Yapp3r

[sergeantsporks]

"Aro/Ace person gets given a love potion" story but instead of them being immune or whatever, it DOES work, and they realize IMMEDIATELY that they've been fed a love potion because this feeling is so wrong and foreign but everyone keeps laughing off the idea of it being a love potion because "they were probably just a late bloomer" or "no, you just finally found the right person!" and it's just a horror story about how no one believes them even though they know, they KNOW this isn't right and they can't stand it.

[sup3riorsese]

New kpdh idea

So as a new idea, there are never more than 3 generations of hunters because they are simply the souls of the old hunters reborn. The first three trios of hunter have their souls constantly reborn as a gift from the hon moon for a sacrifice each generation did. The 1st generation was the one who had it the worst, they had to learn everything, deal with the most of Gwimas demons as they had no barrier before, and they had to somehow find and teach the next chosen. They die in battle, fighting to the end and just barely managing to save their successors. The 2nd generation was the one to spread the honmoon worldwide, training their successors then sacrificing their souls to make it so demons can only come through a singular zone of the honmoon (that being current Seoul) so that future hunters could focus on a singular source. The 3rd generation was the first to encounter Gwima. They were able to banish him back to his domain but died in the process, but since the honmoon stayed the same, he was not permanently banished. For these sacrifices, the honmoon blesses them with the gift of always remaining together, to be reborn and experience life together again and again. They may not be the same people, may not have the same life, or even the same personalities, yet their souls are forever unchanging. Once a generation dies, their souls will be put into the equivalent of a waitlist to be born again into a future trio. This goes on for centuries until Huntrix, who are the reincarnation of the very 1st trio, and while it was never stated which of the three would close the honmoon, it is rather ironic that the ones who began it where the ones who ended it.

[nighttime-tales]

Unpopular opinion: Rumi is an amazing woman but is a badly-written character.

Just—hear me out.

Rumi

At first glance, Rumi appears to be this confident, bad b diva, but the deeper you dive into her personality throughout the movie, the more you realize this is just a mask.

She's the leader of a world-wide famous kpop group, her mother was an idol and so was her godmother, her friends love her and try to include her in their activities even if she refuses, and her manager doesn't stress her, she's pretty and loved by thousands, if not millions. She is simply perfect. And yet.

Whenever Rumi's alone, all that appears on screen is the girl behind the mask, the little girl who was told she had to hide her bad side or else. The little girl who is afraid of losing everything in the blink of an eye if her secret got out.

But what was the problem with Rumi?

Rumi, due to the way she was raised, turned out to be a workaholic and a perfectionist, and since her goal couldn't be completed alone, she had to have Mira and Zoey help. Which led to her lying and pushing herself—and everyone else around her—past their limits.

Now it wasn't her fault, not entirely. Like I said, Rumi was raised to be this way—to hide and shoulder the burden by herself until the honmoon was sealed, her patterns disappeared, and she became only a hunter not part-hunter, part-demon. She thought that when she got rid of her patterns, she will finally be worthy of love and acceptance, which isn't a problem. The problem is the way she did it.

First, by making important decisions alone and releasing a song without consulting her teammates and ending a vacation she knew how much they were looking forward to the moment it started.

She heard Mira and Zoey talking about their plans.

She heard Zoey rambling about turtles and being excited to watch her collection.

She saw how tired they were.

And yet she decided to ignore all of that and push the release of Golden, cutting their break short before it even started and forcing them to work for her sake. This made Rumi seem like she was viewing Mira and Zoey as merely "machines" there to help her reach her goal rather than her teammates who thought they all had the same goal, which was sealing the honmoon and protecting the world.

Second, by trusting the enemy even when he showed no interest in changing his ways.

Now let's get something straight, Rumi did not trust Jinu with her secret, he was the one who found out about it. So no, Rumi didn't "Trust a demon she just met and not her friends who she knew for long". Rumi didn't intent for anyone to find out about her secret. But she had trusted Jinu with something else, something more serious—the sake of the entire world.

Rumi went to Jinu and offered to help him if he helped her, which was a big mistake because at the end of the day, Jinu was still the enemy, was still helping Gwi-ma (yes, I'm aware of his trauma but we're talking Rumi pov now), was still sending souls to him without showing any interest in stopping.

She may have felt bad for him when she heard his story, but it was still not a valid excuse to trust him so easily. Jinu's trauma was a reason for his actions, not an excuse. Rumi could've simply showed him sympathy without trusting him with something as important as the golden honmoon.

But let's not forget that Rumi may have trusted him because, after all, the version of the story he told her made him come out as a "It wasn't his fault, he didn't choose to leave his family and be a demon" person, just like she was. It wasn't her fault she was a demon, she didn't choose to be, so she thought he, too, may have goodness inside him that's going to win if he helped her.

But still, it was reckless to trust a demon so easily with the fate of the world.

Third, "Not everything is about your insecurities, Mira!" Except that Mira wasn't wrong.

Rumi was hiding something. Rumi was starting to question everything they've ever believed in, and when she felt like Mira was so close to figuring it out, she snapped and said something she shouldn't have said. Because it wasn't Mira's insecurities making Mira act like this, it was Rumi's insecurities viewing all attempts to get checked on seem like personal attacks.

Fourth, a lot of innocent people have been sacrificed for the sake of Rumi's secret while she stood and watched.

A whole train of people has died because Rumi won't come clean about her secret. At this point, it was more like Rumi cared more about her personal goal and not the people she was supposed to be protecting, not the goal that was supposed to be the most important, her duty.

No, she was focused on making sure her patterns disappeared, no matter the way.

But are these what make Rumi a badly-written character?

Nope. They actually create a complex, maybe morally gray character that makes you unable to hate despite their actions because of the trauma they've been through. You know they've done terrible mistakes, and yet you can't put all the blame on them or their ways. They share the blame with the world that had forced them to grow up so fast and believe they weren't worthy of love until they're "fixed", the people who have raised them to believe so.

What makes Rumi a badly-written character is the way she's portrayed.

