Love Yourself (even if sometimes others have to do it for you)
It’s not a good thing to try and force someone not to use a healthy coping mechanism. There’s nothing inherently wrong with self-deprecation.
There is, there very much is.
Self-deprecation isn’t a healthy coping mechanism. Coping mechanism? Yes. Healthy? Absolutely not. Saying bad things about yourself seems harmless or even good in the moment but if you do it enough you will reinforce negative beliefs about yourself and the world around you. Say “I’m the worst” enough times and you will believe you’re the worst. Say “everything sucks I should just die lol” enough times and you will come to believe that too.
I’m not pulling this shit out of my ass either, by the way, this is coming direct from when i was an outpatient at a psychiatric hospital, way back when i did this EXACT THING CONSTANTLY and ended up suicidal. This is what I was taught there, and this is how I dragged myself out.
The best way to combat this (very unhealthy) coping mechanism is really just to force yourself to say good things about yourself, and shut down the bad ones. It feels stupid, it feels like you’re lying, it feels like it will never work. But over time, if you keep at it, and with the help of friends, the new words will replace the old ones. If you replace “i’m terrible” with “I’ve made a mistake, but that doesn’t make me a bad person” that is what you will come to believe, and make it 1000% easier to actually fix the problem because you won’t be bogged down with self-hatred.
It’s annoying, and aggravating, and you don’t want to do it because self-deprecation is how you’ve coped for so long, but I promise you it’s not healthy and will make everything worse in the long term.
My therapist always told me, “If you can’t think of a positive thought, think of a neutral one.” When you’re so used to self deprecation, it’s very hard to think positively because we’re not even sure there’s a bright side.
Let’s say you’re worried about a soccer game coming up. Instead of telling yourself, “I’m gonna be terrible and we’re gonna lose the game” try, “okay, maybe I won’t kick the winning goal but at least we’ll do our best.”
It’s much easier to think neutrally than positively at first. Eventually, you’ll get better at saying nice things to yourself, that positive self talk will come naturally.
It’s okay if you slip back into the negative thoughts as well. It’s important to realize where your thoughts are going, pause, and be gentle with yourself.
Positive self talk will come gradually. Relapses are normal too. Your mindset is so important, I would know because I’ve been depressed and suicidal for most my life and I never really saw improvement until I worked on my positive self talk. It’s powerful. You’re powerful.
