Cass Jasper

Hey there! I'm Cass, I enjoy an abundance of activities and hobbies! I am currently in the process of starting up my own business. I will post a link to my Etsy when I get everything set up! 21 Saggitarius

[digidestinyschild]

*store closes at 10:00 pm*

Customer at 9:59 pm:

[tahthetrickster]

i really like looking at google image searches for “firemen rescuing cats” or something because you get super cute pictures like

AND THEN THERE’S THIS ONE

[zmenit]

“THAT’S RIGHT TWAS I that set the house ablaze!!!”

[artaline]

human: *is heating up food*

alien: why are you doing that?

human: you see i want the particles in my food to vibrate at just the right frequency

[hiiloveyouhi]

Human: *is eating ice cream*

alien: wait you forgot to make that one vibrate!

human: well, you see, not with this food

[mockiato-deactivated20200315]

This one is already vibrating at he desired frequency, but if it starts to vibrate at a higher frequency I lock it back in the cold box.

[asgardreid-deactivated20180407]

Human: *just reheated pizza in the oven*

Other human: *is eating a slice of the same pizza, but cold*

Alien: *exasperated sputtering*

[theonlylivingboyinnewyork]

Being in a room with straight people talking about straight things is so exhausting.

[thegayredmage]

What the hell are ‘straight things’?

[theonlylivingboyinnewyork]

Marriages and mortgages and families and opposite sex attraction talk and talking about sex openly without being made to feel like you are making people uncomfortable and hearing straight people talk about how hard dating is for them and hearing straight people talk about how they are such victims and their lives are shit when what this really means is they aren’t married at age 22 and sexist crap that drives me crazy like traditional weddings and how great religion is and how the world is so lovely and kind and great because people don’t know what it’s like to be a minority and how straight people are like “this person is so lovely” when you know they are homophobic or listening to straight people say things are “gay” or talk about people who dress unconventionally (ie. men who wear dresses) as being weird or doing impressions of gay people or asking “why don’t you have a boyfriend?” judgementally as if it is just that easy or getting annoyed at you when you complain about how hard your life is because it’s easy for them cause they are straight and wouldn’t know the first thing about it or having to come out to people all the time cause they just assume you’re straight and getting weird looks like “tmi” or “you don’t look gay” or “I don’t care what you do in the bedroom” or having to hear straight people talk about really cute straight couples or really great romantic films or books about straight people or just watching people live super conventional lives and do really sexist old fashioned things just because no one is brave enough to question or think about anything… and worst of all knowing that if you were to say or talk about anything gay everyone would get uncomfortable and not join in on the conversation and wish you had said nothing… and then people will be like “you hardly said anything”, “you’re so quiet”, “you don’t talk much”, “are you shy”, “you’re boring”.

No bitch I’m gay and I don’t relate to nor am I really interested in any of the shit that you have been yelling to my face for the last hour.

[theonlylivingboyinnewyork]

I live for the number of straight people that don’t understand why this was written in this way.

It’s exhausting reading this right? Well that’s what’s it’s like for us gay people to have to listen to straight people’s opinions on things over and over and over

[epthot]

love that the tumblr app won’t send me notifications when I get a message or inbox but has just decided to start telling me “xxx blog just posted something!” 8 times a day

[jockxgoth]

my aunt is pissed shes ranting on how # is an ampersand and not ‘hashtag’ I have never seen her so revved up on something so?????? 

[goldnharltheinvincible]

& is the ampersand

[jockxgoth]

Im about to ruin her day thank you

[disease-danger-darkness-silence]

I wonder how this turned out.

[sublimesublemon]

their aunt killed them

[sheikofthesheikah]

my sister is doing an essay for her finance course about bitcoin and her introduction is basically defining currency and equal payments.

so i told her to add alchemy’s first law of equivalent exchange. she just sent me the essay to look over it and

she fucking did.