Rumi was an adult. She knew Mira and Zoey were tired and yet when she canceled their break, she was smiling.

We already talked about why she had done this, but what irks me is that smile. Rumi knew she needed Mira and Zoey to seal the honmoon, and she never once cared about what they needed, and she didn't even seem sad in the slightest when she released Golden. She's the leader and was raised to be an idol and a hunter since her childhood and therefore she has the upper say, even when her teammates try to protest. In the end, they have to agree to whatever Rumi decides.

Everything revolved around Rumi (I have said this before and I'll say it again), and she's clearly more loved than Mira and Zoey by literally everyone.

In the beginning, we see the fans excited to see Huntrix, but let's be real, that scene was probably only an introduction to tell us about the girls, because after that, everything is Rumi, Rumi, Rumi...

The fans never mention Mira and Zoey again after that scene in the start. Everything is about how amazing Rumi's voice is and how excited the fans are to see her on stage and how her voice brings everyone to tears. And then she has a scene where her teammates get off stage so she can have her solo moment and to also pour more angst on her and make her more tragic and a "poor-me" character.

And not to mention she's the leader despite the fact that she is not fit to be the leader. She doesn't care about her teammates' wellbeing, a sob story managed to make her trust the enemy, and she let her personal goal stand in the way of the entire world's safety.

She made decisions alone and had a plan to save the world and seal the honmoon with the help of a demon without telling Mira and Zoey.

And let's not forget she was never addressed for the amount of people who died because of her precious secret.

Furthermore, Rumi is always front and center despite Mira being the visual. Rumi has all the noticeable angst in the movie and she seems to know it. She's the character who brings all the attention back to herself in the end.

And don't get me wrong but, she came off to me like "I can fix him" with her whole situation with Jinu. And not to mention she forgave him way too fast, considering he caused the most traumatic event of her life.

And... that's it, I think.

Feel free to add or comment!

[mortal-ethos]

Soft Celine HCs

(I think she has a lot more depth than a lot of people give her credit for, and I think it's more interesting to discuss her through the lens of being a good person who really. really fucked up)

Rumi would have frequent nightmares as a child, and Celine would sing her Sunlight Sisters songs to fall asleep

She had feelings for Rumi's mother but never confessed them, she has a lot of internalized homophobia she's never addressed (until the girls force her to talk about it after they have a movie night where they watch a queer romance and Celine cries, like a lot)

When they were all training together, Celine would put on weekly movie nights where whoever did the most pushups/ran the farthest/did the most chores/etc would get to pick the movie. She's got like a whole projector set up. She's a film buff. Her favorite movie is Breakfast at Tiffany's (don't ask me why, I just know it, I know that woman has a celebrity crush on Audrey Hepburn)

She loved raising Rumi, and has always talked to others about how proud she is of Rumi (even though she didn't tell this to Rumi herself)

When Rumi and Celine reconcile after the movie, Celine breaks down crying and apologizes. The moment when Rumi asked her to kill her was the moment all the realization of the pain she caused Rumi came crashing down on her. It's the first time she tells Rumi how proud of her she is, and Mira and Zoey are there (shocked, expecting it to not go well) and Rumi also starts crying and hugs her. She forgives her and the girls are really surprised by that but, it's Rumi, and she's got a big heart. All Rumi ever wanted was an apology to be validated her entire life. Their relationship will never be the same, but it will be better

The first time she told the girls she loved them was during the reconciliation, because she didn't want to go one more day taking the chance that she couldn't say it, and then they all start crying and hugging

When the girls tell her they're together (Polytrix blog yo) she's 1. confused because she doesn't know what polyamory is, 2. concerned because optics, 3. thankful Rumi didn't get together with Jinu (still working on the whole "not all demons are bad" thing like when you're trying to get your well-intentioned grandma to stop using language she doesn't realize is derogatory), 4. cries again because they get a chance at love that she wasn't able to have

If you can't tell already, I think Celine is actually secretly a big crier. She is a huge softie and the only people that know this are the girls, because unless she is in front of a camera or in public, she will cry over anything, happy or sad. She's where the girls picked up the "don't cry because if you cry then I'll cry" behavior

Big softie but a drill sergeant during training, "if any of you drop from your plank before 30 minutes, you're all running another mile" type shit

Big softie but never talked about her feelings, even when crying she'd say "I don't know what you're talking about, it's just my allergies"

Post reconciliation, the girls make a group chat with Celine and she will send them super niche movie reference memes because she can't remember what movies she's seen but the girls haven't. They let it go and just add the movie to the long list to watch. Celine also watches every. single. turtle video (or whatever her hyper fixation is at the time) that Zoey sends in the group chat, and responds to every single one

[e-adlirez]

Celine Hot Take

Okay so one thing I'm seeing a lot is the idea/headcanon that Celine hated Rumi because she was half-demon and thus didn't really care for her during her childhood? I can't help but passionately, vehemently disagree. Why?

Because of this.

Celine wasn't raising HUNTR/X and projecting some sort of hatred of Rumi's demonhood onto their training, Celine is consistently in denial and on copium about the idea of Rumi being half-demon. Girl has been on copium for all of her screentime in the movie, so much that I don't doubt that's where her retirement funds go to. She refuses to believe that Rumi is a demon and instead chooses to lean into the idea that Rumi is a hunter, like Ryu, and that she just has demon patterns that will go away when the fabled Golden Honmoon is conjured. She rationalizes Rumi's demon half as, "it's not that she is a demon, she just has demon patterns."

Forgive the analogy, but it's exactly like "it's not that he is homosexual, he just has homosexual urges". Having something is ultimately easier than being something, because having something means that it is possible to no longer have something. Celine sees Rumi not as a half-human half-demon, but a full Hunter who just has demon patterns, because it's ultimately easier to digest something when you know that that something can and will go away.

