. Buckle up! đ
The past six months? A total rollercoaster đą. Seriously, if youâve ever felt like life is just throwing everything at you all at once, youâre not alone. From grad school to work, itâs been a wild ride, and honestly, Iâm still trying to process it all. The exhaustion is real, and itâs taken a toll on my physical and mental health. So, let's dive in, shall we?
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Grad School: The Never-Ending Cycle đ
Letâs start with grad school. Can we talk about the sheer madness of it all? I remember spending countless hours researching, skimming through papers, and trying to craft the perfect arguments. It felt like my blood was running on caffeine alone (or maybe it was?)! â
Researching Like Crazy: Finding relevant literature was a daunting task. Iâd spend hours combing through papers, desperately searching for that one source that would back up my points. It was exhausting!
Plagiarism Panic: And donât even get me started on plagiarism checks. Simple sentences would get flagged, and Iâd be left wondering, âWhy canât you trust me that this is my own sentence, not AI, not someone else!?â Seriously, it felt like a nightmare. đ
Help Wanted: Finding affordable statisticians and grammarians was another struggle. I scoured the internet, asked for referrals, and had to negotiate prices. I just wanted to get quality help without getting scammed!
Defense Planning Woes: Planning for my thesis defense was a logistical nightmare. I had to order food, find tokens of appreciation for the panel, and shell out my own money first. Plus, I was preparing for those grueling questions from the panels.
When the defense day finally arrived, it was a blur. I felt like I was being grilled by experts in front of me. There were moments I wanted to give up, but my adviserâs confident gaze kept me going. I passed with the highest grade! đ Honestly, I didnât even care about the score; just surviving that ordeal felt like a victory.
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Work: The Corporate Grind đŒđ©
Now, letâs talk about work. Itâs been overwhelming, and despite asking for help, Iâm left wondering if Iâm not communicating my needs properly.
Promotion Waiting Game: Iâve been waiting for a promotion for what feels like forever. My ratings have been exceptional for years, my exposure is great, and my skills are up-to-date, but despite all this, Iâm still waiting.
Comparing Myself to Others: Itâs hard not to feel left behind when I see my colleagues moving forward while I feel stuck in the same team. I often find myself torn between staying and waiting for the promotion or taking a leap of faith and moving to a new role, which would mean starting the waiting game all over again for a promotion.
Project Fatigue: On top of that, Iâve been working on a project with some amazing colleagues to develop a tool that will benefit many. We started back in August, and here we are in June, still pushing through. Every meeting feels like a marathon, and I can sense the exhaustion in everyoneâs voices. Honestly, sometimes it feels like âmalayo na pero malayo paâ, weâve come a long way, but we still have a long way to go! I often feel guilty because Iâm detail-oriented and notice every little error.
Resource vs. Key Resource: I was supposed to be a resource, not the key player. Yet, I found myself putting in the most effort. I enjoy the work, but itâs frustrating when it feels like Iâm doing all the heavy lifting. There was a time when I was taking a leave and had to align it with someone who was supposed to be the key resource. It felt frustrating because he was doing a backup for work that he was supposed to handle! Iâm friends with him, and I hope he doesnât take it the wrong way, but thatâs how I felt at my lowest point.
Resistance to Change: Deploying our tool to everyone was a challenge. I predicted there would be resistance, and boy, was I right. Convincing everyone that this new tool was worth their time and that it would be easier to navigate than what they were accustomed to was an uphill battle. It felt like I was fighting against a wall of reluctance!
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Teaching: The Empty Passion đđ
On top of everything, Iâm also teaching part-time, and honestly? Iâm just going through the motions.
Whereâs the Passion? Iâm tired, and my passion for teaching seems to have vanished. I just want to get through the day, comply with papers, and go home. Itâs disheartening to admit that Iâm losing my spark.
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Alone by Myself đđ
When the clock strikes 3 AM, and Iâm still awake, I often find myself lost in thought.
Wishing for Connection: I wish I could talk to a friend, but whoâs online at that hour, right? I used to have a friend I could confide in during these late-night hours, but things went downhill because of me, and I still havenât processed how to move on from that treasured friendship.
Journaling Struggles: Iâve tried journaling about my day, but it often feels like Iâm just writing in circles. Sometimes I think maybe I should just cry to release the pent-up stress, but when I try, nothing comes out. Itâs like Iâm emotionally numb.
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Health: The Price of Stress đđ©
Letâs keep it realâmy health has taken a hit.
Body Image Issues: Iâve gained weight, and my clothes donât fit nicely anymore. I canât look at myself without feeling ugly and unworthy. Itâs hard to face the mirror and see someone I donât recognize.
Unhealthy Eating: My lab results arenât good either. Iâve been eating unhealthy foods and relying on coffee to stay awake. I feel like Iâm running on empty, and itâs taking a toll on my physical and mental health. Iâm trying to prioritize my health, but itâs hard when I feel like Iâm juggling so many responsibilities.
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Moments of Joy đđ
But amidst all the chaos, there have been some moments of joy:
Vietnam Adventure: I went to Vietnam with friends, and it was unforgettable! It was my first international travel, and for nearly five days, I didnât think about work or my thesis (or maybe I did, every time I was about to spend, I thought of my restricted budget). I want to go back without responsibilities and enjoy it to the fullest.
Maid of Honor Duties: I was the maid of honor at my friendâs wedding, and I think I did a pretty good job! Weâre still gushing about the beautiful and not-so-beautiful photos from the day.
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The Unexpected Twist of May đđ„
Then, in just two weeks, everything changed:
Thesis Defense: I finished my thesis defense, which means Iâll soon get my MBA title! The feeling of accomplishment is still sinking in, and Iâm proud of myself for pushing through all the challenges.
Promotion Surprise: I got promoted at work, effective July 1! The announcement took me by surprise, and it made me question, if I shouldâve trusted the waiting season more.
Recognition: I also received a title "Master of Business Process Excellence", shared with me in a nerve-wracking meeting with the leadership team. Less than 5% of the overall population gets this recognition, and it felt amazing to be acknowledged for my contributions.
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Reflection: The Road Ahead đđ
My mentor reminded me of my resilience through it all. As I look back on the past six months, Iâm reminded of both the struggles and the triumphs.
Last year felt like a storm, but now, blessings are pouring in.
Iâm still trying to process everything thatâs happened, and I know I need to take care of myself.
Social Media Break: Maybe I should take a break from social media. I feel like Iâm constantly comparing myself to others, and itâs draining.
Health Focus: I need to prioritize my health and break free from these unhealthy habits. I canât keep living off junk food and caffeine.
Self-Love Journey: I need to start loving myself again. Itâs tough feeling so alone, but I realize itâs even harder when I donât love who I am.
Iâve learned so much about resilience. Iâve adapted, found ways to overcome obstacles, and prioritized what truly matters.
Iâm not perfect, and I donât have all the answers. But Iâm trying my best, and thatâs what matters. People often say they admire how I juggle everything, but honestly, itâs tough, and Iâm just trying to get by.
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By sharing my story, I hope to remind others that itâs okay to struggle and that youâre not alone. Life can be overwhelming, but itâs important to keep going, even when it feels impossible. Remember, asking for help doesnât make you weak; it shows strength and courage.
Thanks for sticking around to read my story! If youâve been through something similar or just want to share your thoughts, drop a comment. Letâs support each other through the chaos! đ
proof of struggles lol

















