In a world where the Vegas bathroom scene doesn't happen, it's fun to imagine a night where they get super fucking drunk instead (separately) and bump into each other at some point in the early hours of the morning.
And they're absolutely fucked up, and down bad for each other enough that by the time they stop in front of one of the chapels, Shane's like "Hey Rozanooov, wouldn't it be so fucking funny if we got married right now? Can you imagine how everyone would react?"
And Ilya's grinning like "They would be so mad and confused."
And for a moment it's hypothetical, but then Shane's dragging Ilya into the chapel. And if the Elvis impersonator recognises them or their names he doesn't say anything.
And what follows are very drunk but surprisingly sincere vows where Shane talks about how after the last time they were together he thought something was starting between them and it really fucking hurt that Ilya pushed him away in Russia (even though he understands that) then ghosted him for six months. And he's got those big sad almost tears and Ilya immediately puts a hand on his cheek and runs his thumb along his cheekbone.
And then Ilya's vows are about how sorry he is about not speaking to him for six months, he didn't mean to hurt him so badly, how terrified he was being in Russia with Shane, knowing they might both get into trouble if anyone found out about them, then all the stuff with his dad and brother, and also how scared he is that he doesn't feel like he can be casual about Shane anymore. With the basic crux of both sets of vows being that they've just admitted that they're actually falling for each other.
And then as they're signing the paperwork, Ilya has a moment of clarity where he grabs Shane's arm anxiously like "These marriages are not real, yes? We are not going to be actually married?"
And Shane pats his hand reassuringly. "Don't worry, it's only legal for US citiz... citer... cizeti... It's only legal for people from the US. We'll be fiiine."
And then when they wake up the next morning, cuddled and still fully clothed, to their phones going off non-stop and headlines about their drunk Vegas wedding (because the marriage certificate is public record), they realise it's more legally binding than Shane was led to believe.




