That's why Celine is able to pass the Hunter's mindset onto HUNTR/X and why they are able to do what they do-- it's not that she's projecting her hatred of Rumi onto them, she just refuses to believe that Rumi is one of the demons she hates. And how could she not hate them, when her tenure as a Hunter has probably given her enough reasons to hate them that they could make a book longer than any historical archive? Those things she taught the girls about demons doesn't apply to Rumi, of course not! She's not a demon guys trust me she's not a de--

This entire rationalization of Rumi's patterns is the reason why Celine insists that Rumi can't tell Mira and Zoey about her patterns. Patterns = demon, but Rumi I guess is an exception because she is full Hunter but has patterns, and they're actively choosing to ignore the implications of having patterns (patterns = demon). This line of thinking is so goddamn fragile that the only way to not poke through this wet tissue paper of a mindset is to simply not acknowledge the big, gaping flaw in it, which Mira would probably be most wont to do.

And which Jinu does.

Fr tho that conversation would be so goddamn awkward like "oh yeah so I have patterns because my dad was a demon but I'm not a demon I swear I just have patterns they'll go away when the Golden Honmoon is formed okay I swear trust me they'll go away they're not who I am they're just something I have that will go away trust m"

But anyway back to my thesis here, Celine doesn't hate Rumi because she sees that Rumi is half-demon. Celine loves Rumi because she refuses to believe that Rumi is half-demon, because making that realization would force her to rethink I'm guessing 30-something years of her time as a Hunter, 30 years of fighting and hating demons, and however-old-Rumi-is years of "I pretend to not see"-ing her patterns.

Her being unable to look at Rumi? That's because she is clinging onto that tissue paper mindset she's made to cope with Rumi's nature. She is holding onto that mindset for dear life, because she hates demons, and she can't bear the thought that Rumi, her best friend's daughter, this kindhearted soul, is of that race of demons that she's hated for so long that she probably can't remember a time where she didn't. She doesn't want to hate her daughter, but her demon origin makes it so goddamn hard. She can't bring herself to hate her daughter, who is a demon.

And this bit here? Yeah Celine kinda has a right to think that, because every time Rumi snaps and her demon form comes out, the Honmoon ripples red. Who knows what that could actually mean, but the Hunters believe red = weak spot in the Honmoon, so that's how everyone in the room believes that, and that's how Celine interprets it.

But she's torn. She's not saying this coldly as a matter of fact. She is scared. She is desperate. She is scrambling to find a solution to this massive problem, but as she said, everything she was taught told her how to handle the problem (kill the demon), but she can't because everything she was taught told her that one cannot simply accept, even though acceptance is the exact solution she's looking for.

Celine probably had the biggest crashout under the tree, because in this moment, she's seeing all the years she spent raising Rumi crumbling apart. She's finally registered that the tissue paper is disintegrated in her hands, and to her that can only mean one thing: that she was wrong to cling so desperately to Ryu's memory, to hold onto the one thing she had left from her. To raise this half-demon to adulthood, when she couldn't even bring herself to put her down.

And then the Honmoon comes back a few minutes later and she goes from having an apocalyptic crashout to having an apocalyptic crashout confusedly haha--

[jawlipops]

my fragile god

[raffcus]

she´s soooo fine it hurts my soul

[sup3riorsese]

So I’m high key thinking about writing a story about Polytrix and Polylight sisters (Or whatever you would call them) but in a very sad and yearning way. Had to brainstorm some ideas tho. Sorry for the bad quality

(Also idk about the names, I’m not Korean so I did my best to come up with names, hopefully they’re ok and if no please tell me.)

(Also also, if you don’t like Celine, this will not be a story for you. I’m going to make all of them happy and I don’t really like how people make Celine to be this absolutely villainous character when she is complex)

[sup3riorsese]

My thoughts on Rujinu (Negative)

So (Long rant incoming) do not let the title deceive you, I am not here to start any discourse of say anyone's bad or wrong for shipping what they like, especially since this ship is heavily implied, but I think a large problem with Rujinu is how both the fans and seemingly the movie view them.

I've seen a lot of people say things like "Oh Rujinu are soulmates" and "They belong together" and all this other stuff and I keep questioning if we watched the same movie.

The entire movie, Jinu was a selfish, manipulative liar. Starting with his backstory, he left his mother and sister, literally abandoned them, to live a high life. Mind you, a woman alone during that time would have little to no way of funding herself and her child unless through unconventional means. He actively left his mother, who probably did everything she could to feed and care of him and his sister, to basically starve on the streets because he was the one making the money. He was rightfully tormented and punished for this selfish act and lived 400 years paying the price. Moving to acts during the movie, the only reason he even pays attention to Rumi is because she's part demon, which is fine as it is natural to be curious, but the thing is, he is using her the entire time.

During scenes where Jinu is being "vulnerable," he is lying. Yes, there are times he seems genuinely conflicted or even remorseful (When he was looking at the little girl's picture, for example), but ultimately, the only reason he does all this is to erase the memories of his mistakes. When he tells Rumi about his family the first time, he is actively being deceptive. He lies to make her think he's not evil and makes her feel like she can be vulnerable and trust him. Throughout their meetings, he's giving the impression that not all demons are bad (Which may be true), but that's not the case for him as he was punished for committing a selfish act.

When we get to the climax of the movie, he is the one who uses two of Rumi's biggest vulnerabilities (Her friends and her marks) against her and publicly humiliates and exposes her. He quite literally had them torment her on stage, disguised as her best friends. Then, when confronted, he acts as if this was her fate the entire time. Doesn't apologize, and tells her he lied. He throws the fact that she believed him in her face and leaves her there.

He causes so much strife in her that she asks THE WOMAN WHO RAISED HER to end her life.

People saying the man who almost brought Rumi to death is her "soulmate" is almost offensive, especially because the only reason they say that is for one, his sacrifice, and two, how the movie portrays them.