[actualsasori-moving]

ELRIC, A

[coco-chip]

The fbi man behind my webcam whenever I reblog “fbi man who’s spying on me” memes:

[perkwunos]

Dwarves shit huge and pee little… elves pee large and shit barely at all

[spirit-of-science]

Dwarves work in mines, their kidneys are in overdrive clearing all of the toxins and heavy metals they come into contact with. Their diet is mostly high efficiency foods, such as meat and fat and mushrooms. They probably don’t get a lot of plant matter in their diets.

Meanwhile elves’ diet is almost 100% plant matter (and all of the fiber that comes along with that) and their lifestyle is obsessed with fresh air, clean water, and a pure environment.

Face the facts: dwarves pee huge and shit little, and elves shit large and pee barely at all

[bonehandledknife]

[anchovy-official]

[cervinesatyr-deactivated2021083]

However:  Dwarves find belching polite and good fun, a compliment to the drink and cook. Farting, however, is crass– after all, farting in a mine shaft? Just think about it. It’s like blasting your buddies in the car and locking the windows, but in this case there are no windows to lock. You’re just sealed up in the darkness, inhaling Dvalin’s particular brand of beer-cheese-eggs-and-mushroom while your beard hairs curl and your eyes water.  Conversely, Elves rip ass all the time because they subsist on fart fuel. Because they eat plant matter, they aren’t too ripe but they are loud enough to rattle the surrounding forestry, which the Elves delight in. Proper Elvish farts are released right next to an innocent victim in a stealth maneuver, as quietly as possible. The aggressor stands innocently nearby, until the victim begins to protest and complain and accuse, at which time a good laugh is had by all (except the unfortunate victim). The other beloved Elvish tradition is to loudly rip one in a quiet room, then firmly and solemnly chasten the nearest Elf for it– this one is favored by elder, Elves with the most dignified personalities. 

[the-jacob-show]

Who the fuck decided we needed this?

[perkwunos]

God did when she moved my fingers to type the original post. 

It’s been nothing but hardship and regret from there on, but I still trust that it’s part of a greater plan.

[ondoinganevildeedblues]

when the DMT hits and the machine elves beckon you into their colorful fractal cave

[illness-deactivated20180325]

my entire life changed when my dentist told me that the only time my teeth should be touching is when i’m chewing. every single time my teeth are touching i have to separate them. and i noticed that i clench my teeth a LOT.

[illness-deactivated20180325]

when your mouth is closed and your teeth are touching or held tightly together, you are unnecessarily straining muscles out of stress. the healthiest way to hold your jaw is slightly apart, where it is relaxed. THIS HELPS WITH HEADACHES

[tribyen-deactivated20250925]

I unclenched my jaw upon reading this.

[insomniac-arrest]

if Dog’s are Man’s Best Friend cat’s are man’s favorite roommate who showed up one night to eat our food from our fridge and decided to stay

[insomniac-arrest]

I’m basing a tv show off of this:

Normal person has overexcited best friend Chase who supports them unconditionally and demands they go on walks with at random times, dog friend works at the fire department

And Sheila the disaster friend who sleeps 12 hours a day on our couch, has no job, and everyone is all partly in love with due to how strange, beautiful, and youtube famous she is

[firey-rising-demon-deactivated2]

These are already characters tho, on Brooklyn99. Charles Boyle and Gina Lanetti

[insomniac-arrest]

you are… extremely correct

[sook-hee]

me doing math in high school:

me doing math now:

[relucant]

my favorite thing about brooklyn 99 is that my favorite character is literally whichever character happens to be speaking at any given moment they’re all so good

[coughloop]

[colachampagnedad]

is this a whole foods review

[gummiehz]

i fucking love this so muchn 

[pupsintrouble]

New FRISBEE F.D.

You can read HERE

[grumsal]

Alternate Universe Where Bones are Called Something Slightly Different

[breaks leg] Argh, my boings!