Jinu's one selfless act during the entire movie is saving Rumi. Everyone acts like it is such a romantic gesture when in reality, it was the least he could do. He damned his family to being poor on the street, fed on people of 400 years, and tormented an innocent woman for his own gain. The very least he could do was sacrifice to stop Gwi-ma. Also, this may have to do with the fact that throughout the whole film, he didn't have his soul. That may be a reason he acts the way he does, but still. Many people think that he and Rumi should've kissed, but no. They shouldn't. Not only does it make the scene more heartfelt, in my opinion, but Rumi has no real reason to. Maybe before he revealed his true nature, and she thought he was a flawed man, I could see it, but in truth, after his reveal, Rumi owed him nothing. He proved that he was like any other demon, maybe conflicted and more intelligent, but still a demon. While she may appreciate his sacrifice and death, she doesn't owe him anything.

I think people think so highly of the two of them together because of how the movie shows them together. They make them out to be the only people who understand each other, and they can change the world if they work together. Firstly, they don't understand each other, and they wouldn't have changed anything because of that. Rumi doesn't understand Jinu because he lied to her. Jinu doesn't understand Rumi because, similar to Celine, he doesn't see her human side, only the demon. The whole movie, he was trying to convince her that this is what they are, what they are destined to be, but they are entirely different. Rumi was born with demon marks. She didn't do anything to gain them; she simply had them. They were and are a part of her. Jinu, on the other hand, did something to get them. He was selfish and was punished for it. He doesn't see Rumi as what she is, a woman who happens to be part demon; he sees her as a demon woman. He can't understand Rumi, because her doesn't know her and he doesn't try to see past something she had no control over. The movie unfortunately makes it seem like they just get each other, with things like Free (Which is truly hilarious as Jinu quite literally lied to her, and that whole song means nothing since he didn't tell her the truth of his own accord).

I think what people should be focusing on instead of Rujinu, is HUNTR/X.

Whether platonic or romantic, the three girls have a way more impactful and caring story and relationship than Rujinu ever could. From the start of the movie, it is clearly shown that the three of them are synced. From the way they move flawlessly together in battle to the way they formulate songs, they are linked. Through the movies, Zoey and Mira both try to include Rumi in things such as couch time or the bathhouse despite her previous refusal. They actively enjoy being around her, and even when she disrupts their brief rest, they don't seem all too upset. When at the doctors, they all agree with what he's saying, understanding each other fundamentally. When Jinu pushed Rumi over and didn't help her, both Zoey and Mira stopped drooling over the Saja Boys and backed her. They are there for her when they think something is wrong, and even when they were arguing, they were still concerned. When they all sat to talk out their feelings, they listened and expressed themselves openly, and were encouraging when Rumi made it clear why she didn't want to sing Takedown.

When they realize Rumi is vulnerable, alone on stage, they immediately try to rush to her aid. When Rumi's marks are revealed, they aren't angry that she's a demon; they're upset that she didn't tell them, that she's actively been lying to them. For two people who have been trained to hate and kill demons, they don't attack, even when they raise their weapons. It seems more like an action done out of instinctual confusion rather than malice. They don't even chase after her when she runs, they just slump in hurt and shock.

Gwi-ma gets hold of them, not because they are angry, but because they are hurt, confused, and separated. Mira thinks she's lost a piece of her family and immediately goes to blame herself. Zoey thinks somehow she wasn't enough to keep them together, and she falls into despair. It's only after she loses everyone she thought was on her side (Specifically Zoey and Mira) is when Rumi goes to Celine.

What I think is really important about Celine's reaction to Rumi is how it contrasts Zoey and Mira's reaction. Where Celine thinks Rumi should hide, her friends want her whole truth. Where Celine can't look, her friends embrace her happily. To show that the very woman who raised Rumi couldn't see past her heritage, to two girls Rumi happened to grow close with, brush past it as if it was nothing, is impactful.

When Rumi comes to the stadium, Zoey and Mira both immediately snap out of their trance after hearing her. By this point, they still had no clue if they could trust her, yet they without hesitation walked through the crowd to her and exposed their souls, to which Rumi did the same (You can tell by the blue lights in their chest, that soon after happens to Rumi right before the World War Z demons attack). Despite having no information about Rumi being a demon, they look past that. Zoey and Mira are the only people to SEE Rumi. They see her as she is: Smart, sweet, energetic, confident, and reliable. They don't just view her as her individual parts. They fully trust her.

After all this, they do normal things. Going to bathhouses, doing nothing on couches, crying about how happy they are that none of them died in a bathhouse. Zoey, who is extremely affectionate, doesn't change her ways. She still touches Rumi even after her marks are shown. They both don't show disgust or plain ignorance to who she is, like Celine and Jinu do, they embrace her to her fullest.

Yeah, this is the end of my very long rant. I just feel like I had to get that out. I don't want to shame anyone for shipping Rujinu, but I just feel like everyone brushes past all the bad he did just to make them a couple. It degrades Rumi, and that's not nice. Be better, be GOLDEN.

Ted talk done :)

[sup3riorsese]

Long Way Back to the Barn: Chapter 1 Rewrite

When she said she didn’t want to go after Brooklyn, she expected backlash. She and Kenji had already discussed the reactions of the other three members and knew they wouldn’t agree. Kenji already suffered so much with his family, he was rightfully done. Sammy was… just so tired. Tired of being scared and hungry. She had just gotten to a point where the world wasn’t mind-numbing, only to get thrown back into danger. All because Brooklyn wanted to be a hero for some lab experiments. Lab experiments that changed their life to the point they won’t ever be normal. 

She wanted to go home. She missed her farm, she missed her cow. She didn’t even know if Bessie and her calf were okay. She’d luckily thought ahead and trained Bessie to get out of the barn and get food and water in case she wasn’t there. She had left so fast that she couldn’t tell if the raptors got to them. She needed to go home.

But of course, of course, things couldn’t be nice.

———

Sammy hated the coverlet under her. It felt too thin and light, and it felt like it was made out of fake material. The pillow she clutched was even worse, gummy and flat. She didn’t know how anyone slept with a bed like this. The room was both too cold and too hot. Anywhere near the walls radiated off the snow and ice from the outside, while the middle of the room was somehow stuffy and humid. At least in Texas, it’s either hot or cold, stormy or clear. She hated Italy, hated that she was forced to be there because of the most stupid circumstances. 

Brooklyn wanted to play hero or vigilante to some madman’s creations, deciding that all other life is forfeit. Did it not matter that her friends, family were being hunted for her actions? Was her mission just so important that them nearly dying to the creatures she was out trying to save didn’t matter? She knew who mattered. Darius, the sweet boy who grew to be an even sweeter man, mattered. Ben, who went from a germaphobe to a wild child, mattered. Kenji, the egotistical kid who truthfully was so caring and kind, mattered. Yaz, the girl who turned into a social butterfly, the girl she loved, mattered. She didn’t understand how that was so hard for Brooklyn to see, she didn’t know why it was so hard for Yaz to comprehend.

Now, she’s in a mixed temperature room, on an uncomfortable bed, far from home, arguing with her girlfriend because apparently she was acting out of character.

“I feel like you ignored me when I asked you to hand over the phone.”

Sammy knew what she was doing. Using that stupid therapist talk like she used when Sammy got upset about the thumbs up emoji or whenever they had a problem. Sammy wondered if Yaz thought she was doing good at communicating right now.

Sammy took a breath to calm her thumping heart. She knew where this would lead, no matter how much she tried to stop it. 

Breathe. 

Therapist talk it is. “I hear you, but I feel like you should be mad at Brooklyn, not me.” Sammy clutched the pillow tighter to her chest, hoping the shakiness in her voice wasn’t noticeable.

“Why you soundin’ like that? Speak up.”

Sammy shuddered, “Right, but I feel like if you-” Stop. “-moved more quickly, I could have gotten to her.”

Breathe. 

“Ok, well, it doesn’t matter anymore. Brooklyn chose, alright?” Her eyes were burning a hole in the floor at this point. This didn’t matter. None of this mattered. She was tired, exhausted. She hasn’t been able to sleep, she’s gone hungry far too many nights, and she’s off her pills. All she wanted was her cow. God, if something happened to Bessie, Sammy wouldn’t survi-

Yaz broke Sammy’s spiralling thoughts, “Wha- of course it matters,” she felt the bed shift behind her as Yaz shifted, “Sammy, babe, I think this runs deeper than just Brooklyn.”

Is she trying to insinuate something? Sammy felt her temper flare for the briefest of moments. No. Yaz wouldn’t bring that up. She knew how she felt about that. Sure, maybe she didn’t give her girlfriend the full story, but she had told her enough to get the point across. Yaz wouldn’t, especially not in an argument. Right?

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Then you’re not being honest with yourself.”

“Excuse me?”

Sammy finally turned to her girlfriend, allowing the pillow she had previously clutched to fall to her lap. Yaz looked frustrated, exasperated even. How would she know if her was being honest when she hadn’t been around for over a year? How dare she assume anything about her after over a year.

Sammy needed to leave. To breathe air that wasn’t stifled, to exist in a space without being judged. She was tired of being judged. She hadn’t done anything wrong.

“You ain’t mine.”

Sammy shuddered as she tried to push the voice back to the depths of her mind. She didn’t need this right now. It wasn’t important. It didn’t matter. She was past it. She had to be.

Yaz's brows furrowed as she saw Sammy’s face, “You were so much happier around the Mballos than I've seen you be in a long time. I think that's because they were such a tight family.” 

Breathe.

“What does that have to do with anythin’?” Sammy was getting anxious, she felt it. Her heart was racing, her breath was short, and her hands shook. She didn’t want to talk about family. She didn’t want to talk about him. 

She prayed, begged, that Yaz wouldn’t bring them up. Yaz knew her, she had to. Had it been so long? Did Yaz forget, or simply didn’t care? She wouldn’t be surprised if no one cared. Her “father” didn’t-

“Babe, you're still mad at your family for how they treated you.” 

The flood of emotions that rushed through Sammy almost gave her whiplash. She turned away from the other woman, trying to conceal her growing anger and tears. She forced herself not to shake. Why is she surprised Yaz wasn’t listening? Why did she expect anyone to?

“And I agree. They should have listened to you about how they run their business. But what I never understood was that you cut them out of your life completely!”

“-cut them out of your life-”

“-you cut them-”

He was five at the time. He was in excruciating pain after a cow had bitten his finger. Blood dripped onto the floor as he clutched his hand. “Daddy-” He cried as he came out of the barn, tears running down his face. “Daddy!” His Daddy was nowhere to be seen. He walked ten minutes back to his house, blood sliding down his arm by the time he reached the steps. His Abuela had rushed to his aid as she saw his trembling, bloodied state, snapping at her son for leaving her grandson alone. Turns out, his Daddy had come back home without him, all because his younger sister was throwing a tantrum.

She could feel herself struggling to breathe. She wrapped her arms around herself in some effort to make it stop.

He was ten. He was sitting in the front office of his school after a fight. His nose was bleeding, and his lip was sore. The office attendant called home, and his Momma answered. He heard yelling over the phone as the poor little lady at the front desk tried to calm his Momma down. After about five minutes, the office attendant put the phone down and looked at him with sympathy. “I’m sorry, sweetie. Your mom’s not coming.” He had simply nodded and asked for some tissues for his nose. When he was picked up late after school, his Momma yelled at him for waking his sister up when she was sick, all because he got into a fight. He hadn’t told her that the other boys were talking about her.

She felt sick. It wasn’t fair. Why her? Why did it have to be her?

She was fourteen. She had just stepped onto the dock when she was pulled into a tight hug. She realized suddenly that her Daddy had thrown himself at her, holding her as if he feared she’d disappear. She couldn’t help but cry. Her Daddy was here now. She was gonna be fine as long as he took care of her, she was sure. It was only later that she realized that was the first time he ever hugged her.

Breat-

“Sammy? Sammy, look at me.”

She couldn’t breathe. The room was blurry, too bright, and too dark all at once. Her clothes felt like they burned. She put her face in her hands, gasping for air. She wanted to go home. She wanted to go home.

She shrank from the hand that tried to touch her shoulder. “Hey. Hey, it’s okay. Breathe. It’s okay, Sammy.” Yaz’s hand hovered from her shoulder to her knee as she crouched in front of her. She gently tried to take her hands away from her face, but she refused. Sammy pulled away from her, still crying. “Sammy. Look at me. Please,” Yaz begged softly. She didn’t want to. She didn’t want to see the false care, the stifling pity, the lackluster concern. She just had to breathe, then she’d be fine. It’ll pass like all the other times.

She tensed as she felt a hand on her leg. “Sam, I need you to slow down. In and out. Don’t worry about anything else, just in and out.” 

Despite her earlier refusal, the weight on her leg helped. She didn’t know how long it took, but she focused on the slight thumb movements on her thigh, and eventually, the heaviness on her chest began to lift. When it felt like she could breathe without gasping, she wiped her eyes. She hated it when this happened. She always felt so exposed and vulnerable. 

The hand on her thigh lifted as Yaz, ever so gently, moved her hands to cradle her face. Her girlfriend softly wiped the tears on her cheeks and gave her a small, worried smile.

“Hey, baby.”

So simple, so soft. It nearly made Sammy cry more. She’s wanted this for so long, needed it, missed it. 

Yaz ran her thumb over her cheek with one hand while the other held her chin. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up. I understand that it probably-”

“No, you don’t! You don’t! No you- you weren’t here! Haven’t been here! You can’t- don’t sit here and try and say you do!”

Sammy’s outburst startled Yaz. She’d seen Sammy in bad times, hell, an island of dinosaurs, but she’d never reacted like this. She had seen her angry, sad, scared, all sorts of emotions, but this was different. 

Yaz let out a breath as Sammy hiccupped and tried to swallow down her sobs. She’s never had to comfort her like this. She can’t help but feel a mix of guilt and helplessness. She should know what to do during something like this. 

“Sammy, listen, I get it. I’m sorry for the Brooklyn thing. You have every rig-”

“This ain’t about Brooklyn! This is about me and you! Not Brooklyn, or Ben, or Darius, or Kenji, or those stupid fuckin’ dinosaurs! Me and you!”

Yaz had to stumble back as Sammy abruptly stood and started pacing. She hugged herself as she went on a rant that didn’t even fully seem like she was talking to Yaz anymore.

She didn't know how to respond. She’s never dealt with Sammy, with anyone, like this. She’d gone to therapy, sure, but she wasn’t one for emotional outburst often. She wasn’t taught how to handle them. Yaz stopped for a moment, realizing suddenly that maybe she needed to stop listening to her mind’s therapist for a moment. Sammy wasn’t her. Of course she wouldn’t respond the same way she did. As Sammy paced, Yaz quickly thought of things that always comforted her girlfriend. Touch, reassurance, trust. She understood now. Sammy didn’t trust her. How could she? She hadn’t been around and present in so long, could she expect different?

Yaz refocused as Sammy seemingly grew more frantic, “-And those stupid emojis you always use! Y- you know I hate them and you-” 

Yaz grabbed her by the elbows and forced her to stay still. “Ok. I’m gonna listen to you, ok? But I need you to just take a minute and breathe. After that, you can yell at me all you need to, just take a moment.” Sammy stared at her for a bit before shakily nodding. She, which Yaz assumed was subconsciously, leaned towards her. The shorter woman pulled her closer by her elbows, allowing her girlfriend to hiccup into her shoulder. She raised her hand to stroke the back of her head as Sammy continued to hug herself.

Yaz kissed her girlfriend’s temple before she spoke, “I am sorry. For not being around. For getting distant. I swear, it wasn’t you.”

“But you said-”

“I know, I know but- you were only trying to help and- well you couldn’t fix it if I didn’t tell you. That’s on me, ok?” She mumbled into Sammy’s hair, smelling Gia’s shampoo she let them use. She didn’t hate it, but it definitely wasn’t Sammy’s scent. 

“Listen, how- how about we go for a walk? Talk?”

Sammy simply nodded in response.

..........................................

Sorry this took so long, for some reason I've been struggling to create even though I have the passion.

Just some context: When Sammy refers to her pills, she's referring to antidepressants. In this au (?), Sammy was diagnosed with depression, specifically agitated depression, which causes restlessness (Her need to always be doing something), temperamental outbursts (She has, though later in the series, but signs of sudden irritation do show), and other smaller things such as fidgeting. Being off her pills (All symptoms mentioned in this chapter) would cause insomnia, anxiety, sensory disturbances, mood changes, and hunger/loss of appetite. Some of these are caused by other issues, such as insomnia coming from her fear of something going wrong and her hunger from not having any vegetarian food options.

In conclusion, Sammy's going through it, needs therapy, and hopefully, Yaz gets her some.

Tell me how you guys feel about it in the comments :)

[sup3riorsese]

Little chapter rewrite sneak peak 😋 I love putting my favorite character through pain and suffering

[sup3riorsese]

Guess what guys, I wanna yap (so surprising I know) so y’all will listen. I wanted to talk about the reason I compare Sammy to a cow in my head, specifically a bull.

Sammy is born and raised in Texas (REPRESENT) so obviously the first thing a lot of people think of is cowboys and yeehaw, with that added with the fact that she actually lives on a farm, it isn’t a leap in logic to pair her with some farm animal. Sammy also has a close relationship with a cow. She talks about Bessie in a very special way and seems to hold her to the same regard as Ben holds Bumpy (More in my opinion as she’s had her so much longer). This along with her being a family body (Herd mentality) makes sense so her animal representation being a cow makes sense.

My thing is that I think she represents a bull more than a cow.

Sammy is strong and brave, often ready to put herself in harms way to keep the people she cares about safe (All the nublar six do which speaks on all their character). She more often than not uses her body and strength to protect people (Kicking and fighting multiple people and even dinosaurs). Bulls of the herd are the ones who protect the cows and children from predators, putting themselves in danger for their own.

One of the biggest things that make me see her as a bull is the negative reactions bulls will have if they don’t have a herd.

Both bulls and Sammy show the same traits when separated from their “herd”, heightened aggression and stress. Over the course of the second series, Sammy has been shown to be anxious and irritable, to the point where the people who know her are confused, specifically Yaz. When she and Yaz were in the car, Sammy was so nervous that Yaz had to literally talk her down from driving them off the rode. The entirety of season 3 is her being passive aggressive and snappy with Yaz. I think it comes from the fact of why Yaz left.

“Aren’t I supposed to keep her safe? Why leave if that’s what I was doing? Why not tell me to stop?” Same way bulls will get overly protective of their cows to the point of aggression. If a bull does protect it’s herd, what is it good for?

I think Sammy is going through a mental dilemma with this partial mindset, causing her to overcorrect and protect herself since she thinks no one else needs her to protect them.

That’s all ( Probably could’ve written it better but that’s what I got for now)

[sup3riorsese]

I know it’s been a month since I updated my fic (I moved n all that good stuff) but I was thinking about it and I think I want to rewrite the last chapter because I didn’t like how it turned out. I feel like I could do better and take the story in a more composed direction. How do we feel about that?

[s4mmysqu33rm1ttenz]

Plot twist yasammy doesn't get back together and they get with last minute men who obviously are replacements and have the same personality as the other

[sup3riorsese]

Plot twist of a plot twist, the replacements don’t stay cuz even tho they act like Yasammy, Yasammy doesn’t want someone like each other, they want each other (This was made out of spite of the original post 🥱)

[s4mmysqu33rm1ttenz]

Plot twist of a plot twist of a plot twist it ends with none of them getting back together because it hurts to be something and it's worse to be nothing/lyr

[sup3riorsese]

Don’t be like this kids, this is mean 🙁😟😞

[s4mmysqu33rm1ttenz]

Plot twist yasammy doesn't get back together and they get with last minute men who obviously are replacements and have the same personality as the other

[sup3riorsese]

Plot twist of a plot twist, the replacements don’t stay cuz even tho they act like Yasammy, Yasammy doesn’t want someone like each other, they want each other (This was made out of spite of the original post 🥱)

[sup3riorsese]

I actually did the thing I said I would do (Surprisingly) but yeah here’s the beautiful song that paired with my fanfic so well.

I wanted to add onto the video itself with the artistic choices or thing I with it so here’s a list.

I drew Sammy’s dad to look almost nothing like her yet their backgrounds are almost the same color because deep down (Despite his denial) they are very similar and she aspires to be like him.

The blacked out man or Sammy’s “Dad” has curly hair like her because that’s what her actual dad imagines he would look like.

Sammy’s dad looks so remorseful at the end because (slight fanfic spoiler ig) he still loves her. After Nublar and almost losing her, he tried to do better, and he did for a time, but old habits and insecurities came out that night and now she’s gone and may actually not come back.

Sammy’s necklace is a heart that matches with Yaz and it slowly cracks as her and Yaz’s relationship crumbles (Not shown here but thought I’d bring it up)

Sammy ‘s hair is tied up for most of this because I like to imagine that her hair’s down when she’s comfortable or happy and she ties it up when tense.

Ok that’s all I can think of for now 😁 Pls ask questions or start conversations, I like answering them.

[sup3riorsese]

Long Way Back to the Barn: Chapter 1

Chapter 1

When she said she didn’t want to go after Brooklyn, she expected pushback. She and Kenji already discussed the reactions of the other three members and knew they wouldn’t agree. Kenji already suffered so much with his family, he was rightfully tired. Sammy was… just so tired. Of running, of being scared, of being alone. She had just gotten to a point where she didn’t feel like the world was ending, only to get thrown back into danger. All because Brooklyn wanted to be a hero for some lab experiments.

She wanted to go home. She missed her farm, she missed her cow. She didn’t even know if Bessie and her calf were okay. She needed to go home.

But of course, of course, things couldn’t be nice.

———

Now, she was sitting on a bed, in tense silence, with a woman who she couldn’t even look at.

“I feel like you ignored me when I asked you to hand over the phone.”

Stop. 

“I hear you, but I feel like you should be mad at Brooklyn, not me.” Sammy clutched the pillow tighter to her chest, clawing into it, hoping the shakiness in her voice wasn’t noticed.

“Right, but I feel like if you-” Please stop. “-moved more quickly, I could have gotten to her.”

Breathe.

Sammy sighed out a breath as she looked for a response. Her head was getting fuzzy. “I- I feel… like this isn’t just about the phone.”

She felt Yaz turn towards her. “Of course, it’s not just about the phone. You’re going home when Brooklyn might need us.” 

Why does my chest hurt? 

“I feel like you’re not being honest with yourself.”

Sammy’s head was hurting. She put the pillow on the bed, trying to calm her breathing. She turned to the woman beside her, “Excuse me?”

“You were so much happier around the Mballos than I've seen you be in a long time. I think that's because they were such a tight family,” Yaz said as she waved her hand, which Sammy subtly flinched at.

Don’t. Don’t you bring up family. Don’t you dare. 

“What does that have to do with anythin’?” Sammy was getting irritated. Yaz wasn’t listening to her. She hadn’t in a long time.

“Babe, you're still mad at your family for how they treated you.” 

How dare- 

“And I agree. They should have listened to you about how they run their business. But what I never understood was that you cut them out of your life completely!”

Cut them out of your life- 

You cut them-

Old suppressed memories began to pop up-

He was five. He was in excruciating pain after a cow had bitten his finger. Blood dripped onto the floor as he clutched his hand. “Daddy-” He cried as he came out of the barn, tears running down his face. “Daddy!” His Daddy was nowhere to be seen. He walked ten minutes back to his house, blood sliding down his arm by the time he reached the steps. His Abuela had rushed to his aid as she saw his trembling, bloodied state, snapping at her son for leaving her grandson alone. Turns out, his Daddy had come back home without him, all because his younger sister was throwing a tantrum.

Breathe. Everything is fine.

He was ten. He was sat in the front office of his school after a fight. His nose was bleeding, and his lip was sore. The office attendant called home, and his Momma answered. He heard yelling over the phone as the poor little lady at the front desk tried to calm his Momma down. After about five minutes, the office attendant put the phone down and looked at him with sympathy. “I’m sorry, sweetie. Your mom’s not coming.” He had simply nodded and asked for some tissues for his nose. When he was picked up late after school, his Momma yelled at him for waking his sister up when she was sick, all because he got into a fight. He hadn’t told her that the other boys were talking about her.

I’m fine.

She was fourteen. She had just stepped onto the dock when she was pulled into a tight hug. She realized suddenly that her Daddy had thrown himself at her, holding her as if he feared she’d disappear. She couldn’t help but cry. Her Daddy was here now. She was gonna be fine as long as he took care of her, she was sure. It was only later that she realized that was the first time he ever hugged her.

I’m-

“Sammy? Sammy, look at me.”

She couldn’t breathe. The room was blurry, too bright, and too dark all at once. Her clothes felt like they burned. The room was stuffy and cramped, and the bed felt like spiders. She put her face in her hands, gasping for air. She wanted to go home. She wanted to go home.

She flinched when a hand touched her shoulder, it hurt in a dull aching way. “Hey. Hey, it’s okay. Breathe. It’s okay, Sammy.” Yaz’s hand softly trailed from her shoulder to her knee as she crouched in front of her. She gently tried to take her hands away from her face, but she refused. Sammy pulled away from her, still crying. “Sammy- Sam, look at me. Please, please,” Yaz said as she again tried to take her hands. This time, she let her.

Sammy’s hands trembled as she let her girlfriend take them to her lap. Yaz ran her thumb over her knuckles with one hand while the other came up to wipe her tears. Sammy let her, despite the inner disgust it brought to her skin. “It’s okay. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up. I understand that it probably-”

“No, you don’t! You don’t! No you- you weren’t here! Haven’t been here! You can’t- don’t sit here and try and say you do!”

Sammy’s outburst startled Yaz. Yaz had seen Sammy in bad times, hell, an island of dinosaurs, but she’d never reacted like this. She had seen her angry, sad, scared, all sorts of emotions, but anguish was never one of them. 

“You ain’t listen to me when I told you before, and you ain't listenin’ now.”

“Sammy, listen, I get it. I…I’m sorry for the Brooklyn thing. You have every rig-”

“This ain’t about Brooklyn! This is about me and you! Not Brooklyn, or Ben, or Darius, or Kenji, or those stupid fuckin’ dinosaurs! Me and you!”

Yaz had to stumble back as Sammy abruptly stood and started pacing. She hugged herself as she went on a rant that didn’t even fully seem like she was talking to Yaz anymore. 

Yaz stood there, confused, and wondered how often this happens. Sammy didn’t pace, she thought it was bothersome. Sammy didn’t ramble, she thought she was being annoying. Sammy didn’t reject her touch, she adored physical contact. How much had Sammy changed? 

How long had she not been paying attention?

Yaz gently, like approaching an injured animal, stepped closer and hovered her hand right below Sammy’s elbow, softly stopping her pacing. She took Sammy’s forearms to make her turn to her. She rubbed her hands down her arms as she watched her girlfriend sniffle. 

“Okay. You’re right. I-” Yaz took a breath, “I haven’t been doing as I should, I know- I know I haven’t, and I’m sorry. I am. I just- I want everyone to be okay. Me, you, the boys, and Brooklyn.”

“You think I don’t?” All of Sammy’s anger seemingly was gone, she just looked exhausted. Her clothes felt like sores, and breathing felt like sandpaper. “I want everyone to be okay, too, but Brooklyn isn’t lettin’ that happen. She wanted to play hero, now look at us. We’re in a random place in Italy after bein’ chased around the globe, nearly died who knows how many times, we don’t even know what she’s doin’. Do you ever get tired of havin’ to look over your shoulder? Bein’ unable to sleep at night ‘cuz you think somethin’s watchin’ you? ‘Cuz I am.” Sammy shook her head, “I’m tired. I want to go home. I want my cow. I want to worry about whether my sink is broken or my air is workin’. Not this. I’m sick of this.”

For the first time in a long time, Yaz just looked at her. 

Her hair had lengthened over their time running, to the point of her shoulders, the dye at the tips fading to near black. She had gained a new scar on her face from one of the Dimorpodons that attacked her on the boat. Her eyes have hardened, no longer having that joyful glimmer in them, but could anyone blame her?

Yaz understood. Of course, she understood. She remembered when dinosaurs first came to the mainland, the way she had reacted. She felt how Sammy did now. Tired, scared, worried. All she wanted to do was live her life in peace, away from the island, but that wasn’t happening. She hated it. Now, she could go through her day as normal as ever, but Sammy clearly was struggling with something. Sammy took care of her when she was going through a rough time. She would hold her, kiss her, make her forget, even for a moment, that there weren’t giant lizards roaming free. She appreciated it beyond words. Honestly, she couldn’t imagine getting through that time without her.

Then she left. 

Did Sammy need her, too? Is that why she always worried and fussed over her? Was it her way of getting through it? Why did I never ask if she was okay? Why did I leave, knowing how deeply she felt absence?

Questions circled her mind as she looked at the woman wiping her eyes. She didn’t know if now was a good time to ask, but would they have another? This whole breakdown started with the mention of family, maybe she could start there.

“Sammy? Can I- can you answer a question for me?”

“I don’t wanna argue anymore, Yaz.”

“No- no argument, just-I just want your answer.”

Sammy looked at her, her eyebrows furrowing. She nodded slowly.

“What happened with your family?”

Sammy pulled away, “It’s not important.” 

“Sammy, you had a panic attack thinking about it. I think it’s important, babe.” Sammy opened her mouth to retaliate, “-But, if you don’t wanna talk about it, we won’t.”

Sammy stayed away from her, contemplating what she wanted, in truth. If Yaz was trying, shouldn’t she give her a chance?

Sammy looked down and hugged herself. “Let's… go for a walk.”

———